Similarity Jokes
144 similarity jokes and hilarious similarity puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about similarity that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Similarity Short Jokes
Short similarity jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The similarity humour may include short analogy jokes also.
- CSI Alabama was a failure . . . . . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
- Why are the twin towers and genders so similar? Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
- I accidentally referred to my wife as my girlfriend today Their names aren't even that similar
- What's the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies? Both mean you won't be seeing a period for a little while.
- The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is ......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
- Racism and nickelback are very similar It's fun to joke about them, but you never wanna see them live.
- The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza. Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
- What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal? They both die when dissected
- Why are stoners and prime numbers so similar? The higher they are, the more spaced out they become
- Some people think vasectomies and castration are similar procedures but there's a vas deferens between the two.
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Similarity One Liners
Which similarity one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with similarity? I can suggest the ones about comparison and likewise.
- How are a grenade and a wife similar? If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone
- Jesus and floppy discs are very similar They both died to become the image of saving
- What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes? Americans don't get them.
- What's the similarity between 6th Sense and Titanic? Icy dead people.
- My girlfriend and i are quite similar They're both imaginary
- How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar? Total internal reflection.
- What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison? They both turn "o" into "O".
- Why is dark humour, and food so similar? Because not everyone gets it.
- How are Bill Cosby and Santa Claus similar They both only come when your sleeping
- Skyrim guards and Pornhub share a similar rule No Loli Gagging
- What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet? They're both off and running.
- How are teenage boys and the enzyme helicase similar? They both want to unzip your genes
- Whats the similarity between dark jokes and children with cancer They never get old
- Similarity between a feminist and a gun? They are both loud when triggered.
- How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar? Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.
Comedy Similarity Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about similarity you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean correlation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make similarity pranks.
What is the similarity between women and square roots?
If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
Abortion - it really brings out the child in you.
Anyone got any similar puns?
Also:
- 9/11 jokes are just plane rude.
What is the similarity between tornadoes and divorces in Kentucky?
... either way, someone is losing a trailer.
Similarities and differences between the Canadian and Chinese constitution.
Both have freedom of speech but only one has freedom after speech.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?
Both leave you waiting for the drop.
There was one similarity between Lincoln and Kennedy's assassination that everyone overlooked...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe
What's the similarity between a bad postman and an eviction notice
There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail
What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?
They don't work out.
How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?
If it ends up on your wall, you're probably r**....
Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...
... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.
The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."
The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.
The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."
They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."
The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"
Is it true that there was free speech in the Soviet Union and the US?
Yes, in principle. In the US, you can stand in front of the White House and shout, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished. Similarly, in the Soviet Union, you can stand in the Red Square and shout, "Down with Reagan!", and you will not be punished.
How are Michael Jackson and Starfish Tuna similar?
They both come in little cans.
There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy...
Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846.
JFK was elected into Congress in 1946.
Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
JFK was elected President in 1960.
Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy.
Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln.
A week before he died, Lincoln was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before he died, Kennedy was in Marilyn Monroe.
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Credit goes to the play: The Complete History of America: Abridged
What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head?
You don't want to look down.
How are women and tsunamis similar?
At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.
I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread
It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier
What's the similarity between a blonde and a tornado?
In the beginning there's a lot of s**... and blowing but then she takes half your house
What's the similarities between Las Vegas and Manchester?
You can pay for the prostitutes using chips
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
My cat and my paraplegic stepdad are so similar.
Neither like being tossed in the neighbor's pool.
You might think a man's anatomy is quite similar to a woman's....
But there's a vas deferens.
Whats a similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist?
They both smell it, but they can't eat it.
What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?
They both take away the coffin.
My s**... life and gaming life are pretty similar.
I play a lot of single player.
Computers and taxis are surprisingly similar.
They both c**... when the drivers stop working.
What's the similarity between a marriage and a tornado?
At the start there's lots of s**... and blowing but in the end you lose your house.
What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?
They both like to crack open a cold one
On second thoughts, Jared Fogle and Subway are pretty similar.
I mean, both stick 38 year old meat into 10 year old buns.
Chewing and eating are very similar things.
But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.
How is a marriage similar to a deck of cards?
Starting off with 2 hearts and a diamond seems great but by the end all you want is a club and a s**....
What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?
They both let me stick it in only one place.
What's the similarity between Nike and the k**...?
They both make black men run faster.
Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar?
You're s**... if the rubber breaks.
What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?
They both fear the wurst
superheros and religion are alot more similar than you think
Just a bunch people arguing whose fictional character is the best.
How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?
If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.
A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.
They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.
The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."
The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"
Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"
LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...
..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named
Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith
Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named
Freddy "f**...-you-this-isn't-a-phase" Smith
So a 70ish year old grandpa randomly walked up to me in the gym and laid this one on me:
What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?
You skip them both.
How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand?
Either way, you're likely to blow a t**...
What's the similarity between a dead h**... and a cat?
They both have nein lives.
What is the similarity between a tornado in Alabama, and a divorce in Alabama?
No matter how you look at it, somebody is losing a trailer.
How are Computers and Air Conditioners similar?
They both stop working when you open windows.
Isn't it funny how anti-vaxxer's children....
Always seem to get what their parents deserve?
I believe I made this up but I'm posting here to see if anyone else has heard anything similar.
How are a woman and a tornado similar?
They start off s**... and blowing but then in the end you lose your house.
What's the similarities between princess Diana and Pink Floyd?
Their last big hit was the wall
What's the similarity between DNA and diarrhea?
They both run in the genes.
What's the similarity between Kodak and condoms?
They are both there to catch those special moments.
What's the similarity between s**... and broccoli?
Even with butter, children will still not like them
Why is bungee jumping, and a p**... similar?
You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!
The similarities between alcohol and girls...
... Both have the quality of giving pleasure at night and headache in the morning.
What are the similarities between the Twin Towers and Genders?
There used to only be two, now it's a really touchy subject
How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?
They're both flying information.
How is a hand grenade and your wife similar?
Take off the ring, and you lose your house and car.
What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident?
a wrecked angle
(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)
What is similar between dark humour and a child with terminal cancer?
It never gets old.
A teacher enters a class room for the first time.
he notices that two of the guys sitting together looks similar to each other.The teacher curiously asks them
Teacher :Are you guys twins?
Guys:No sir, we are neighbors.
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician goes hunting.
The physicist sees a deer and calculates a trajectory in a vacuum and pulls the trigger.
The bullet falls short.
The engineer, seeing this, adds in some fudge and calculates high, overshooting the deer by a similar amount.
The statistician exclaims, "We got it!"
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"