Silly Jokes
133 silly jokes and hilarious silly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about silly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these silly and goofy jokes for kids and adults alike. From funny one-liners to meaningless and childish humor, this article has something for everyone. Find hilarious material that's suitable for work or for five year olds. Get ready to guffaw and smile!
Funniest Silly Short Jokes
Short silly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The silly humour may include short foolish jokes also.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to orange.
- My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
- I used to be scared of pretty girls, So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
- Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom." Husband: (trying to be playful) "Next time take the car, silly."
- My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will bully him because of his name... I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
- My wife bet me that I wouldn't dare give our daughter a silly name. So I decided to call her Bluff.
- Will you get mad? Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?*
Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?*
Wife: *No, silly. Of course not*
Husband: *I slept with your sister* - My wife thinks I play favourites with my kids. That's just silly. I love Eric and Not Eric equally.
- i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it's destination? projectile dysfunction
- I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper "Don`t be silly", she replied, "you can borrow my ipad".
That fly never knew what hit it.
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Silly One Liners
Which silly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with silly? I can suggest the ones about ridiculous and nonsense.
- Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?" Me: "On the way here, silly."
- What borders on silly? México & Canada
- Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch.
- I have two kids, five and seven Silly names I know.
- Some people say Canadian province names are silly. Personally, I'll have Nunavut.
- What do you call an Ox with a gluten allergy? A silly-yak.
- How do you measure how funny an electrical engineer is? You use an o-silly-scope!
- I saw a bird telling jokes by the pond It was a silly goose
- Did you hear about the anti-gluten movement. It's a silly act.
- I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.
- What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously? Silly-con!
- What the absolute value of o? You can't absolute value letters silly. lol
- Somebody told me that today literally adds up But that's silly, 8+8 =/= 2016
- From the perspective of a magician: Silly kids, rabbits are for tricks!
- What's the convention for big-breasted female clowns? Silly-Con
Silly Billy Jokes
Here is a list of funny silly billy jokes and even better silly billy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Silly Billy went in a library and said, " I would like to have a pizza." Librarian - " Sir, this is a library."
Billy goes near his ear
and whispers - " I would like to have a pizza." - why did silly Billy tip toe passed the medicine cabinet? Because he didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
- Why did silly Billy put his bed by the fireplace? Cuz he wanted to sleep like a log.
Silly Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny silly kid jokes and even better silly kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does Elmer Fudd only let Bug's Bunny eat snickers bars? Because silly wabbit, twix are for kids!
Uproarious Silly Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about silly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goofy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make silly pranks.
I never remember silly things
A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.
One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.
Really? ,
one of the men said, what's it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, what are those good smelling flowers called again?
Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.
Yes that's it, he exclaimed.
Looking over at his wife he said, Rose what's that restaurant we went to the other night?
Considerate.
*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".
Silly Drunks.
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.
"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."
How do we know Iran doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?
You can't destroy mass, silly.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What car brands mean
Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
Pontiac-Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
Fiat- Fix It Again Tony
Chevrolet-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Nissan-Needless Innovations, Silly, s**..., Automotive Nonsense
GM-Gluteus Maximus
GMC-God's Mechanical Curse
LTD-Long, Thin Dumpster
Oldsmobile-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When my wife told me she was going to give me some mental o**... s**..., I thought it was going to be silly.....
....but she actually blew my mind!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
When your sitting in a Chevy and you feel something heavy
Anybody know any silly diarrhea rhymes?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The City Slicker and The Farmer
**City Slicker:** There sure are a lot of flies around here. Don't you ever shoo them?
**Farmer:** No. we just let them go barefoot.
****
^*From ^the ^epic ^fantasy ^adventure ^novel ^Silly ^Summertime ^Jokes*
"What Did?" by Shel Silverstein
What did the carrot say to the wheat?
'Lettuce' rest, I'm feeling 'beet.'
What did the paper say to the pen?
I feel quite all 'write,' my friend.
What did the teapot say to the chalk?
Nothing, you silly . . . teapots can't talk!
I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.
I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.
.
.
.
.
I'll see myself out.
Wake-up Call
After a long night of making love, this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man holding a shotgun on the nightstand. Naturally, he began to worry.
Is this your husband? he asked nervously.
No, silly, she said while nibbling away at his ear.
Well, who IS he then? demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, That's me . . . before the surgery
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a New-Zealander it always annoys me when people think we all have s**... with Sheep.
Silly people should know by now, it's also goats, horses, cows, basically anything with a hole...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two h**... got married.
On their wedding night, the h**... groom admitted that he was a v**... and didn't really know what to do.
The h**... bride, who was much experienced, just giggled and said, "Silly, you just take that thing you play with and put it where I pee." So he got up, grabbed his banjo and threw it in the sink.
my doctor told me to count sheep
I was having trouble sleeping so I finally decided to see a doctor. He asked me some questions and then eventually came to a conclusion. "I know this may sound silly, but try counting sheep to help you fall asleep." he said. Well I don't know what this doctor was thinking because I have been up for 37 hours straight and still haven't found a single sheep...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pretty teacher was concerned with
one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love." the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a c**...!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I Went To The Patent Office.
I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She s**... and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My gf is one of those people who ruin films by asking silly questions when you're trying to concentrate...
Last night we were watching *Schindler's List* when she leant over and whispered in my ear "why are you fapping?"
By the year 2020, the word "Silly" will be considered Harmful.
It will be replaced by "Seriously Challenged."
I think my girlfriend is breaking up with me for playing too much videogames..
She says its "just cause" but either way I think its a pretty silly thing to fallout 4..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Silly Grandad
Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"
A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.
The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Don't be silly, I'm not objectifying women.
I'm not s**... attracted to objects.
Why do people with a gluten allergy usually make for pretty funny comedians?
Because they always have silly acts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...
..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named
Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith
Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named
Freddy "f**...-you-this-isn't-a-phase" Smith
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work.
No... I meant take your hats off. You look s**....
My girlfriend and I were about to go for a late night walk.
Her dad said, "Don't forget to wrap up."
I said, "Don't be silly, she's on the pill."
When i was 5 i thought the rain was god peeing
How silly childish ideas can be...thinking god exists
My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...
She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"
I was telling my wife about how diabetes runs in my family.
She told me, "Don't be silly, nobody runs in your family."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is on a blind date with a girl named Marie and things heat up a little...
He asks her, "Would you object to s**...?"
Marie tells him, a little embarrassed, "That's something I've never done."
With this he says, "Really? I've never had s**... with a v**...."
Marie replies, "No, silly! I never object."
A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell
She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife told me I only hear what I want to hear
I replied don't be silly, of course I'll take a b**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the baker have smelly fingers?
Because he kneaded a p**....
(This is my favourite silly joke, sorry if it's a repost)
A married couple was eating at a restaurant
when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.
"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about Reese whatever-her-name-is stabbing herself?
Person 2: Witherspoon?
Me: No with a knife silly.
What is a horse's favourite italian dish?
Spaghetti bologneighs.
Don't ask, my brain comes up with silly things ._.
I can't decide what to buy for my farm?
Farmer Giles: I can't decide whether to buy a cow or a bicycle for my farm?
Farmer Miles: You'd look pretty silly riding a cow.
Farmer Giles: I'd look even sillier milking a bicycle!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't paraplegics cook Chinese food?
Because they can't "wok."
Note: May be cheesy and offensive, but I coined this joke when humor could be silly and irreverent, and y'all were begging for non-reposts.
I don't go on and on about how I can't roller skate
But apparently the whole world needs to know about how this w**... in the river can't swim.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...
My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"
"Install the latest version of the Java Runtime Environment", I said. Silly guy, now he's all confused. People these days... SMH.
Cheese
Frenchman: I know how the man died. It was death by fromage, right?
American: No silly, not from age, from cheese.
When I offer to rub on your back in the shower..
..a simple "yes" or "no" answer would suffice.
But please, don't start asking all those silly questions like "who are you?" and "how did you get in my house?"
There are a lot of silly jokes about blondes. And a lot of them are indeed very silly.
The rest are hard to get.
Her: "Babe, why are you sad?"
Him: "I just found out the world is flat"
Her: "No it's not silly"
Him: "You're my world"
I bet a lady I met in the bar I could tell where she was born by reading her palm.
After looking over her hand and asking silly questions for a minute I told her my answer, a hospital!
Who is he?
After returning home from their honeymoon, the husband notices a photo of a man on his new wife's bedside table.
At first, he really doesn't give it much thought. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask her about it.
"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no," she answers.
"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Mommy, can we humans s**... the light?"
"Of course not, silly!"
"Then why daddy told my babysitter yesterday: *"Turn the light off and s**... it"*?"
A man and a women are in Hawaii on their honeymoon
They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".
The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".
The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii".
The woman was elated to hear that she was correct and thanks the local for his help.
He responds, "You're Velcome".
A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar
she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.
"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."
So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"
"Really? What did you do?"
"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"
My wife and I broke up
Looking back it just seems silly. We broke up because of our dream vacations of all things.
I always dreamed of going on an Alaskan cruise, whereas she always dreamed of sleeping with my best friend.
In the spirit of compromise I surprised her by suggesting we try both.
The biggest surprise, though, was that we each enjoyed the other's suggestion more.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I'm leaving you!..."
I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
But honey, what about our child?
What child?!
Oh, so you're not pregnant?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some m**....
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Use contraceptives kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The result of a silly mistake...
Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me!
The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.
At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said "I'm anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That's my wife's mother over there." "Don't be silly," said the wicketkeeper. "You'll never hit her at 200 hundred yards."
A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.
I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"
She said "6"
I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"
She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."
A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke
Dog: Tell me a joke
Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog
Dog: Oh, go on
Man: You're a dog, you won't understand
Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese
Man: OK. Knock Knock
Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….
A boy and girl are playing in a swimming pool...
The boy says to the girl... I'm going to duck you!
The girl laughs and says... don't be silly you can't even say it properly
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People have silly hang ups about their personal appearance.
I worry that one of my b**... is bigger than the other two.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Silly Russian joke
Flight attendant is making an announcement:
*-Is there an anesthesiologist on board?*
Some bloke says:
*-I am anesthesiologist!*
The flight attended tells him to come to seat 12A. He comes to the seat 12A and there is another bloke pouring v**... into plastic cups. He says:
*-Hey, mate. I am a surgeon. Not used to drinking without my anesthesiologist.*
Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.
Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.
Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First I was shocked when my wife gave Birth to a black kid.
Then I thought that "Birth" was a silly name for a budgie anyway.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Cow!
Cow who?
A cow says moo, silly.
(my 5 year old daughter made me submit this... )
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A clergyman was walking and saw a farmer loading hay and struggling with the work.
"you look tired son,take a rest" he said.
No,my father would hate that" he replied
"Don't be silly, everyone needs a break sometimes. Come take some cold water" the clergyman replies.
Again the farmer declined. This continues for about two minutes, until the clergyman says "your father must be a s**... driver. Tell me where he is so I can give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well", says the farmer," he's under the hay"
A private asks his commanding officer for a few days leave.
The private explains that his wife is going to have a baby. The commanding officer is very supportive, and approves the request.
The next week when the private returns the commanding officer asks, "So private, was it a boy or a girl."
"Don't be silly, sir," says the private. "It takes *months*!"
