sin Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sin puns

Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kate Dannaher?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"

"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."

Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"

He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

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Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.

The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.

Man: And that frees me from my sin?

Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

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If you sin 90 times you'll only be caught 45 times

Because Sin 90 = Cot 45

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If you sin 90 times, you will only get caught 50% of the time...

Because sin90 = cot45.

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Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony

But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero.

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A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead..

A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead decide to check their daughters bags,

All 3 of them found condoms in their respective daughters bags.

The Brunette was stunned and said :" We're a catholic family, It is a sin to have premarital sex "

The Redhead said "Its Good to see my girl is using protection, Because prevention is better than cure !".

The Blonde said: " OH MY GOD, MY DAUGHTER HAS A PENIS "

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My maths teacher never goes outside

I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan

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Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18-year-old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18-year-old girl.

The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.

Man: And that frees me from my sin?

Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

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Why did I divide sin by tan?

Just cos.

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sin and cos are lying down next to each other on the beach

when all of a sudden sin jumps on top of cos. cos shouts "what are you doing?" sin replies, "im trying to get tan."

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Why are christians not able to do trigonometry?

Because Jesus took away their sin.

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A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"

"Of course, my son."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

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Do you know what Sin City is?

Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?


Person 2: Las Vegas


Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?


Person 2: Chicago


Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?


Person 2: ...


Person 1: Mass over volume

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Jesus saw a woman being stoned and rushed to protect her.

He shouted to the crowd, "Let he who is without sin cast the next stone."

A single stone smacked Jesus on the back of the head.

He turned around and yelled, "Fuck off, mother!"

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Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ


Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

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A man was confessing to his priest

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.

The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.

Man: And that frees me from my sin?

Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

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Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin

Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.

Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.

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If you commit 90 sins, u will get caught 45 times. Why?

Because Sin 90 = Cot 45!

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A physicist was in Las Vegas

Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City.

Physicist: Do you know what Den City is though?

Tour guide: No, I don't know.

Physicist: Mass over volume.

I'll see myself out.

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A priest checks into a hotel

So he would not be tempted to sin, the priest goes to the front desk and says "Excuse me but, I was wondering if the porn on the tv could be disabled."
The lady looks back in disgust and screams "NO YOU SICK BASTARD WE ONLY HAVE NORMAL!"

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"Mother Superior," said the novice nun . . .

"I have to confess that last night I committed the sin of fornication. Six times."
The Mother Superior thought a minute, then sliced up a lemon and handed it to the novice.
"Here, my child," she said. "Take and eat all of this."
"Will this absolve me of my sin?" asked the novice.
"No," said the Mother Superior. "But it will get that smile off your face!"

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Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

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Geometry is the work of satan.

It makes people sin.

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Why was the triangle sent to hell?

Cos sin

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october

So a nun was driving along a road one October evening when it noticed a hitch hiker. The nun decided to pick him up. After a while, the man (hitchhiker) says,"Sister, i know you would disapprove, but i find you very attractive and would like to have intercourse with you. Im not married, so i woud not be sinning as much." Reluctantly, the nun says," will have anal sex with you, so it is not fully a sin." So, they pull over and get freaky, and get back in the car. The man says,"Sister, i really enjoyed that, but i have a confession; im married, and have 4 children." Appalled, the nun replies,"i have a confession to. My names Bob, and im on my way to a costume party."

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A men goes to a priest...

-Father, I am a sinner...-
-So, what you've dove?-
-I hid a jew in my basement during the second world war.-
-But this one isn't a sin, it's a very honorable thing.-
-I made him pay 300 pounds a month-
-Well, those are a lot of money but you saved him so you can go and may God be with you.-
-Ok then but... should i tell him that the war is over?-

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A doctor goes to confession...

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."

The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."

The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."

The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"

The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."

The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my throat, it's been sore for days."

The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."

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For the Catholics

A woman was taken into adultery and a group of men approached Jesus and said to him, "This woman was taken in adultery and by the law she should be stoned to death. But what say you?"

Jesus thought and said, "I say that he among you who is without sin should throw the first stone."

At that, all the gathered multitude tossed their stones away and crept off, shamefaced--at least, all but one middle-aged woman who hefted half a brick in her hand. Taking careful aim, she sent it flying, struck the woman taken in adultery in the forehead, and felled her.

Shaking his head, Jesus walked over to the woman who had thrown the brick and said, "Sometimes you piss me off, Mom."

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Second chances.

A priest whos sin is lust, A thief whos sin is greed, and a fat kid whos sin is gluttony, are all standing at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells them that there has been a mix up in schedules and only 2 of them should have died. Because of their sins they are all bound for hell. but St peter offers them a second chance. He will send them back to earth and they will live as long as they don't indulge is their favorite sin. Before they go back to earth they are told the last person who does not indulge in his deadly vice will get to remain on earth until they die of old age.

Within five minutes of being on earth the thief spots a women not paying attention to her purse. He snatched the purse and starts running. *poof* he is sent to hell leaving behind the spilled content of the purse.

The fat kid sees the spilled contents of the purse and there lying on the ground is a king size candy bar. Unable to resist he bends over to pick up the candy bar and *poof* the priest is sent to hell.

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Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip...

That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes steal from the Temple." The Islamic imam says, "my sin is gluttony. At least once a week I go to the liquor store for a six-pack and then head to McDonalds in the middle of the night and get a big bag of Big Macs, Bacon cheese burgers and fries and eat and drink it all while sitting in the parking lot." The Baptist minister says, "My greatest sin is gossip and I can't wait to get back to town!"

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A man to his priest...

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.

The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.

Man: And that frees me from my sin?

Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

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A man is condemned to death by stoning

A man is condemned to death by stoning. As the people gather around him and get ready to begin, Jesus emerges from the crowd and stands by the man. He says to the crowd, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

The crowd is taken aback, and begins to disperse, when an old lady comes forward, picks up a large rock, and hurls it at the condemned. The crowd quickly joins in and the man dies.

When the dust settles, Jesus walks up to the old lady and says "You know, I'm getting real sick of your shit mom."

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A man dies and goes to hell...

A man dies and goes to hell.

As he approaches the gates he is stopped by the gatekeeper who asks for his name.

Joe, he replies.

Well, joe, I've found your name on the list. There are seven levels in hell, but since your only sin was cheating on a science test in the third grade, you will only be in the first level.

Oh, it won't be that bad then, joe replies.

Joe, that's the hottest level because heat rises. You'd know that if you studied for your test.

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A boy goes into confession...

The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl."

"Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?"

"Oh I can't say."

"Was it Mary Jane?"

"No Father."

"Adalina Mozarelli?"

"My lips are sealed."

"How about Cindy King"

"I can never say."

"Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?"

"No."

"It has to be Tracy Cummings though!"

"Father I will never tell you."

"Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months."

"Ok, Father"

The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?"

The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"

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An 85 year old man goes into a confessional...

An 85 year old man goes into a confessional. He said "Forgive me father but I have sinned".

The priest replied: "tell me your sins my son."

"I am committing adultery. I have a 25 year old girl friend. Every morning I tell my wife that I am going to have coffee with my friends, but instead I go to my girl friends house where she gives me a blow job and then we have sex for an hour."

The Priest said: "adultery is a grave sin. But Mr Cohn, you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"

Mr. Cohn replied "hey, I'm telling everybody."

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What are the most funny Sin jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sin? Well, here are the best Sin dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sin pick up lines to share with friends.

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