Sing Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Sing puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Sing

I know every single digit of pi!

I just don't have them in the right order.

What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

If you're single and you know it

Use your hands

Best son ever

5 year old son after reading a story of a king

Son : mom, I also want 3 wives, one will bathe , one will cook and one will sing

Mom : which one will put you to sleep?

Son: no mom, I will still sleep with you. Mom's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son

Mom : who will the 3 wives sleep with?

Son : let them sleep with daddy

Daddy's eyes filled with tears... God bless you son

My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing?

Mount Rushmore

Every single morning I get hit by the same bike

It's a vicious cycle.

Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.

Which rock group has 4 men that can't sing?

Mount Rushmore

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop" the teacher interrupts "thats not right BB there is only one C"

BB looks at her as if she's an idiot

"WRONG" he retorts "THERE ARE *SEVEN C's*"

Nothing beats a beautiful woman that can also sing

Well, except Chris Brown.

Why does Helen Keller play piano with only one hand?

Because she uses the other one to sing

What's the singular of "Women's Studies?"

Study abroad.

No actually I am not single

I am taken










For granted

Happy father's day!

5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me

Mom: And which one will put you to sleep

Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears.

Mom: God bless you son. But who will sleep with your 3 wives?

Son: Let them sleep with daddy.

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son !

Happy Father's day!

I'm single by choice

Just not my choice.

My friend told me to sing at his funeral.

He wants people to know there's something worse then death.

A man goes to jail.

A man was sentenced to death. By tradition, the man can request one last meal

"So what will it Be?" the executioner asked

"Instead of food, can I request to sing one last song? But you must let me finish the song"

Confused by this, the executioner agreed to let the man sing


The man begins "1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall..."

How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest?

Sing the national anthem

I like my single malt how I like my girls.

15 years old and mixed up with coke.

(Just a joke, I would never condone mixing single malt and coke)

Snoop Dogg goes to a vocal coach

The coach asks him "Can you sing very high?"

Snoop says "I can't sing if I'm not."

Why do people say amen instead of awomen at church?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.

It's a little flat.

I overheard my wife singing in the shower.

"You should go on America's Got Talent," I told her.

"I can't sing," she replied.

I said, "Exactly."

Single Ladies.

A woman was once buying a very large cucumber, some condoms, and some Vaseline. She gets up to the checkout counter and the cashier says, "I can tell you're single." The flirtatious woman replies, "Oh really, how can you tell that?" The man looks at her with a stern face and says, "Because you're ugly."

2 Black Eyes

A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.

The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asks.

"Well," the man says, "I figured she preferred it in the crack, so I pushed it back in."

I am single by choice.

Choice of 2 billion women.

What happens if you sing country music in reverse?

You get your wife and job back.

Which four-member rock group doesn't sing or play music?

Mount Rushmore.

When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs

It's the best place place to pick up chicks.

How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to put in the new one, and two to sing about how good the old one was.

What do you call a rock group of 4 men who don't sing or play music?

Mount Rushmore.


^^Or ^^Nickelback. ^^I'm ^^so ^^sorry.

Song you sing to your dad on Father's Day?

Glad You Came.

Who knows how to sing Mariah Carey songs?

Not Mariah Carey

All the single ladles

Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious.

Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates."

A week later, Julie came to Joe and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I can't seem to find the gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it on accident, do you?"

Joe agreed that it was a reasonable possibility, and wrote a letter to his mother inquiring about the ladle. It read, "I'm not saying you 'did' take the ladle, nor am I saying you 'did not' take the ladle,' but the fact is it's been missing since you came to dinner last week."

Several weeks later, a reply came.

"I'm not saying you 'do' sleep with Julie, nor am I saying you 'do not' sleep with Julie. The fact is if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now."

I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine

A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".

"$500? Why is it so expensive?"

"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"

"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"

"$2000!"

"$2000?"

"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"

"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"

"The third one costs $200,000".

"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"

"absolute nothing."

"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"

"because the other two parrots call him boss".

When i was young my mom used to put food on the spoon.. and sing "train is coming, train is coming"...

I'd always eat cause i knew if i didn't, she wouldn't untie me from the railway line.

Single airline stewardesses are very lucky...

for their convenience all men are already sorted into different classes.

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because women have no rights.

*Sorry of this is rude/offensive and if its a repost, I just wanted to share.*

"They said 'You'll never amount to anything, you aren't handsome enough to be a star, you're too short, you can't sing, you're not funny enough'"

"So anyway here's your medium Latte that'll be 3.79"

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink...

The bartender looks at him and says" See that woman over there, she will give you a blow job and sing the National Anthem at the same time".

"No way" the guy says.

"Oh yeah, and she only charges $20".

So he walks over and hands her a $20. She takes him into a back room and shuts off the light.

As she starts to give him head, she also starts to sing. He couldn't believe it, the words came out so clear that it was impossible.

Just after he finished, he quickly flicked on the light and saw her popping in her glass eye.

I saw a single set of footprints in the sand...

"Lord," I asked, "why is there but one set of footprints in the sand?"

"My child," he tenderly replied, "Those are Chris Christie's."

Why can't pirates sing the alphabet?

Because they get lost at sea!
(My friend told me this idk if someone else posted before)

You must be single.

A young woman was shopping at her local supermarket. She puts her items on the conveyer: A toothbrush, toothpaste, a half-gallon of 2% milk and a frozen pizza. The cashier calmly states, "You must be single." The woman looks at her items and back to the cashier, "Wow! How did you know that?" The cashier responds, "Because you you're ugly AF."

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

The Telegram

"Telegram"

Oh boy, I've always wanted a singing telegram!

"Oh, it's not a singing telegram, just a regular telegram"

Oh come on, you can sing it, can't ya?

"I really shouldn't"

How about for $5?

"Ugh... I don't think so"

$10?

"Sir..."

$20?! Come on man, I have wanted a singing telegram all my life. You got to.

"I don't feel comfortable..."

You stupid punk. OK... $50. Can you just sing the stupid telegram?!

"Ok, sir... you asked for it"

"Buh-duh bud-duh, buh-buh... your sister Rose is dead..."

Single? Give your sexual partner a Valentine's Day treat by having a manicure.

You must be single.

A woman was walking to the checkout at the supermarket when she passed a drunk man leaning against a newspaper rack. Obviously being someone she didn't want to engage in conversation, she walks past him and starts unloading the contents of her cart onto the conveyor belt.

1 head of lettuce

A bag of flour

4 oranges

A loaf of bread

A pack of toilet paper

A flat of water

And two pounds of ground beef.

The woman is about to check out when she notices the drunk man has been watching her the entire time, he yells out with such conviction:

"You must be single!"

The woman was indeed single and knew she shouldn't engage this drunk man, but she looked at what she had bought and nothing jumped out at her that should broadcast her relationship status. She responds:

"You're right! I am single. But how on earth could you tell?"

Slurring his words, the man replies:

"Cuz' yer ugly."

If you're single, happy alentine's ay

You get no V or D

Why did Helen Keller play the piano with one hand?

So she could sing with the other.

Sing to the tune of "Yankee Doodle"...

Helen Keller went to town,
A-ridin' on a pony,
Stuck a feather in her hat
and called it "Hunngunnggunufffungg"

Who's an all male rock group that doesn't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

A single woman walks into a bar.

She goes straight up to the bartender and says, "I was told there would be a joke; that it would be hilarious; and that you would deliver the punchline."

The bartender looks up and says, "well aren't you miss informed."

A single guy was living with his elderly father and running the family business.

He realized he was going to inherit a fortune once his ailing father died and decided he needed a wife to share his life.

One day at the bank, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and made his move.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy." he said to her. "But in a few years, my father will die and I'll inherit 10 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card.

A month later, she became his stepmother.

My brother's still single on star wars day.

Apparently he's been looking for love in Alderaan places.

A single father needed breast milk for his infant baby and so he asked others how he could get it.

A colleague of his who was lactating offered to give her milk to the baby.

She became his breast friend.

Two guys were staying at a hotel on the 45th floor

Please excuse formatting, I'm on mobile.

As they were checking in, the receptionist said that the elevator was broken and that they could have a room on the first floor. The guys said that they would take the stairs and for the first 15 floors, they would sing songs, the next 15 floors they would tell funny stories and the last 15 floors would be sad stories.
So they start the walk, singing songs for the first 15, telling funny stories for the next 15, and finally, the reach the 30th floor and one guy says to the other, what's your sad story?
The guy responds, I don't have the room key

How many country musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change the bulb and 5 to sing about how much they miss the old one.

So far, not a single girl I've asked is interested in a fling.

I don't think they trust my human catapult.

How many country singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and another to sing about how much he misses the old one.

I used to single and broke, but I finally turned things around....

Now I'm broke and single

What singer is known for saying "Hit me baby one more time"

Rihanna

How do single people honor valentine's day?

By Celibating!

What kind of church music do they sing in Finland?

FINNISH HYMN!

The condemned prisoner stood before the firing squad.

The jail warden told him that as per custom, he was to be granted one final request, provided it was something straightforward and easily manageable.

The prisoner explained that he loved singing and requested to sing his favourite childhood song to completion.

The warden motioned to the firing squad to hold their fire until the song was completed.

The prisoner held his head up high and started to sing - "A billion bottles of beer on the wall, a billion bottles of beer..."

Daddy and His Son's Three Wives.

The innocence of a 5 year old

A 5 year old son after been read the story of a king.....

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives; one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.
Mom: And one will put you to sleep.
Son: No mom, I will still sleep with you.

Mom's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Mom said.

Mom: but who will sleep with your 3 wives?
Son: Let them sleep with Daddy.

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears. God bless you son, Daddy said.

Mom glaring at Daddy

If I had a dollar for everytime I heard someone sing a Macklemore song out loud...

...I would have 20 dollars in my pocket

Cardi B is a great actor

She acts like she can sing and people love her.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and the Rolling Stones?

The Rolling Stones sing "hey you... Get off of my cloud."

The Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe."

Last request

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.

The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."

Being single is like a vacuum cleaner:

its sucks when you're turned on

How many native Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

About seven. One to change the bulb, six to sing the song.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes