Sin Jokes

What are some Sin jokes?

Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.

"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kate Dannaher?"

"No, Father."

"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"

"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."

Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"

He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."

Yesterday I sinned with an 18year old girl.

Man to his priest: Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.

The priest: Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.

Man: And that frees me from my sin?

Priest: No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

If you sin 90 times you'll only be caught 45 times

Because Sin 90 = Cot 45

If you sin 90 times, you will only get caught 50% of the time...

Because sin90 = cot45.

Eating too much cake is the deadly sin of gluttony

But not eating too much pie, because the sin of pi is always zero.

My maths teacher never goes outside

I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan

Why did I divide sin by tan?

Just cos.

sin and cos are lying down next to each other on the beach

when all of a sudden sin jumps on top of cos. cos shouts "what are you doing?" sin replies, "im trying to get tan."

Why are christians not able to do trigonometry?

Because Jesus took away their sin.

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"

"Of course, my son."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

Do you know what Sin City is?

Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?


Person 2: Las Vegas


Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?


Person 2: Chicago


Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?


Person 2: ...


Person 1: Mass over volume

Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ


Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin

Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.

Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.

If you commit 90 sins, u will get caught 45 times. Why?

Because Sin 90 = Cot 45!

A physicist was in Las Vegas

Tour guide: Las Vegas is also known as Sin City.

Physicist: Do you know what Den City is though?

Tour guide: No, I don't know.

Physicist: Mass over volume.

I'll see myself out.

"Mother Superior," said the novice nun . . .

"I have to confess that last night I committed the sin of fornication. Six times."
The Mother Superior thought a minute, then sliced up a lemon and handed it to the novice.
"Here, my child," she said. "Take and eat all of this."
"Will this absolve me of my sin?" asked the novice.
"No," said the Mother Superior. "But it will get that smile off your face!"

Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

Geometry is the work of satan.

It makes people sin.

A men goes to a priest...

-Father, I am a sinner...-
-So, what you've dove?-
-I hid a jew in my basement during the second world war.-
-But this one isn't a sin, it's a very honorable thing.-
-I made him pay 300 pounds a month-
-Well, those are a lot of money but you saved him so you can go and may God be with you.-
-Ok then but... should i tell him that the war is over?-

A doctor goes to confession...

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."

The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."

The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."

The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"

The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."

The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my throat, it's been sore for days."

The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."

A boy goes into confession...

The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl."

"Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?"

"Oh I can't say."

"Was it Mary Jane?"

"No Father."

"Adalina Mozarelli?"

"My lips are sealed."

"How about Cindy King"

"I can never say."

"Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?"

"No."

"It has to be Tracy Cummings though!"

"Father I will never tell you."

"Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months."

"Ok, Father"

The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?"

The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"

An 85 year old man goes into a confessional...

An 85 year old man goes into a confessional. He said "Forgive me father but I have sinned".

The priest replied: "tell me your sins my son."

"I am committing adultery. I have a 25 year old girl friend. Every morning I tell my wife that I am going to have coffee with my friends, but instead I go to my girl friends house where she gives me a blow job and then we have sex for an hour."

The Priest said: "adultery is a grave sin. But Mr Cohn, you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"

Mr. Cohn replied "hey, I'm telling everybody."

An Irishman, an American, a Jew and a Greek all die...

When they get to Heaven, they're given the chance to go back to Earth and give it one more shot.

"But whatever sin you committed most in life, you must not even think once of committing it again," they're told, "Or you'll be right back up here."

All four end up together back on Earth, and start walking down the street, talking about the experience and what they think their worst sin was.

They pass a bar. The Irishman looks in, gets a greedy look on his face, and *poof* disappears.

They pass a fast food restaurant. The American looks in, starts drooling, and *poof* he disappears, too.

The Jew and the Greek keep walking, joking at their friends' foolishness. The Jew sees a dollar bill lying on the street. He bends over to pick it up, and ...

*POOF* they both disappear.

God's punishment

God gave women labor pains and monthly bleeding as the punishment for the original sin. Men's punishment is to be with his wife and listen to her problems. That's why god hates homosexuals. They found a loophole in this system.

If you commit 90 sins, you will only be caught half the time.

Because sin 90 = cot 45

What do you call a Jamaican man who has committed some sin?

A Cinnamon.


It's turrible I know, but I thought of it at the grocery store and had to share it.

I wish Christian guys would make up their minds, one minute they are saying homosexuality is a sin and that sodomy is evil

The next they are telling me how good it felt to let Jesus enter them.

What do you call a flock of crows who are resisting the urge to sin?

*A tempted murder*

Leviticus

One shabbes, Rabbi Bloom told his congregation, "Next week, my sermon will be all about the sin of lying and to help you understand it better I would like you all to read Leviticus chapter 28 before next week."

The following shabbes, at the start of his sermon, Rabbi Bloom asked his congregation, "How many of you have read Leviticus 28?" Every hand went up.

Rabbi Bloom smiled and said, "Leviticus has only 27 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Why Do Mathematicians Never Go To The Beach?

Because they got sin and cos to give them a tan.

A plane crashes and everyone dies

And they all go to heaven. But almost everyone on this plane was either fat as can be or ugly as sin and they all had been bullied their entire lives due to this.
So god lines everyone up and says "You've all been good people but were treated terribly during life, so I will grant you one wish before you enter heaven."
The first guy thinks for a second and says "I wish I could spend eternity as a good looking man." and so god changes him into a good looking man and the guy happily goes through the pearly gates.
The second guy sees this and says "I wish to spend eternity as a good looking man!" and god obliges, but he starts to hear a faint giggle at the end of the line.

Each person in line wishes for the same thing: to be good looking. And after each wish the laughter gets louder and louder. So finally god gets to the end of the line to the laughing man and says "And what exactly is so funny?" and the guy says "I wish they were all ugly again!"

Did you know the Bible forbids sunbathing in Greece?

That means it is a sin to go to Cos and get a tan.

THE SIN OF LYING

A minister told his congregation, Next week, I plan to
preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my
sermon, I want you to read Mark 17.
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon,
the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know
how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The
minister smiled and said, Mark has only sixteen chapters, I
will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.
Ha Ha Ha Haa

There is a little boy who wants a bike..

So he goes and asks his mom for a bike to which she replies that maybe if he prays, god will bring him a bike.

So he sits down and writes Jesus a letter .." Dear jesus, if you give me a bike I wont sin for 1 year.."

He walks down to the mailbox but before leaving the house sees his mother's statue of Virgin Mary and suddenly feels guilty because he wont be able to avoid sin for that long. Defeated he heads back upstairs.

So he sits down and writes Jesus another letter .." Dear Jesus, if you give me a bike I wont sin for 6 months.."

He walks down to the mailbox but before leaving the house sees the statue of Virgin Mary and feels guilty again. So, he picks her up and takes her to his room. He stuffs the statue in his toy box and begins drafting another letter.

"Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again, give me a bike.."

How do triangles communicate?

Sin language

What do Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have in common?

The House of Cards they had built in Hollywoodland has now made them The Usual Suspects in Sin City. This was supposed to be LA Confidential but apparently they couldnt find Consenting Adults. The American Beauty of this is that they will now forever be Inglorious Basterds.

What is the greatest sin of all?

Sin 90°

An 80 year old man walks into a confessional booth

He tells the priest that he just had a threesome with two 20 year old girls. Father said "I'm glad you confessed, adultery is a sin, and your penance is to say five Hail Maries." The 80 year old replied, "I've never said the Hail Mary, I'm Jewish."



The good father asked, "Then why did you come here to tell me this?"



"I'm 80 years old and just had a threesome," he replied. "I'm telling everyone"

A mother superior called 3 nuns and asked them to do a sin or something wrong...

The nuns were hesitant because they didn't want to, but the superior said it would be a lesson in confession.

Then a little later, one came back and was crying

"Why? What did you do?" asked the mother superior

"I picked flowers in the garden."

"Ok your sins are forgiven, go drink the holy water."

The nun did as told, then another nun came, she was also crying

"Why? What did you do?"

"I stole a candy from a kid"

"Ok your sins are forgiven, go drink the holy water."

She also did as told...

Then the last nun came, but she was roaring with laughter

"Why? What did you do?" asked the mother superior sternly

"I peed in the holy water!"

An elderly German man visits his priest for confession...

An elderly man in Germany walks into a confessional box after feeling the urge that he needed to confess.

Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned. During the great war I hid a Jewish refugee in my attic.

Priest: Well, that's not a sin my son, but rather a heroic act of great compassion and daring.

Man: But I made him agree to pay me 20 marks for each week he stayed.

Priest: I must admit, that wasn't a great decision, but I am sure you did it for a good cause.

Man: God bless you father, that puts my mind to rest, just one more question however...

Priest: Yes my son?

Man: Do I have to tell him the war is over?

An old man confesses a sin

An old man entered a confessional one morning and immediately informed the priest on duty that he was 87 years old.

"I was completely faithful to my wife for 64 years, until last night," he told the priest, "I was propositioned by two college girls and I took them up on it."

"We did it twice," he added proudly.

"I understand," the priest replied, "How long has it been since your last confession?"

"Never. I'm Jewish."

"Then why are you telling me this?"

"I'm telling everybody!"

Arthur and the nun

Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

"You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

"How do *you* know, Sister?"

"My Mother Superior told me so"

"But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"

"Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself"

"Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"

"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"

"I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, them no-one will know"

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.

"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"

"Oh no! It's not that drunken Nun again is it?"

Why are religious people afraid of Trigonometry?

Cos they are afraid of Sin

A lot of people think a world without sin would be perfect

But there's only so much you can solve with cos and tan

"Do you know what sin city is?"

"Yeah, that's Las Vegas"

"But do you know what Den City is"

"No"

"Mass over volume"

[garden of eden]


**Snake:** Pssst! want an apple?

**Eve:** No thanks, I do not sin.

**Snake:** What's the length of the opposite side of a 30° right triangle with a hypotenuse of 20?

**Eve:** 10

**Snake:** Thanksss

**Adam:** How did you calculate that?

**Eve:** Oh no.

A religious old lady prayed everyday for wealth...

She had lived a life free of sin and had suffered greatly through no fault of her own. Every day she went to her local church and prayed:

"God, i have been all my life, please, let me win the lottery"

Every day for many years she did this, until one day, the church roof split open and a booming voice commanded:

"WELL AT LEAST MEET ME HALFWAY AND BUY A TICKET!"

Trigonometry

Why can't Irish do trigonometry? They can't tan.
Why can't Christians do trigonometry? They can't sin.
Why can't the rest of us trigonometry? Just cos.

I have a body made for sin...

Too bad this sin is gluttony...

Cast the first stone...

Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.

"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.

"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head.

"Aw, c'mon, Dad...," Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"

A boy goes to confessional...

Boy: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been 1 week since my last confession."

Father: "What is your sin?"

Boy: "Fornication with a girl in the parish."

Father: "What girl?"

Boy: "I won't say"

Father: "Was it Sally?"

Boy: "I'm not telling!"

Father: "It was Jane, wasn't it."

Boy: "I'm not going to say!"

Father: "It had to be Jessica"

Boy: "Father, I'm not going to tell you!"

Father: "Fine. Do 3 Hail Mary's and sin no more."

Boy leaves confessional and returns to a friend who is waiting for him on the pew.

Friend: "How'd it go in there?"

Boy: "Went great! I got three new leads!"

Black Sheep

A missionary is sent into the deepest part of Africa to live with a tribe.
One day, the wife of one of the tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white baby.
The village chief confronts the missionary: "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here, a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village!"
The missionary replies, "No, no. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what is called an albino. Look over at that field. See the flock of white sheep? - and yet amongst them one of them is black. Nature does this on occasion."
"Tell you what," the chief says, "I won't tell on you .. you don't tell on me."

Three nuns go to a priest...

And they say that they each want to commit a sin before they die. They priest tells them to go commit their sins on friday, and he will hear their confessions on saturday. So the nuns go commit their sins and on saturday the first nun goes to confession. The Priest asks "What are your sins?" The nun says that she had sexual relations with a man. The Priest says "Go drink the holy water and your sins will be forgiven." The second nun goes to the priest and he also asks what her sins are. "She says that she participated in a threesome. The Priest again says "Go drink the holy water and your sins will be forgiven." The third nun goes to the priest and he says "What are your sins." The nun replies "I peed in the holy water."

So, the Muslim word for sin is haram...

... does that mean a Muslim's sinful girlfriend would be called a... Haram bae?


I'll see myself out.

Betsy DeVos wants to eliminate trigonometry from school math curricula

because it teaches our children to sin

Why did god make homosexuality a sin?

Because His boyfriend thought that would make it hotter.

The Jew at Confession

One day, a Jewish shoemaker walked in to a Catholic Confession and sat down. The priest asked, "Son, what sin has brought you here?" The Jewish man told the priest the story of how a beautiful nineteen year old woman had walked into his shoe shop. They struck up a conversation and ended up having sex for hours. At the end of the Jewish man's story, the priest, curious, asked the man, "Wait, aren't you Jewish?" The man affirmed the priest's question with a brief yes. The priest, confused at this point, asks the Jew what he is doing confessing to a Catholic priest. The Jew responds quickly, "I'm not confessing! I'm telling everyone I see!"

A man goes into a confession booth in Germany...

He says "Please forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest responded, "What is your sin my child?"
The man replies "During WWII I took in a Jewish man and hid him in my attic."
The priest then exclaims, "Good sir, that is not a sin at all. That was a righteous burden you took upon yourself. You should be proud of your actions."
The man hesitated for a moment and said "Well... I had him pay rent."
The priest simply stated "That isn't the most Christian thing to do, however it is not a sin."
The man then smiled feeling cleared of all wrongdoing. He got up to leave, but then paused once more and said
"Father?"
"Yes my child?"
"Do I have to tell him that the war is over?"

Three nuns

There were three nuns and they said that they were going to do on sin each. The priest says ok, do your sins, come back and I will bless you. So they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first woman, who was laughing, what her sin was. She replied:" I had sex with a guy." So the priest forgave her and let her drink the holy water.
The next nun came and was laughing harder and said: "I got in a fight with another nun." The priest forgave her and let her drink from the holy water.
The last nun was laughing the most and said:"I peed in the holy water!"

What is bread's most deadly sin?

Gluteny

Two Baptist ministers were eating lunch when one went on and on about young people having sex before marriage. He said, God forbids it. It is a sin and I didn't have sex with my wife until our wedding night. How about you?

The other minister thinks and then says, I don't think so, what was her maiden name?

What did the triangle say to the preacher?

Forgive me father for I have sin().

Did you hear about the Catholic man who brought a bird into a confessional?

He said he had committed a cardinal sin.

A good ole 90's joke.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he arrives at the pearly gates he notices clocks with names hanging all over the place. The man asks god "What are all the clocks for?" God responded "Every time the clock makes a full rotation, someone on earth commits a sin." The man looked around at all the clocks and out of curiosity asked god "Where's Bill Clinton's clock?" God just pointed up to the ceiling fan.

Mary Magdalene is about to be stoned for adultry

Just as the crowd was about to start throwing rocks, Jesus walks up and says "let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Nobody moves, but then a stone comes flying out from the crowd and hits Mary right in the face. Jesus turns to see who threw the stone and says "I told you not to bother me when I'm working mother!"

Golfing on the sabbath

One day, a man named David decides to skip church to play golf. Up in heaven, Saint Peter sees this and reports David's sin to God. God says, "I will punish him accordingly." David plays a perfect game and goes home really pleased. Saint Peter sees this and goes to God and says, "What gives? You said you would punish him, yet he gets a perfect score." God smiles and says, "Who can he tell?"

Do Catholics fail trigonometry...

cause they are afraid of sin?

Everyone knows that Las Vegas is Sin City. But do you know what is Den City?

p = m/V


mass/volume

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error.


[8.5]

They say I have a body built for Sin

That sin being Sloth.

World War 2

Man: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done?"
Man: I harbored Jewish people in my basement to keep them safe from the Germans."
Priest: "That's not a sin. That's a good deed."
Man: "But I have been charging them one dollar a night until the war is over."
Priest: "That's perfectly okay."
Man: "I haven't told them the war is over."

A famous casting director dies and ascends to heaven.

He comes to Saint Peter before the pearly gates, and Peter asks him, Why should I allow you into heaven?

The casting director smiles and says, Because I'm without sin.

Peter raises an eyebrow, and asks, Are you?

Yes, I am. You see, just before I died, I worked on a movie where the protagonist has a bunch of talking pet rocks that help him on his quest.

Peter laughs, and asks, And what does that have to do with anything?

Well, you see, I cast the first stone.

Why was the priest afraid of trigonometry?

cos sin

I asked my religious friend why he doesn't like math

He replied "cos it's a sin"

Why can't you tan on a rainy day?

Cos it's a sin

What's difference between Bible and Trigonometry?

Eating Apple was greatest sin while in Trigonometry it's 1.

he can't because he is Jewish

a man saw a priest and said: 'Father i have sinned!' the priest asked what the mans sin was. the man said: 'i'm 86 yrs old and i had sex with a 26 yr old girl!' the priest told the man to go home and say 6 hail Mary's. the man says he can't because he is Jewish. the priest asks: 'so why are you telling me?' the man says: 'I'm telling everyone!'

Why does Jesus always go first when the disciples go Curling?

Because they let he who is without sin cast the first stone!

Did you hear about the cow tipper that got attacked by a bull?

He got a taste of his own meadow sin.

If you want to go to heaven, make sure your sin count is divisible by 360.

Because sin(360)=sin(0).

Why does God hate Trig?

Cos it's a Sin

What's the difference between Sin and Shame?

It's a sin to put it in, and a shame to pull it out.

Why Don't Mathematicians Go to the Beach?

Because all they need are sin and cos to get a tan.

A blind man asks Jesus to heal him

"Behold. I will heal your blindness," Jesus says, "and thy masturbation shall cease."

"Is masturbation a sin? Is it the cause of my blindness?" asks the old man.

Jesus replied, "No, masturbation is not a sin, but I'm tryiing to do an eye exam here."

Paedophilia

It's a cardinal sin.

How to make Sin jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Sin to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Sin? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Sin pick up lines to share with friends.

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