simple Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious simple puns

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

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A man tells a Rabbi: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity"

"Get married," replies the Rabbi.

"Is that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"Not really, but the desire will disappear."

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I once dated a girl with a twin.

People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was pretty simple, Rachel always painted her nails purple and Dave had a cock.

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I once dated a girl with a twin

People ask me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill colored her nails purple and bob had a cock

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A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts...
"I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you are?" A friend asks.

With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
"85 years old"

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I once dated a girl who had a twin.

I once dated a girl who had a twin.

People always asked me how I could tell them apart.

It was pretty simple, Rachel always painted her nails purple and Dave had a cock.

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I dated a twin once. People always asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple. Ashley painted her nails pink

And Michael had a Penis.

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Life is like a penis. Simple, relaxed and hanging around freely.

It's women who make it hard.

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Some people have 10 teeth, while others have 32

It's simple meth

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Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"

"It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."

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A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...

During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?

It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!

I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?

Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.

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What's the difference between Iron man and Iron women?

One is a super hero and the other is a simple comand.

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I caught my dad chewing pennies and spitting them out.

I said, "Dad, what the hell are you doing?"

He replied, "Im making us rich son"

"How?" I asked

"Simple", he said, "I'm making bit coins"

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Punctuality....

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

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A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man

... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."

The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."

The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."

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I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"...

...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"

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If I go through the trouble of making you breakfast in bed, all I ask for is a simple thank you.

Not all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.

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If I make you breakfast in bed, all I need is a simple thank you

Not all this "how the hell did you get in my house" and "I'm calling the cops" business

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A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.


His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?


Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."


His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.


"Well", he replied.  "I said I was 87!"

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68

A man urges his wife to try a new sex position - The . Curious, she asks about what romantic and exotic position her husband wants to try. "Well honey" he answers, "it's quite simple, you give me a blow job, and I owe you one"

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When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you would suffice,

Not this "Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?!" nonsense.

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What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?

Simple, you get stoned twice

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If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" would be nice...

...None of that "How did you get into my house?" business.

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I hate it when people get simple stuff wrong

I mean, it's not rocket surgery

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If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need...

Not all this, "How the fuck did you get in my house?!" nonsense.

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A 60 year old millionaire is getting married

A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception.

His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?

Simple, grins the millionaire, I faked my age."

His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.

"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"

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Whats the difference between Iron Man and iron woman?

One is a superhero the other is a simple instruction

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It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs

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I told a man I was voting third party

He said, "That's wasting your vote! Come on, gun to your head, who would you pick, Clinton or Trump"

"Simple," I replied, "I'd pick the bullet."

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A mathematician goes into an insane asylum

He approaches a group of gentleman and asks:

How much is 9 minus 3?
First guy answers: "Potato."
Nope. I'm afraid that is incorrect. Anybody else?
"Tuesday." Replies a second.
Wrong again.
"Six!" Answers a third.
Ah! Very good. Tell me how did you figure that out?
"Simple! I just multiplied Tuesday and Potato and subtracted 83.

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Most people have 32 teeth, some only have 5...

It's simple Meth really!

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Math made simple:

If you have $20 and your wife has $15, she has $35.

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When life gives you lemons...

... a simple surgery can give you melons.

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Dr visits an Indian Tribe

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

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The Horny Tribe

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

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What are the most funny Simple jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Simple? Well, here are the best Simple dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Simple pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes