Single Dad Jokes
23 single dad jokes and hilarious single dad puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about single dad that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Single Dad Short Jokes
Short single dad jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The single dad humour may include short single mom jokes also.
- My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was. - My dad used to always say the same thing to us every single time we drove past a cemetery "You know, people are just dying to get in there."
- when I was growing up the winters were rough, my dad made us huddle round only a single candle. if he was feeling generous he would even light it.
- Just want to tell you that I was successful in making it to every single Halloween party last night. I went as a black dad.
- My dad was a single father growing up, and he ran a bakery.. He was the breadwinner of the family.
- How to break up with a single dad whose kid gets along with yours: I don't want to date you, but I'd like to keep play dating you.
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Single Dad One Liners
Which single dad one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with single dad? I can suggest the ones about bad dad and deadbeat dad.
- Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
- It's hard being a single dad
Hilarious Single Dad Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about single dad you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean new dad jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make single dad pranks.
My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat
So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'
Finally got my daughter to admit I can make good dad jokes... occasionally.
My 10 year old was putting away her laundry, and I noticed that she had a large pile of unfolded socks. I asked her why she hadn't put them away yet, and she said, "I can't because these are all single."
I said, "I know why they are single. They haven't found their sole mates yet."
She literally snorted, and told me that I finally made a good one.
Mom got me the other day.
My mom has never been into jokes, normally she doesn't understand them. Pop loved them, especially dad jokes. He's gone now and moms been sick for 7 months. Oh, and I'm old and single and tell her dad jokes all the time.
Mom, "a woman was here the other day and asked if you were my son, and I said yes".
Me, "really?".
Mom, "then she said you were really good looking".
Me, "Okay mom".
Mom, after long pause, "she was blind"
A single father gets asked by one of his children:
"Dad, why am i called Snowflake?"
Her Dad replies:
"Well, right after you where born on the Mountains, it started snowing and a snowflake landed on your mother's forehead."
The second child asks as well:
"Why am i called Azure?"
The Dad replied:
"When you where born in a valley, a Azure Flower landed on your Mother's forehead."
And then the third kid asked:
"Dad, What happened to mom?"
"Well, Brick. That's a question for another Time!"
I told my dad that I don't like being a single child.
"I want a brother!" I said.
He said, "Having a child is a long process, your mother and I don't need that right now."
"Maybe you should consider adoption?" I asked.
He said, "No, we're not doing that again."
An old one
A little girl walks up to her dad and says dad, are our neighbours poor?
Dad : I don't know little one, but you should not judge some one on their looks. But why do you ask?
Girl: they are all crying as their baby swallowed a single penny!!
I'm really glad I didn't turn out to be a biter, y'know?
Some people, when they're kids, tend to bite others while playing, which isn't good. What's worse is that some never grow out of it, like my mom, apparently. Every so often, I'd hear her and dad playing from across the house, and, every single time, he'd have to tell her to bite the pillows.
My first posted joke.
It's about 2 in the morning and the wife wakes up and notices her husband is not in bed next to her. She puts on her robe and goes down to the kitchen to find her husband sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, a single tear under one eye. "Honey, what's wrong?" she asks. He replies, "Do you remember that day 20 years ago when you and I were in the back of my car and your dad stuck a shotgun in the window and said marry her or you're going to jail?" The wife is touched and replies, "Oh yes my dear, I remember that day. Why are you crying?"
"Today's the day I would have gotten out."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Travel to Mars
After years of work and billions of dollars, we can send a single astronaut to Mars and back. Jimmy is chosen to go on the mission with zero possibility of communication until he returns 10 years later. With a huge celebration, the shuttle takes off and the wait begins. After 10 years, Jimmy returns. Everyone is ecstatic, scientists, politicians and reporters all ask the same question: "Is there life on Mars?"
"It's a dead, s**... planet" answers Jimmy, shrugging. Everybody is sad, disappointed, accepting defeat.
When he's back at his house, his kid asks again "Dad, is there really no life on Mars?"
"Okay, so all the stores close at 2pm and they don't have whiskey, would you call it a life?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So, an elementary teacher in Chicago is on her first day at the job...
To get to know her students, she asks "Hey, which of you guys love the White Sox?" and everyone but one of her students exitedly raises their hands.
So she asks the single student why he doesn't love the White Sox. And the kid replies "Uh, I dunno... my mother was a cheerleader for the Cubs, and my dad played for them, and they met that way... so, of course I love them?".
And the teacher says "Oh. But you don't have to love a team because of your parents. If your father was a random p**... and your mother was some crack-w**...?".
"I guess then I'd be a White Sox fan...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Boy approaches his Dad...
The Boy asks, "Dad, what is s**...?"
The Dad ponders for awhile and figures that now is a good time for his 10 year old boy to finally understand the true facts about where babies come from.
He then elaborates on every single detail, from putting p**... into vaginas, and even shares about his s**... life with the Boy's mother.
The Boy, visually astounded, takes a long pause to absorb all the information.
He then whips out a piece of paper.
"So Dad... Do I circle the M or the F?"
Family xmas problem solved
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."
40 years old and still single.
The son of a Billionaire was tired of his bad luck at finding a woman to marry. His father was sickly and he realized that soon he could be inheriting a fortune.
So that evening he thought of a way he could use his dad's fortune and bad health to his advantage.
He saw a beautiful woman and approached her. He told her about his father's fortune and that he will soon be inheriting it. He asked her if she would like to marry him. She told him she would get back to him in a few days.
Three days later, he received the phone call from her, all excited as she said "I'm going to be your step-mother!"