The Best 77 Silly Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Silly jokes. There are some silly senseless jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these silly funny puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Silly Jokes and Puns

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.

But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

I never remember silly things

A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.

One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.

Really? ,

one of the men said, what's it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, what are those good smelling flowers called again?

Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.

Yes that's it, he exclaimed.

Looking over at his wife he said, Rose what's that restaurant we went to the other night?

Considerate.

*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*

Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"

Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".

Silly joke, Considerate.

Silly Drunks.

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.

"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."

You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."


How do we know Iran doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?

You can't destroy mass, silly.

I asked my husband for the newspaper. "Don't be silly," he said. "Use my iPad."

That spider never knew what hit it.

Silly joke, I asked my husband for the newspaper. "Don't be silly," he said. "Use my iPad."

When my wife told me she was going to give me some mental oral sex, I thought it was going to be silly.....

....but she actually blew my mind!

I asked my gf to get the paper for me...

...She said "Don't be silly, borrow my iPad". That spider never knew what hit it.

Are you a VIRGIN?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.

After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Joe was amazed!

"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

car trouble

Wife: There's trouble with the car. I think it has water in the carburettor.

Husband: Water in the carburettor? That's plain daft.

Wife: I'm telling you the car has water in the carburettor.

Husband: Don't be silly, You don't even know what a carburettor is. how would you know there is water in the carburettor? "

Wife: darling, I figured there would be some water in the carburetor if the car is in the swimming pool."

You can explore silly goofy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean silly daft dad jokes. There are also silly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Newspaper and IPAD

I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. "Don't be silly", she replied. "Borrow my iPad." .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it.

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.

I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.

.

.

.

.

I'll see myself out.

I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper

"Don`t be silly", she replied, "you can borrow my ipad".

That fly never knew what hit it.

Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.

"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"

"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."

"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

and the kid got kicked out of class...

Student: Teacher, can I get in trouble for something I didnt do?
Teacher: of course not, John. That would be silly.
Student: Okay good, because I didn't do my homework!

Silly joke, and the kid got kicked out of class...

Two hillbillies got married.

On their wedding night, the hillbilly groom admitted that he was a virgin and didn't really know what to do.

The hillbilly bride, who was much experienced, just giggled and said, "Silly, you just take that thing you play with and put it where I pee." So he got up, grabbed his banjo and threw it in the sink.

Will you get mad?

Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?*

Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?*

Wife: *No, silly. Of course not*

Husband: *I slept with your sister*

Three blondes are out on a hike...

when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train


The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love." the boy replied.

Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"

"With you!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

I Went To The Patent Office.

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.

I said, "A folding bottle."

She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"

"A Fottle."

"What else do you have?"

"A folding carton."

"What do you call it?"

"A Farton."

She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."

I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

By the year 2020, the word "Silly" will be considered Harmful.

It will be replaced by "Seriously Challenged."

Silly Grandad

Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called intercourse and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Don't be silly, I'm not objectifying women.

I'm not sexually attracted to objects.

How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.

I have two kids, five and seven

Silly names I know.

I used to be scared of pretty girls,

So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.

I asked my wife for the newspaper

I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."

"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."

The spider didn't see that coming.

I asked a blonde, "How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

She answered, "Two. But they can't fit inside a light bulb to screw in it, silly."

My girlfriend broke up with me for gaming too much...

What a silly thing to Fallout 4.

LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...

..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named

Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith

Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named

Freddy "Fuck-you-this-isn't-a-phase" Smith

Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work.

No... I meant take your hats off. You look stupid.

What borders on silly?

MΓ©xico & Canada

My wife always asks me: if she dies, will I remarry? And I say don't be silly honey...

I never make the same mistake twice.

When i was 5 i thought the rain was god peeing

How silly childish ideas can be...thinking god exists

My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?"

I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."

A gorgeous blonde is stranded on an island...

Two cannibals, father and son, find her.
The son says to the father: Wow dad! She is beautiful! Are we going to eat her?
To which the father replies: No son. Don't be silly, we're keeping her. We're eating your mother.

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"

Some people say Canadian province names are silly.

Personally, I'll have Nunavut.

I was telling my wife about how diabetes runs in my family.

She told me, "Don't be silly, nobody runs in your family."

My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will bully him because of his name...

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"

A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.

She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"

"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

My wife told me I only hear what I want to hear

I replied don't be silly, of course I'll take a blow job

My wife thinks I play favourites with my kids.

That's just silly. I love Eric and Not Eric equally.

They say inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get out.

But that's silly. Surely the skinny people aren't still alive after they eat them.

My mum didn't think I'd give our daughter a silly name...

... but I called her Bluff.

What's the difference between a funny Dutch man and a tube?

one is a hollow cylinder while the other is a silly hollander.

I can't decide what to buy for my farm?

Farmer Giles: I can't decide whether to buy a cow or a bicycle for my farm?

Farmer Miles: You'd look pretty silly riding a cow.

Farmer Giles: I'd look even sillier milking a bicycle!

Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom."

Husband: (trying to be playful) "Next time take the car, silly."

What's the difference between a straw and a Dutch comedian?

One is a hollow cylinder, the other is a silly Hollander.
I'll see myself out.

Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...

My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe

A man and a women are in Hawaii on their honeymoon

They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".

The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".

The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii".

The woman was elated to hear that she was correct and thanks the local for his help.

He responds, "You're Velcome".

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.

"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."

So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"

"Really? What did you do?"

"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

"I'm leaving you!..."

I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!

But honey, what about our child?

What child?!

Oh, so you're not pregnant?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Use contraceptives kids.

I met this little boy today who told me he is starting at a new school tomorrow and was afraid that the other kids would bully him.

I told him, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize. Why would anyone pick on you?"

Why can't Usain Bolt listen to music when he's running?

Because the silly fool keeps breaking the records.

A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke

Dog: Tell me a joke

Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog

Dog: Oh, go on

Man: You're a dog, you won't understand

Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese

Man: OK. Knock Knock

Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Cow!

Cow who?

A cow says moo, silly.

(my 5 year old daughter made me submit this... )

Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?"

Me: "On the way here, silly."

Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?

Cause then it would be a foot silly

A private asks his commanding officer for a few days leave.

The private explains that his wife is going to have a baby. The commanding officer is very supportive, and approves the request.

The next week when the private returns the commanding officer asks, "So private, was it a boy or a girl."

"Don't be silly, sir," says the private. "It takes *months*!"

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...

So I called her Bluff...

Lil Johnny's Sheep

Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.

"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.

The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job his father would be better off doing.

"Nah," Lil Johnny says, "I've seen dad trying a quite a few times and our sheep hasn't got pregnant yet."

I have this unusual medical condition where I can't stop making silly airport puns.

The doctor says it's terminal.

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :

I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about Hitler! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?

i came up with this one and i think its a little silly. what do you call it when a missile fails to reach it's destination?

projectile dysfunction

My wife was in the garden.

She started yelling to me.

Her: There are two spiders here, "is that a mummy longlegs

under the daddy longlegs.?

Me: No don't be silly there are no mummy longlegs only daddy longlegs. "I felt pretty proud of myself with my answer.

Until she stomps on both spiders, "Well we are not having any of that gay shit in our garden.

My wife bet me that I wouldn't dare give our daughter a silly name.

So I decided to call her Bluff.

I told my mom that when I grow up, I want to be a musician.

She said don't be silly, you know you can't do both!

Two old guys are working at a sewage treatment plant

One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.

"What are you doing?!" he yells

"My coat fell in" his buddy yells back

"You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!"

"No, no. Gosh no, I'm not going to wear it. I have to get it back though, My teeth are in the pocket!"



(Just a silly joke my granddad told me yesterday. Didnt see it when I searched the sub so figured yall might enjoy)

Wood Boobs

I once saw a carpenter making boobs from a wooden log. Decided not to insult him by making a joke of it. It would have been silly.

Wooden-tit !!!

A racist, a misandrist and a misanthropist kills Thanos

The racist, Tyrone, says: "I need it - so I can remove all the asian people. I really don't like them".

The misandrist, Evelyn, says: "No I need it more - so I can remove all men from existence!"

"Don't be silly! If you remove all the men, women will die out too!" Tyrone shouts out angrily.

While Tyrone and Evelyn argue. Jacob, the misanthropist takes the gauntlet and says: "Don't worry guys today is your lucky day, I got you both covered and then some!"

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Batman and Robin get ready for patrol

Batman: You ready Robin?

Robin: I'm not sure about this costume Batman. It's so bright and red. And why do I have to wear a silly yellow cape?

Batman: Well, we're superheroes Robin. We got to dress the part.

Robin: I'm still not sure about this Batman. I mean, you aren't dressed in any bright colors at all!

Batman: Well, if I did that then they'll be shooting at me and not you now wouldn't they? And didn't I train you to be the greatest acrobat in the world? So why all the worrying? The other ones never complained about this, they loved being heroes, god rest their souls.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the silly someoneyourownsize jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working silly tubby piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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