Simon Says Jokes

18 simon says jokes and hilarious simon says puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about simon says that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Simon Says Short Jokes

Short simon says jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The simon says humour may include short confucius say jokes also.

  1. Why did Jesus change St Peter's name? Because otherwise everyone would listen to what Simon says, and not what Jesus says.
  2. A teacher asks a student Teacher: Now simon, tell me do you say your prayers before eating?
    Simon: No miss, I don't have to, my mom's a good cook.
  3. Hello everyone, and welcome to the first meeting of the simon says club! Please have a seat!
    \-sigh\- looks like we have some work to do
  4. People say musicians are gems I used to think Simon and Garfunkel were real gems,
    but then I about diamond and carbuncle.
  5. What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships? "Have a good one, son."

Share These Simon Says Jokes With Friends

Simon Says One Liners

Which simon says one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with simon says? I can suggest the ones about wise man say and sims.

  1. Teacher: Simon, can you say your name backwards? Simon replies: No Mis
  2. What did the pirate say to Simon and Garfunkel? ARRRRRR you going to scarborough fair?
  3. It doesn't matter what the bible says... It only matters what Simon says.
  4. Simon doesn't say... Chuck Norris says.
  5. I heard Simon say, "Turn to the next page."

Simon Says Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about simon says you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean roger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make simon says pranks.

Patty and Simon are walking home from the pub.

As they're walking past the bus depot Patty has a great idea.
In his thick Irish accent, patty says you know what? How bout we steal a bus and drive home
Aye says Simon. You go in and get one and I'll keep watch
After about 20 minutes Simon starts to wonder where Patty is so he goes in after him. When he finds him he asks what are ye doing?
To which Patty replies I'm looking for the No 57 bus. It goes right past our house!
Simon sighs are ya daft? Get the 43 bus and we'll walk from the round about

Two old Jews, sitting on a park bench ...

The one old guys says, "Simon, you just won the lottery! What are you going to do with all that money?"
Simon replies, "Well, I was thinking of going back to the old country and putting up a big statue in the town square."
"That sounds nice. A statue of whom?"
"I'm going to put up a big statue of Adolph h**...."
"WHAT?? Are you meshuggeneh!!?? He killed 6 million Jews!! Why on Earth would you put up a statue of h**...???"
"Oh, I owe everything to h**...! Look ... [rolls up his sleeve] ... he gave me the winning numbers!"

A woman on the way to her new job

A woman is in her car on the way to her new job at a mental hospital, when the car begins juddering, and she is forced to pull over. She is looking at the engine when a man comes up behind her and says "it's your fan belt, love", before he leans in, and has the car fixed withing seconds. "My god! Thank you so much, do you need a lift anywhere, I must repay you somehow." The man declines, and states that he is a patient at the hospital, and has been let out for a short walk. "I'm a new staff member there, I'm going to pull some strings and get you out, you are in a sound state of mind and you shouldn't be in there" says the woman. The man enthusiastically thanks her for her kindness as she gets back into the car. She is just pulling away when a house brick hurtles through the rear window and smashes her across the face and setting off the airbag. In her stunned state she hears through the shattered glass: "Simon Wright is the name, you won't forget now will you!?".