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Since Last Year Jokes

77 since last year jokes and hilarious since last year puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about since last year that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Since Last Year Short Jokes

Short since last year jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The since last year humour may include short last year jokes also.

  1. Dentist: This will hurt. Patient: OK.
    Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife since last year.
  2. ..ever since an attempted mugging last year i have carried a knife. Since then my muggings have been way more successful.
  3. PSA: This year, lets refrain from the 'I haven't taken a shower since last year!' jokes. Please and thank you.
  4. Wow, I haven't showered since last year! Haha good one, but it's only New Year's Eve
    I know...
  5. I've been really mad at my dad since he died... ...all he's done for the last 6 years is sit on his ash.
  6. Germans today are so lazy; It's been more than 70 years since they last invaded their neighbors
  7. I don't have a problem with 5p carrier bags, I have a bag for life, ever since I got married last year. ^^
  8. Best year of my life! Last year was the best year of my life. Broke my neck and I have never looked back since.
  9. Now that it's 2017 I can finally make this joke! I haven't showered since last year! Hahaha
  10. I have not ate, drink, slept, used the bathroom, or showered since last year. I have also not told this joke since last year.

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Since Last Year One Liners

Which since last year one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with since last year? I can suggest the ones about recently and yearly.

  1. I haven't [insert] since last year. (obligatory)
  2. This sub is empty. I haven't seen a joke since last year!
  3. You guys are filthy I mean, most of you haven't showered since last year!
  4. 2017 stinks Billions of people haven't showered since last year.
  5. My Dad's a pro at Hide and Seek. It's been 20 years since I last saw him.
  6. I injured myself skiing last year. It's been downhill ever since.
  7. It's 2018! I haven't showered since last year!
  8. I'm constipated I haven't taken a dump since last year!
  9. I haven't slept since last year! Lol!
  10. I haven't showered since last year. Hahahaha you get it guys?
  11. Really should do the washing up... Those pans have been on the side since last year...
  12. I haven't taken a bath since last year. Make sure to say that before New year's Eve
  13. Last year I crashed my friend's Hanukkah party.. He's been gelt-tripping me ever since.
  14. I haven't seen you since last year... Just kidding, I watched you sleep.
  15. I haven't eaten since last year, so why haven't I slimmed down?

Hilarious Since Last Year Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about since last year you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean end of the year jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make since last year pranks.

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.

One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”
God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.
She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?”
God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”

What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?

So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year ,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.

A man walks into a bar......

An Irishman man walks into a bar in New York City. He orders three whiskeys. The bartender pours him one and says, "Lemme know when you want the next one." But the man says, "I think you've misunderstood me. I'd like all three at once." The bartender pours two more drinks. The man drinks down the three drinks, pays, and leaves.
This goes on almost every night for a couple of weeks. Finally the bartender asks the man why he orders three drinks at a time, since there's no real advantage to it. So the man tells him, "When I left the auld sod I promised my two brothers that whenever I sat down to take a taste of the creature, I'd order one for me and one for each of them. That's why I order three at once." It makes sense to the bartender, so he's satisfied.
The man keeps coming back almost every night for more than a year. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. Then one day, the man orders only two drinks. This goes on for a couple weeks, but the bartender is afraid to ask if anything happened to one of the brothers. Finally, the man comes into the bar and only orders two drinks, again. The bartender figures he has to ask, and summons up the courage to say, "I noticed you've been ordering only two drinks for the last few weeks. Is everything allright with your brothers?" The man looks at the bartender, puzzled, then realizes what he is implying. He smiles and says, "Yes! My brothers are fine, but I've given up drinking for Lent."

The blond with the ten kids

A blond runs into an old friend from high school, and they start catching up since they have not seen each other for many years. Eventually, the blond tells her friend about her ten, all-male children. She proudly says: "I called every one of them 'John' ". Her friend is puzzled, and asks: "Isn't that a bit confusing, all of them having the same name?" "Oh not at all" the blond answers, "It is very convenient. If I want the dishes done, I just call out 'JOHN!' and then at least three or four show up." "But what about when you need one specific child?" her friend persists. The blonde: "Then I just use his last name!"

An elderly man and woman enter the bar and ask the bartender for their usual drinks.

The bartender serves them, speaking to the man, "Mr. Johnson, it's been awhile since we saw you last, how are you and your wife doing? We were worried about you, the last time you came in you didn't seem to recognize or remember anyone."
The elderly gentleman responds, "Well, you know how it is when you start getting up in years… but I've been seeing a fantastic memory therapist. She's taught me some mental exercises that have helped me to remember all the important things in life."
The bartender says, "That's great! What's the therapist's name?"
The elderly gentleman looks confused before snapping his fingers, "What's that flower? The red one with thorns on its stem?"
The bartender answers, "A rose?"
"Yes, that's it," the older man smiles before turning to his wife, "Rose, what's the name of that therapist I've been seeing?"

At the second annual UK women's rights meeting...

a lady from Birmingham stood up and said,
"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer cook for my husband. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, my husband cooked a wonderful meal, and has continued to cook every night since."
She recieved a generous round of applause.
Another lady, from London, stood up next and said,
"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer wash my husband's clothes. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, my husband washed his clothes *and* mine, and has continued to do so every week since."
She, too, recieved a round of applause.
Finally a lady from Barry (my hometown) stood up to address the audience.
"Ladies, last year I vowed to no longer cook for my husband *or* wash his clothes. On the first day, I saw nothing. On the second day, I saw nothing. On the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

Code Word

An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit! "Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen. "From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen. "This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93. Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen! "The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest. But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said -"I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week! "

I haven't showered since last year.

It's still 2014, right?

I must smell really bad

I haven't had a shower since last year...

I havent jacked off since last year

Just kidding

I haven't

Seen my whole family since last year

An old man confesses a sin

An old man entered a confessional one morning and immediately informed the priest on duty that he was 87 years old.
"I was completely faithful to my wife for 64 years, until last night," he told the priest, "I was propositioned by two college girls and I took them up on it."
"We did it twice," he added proudly.
"I understand," the priest replied, "How long has it been since your last confession?"
"Never. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?"
"I'm telling everybody!"

Butcher Shop

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"

It's almost 2016!

Every dad everywhere will be telling their children they haven't went pee since last year

I think I finally cured my c**... addiction.

I haven't used any since last year!

My sister is disgusting

She hasn't showered since last year!

Hillary Clinton is the Windows 10 of the election

She's terrible at keeping your information safe, keeps promising new upgrades but really has been the same OS since 98, and is constantly trying to install herself when you're happy with the system you've been using for the last 8 years.

Old Jewish man goes to confession

And he says, Father, I am 90 years old and Jewish, never been to confession before but I have to get something off my chest. I have been married to my lovely wife for 72 beautiful years, but last night I had a t**... with two blonde twin sister cheerleaders. The priest says, I commend you for coming to confession, but I have to ask first since you are Jewish, why are you telling a Catholic Priest. The old Jewish man says, I am not just telling you Father, I am telling everyone!

A guy was nailing his interview

A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said "well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?".
The guy says "oh I went to yale".
The employer: "oh great!! Well you're hired, you start monday"
Guy: "Yay! I got a yob!"

I haven't showered since last year!

I know it's not midnight yet, but I felt like I had to come clean.

A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"

The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.
Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"

I really need a shower.

I haven't had one since last year..
Happy New Year all!

What did I do wrong?

My father-in-law has been pretty depressed since losing his job last year. I wanted to help out so I pulled some strings and got him a job at the palm reading business where I work. I thought my wife would be thrilled but somehow here I am sleeping on the couch. That's the thanks I get for giving her dad a h**....

A tourist bus crashes and all the passengers die.

The crowd of recently deceased is gathered at the pearly gates. St. Peter comes out and says: "OK. I want you to form three lines. One for the women, one for the men who were always bossed around by their wives, and the last for men who were the boss of their household."
People shuffle around for a good hour. At the end, there is a long line of women, a long line of men who were bossed around by their wives, and only one man in the third line.
St. Peter approaches the man and says: "It's been years since I've seen a man in the third line. Are you sure you're in the right line?"
The man hesitates, and answers: "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Have you ever seen the serial number that is printed on every c**...?

No? Oh, you must not have needed to unroll it that far...
Full disclosure: I searched and although this joke is definitely a repost, it's been about a year since the last time so I took an executive decision to post it again.

A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office

Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become s**...."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."

Everyone else saying "haven't seen you since last year" on January 1st

Meanwhile i say "see you next year" on January 1st and proceed to hide in my room

My family says I smell...

It's maybe because I haven't had a shower since last year!
ha ha ha

I'm surprised my car started right up this morning...

...I haven't driven it since last year!

Do you think people with anorexia are still making "I haven't eaten since last year" jokes?

When I was Young

I once caught my grandfather sprinkling gunpowder onto his grits one Sunday morning. I asked him why he would do that.
He explained, "Kid, my father did this, and his father did this. If you do this as well, every day, it'll help keep you hale and hearty well into your golden years."
It must be true, since when he died last year, he was 97, and left thirteen children, twenty-seven grandchildren, twelve great grandchildren, four great great grand children, and a fifteen foot deep crater where the crematorium used to be.

Thought of this earlier

About an hour after the news years party we were congregated into groups talking and o**... in our little circle goes I haven't showered since last year! It was too funny not to share with other people.
So when I got the opportunity I walked over to a group of people and said I haven't showered since last year! No one laughed. It really killed the v**... of Thanksgiving for me that year

An old man goes to confession.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."
The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.
"I've never been to confession. I'm Jewish."
"Then why are you telling me this?" the priest asks.
The old man replies, "I'm telling EVERYBODY!"

A retired banker went to a psychiatrist.

He said "For 30 years, I worked in a bank as a teller. Every day i would serve dozens of customers. I loved my job and never missed a day.
Last month, i retired.
Since then, every time i pass a bank, i have a huge craving to enter and take out money.
Even if i pass an ATM, i have to stop and take some cash out. I've got thousands of dollars in cash at home, yet every day i feel desperate to go to the bank and take out more.
What's wrong with me?"
The psychiatrist replied
"It sounds like you're having Withdrawal Symptoms."

For past 20 years, my wife has been complaining about my not putting the cap back on the toothpaste.

This anniversary, I decided to change this bad habit and make my wife happy.
For a week, I was diligent, always capping the toothpaste.
I was expecting my wife to thank me, but she never did it.
Finally, last night, she turned and looked at me and said - "Why have you stopped brushing your teeth since a week ??"
Marriage is a social crime, I tell you.

The Boss always insisted that only Abdul should serve his coffee, but

yesterday, this conversation happened.
Boss: Abdul, since the last 8 years you have brought me coffee filled to the brim without spilling even a drop.
How do you manage that over these stairs?
Abdul: Sir, just before I climb up the stairs, I take a big sip. As I get upstairs, I put it back.
Today is Abdul's farewell party.

A 70 year old man goes to confession and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I had s**... with two beautiful, 20 year old women who are not my wife".

The Priest says "I see. How long has it been since your last confession?"
The man says "I've never been to confession, I'm Jewish".
"You're Jewish?" the priest asks, puzzled. "Why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everyone!"

jokes about since last year