Simultaneously Jokes
46 simultaneously jokes and hilarious simultaneously puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about simultaneously that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Simultaneously Short Jokes
Short simultaneously jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The simultaneously humour may include short instantly jokes also.
- France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other France surrenders
Italy changes sides
Both lose - The CDC warns tomorrow could be one of the worst days ever for Covid. Because after the inauguration people everywhere will simultaneously exhale.
- One blonde says to the another: "Hey, let's yell simultaneously! 3, 2, 1 "SIMULTANEOUSLY!! SIMULTANEOUSLY!!!"
- I would make a pun about quantum entanglement... but it would be both funny and unfunny, simultaneously.
- How do you solve world hunger and poverty simultaneously? By feeding the poor to the hungry.
- Schrödinger's Russian soldier is a famous physics thought experiment, which presents a paradox in which a Russian in Ukraine is somehow simultaneously both alive and dead.
- What is schrodinger's wave? a person may be simultaneously waving at you and waving at the person behind you. There is no way to know unless you turn behind.
- A pianist was trying to be unique by lying down on the floor and playing the piano simultaneously during a concert. Needless to say, he was flat.
- So I booted up Fortnite twice simultaneously, and it turned into a zombie survival game It was 28 Days Later
- So a vegan crossfitter and a homophobic priest simultaneously walk in to a bar.. Then they both went to the hospital for head wounds.
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Simultaneously One Liners
Which simultaneously one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with simultaneously? I can suggest the ones about immediately and continuously.
- Why is having multiple partners simultaneously not love? Because love is always <3
- Men are great at multitasking. We can pee *and* put the seat down simultaneously.
- "Why don't you trust me?", she texted both the guys simultaneously.
- I read a poem about m**... and crying simultaneously It was a tear jerker
- What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day? p**...
- What do you call having simultaneous o**... s**... with a midget ? 39
Simultaneously Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about simultaneously you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rapidly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make simultaneously pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman walks into a cafe with a stomach ache.After a while she realizes she needs to relieve herself, knowing her farts are loud, she decides to f**... simultaneously with the cafe music. Every time the music gets really loud she let out a long f**.... She saw that everyone in the cafe was staring at her and later realized that she was wearing headsets the whole time...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs?"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the s**... of two."
In India a man was bitten by a snake as he tried to take a 'selfie'. How the snake managed to bite the man and hold a phone simultaneously is a mystery.
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
Doctor Shroedinger? This is the Animal Clinic calling;
Apparently your cat, Flüffy, is both simultaneously dead and yet alive.
We're sorry for your loss.
Our resident String Theorist will contact you.
He can explain everything.
8{>
How to make the world a better place.
How do you raise the literacy rate while simultaneously lowering the poverty ratio of a town near you?
All you have to do is drive as fast as possible through the Walmart parking lot.
A horse walks in to a bar
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender is also a horse. Everyone human is a horse now. Our lives are simultaneously more and less complicated.
painting
Painting is the second thing in the world that requires hand and imagination
simultaneously
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys named Bob are walking by a nuclear reactor.
Bob starts talking about how his great uncle twice removed worked at a nuclear plant and grew an extra arm.
Other Bob says, "well that would be awesome, I could use an extra arm."
Bob says, "oh, I think it could only happen to me, it's in my genetics."
Other Bob gets mad. "b**..., I could grow an extra arm before you could!"
So they both hop the fence and start running around the reactor. The security guard chases them, but he's 83 years old. Bob dives in the cooling tank, while other Bob licks the giant tower. Other Bob swallows a spent fuel pellet, while Bob rolls around in some yellow powder. Suddenly, and simultaneously, third arms sprout out of both of their chests. They look at each other. "God d**..., a tie?"
At this point the old security guard hobbles up. "When will your generation learn," he wheezes. "There are never any winners in a nuclear arms race."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate, parrot, and a genie were on a boat
A pirate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, the pirate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth. This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving any thought to the matter the pirate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into r**...!" The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening c**..., and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest r**... ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of r**... on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances
The parrot looked disgustedly at the pirate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee've done it!! Now we're goon to have to pee in the boat!"
I invented a new game similar to rock paper scissors.
You have 3 cards with a color on one side and white on the other.
You and your opponent choose a card, show it face down (white part), and simultaneously switch it to know the winner.
Every player has 3 cards of 3 different colors, representing some natural elements: Blue, Red and Brown, for Water, Fire and Wood respectively.
Narutally, blue beats red, as water extinguishes fire.
Red beats brown, as fire burns wood.
Brown beats Rihanna.
The Stat Hunters
Two statisticians are out hunting. They see a bird sitting on a tree branch someways out. "Go ahead, take first crack at it!" says the first statistician. The second statistician shoots 7 inches too high. The first statistician then aims, and quickly shoots 7 inches too low. The two men look at each other, then simultaneously high five and say "Nice shot!"
Did you hear the director planned to film two sequels simultaneously for the Michael J Fox 1980's time travel comedy?
He planned to make back-to-back back to the 'Back to the Future' future features!
What is simultaneously the best and worst thing one can hear at the dentist?
These are the best looking teeth I've ever come across
I have 10 sons and 2 daughters, and I gave the same name to all of them, Jamie...
...It's quite practical, she said, if I need to wake them up I just shout "wake up Jamie!". If I need them to eat I just say "Jamie! Dear, dinner is ready!". They all obey simultaneously.
The interviewer asks "So how do you refer to them when you need to speak to one of them specifically?"
Easy - she replied - I call them by their lastname!
A man was walking in a park..
when suddenly he noticed his watch wasn't on his wrist. While looking for it, he saw a man stepping on what seemed to be his watch, while simultaneously making fun of a fat kid. So he punched the man square in the face. "No one makes fun of fat kids" he said, "not on my watch".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.
She's waiting.
She's waiting...
The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"
The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
Ok, don't panic…
If we hold the North Pole and South Pole down simultaneously for three seconds, it'll automatically restore to factory settings.
A 16 year old blonde is dinning with her parents
Blonde: Oh by the way I´m pregnant
Parents (simultaneously): You´re WHAT!?!
Blonde: Geez relax and eat a chill pill, I´m not even sure it´s mine
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a w**... go soft but simultaneously make it experience hard times?
Sentence it to 21 months in prison.
TIL: The origin of the hokey pokey
Two Latin magicians were conjuring simultaneously when the dance appeared out of nowhere.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife and I have s**... fights so much, we can't even simultaneously have o**... s**....
I wanna be the nine!
A man enters an animal shop, and sees a parrot with ropes tied to each of it's legs...
The man asks the shopkeeper about the parrot and the shopkeeper replies:
- If you pull the right leg rope, he's gonna greet you in French, and if you pull the left leg rope, he'll greet you in German
- And what about, if i pull both simultaneously? - asks the man.
- Well, he...
Suddenly the parrot interrupts him:
- I will fall down, you idiot!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
TIL that Austrian physicist Erwin Schrodinger suffered from a debilitating bowel condition that would often result in him soiling himself unexpectedly.
However, it was impossible for him to tell when he had had an accident, and lived in a perpetual state of both being soiled and unsoiled simultaneously.
This became known as Schrodinger's s**....
Christian theologians have long maintained that Jesus is both human and divine simultaneously. A recent squabble has divided them over the subject of His nostrils. I know which side I'm on
I'm going with the God-only-nose crowd
