The Best 92 Similar Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Similar jokes. There are some similar similarities jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these similar resemblance puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Similar Jokes and Puns
CSI Alabama was a failure . . .
. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
What's the similarity between free healthcare and good jokes?
Americans don't get them.
What is the similarity between women and square roots?
If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
What is the similarity between tornadoes and divorces in Kentucky?
... either way, someone is losing a trailer.
What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?
They're both off and running.
How is a pedophile similar to a tortoise?
They both want to get there before the hare.
An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
How are bad dubstep and constipation similar?
Both leave you waiting for the drop.
There was one similarity between Lincoln and Kennedy's assassination that everyone overlooked...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe
What's the similarity between a bad postman and an eviction notice
There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail
You can explore similar like reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean similar differ dad jokes. There are also similar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?
They don't work out.
How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?
If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.
What's the similarity between 6th Sense and Titanic?
Icy dead people.
What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head?
You don't want to look down.
How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?
Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.
How are women and tsunamis similar?
At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.
I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread
It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
You might think a man's anatomy is quite similar to a woman's....
But there's a vas deferens.
What is the similarity between a cough syrup and an undertaker?
They both take away the coffin.
How is a meditating monk and a fiber-optic cable similar?
Total internal reflection.
My sex life and gaming life are pretty similar.
I play a lot of single player.
How are Bill Cosby and Santa Claus similar
They both only come when your sleeping
The only similarity between Bernie Sanders's speeches and Hillary's speeches is
......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
Jesus and floppy discs are very similar
They both died to become the image of saving
What's the similarity between a marriage and a tornado?
At the start there's lots of sucking and blowing but in the end you lose your house.
What is similar about a necrophiliac and an alcoholic?
They both like to crack open a cold one
Why are the twin towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
On second thoughts, Jared Fogle and Subway are pretty similar.
I mean, both stick 38 year old meat into 10 year old buns.
Some people think vasectomies and castration are similar procedures
but there's a vas deferens between the two.
What's the similarity between iPhone 7 and my girlfriend?
They both let me stick it in only one place.
Similarity between a feminist and a gun?
They are both loud when triggered.
What's the similarity between Nike and the KKK?
They both make black men run faster.
What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?
They both fear the wurst
How are a grenade and a wife similar?
If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone
How are a grenade and a girlfriend similar?
If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.
My girlfriend and i are quite similar
They're both imaginary
A statistician, a mathematician, and a biologist are standing outside a house.
They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.
The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."
The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"
Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"
What is the similarity between Caps Lock and prison?
They both turn "o" into "O".
How is driving a Ford truck similar to visiting Thailand?
Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny
What's the similarity between a dead Hitler and a cat?
They both have nein lives.
Racism and Nickelback are very similar
It's fun to joke about them, but you never wanna see them live.
What is the similarity between a tornado in Alabama, and a divorce in Alabama?
No matter how you look at it, somebody is losing a trailer.
How are a woman and a tornado similar?
They start off sucking and blowing but then in the end you lose your house.
What's the similarity between a joke and a small, cute, furry mammal?
They both die when dissected
Why are stoners and prime numbers so similar?
The higher they are, the more spaced out they become
How are teenage boys and the enzyme helicase similar?
They both want to unzip your genes
Why is dark humour, and food so similar?
Because not everyone gets it.
What's the similarity between sodomy and broccoli?
Even with butter, children will still not like them
Why is bungee jumping, and a prostitute similar?
You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!
The similarities between alcohol and girls...
... Both have the quality of giving pleasure at night and headache in the morning.
What are the similarities between the Twin Towers and Genders?
There used to only be two, now it's a really touchy subject
I accidentally referred to my wife as my girlfriend today
Their names aren't even that similar
How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?
They're both flying information.
How is a hand grenade and your wife similar?
Take off the ring, and you lose your house and car.
What do you get when two different pairs of similar angles get in a car accident?
a wrecked angle
(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)
A teacher enters a class room for the first time.
he notices that two of the guys sitting together looks similar to each other.The teacher curiously asks them
Teacher :Are you guys twins?
Guys:No sir, we are neighbors.
What's the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies?
Both mean you won't be seeing a period for a little while.
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
Two men on a train both have black eyes.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."
Skyrim guards and Pornhub share a similar rule
No Loli Gagging
Have you ever heard of the Greek hero Bophades?
He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.
3 men go to a hotel late at night
Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.
The morning after...
Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a handjob!
Man on the right: whoa, what a coincidence... I had a similar dream but with a red head!
Man in the middle: That doesn't even touch the dream that I had! I was a professional skier!
The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.
Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
What's the similarity between Hitler and an asthma patient?
Neither of them can finish a race.
What is similar about coronavirus and sex?
Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either
The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought
The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.
Girlfriends and fishing are similar
There are many fish in the sea, but till you hook one, you're just holding your rod.
How are marriage and a hurricane similar?
In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.
What's similar between a pregnant 15 year old girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking; "oh shit my mom's gonna kill me"
What is the similarity between a communist and an IT technician?
They both believe restarting it might work.
How are toy trains similar to boobs?
Both are made for kids but dad is the one who gets the most out of them
Why Do Most Diamonds Look So Similar?
They're all just carbon copies of each other.
An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.
The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"
The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"
The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"
He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them aflame. "Special, just for you."
The American frowns, "What the hell is this?"
"I call it a 9/11."
*This is a joke my pal from Kerry told me, all credit to him.*
A decapitated head fell on me today. It looks really similar to mine. I immediately started screaming.
I may have gotten a head of myself.
What's the similarity between a grenade and a wife?
You pull off the ring and then your house is gone
What's the similarity between a woman living in Saudi Arabia and Amsterdam?
They both get stoned after sex.
People say the testicles and the ovaries are very similar
But there is a vas deferens between them.
I was trying to think of past Republicans similar to Marjorie Taylor Greene
But they just Palin comparison.
Similarity between a beer and a penalty?
The English can easily swallow 3 of them in a few minutes.
What are the similarities between Twin Towers and genders?
At first there were two of them... and now I can't joke about this, guys.
Dune's House Atreides doesn't have any technology similar to voicemail
They don't need it, because there is no call they do not answer.
My wife asked me if I had heard that female dolphins have clitorises that are very similar to humans.
I asked her why she was telling me this.
She replied, "Do you think God did that on porpoise?"
What's the similarity between a Poker player and a Butcher?
At some point, both will raise the steaks
What is the similarity between Julius Caesar and Tifa Lockhart?
Both of them were witnessed getting impaled in the Italian senate...
How are optometrist jokes like dad jokes?
Pretty similar. Just a little cornea.
Its funny how men and women both want to make their chest look bigger and that they're both just one similar search away from doing so ..
men look for pull up bars and women search for push up bras
How similar are dad jokes to uncle jokes?
Well, they're related.
What is the similarity between a small gangster and a board used to talk to the dead?
They are both wee g's
What's the similarity between a hand grenade and a wife?
If you remove the ring, the house is gone
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the similar funny jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working similar outdated piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.