Silk Jokes
21 silk jokes and hilarious silk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about silk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make light of your next conversation with these funny Silk Jokes. Whether you are looking to spell or say silk, or want to reference the Silk Road, Silk Board traffic, or Velvet, these jokes will provide some laughter to any textile or wool topic.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Silk Short Jokes
Short silk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The silk humour may include short cotton jokes also.
- I made a contest to see which silkworm would produce more silk. But it just ended up in a tie.
- Someone tried to steal my silk sheets and replace them with a cheaper fabric. Not today, satin.
Not today. - After an hour long fight, my wife burst into tears when I grabbed her fancy new underwear from the dresser and threw it in the coffee grinder. There's no use crying over milled silk.
- Why are all the plants at the retirement home made of silk and plastic? Because everything that stays there just ends up dying.
- Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?
She was charged with rustling!
Share These Silk Jokes With Friends
Silk One Liners
Which silk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with silk? I can suggest the ones about leather and wool.
- Two silk worms are in a wrestling match It ended in a tie.
- Whatever happened to silk underwear? A: Fell through the cracks.
- Today I attended a satinic ritual The goddess of silk was thoroughly pleased
Silly & Ridiculous Silk Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter
What funny jokes about silk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sheep wool jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make silk pranks.
I stared intensely as my neighbour removed the red dress, then the bra, then the silk underwear.
"Oo yeah," I whispered to myself, as I looked through my telescope, "you keep emptying that washing machine, baby."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three ladies meet up for a drink
Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
Lindsey Graham gets new suit
On a Senate trip to Japan, Lindsey Graham picked up some silk to have a custom suit made. At a top notch tailor shop in South Carolina, the tailor said with the material, he could make a single breasted suit.
Graham decided to wait, took the material to a tailor in New York who told him he could make a double breasted suit, a vest, and an extra pair of pants.
He asked, "How can you do so much more with this material than the tailor in South Carolina?"
"Well, senator, I guess you're not as big up here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking in the woods, I encountered a n**... man wearing a fine silk hat.
"Excuse me, sir, but why are you n**...?"
"Well, why not? No one ever comes back here."
"Well in that case, sir, why the silk hat?"
"Well, you never know. Somebody might."
I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom.
I sprinkled some more over the bed.
I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table.
I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening she's ever had, I was slightly nervous.
Now all I need is the perfect line to introduce myself.
How do you keep a silkworm in line?
Beat it with a toothpick
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scottish Soldier marches into a pharmacy
A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy.
Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton
bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also
unfolds to reveal a c**....
The c**... has a number of patches on it.
The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist.
"Six pence" says the chemist.
"How much for a new one?"
"Ten pence" says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the c**... into the silk square handkerchief
and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside,
followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the
proprietor, this time with a grin on his face.
"The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."
A priest and a taxi driver go to heaven
While they're at the pearly gates God talks to them about their time in Earth. When he's done talking to the cab driver, he hands him a gold staff and a beautiful silk robe as he walks in
Once he's finished with the priest however, he hands him a wooden staff and a cotton robe. The priest says to God "excuse me, but you gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe, but I only got a wood staff and cloth robe. There must be some mistake"
God responds, "No, I don't make mistakes. When people were riding with the cab driver, they prayed. When they were with you, they slept"
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."
The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!"
St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
I've always enjoyed the mind control jokes. Do you know any?
Here's a couple of my favorites:
Ask someone to:
Spell "roast."
Spell "coast."
Spell "most."
Then ask them: What do you put in a toaster?
(The answer, is "bread.")
Another: What does M-A-C-D-O-N-A-L-D spell? (MacDonald)
What does M-A-C-G-R-E-G-O-R spell? (MacGregor)
What does M-A-C-H-I-N-E-R-Y spell? (machinery, not Mac Hinery)
One more that always worked for me:
Point at a piece of paper and ask "what color is that?"
Answer: "white"
Spell "silk"
Now ask: "what do cows drink?"
They usually answer "milk!"
No, they drink water!
Fishing trip
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"
"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
