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Silly Jokes

139 silly jokes and hilarious silly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about silly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these silly and goofy jokes for kids and adults alike. From funny one-liners to meaningless and childish humor, this article has something for everyone. Find hilarious material that's suitable for work or for five year olds. Get ready to guffaw and smile!

Funniest Silly Short Jokes

Short silly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The silly humour may include short foolish jokes also.

  1. Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to orange.
  2. My girlfriend said to me the other day, "Why did God give women periods with cramp pains, and men nothing?" I laughed and replied, "Don't be silly, he gave us women."
  3. I used to be scared of pretty girls, So my Mom explained that was silly, because they're much more scared of me.
  4. Wife: "I have blisters on my hands from the broom." Husband: (trying to be playful) "Next time take the car, silly."
  5. My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will bully him because of his name... I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
  6. How many Black Lives Matters protesters does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.
  7. My wife bet me that I wouldn't dare give our daughter a silly name. So I decided to call her Bluff.
  8. "I'm leaving you!..." I've had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I'm leaving you!
    But honey, what about our child?
    What child?!
    Oh, so you're not pregnant?
  9. Will you get mad? Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?*
    Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?*
    Wife: *No, silly. Of course not*
    Husband: *I slept with your sister*
  10. My wife thinks I play favourites with my kids. That's just silly. I love Eric and Not Eric equally.

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Silly One Liners

Which silly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with silly? I can suggest the ones about ridiculous and nonsense.

  1. My mum didn't think I'd give our daughter a silly name... ... but I called her Bluff.
  2. Mechanic: "When were your tires last rotated?" Me: "On the way here, silly."
  3. What borders on silly? México & Canada
  4. My girlfriend broke up with me for gaming too much... What a silly thing to Fallout 4.
  5. Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch.
  6. Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Cause then it would be a foot silly
  7. I have two kids, five and seven Silly names I know.
  8. Some people say Canadian province names are silly. Personally, I'll have Nunavut.
  9. What do you call an Ox with a gluten allergy? A silly-yak.
  10. How do you measure how funny an electrical engineer is? You use an o-silly-scope!
  11. I saw a bird telling jokes by the pond It was a silly goose
  12. Did you hear about the anti-gluten movement. It's a silly act.
  13. What do you call an ox that's gone gluten-free? Silly yak.
  14. I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.
  15. What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously? Silly-con!

Silly Billy Jokes

Here is a list of funny silly billy jokes and even better silly billy puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Silly Billy went in a library and said, " I would like to have a pizza." Librarian - " Sir, this is a library."

    Billy goes near his ear
    and whispers - " I would like to have a pizza."
  • Why did Silly Billy tip toe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
  • why did silly Billy tip toe passed the medicine cabinet? Because he didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
  • Why did silly Billy put his bed by the fireplace? Cuz he wanted to sleep like a log.

Silly Kid Jokes

Here is a list of funny silly kid jokes and even better silly kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Son: Mom, do you think the kids at school will pick on me? Mom: Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would you say that?
  • First I was shocked when my wife gave Birth to a black kid. Then I thought that "Birth" was a silly name for a budgie anyway.
  • Why does Elmer Fudd only let Bug's Bunny eat snickers bars? Because silly wabbit, twix are for kids!
  • The dumbest kid in chemistry class doesn't wear a dunce cap. He wear a silly cone.
  • From the perspective of a magician: Silly kids, rabbits are for tricks!
Silly joke, From the perspective of a magician:

Uproarious Silly Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about silly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goofy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make silly pranks.

I never remember silly things

A few old couples used to get together to talk about life and to have a good time.
One day one of the men, Harry, started talking about this fantastic restaurant he went to the other night with his wife.
Really? ,
one of the men said, what's it called? After thinking for a few seconds the Harry said, what are those good smelling flowers called again?
Do you mean a rose? the first man questioned.
Yes that's it, he exclaimed.
Looking over at his wife he said, Rose what's that restaurant we went to the other night?

Considerate.

*An old silly one...but a grin inducer nevertheless*
Mr. Fienstein called the FM radio station and said "I've found a wallet with $400, a credit card and an ID card belonging to Mr. Smith, No.13,Halls Rd, Jackson, TN."
To which the radio jockey says " Oh how honest. So you want his wallet returned back to him?"
Mr. Fieinstein says "No……. I just wanted you to play a sad song for him".

Silly Drunks.

A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice on the line.
"Nevermind," he said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."

You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

How do we know Iran doesn't have weapons of mass destruction?

You can't destroy mass, silly.

I asked my husband for the newspaper. "Don't be silly," he said. "Use my iPad."

That spider never knew what hit it.

What car brands mean

Ford-Flipped Over Rebuilt Dodge
Pontiac-Plan On Numerous Trips In Another Car
Fiat- Fix It Again Tony
Chevrolet-Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Nissan-Needless Innovations, Silly, s**..., Automotive Nonsense
GM-Gluteus Maximus
GMC-God's Mechanical Curse
LTD-Long, Thin Dumpster
Oldsmobile-Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.

When my wife told me she was going to give me some mental o**... s**..., I thought it was going to be silly.....

....but she actually blew my mind!

Mall Santa

A Mall Santa is asking kids what they want for Christmas.
A little girl says, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa replies, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"
"No silly. Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She's only faking it with Ken."

I asked my gf to get the paper for me...

...She said "Don't be silly, borrow my iPad". That spider never knew what hit it.

Are you a v**...?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

car trouble

Wife: There's trouble with the car. I think it has water in the carburettor.
Husband: Water in the carburettor? That's plain daft.
Wife: I'm telling you the car has water in the carburettor.
Husband: Don't be silly, You don't even know what a carburettor is. how would you know there is water in the carburettor? "
Wife: darling, I figured there would be some water in the carburetor if the car is in the swimming pool."

Newspaper and IPAD

I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. "Don't be silly", she replied. "Borrow my iPad." .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it.

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.

I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.
.
.
.
.
I'll see myself out.

I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper

"Don`t be silly", she replied, "you can borrow my ipad".
That fly never knew what hit it.

Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

and the kid got kicked out of class...

Student: Teacher, can I get in trouble for something I didnt do?
Teacher: of course not, John. That would be silly.
Student: Okay good, because I didn't do my homework!

Two h**... got married.

On their wedding night, the h**... groom admitted that he was a v**... and didn't really know what to do.
The h**... bride, who was much experienced, just giggled and said, "Silly, you just take that thing you play with and put it where I pee." So he got up, grabbed his banjo and threw it in the sink.

Three blondes are out on a hike...

when they come across some tracks. The first one quickly says "Let's get out of here, those are mountain lion tracks." The second one says "Don't be silly, those are deer tracks." The third one says "I think you're both wrong, but I'm no expert" right before they all got hit by a train

The pretty teacher was concerned with

one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love." the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a c**...!"

I Went To The Patent Office.

I went to the Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the lady at the desk had a form that had to be filled out. She wrote down my personal info and then asked me what I had invented.
I said, "A folding bottle."
She said, "Okay. What do you call it?"
"A Fottle."
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
"A Farton."
She s**... and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.

My gf is one of those people who ruin films by asking silly questions when you're trying to concentrate...

Last night we were watching *Schindler's List* when she leant over and whispered in my ear "why are you fapping?"

By the year 2020, the word "Silly" will be considered Harmful.

It will be replaced by "Seriously Challenged."

Guy goes to the doctor for a prostate exam

Doctor warns him, "It is normal to get an e**... while I perform this procedure, so don't be alarmed".
After the doctor is all finished the guy says, "Doc, I never got an e**..., I didn't even feel like I was going to get one".
The doctor smiles and says, "Oh, not you silly".

Silly Grandad

Johns Grandad comes over to look after him for the day. John goes outside and plays with the neighbors kid, a bit later he comes in and asks "Grandad, whats it called when two people sleep in one room one on top of the other?" Grandad replies "I've got to be honest with you, you are 8 now, its called i**... and thats how you make babys." ten minutes later John returns "Freds mum said its called bunkbeds, and she needs a word with you"

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Don't be silly, I'm not objectifying women.

I'm not s**... attracted to objects.

Cracking walnuts

A young boy says to his mother, "Mommy, why would Daddy crack walnuts and feed them to Mrs. Gilroy?" The mother responded, "That's silly, Ryan. Why would you even ask a question like that?" Ryan said, "Because I heard Daddy telling Uncle Eric that he busted a nut in Mrs. Gilroy's mouth and that she was begging for more."

I asked my wife for the newspaper

I said to my wife, "Get me a newspaper."
"Don't be silly," she replied, "you can borrow my iPad."
The spider didn't see that coming.

I asked a blonde, "How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

She answered, "Two. But they can't fit inside a light bulb to screw in it, silly."

LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...

..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named
Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith
Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named
Freddy "f**...-you-this-isn't-a-phase" Smith

Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work.

No... I meant take your hats off. You look s**....

My wife always asks me: if she dies, will I remarry? And I say don't be silly honey...

I never make the same mistake twice.

When i was 5 i thought the rain was god peeing

How silly childish ideas can be...thinking god exists

A gorgeous blonde is stranded on an island...

Two cannibals, father and son, find her.
The son says to the father: Wow dad! She is beautiful! Are we going to eat her?
To which the father replies: No son. Don't be silly, we're keeping her. We're eating your mother.

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"

I was telling my wife about how diabetes runs in my family.

She told me, "Don't be silly, nobody runs in your family."

A guy ring's his new girlfriend's doorbell

She sees him holding a beautiful bouquet of roses and drags him in.
She lies on the couch, pulls her skirt up, and rips her knickers off and says "This is for the flowers!"
"Don't be silly" says her boyfriend, "you must have a vase somewhere!"

My wife told me I only hear what I want to hear

I replied don't be silly, of course I'll take a b**...

A married couple was eating at a restaurant

when the wife noticed her ex-husband sitting at the bar. "He's been drinking since I left him seven years ago" she said to her current husband.
"That's silly, dear" he replied. "No one celebrates that much."

They say inside every fat person is a skinny person trying to get out.

But that's silly. Surely the skinny people aren't still alive after they eat them.

What's the difference between a funny dutch man and a tube?

one is a hollow cylinder while the other is a silly hollander.

What is a horse's favourite italian dish?

Spaghetti bologneighs.
Don't ask, my brain comes up with silly things ._.

I can't decide what to buy for my farm?

Farmer Giles: I can't decide whether to buy a cow or a bicycle for my farm?
Farmer Miles: You'd look pretty silly riding a cow.
Farmer Giles: I'd look even sillier milking a bicycle!

What's the difference between a straw and a Dutch comedian?

One is a hollow cylinder, the other is a silly Hollander.
I'll see myself out.

Why can't paraplegics cook Chinese food?

Because they can't "wok."
Note: May be cheesy and offensive, but I coined this joke when humor could be silly and irreverent, and y'all were begging for non-reposts.

Human fetuses are essentially the same as the creature from Alien. Only they take longer to gestate, and if they don't kill you on impact, they'll do it slowly over the course of years...

My mom says such silly things when she drinks hehe

Cheese

Frenchman: I know how the man died. It was death by fromage, right?
American: No silly, not from age, from cheese.

When I offer to rub on your back in the shower..

..a simple "yes" or "no" answer would suffice.

But please, don't start asking all those silly questions like "who are you?" and "how did you get in my house?"

"Mommy, can we humans s**... the light?"

"Of course not, silly!"

"Then why daddy told my babysitter yesterday: *"Turn the light off and s**... it"*?"

A man and a women are in Hawaii on their honeymoon

They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".
The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".
The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii".
The woman was elated to hear that she was correct and thanks the local for his help.
He responds, "You're Velcome".

I was packing my luggage with German sausage, when my wife told me, "Don't overfill it. Last time it exploded in the airport and you caused a scene".

"Dont be silly", I said, "you're always thinking of the wurst case scenario".

A young girl accepts a dare, and wins a dollar

she tells her mom about it, saying how the boys dared her to climb a post.
"Silly girl, that's so they could look up your skirt."
So the next day, the girl comes back and says "They tried to make me climb that post again, but I outsmarted them this time!"
"Really? What did you do?"
"I told them 'I'm not going to be fooled into reposting!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some m**....

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Use contraceptives kids.

I met this little boy today who told me he is starting at a new school tomorrow and was afraid that the other kids would bully him.

I told him, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize. Why would anyone pick on you?"

Why can't Usain Bolt listen to music when he's running?

Because the silly fool keeps breaking the records.

A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.

I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"
She said "6"
I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"
She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."

A dog is talking to his owner. Dog: Tell me a joke

Dog: Tell me a joke
Man: Don't be silly, you're a dog
Dog: Oh, go on
Man: You're a dog, you won't understand
Dog: Do it anyway, pleeeeese
Man: OK. Knock Knock
Dog: Woof Woof Woof Woof Woof……….

A boy and girl are playing in a swimming pool...

The boy says to the girl... I'm going to duck you!
The girl laughs and says... don't be silly you can't even say it properly

Silly Russian joke

Flight attendant is making an announcement:
*-Is there an anesthesiologist on board?*
Some bloke says:
*-I am anesthesiologist!*
The flight attended tells him to come to seat 12A. He comes to the seat 12A and there is another bloke pouring v**... into plastic cups. He says:
*-Hey, mate. I am a surgeon. Not used to drinking without my anesthesiologist.*

Knock knock!

Who's there?
Cow!
Cow who?
A cow says moo, silly.
(my 5 year old daughter made me submit this... )

I found an LP of wasp noises. Played three tracks that sounded nothing like a wasp.

Silly me. I was playing the bee side.

A clergyman was walking and saw a farmer loading hay and struggling with the work.

"you look tired son,take a rest" he said.
No,my father would hate that" he replied
"Don't be silly, everyone needs a break sometimes. Come take some cold water" the clergyman replies.
Again the farmer declined. This continues for about two minutes, until the clergyman says "your father must be a s**... driver. Tell me where he is so I can give him a piece of my mind!"
"Well", says the farmer," he's under the hay"

A private asks his commanding officer for a few days leave.

The private explains that his wife is going to have a baby. The commanding officer is very supportive, and approves the request.
The next week when the private returns the commanding officer asks, "So private, was it a boy or a girl."
"Don't be silly, sir," says the private. "It takes *months*!"

My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...

So I called her Bluff...

Lil Johnny's Sheep

Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.
"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.
The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job his father would be better off doing.
"Nah," Lil Johnny says, "I've seen dad trying a quite a few times and our sheep hasn't got pregnant yet."

Silly joke, Lil Johnny's Sheep

jokes about silly