. . . all of the DNA is too similar and there are no dental records.
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
Their names aren't even that similar
Some people don't get it.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."
If you pull the ring off it, the house is gone
They both died to become the image of saving
They both make black men run faster.
I play a lot of single player.
Americans don't get them.
Both mean you won't be seeing a period for a little while.
Icy dead people.
......both inspire you to vote against Hillary.
It's fun to joke about them, but you never wanna see them live.
They're both imaginary
Now they'll have the time as well as the inclination.
Total internal reflection.
They both die when dissected
The higher they are, the more spaced out they become
but there's a vas deferens between the two.
They both have nein lives.
They both turn "o" into "O".
They're both flying information.
He was one of the heroes who fought in the Trojan War. His story is similar to the story of Achilles. When he was a child, his mother held him by the groin and dipped him in the river Styx, as to make him invincible in battle. However, just like Achilles, he had a weak spot. Because his mother held him by the groin, this was where he became vulnerable. In the case of Achilles, this was his heel. So you may have heard of Achilles' heel, or the Achilles' tendon, but I bet you have never heard of Bophades nuts.
They both fear the wurst
Neither of them can finish a race.
No matter how you look at it, somebody is losing a trailer.
But there's a vas deferens.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
Because not everyone gets it.
They both only come when your sleeping
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".
If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.
They both take away the coffin.
They watch two people walk in. A couple hours later, they watch three people walk out.
The statistician considers the problem for a moment, then thinks to himself: "Oh, we must have miscounted."
The biologist, naturally, goes through a similar moment of introspection before deciding, "Ah, they must have reproduced!"
Meanwhile, the mathematician arrived at the solution almost immediately: "If one person goes back into the house, it will be completely empty!"
No Loli Gagging
They start off sucking and blowing but then in the end you lose your house.
You pay money for some quick fun and if he rubber breaks, you're dead!
They don't work out.
during her bedtime prayer she said, "bless Mommy, bless Daddy, goodbye Grandpa." The father found that to be a little weird, but the following day the little girl's grandfather passed away.
The next night at bedtime her prayer was was similar, "bless Mommy, bless Daddy, goodbye Grandma." Sure enough the following day, the little girl's grandma passed away.
The following night at bedtime the daughter gave the most terrifying prayer yet, "bless Mommy, bless my brother, goodbye Daddy." That night the father did not get one bit of sleep, and the following day he made every effort possible to be as careful as he could. Thankfully he made it through the day just fine. Arriving home he told his wife what a terrible day he had to which she interrupted him with, "Oh, you think you've had a horrible day? The milkman dropped dead on the front porch this morning!"
They both like to crack open a cold one
If they're good ones, they'll both blow really well.
Two dogs are in the vet office, waiting to be seen. The first dog turns to the one to his left and asks, "what are you in for?"
The other dog looks at him sadly and says, "our neighbors got a really smoking hot poodle, so I jumped the fence and did her right then and there. I'm here to get neutered."
The first dog sighs and says, "yeah, I'm here for a similar situation. My owner has a really hot girlfriend. She had just gotten out of the shower, and I just couldn't help myself. I plowed her good."
"So you're getting neutered too?"
"Nah, I'm here to get my nails clipped."
It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier
Take off the ring, and you lose your house and car.
A dog walks into the vet's office and he meets another dog. This other dog looks petrified. The first dog says, "Hey pal, what's the matter?"
The second dog says, "I can't stop humping things. I hump the sofa. I hump the pillows. I can't help myself. The final straw came when I humped a guest's leg. I'm here to get neutered."
The first dog says, "I have a similar problem. The other night my master's wife was wearing a short robe and when she bent over to take her slippers off, I mounted her and started humping her."
The second dog frowns and says, "I guess you're here to get neutered too."
The first dog winks and says, "Nah, just getting my nails clipped."
a wrecked angle
(This took me one 20 minute shower to think out)
They're both off and running.
... either way, someone is losing a trailer.
At the start there's lots of sucking and blowing but in the end you lose your house.
They both let me stick it in only one place.
You don't want to look down.
Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.
The morning after...
Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a handjob!
Man on the right: whoa, what a coincidence... I had a similar dream but with a red head!
Man in the middle: That doesn't even touch the dream that I had! I was a professional skier!
There's nothing worse than the day they come in the mail
They both want to unzip your genes
There used to only be two, now it's a really touchy subject
...a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece. The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Spaniard said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".
The following year the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said; "You see that bridge over there?" The Spaniard replied; "No."
At first things are wet and intense, then you lose your house.
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with the money from the collection plate.
The priest says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God; whatever lands outside the circle, he keeps.
The minister explains that he has a very similar method: He draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands outside the circle he gives to God, whereas whatever lands inside the circle he keeps.
I, too, have a system, the rabbi says. I throw the money up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps!
Especially given recent events, it's important to be able to understand how to read a politician. Every politician has similar tells, you see...
When a politician rubs their nose, they're telling the truth.
When a politician scratches their chin, they're telling the truth.
When a politician strokes their beard, they're telling the truth.
When a politician loosens their tie, they're telling the truth.
When a politician scratches their ear, they're telling the truth.
But when a politician opens their mouth, that's when you know they're lying.
I mean, both stick 38 year old meat into 10 year old buns.
They are both loud when triggered.
Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.
An American gentleman arranged a liaison with a Japanese lady. As they were indulging in sexual intercourse, she repeatedly shouted a Japanese word which he did not understand but took to mean "Wonderful" or something similar which increased his ardor, his efforts with the lady, and his enjoyment, as well as her apparent enjoyment because she kept shouting that word.
The next day, he played golf with some Japanese business associates and hit a hole in one. In elation, he shouted out the same word his poule de nuit had been shouting the night before. One of the Japanese gentlemen present, perplexed, asked, "What do you mean "'wrong hole'"?
Even with butter, children will still not like them
If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head.
Either way, you're likely to blow a tranny
They both want to get there before the hare.
he notices that two of the guys sitting together looks similar to each other.The teacher curiously asks them
Teacher :Are you guys twins?
Guys:No sir, we are neighbors.
A man knocks on his neighbor's door:
"Hi. I noticed you painted your bedroom last month and since we have a similar house, I thought I'd ask you how many cans of paint you bought."
"Sure thing! We bought seven cans"
"Awesome, thanks!"
A few days later, the man knocks on his neighbor's door again, looking a bit ticked.
"Hello again, what's up?"
"Well, the other day, you told me you bought seven cans of paint for your bedroom, right?"
"Right"
"Well, the whole room is painted and we have three cans left".
"Oh, you too?"
The minister says: "I draw a circle on the ground and throw the money in the air and whatever lands inside the circle I keep for myself and whatever lands outside I give to the Lord."
The priest says: "I have a similar process but when I draw my circle and throw my money I keep whatever lands outside the circle and give what lands inside to the Lord."
The rabbi says: " I throw the money in the air and whatever God wants, he takes!"
... Both have the quality of giving pleasure at night and headache in the morning.
Both leave you waiting for the drop.
See, Bophades had a story very similar to that of Achilles. Like Achilles, he was bathed in the River Styx as a child. The Styx, like Achilles gave Bophades near invulnerability. However, unlike Achilles, who was vulnerable in the heel, Bophades was vulnerable in the groin. You know how you've heard of "Achilles' heel"? Well now you've got to see "Bophades' nuts".
But getting chewed out and getting eaten out are very different.
It never gets old.
They both come in little cans.
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe
They both crash when the drivers stop working.
They are both there to catch those special moments.
They both remove polish
Their last big hit was the wall
When you ask them to speak they will, but it doesn't mean anything.
You're screwed if the rubber breaks.
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