Silent Treatment Jokes
33 silent treatment jokes and hilarious silent treatment puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about silent treatment that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Silent Treatment Short Jokes
Short silent treatment jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The silent treatment humour may include short silent letters jokes also.
- My son asked what marriage was like. I said, "It's fine." And gave him the silent treatment for three days.
- My wife gave me the silent treatment for a week... It ended when I told her "We've been getting along really well lately".
- What do you call an avocado that's giving you the silent treatment? An Incommunicado
A joke I made up last night. Quarantine's really getting to me - Assuming that God is male is so sexist ... especially considering that no matter how many times you repent for your sins God is still giving you a silent treatment.
- A woman once gave her husband the silent treatment It lasted for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, Hey, we're getting along pretty great lately!
- My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me.
- My wife has been giving me the silent treatment for an entire week now We've never gotten along better.
- I've perfected an AI as a substitute to a girlfriend. Every time I try to turn it on I get the silent treatment and there are no output to tell me what's wrong.
- An avocado-wife is giving her husband the silent treatment Husband: "I said you were the good kind of fat!"
- I tried e**... suffocation on the wife the other night when we were having s**.... She obviously didn't like it. She's been lying there for 5 days now giving me the silent treatment!!
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Silent Treatment One Liners
Which silent treatment one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with silent treatment? I can suggest the ones about silence and silent letter.
- I was rude to my doctor today... ...so he gave me the silent treatment.
- I think my Girlfriend is mad at me, she's giving me the silent treatment
- it's possible the left speaker is mad at me he's giving me the silent treatment
- I don't think I could date a deaf person... I couldn't take the silent treatment!
- I think i p**... off the voices in my head. They are giving me the silent treatment.
Silent Treatment Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about silent treatment you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dead silence jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make silent treatment pranks.
A man stumbles across an old lamp.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
A man works up courage to ask his wife how many s**... partners she had before him
She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that s**... question?"
Raising her finger she says "Shhh. Be quiet, I'm still counting"
A guy I work with was late for our meeting, so I asked what happened.
He said, My wife and I aren't talking to each other. We're giving each other the silent treatment, and I didn't want to be the first one to break the silence and lose. So I wrote a note on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me up at 7:30am.'
Well, I didn't wake up until 9:30am. Boy, was I mad that my wife didn't wake me up. Then I noticed a piece of paper on my pillow that said: 'It's 7:30am. Wake up.'
The referee
I refereed a women's football match yesterday. It was brilliant.
I booked two for muttering under their breath, one for the silent treatment and I sent one off without explanation and left her wondering what she'd done wrong.
A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup
"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."
"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."
"Thanks doc."
"Tell me, how did you make such a recovery."
"My wife's been giving me the silent treatment for a month"
What is marriage like?
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "My son is almost grown up now. Over the weekend he asked me what marriage is like," he tells the bartender. "So, what did you tell him?" the bartender asks. "I told him, 'It's fine.' And then I gave him the silent treatment for three days."
Women are just too clever
A man an his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him up at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, the man wrote on a piece of paper, " please wake me up at 5:00 am", and put it where his wife could see it.
The next morning he woke up only to find that it was 9:00 am, and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go see why his wife hadn't waken him up when he found a paper next to the bed.
It said, " its 5:00 am, wake up"
funny husband and wife playing silent .......
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up.
The silent treatment
A husband and wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM, love you." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up. Love you more."
Silent Treatment [Long]
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am".
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said...
It is 5:00am, wake up.
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."
At once the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, my wife says that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing", and how I can make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
The man that desired to understand women
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man thought for a while, and said, "I want a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges and environmental consequences that kind of undertaking would create. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four?"
Understanding Women
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp... blah, blah, blah... This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that. How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?
Think of how much concrete... how much steel!! No. Think of another wish."
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment... to know why they're crying, to know what they really want when they say 'nothing' ... to know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?