Signs Of Getting Old Jokes
23 signs of getting old jokes and hilarious signs of getting old puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about signs of getting old that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Signs Of Getting Old Short Jokes
Short signs of getting old jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The signs of getting old humour may include short getting old jokes also.
- Why are Italians named Tony? Because when they get old enough their mothers put them on a boat with a sign that says To NY.
- Prince Andrew pretty soon will be getting his P45 and signing on for unemployment. The chances of a 60 year old getting another job these days is slim to nil particularly with winter setting in.
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Signs Of Getting Old One Liners
Which signs of getting old one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with signs of getting old? I can suggest the ones about getting older and growing older.
- How do you get 500 old cows in to a barn? Put up a Bingo sign.
Unearthly Funniest Signs Of Getting Old Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about signs of getting old you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean growing old jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make signs of getting old pranks.
Old Fridge
A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying, "Free to good home—you want it you take it." For three days, the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were rather skeptical about such a good deal, so he changed the sign to read, "Fridge for sale, $50."
The next day, someone stole it.
While waiting in line at the entrance to a museum, my 16-year old daughter ran up to my wife and me and said, Mom, Dad! We need to get a line form!
Confused, I said A line form? She said, Yes, I think you have to turn it in right over there before you can go in. She pointed to the entrance.
That's when I looked and saw the sign that said Line Forms Here .
True story. Bonus facts: She's now a brilliant NICU nurse so she redeemed herself, and her siblings never miss the chance to send pictures of Line Forms Here signs to the family chat whenever they see one.
You're lost in the middle of the woods at night, alone. The sky is cloudy, there are no trails, no map, no cell phone and no GPS. No sign of a city in any direction. How do you get back to civilization?
You tell an old joke out loud, wait a couple of minutes and follow any of the angry redditors shouting "repost!" back to civilization.
My wife has been trying to teach our son sign language
I was skeptical at first because she started so young, but he is starting to catch on. Without a word I watched her ask if he was all done or wanted more food during dinner. He tapped his fingers together, signaling he would like more food. I sat in disbelief as she added more food to his plate. It's so amazing that, at just 13 months old, he can already get my wife to stop talking.
A 90 year old Holocaust survivor told me this joke.
Two Jewish guys are walking wehn one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says ‟Convert to Christianity, and we'll give you $100.
The one says to the other, ‟should we do it?? The other says ‟NO!! Are you crazy? The first guy replies ‟Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars... I am gonna do it. So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says ‟well, did you get the money? He replies ‟Oh that's all you people think about, is not it??
How to get rid of a refrigerator.
A man has an old worn-out refrigerator. He decides to buy a replacement, but the fridge still works, and he doesn't have a truck to haul it away, so he moves it to the front yard and tapes a sign to it:
"STILL WORKS. FREE."
It sits out there for a week, so the man takes the sign off and puts a different one on:
"BRAND NEW. $500 OR BEST OFFER."
A day later, someone steals it.
A tourist in Chinatown sees a sign advertising "Hans Olafsen's Laundry"
He goes inside to check it out, and there's an old Asian man in the corner.
"How did this place get named 'Hans Olafsen's Laundry'?" he asks.
"It's named after me, Hans Olafsen." said the man.
"That's an unusual name for a Chinese man" observed the tourist.
"When I was in the immigration center, I followed a man named Hans Olafsen. When they asked my name, I told them 'Sam Ting'".
A n old farmer grows watermelons
However, every night, a group of kids would sneak into his farm at night and eat some of his produce. One day the farmer gets fed up with this and places down a sign in the field saying "Warning: one of these watermelons has been injected with cyanide". He then waits. Night passes and the farmer excitedly goes out to his field to check the results, only to find another sign posted next to his saying "now there's two of them"
Driving Miss Daisy
A car full of old ladies cruising along Route 30 and they get pulled over by a police officer. "What is the matter officer". "You know its dangerous and an offence to drive too slow" responded the officer. "That is the road sign not the speed limit". Then he glances further into the car to see all the old ladies with their hair standing straight up on their head. "What is the matter with them he asks? "Oh we have just come off Route 189"
So an older lady gets into a taxi...
She told the driver where she wanted to go, and off they were. As they passed a church, the old lady made the sign of the cross. The driver saw what she did and as they passed the town hall, he made the sign of the cross as well.
"Why did you do that? It's not a church."
"Well, they are made out of the same material." The driver chuckled
"Are you married?"
"Yes, I am" he responded confused
"When you kiss your wife on the cheek, do you also kiss her in the a**...?"
"No, why would I do that?"
"Well, they are made out of the same material."
[Long] boudreaux and thibodeaux were a pair of good old country boys.
Boudreaux grew up to be a baptist pastor and thibodeaux became a catholic priest. These good friends even had their churches right across the street from each other.
Well one day boudreaux was putting a sign in his church yard and that thibodeaux was putting up the exact same one. The both said "Turn now or perish."
Right then then a car drove by and the driver flipped them both the bird and yelled "Get a life you freaks." Followed by a big splash off water.
Boudreaux looks up and says "Hey Thibodeaux ya think we should change the sign to bridge out."
This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign that says "Lars Olafsen's Laundry."
"Lars Olafsen?", he thinks. "How in the world does that fit in here?"
So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, "How in the world did this place get a name like Lars Olafsen's Laundry?"
The old man answers "Is name of owner."
The visitor asks, "Well, who is the owner?"
"I am he," answers the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Lars Olafsen?"
The old man replies:
"Many years ago when I come to this country, I was standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of me was big blond Norwegian. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Lars Olafsen.' She look at me and say, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sam Ting.'
2 old ladies are in a car...
When a state trooper spots them on the highway. He notices that they are going very very slowly in the passing lane, and decides to pull them over because going too slowly can be just as dangerous as going to fast!
When he approaches the car, he notices that the old lady in the passenger's seat is visibly shaken.
The trooper asks "Ma'am, why are you going so slowly on the highway in the left-hand lane? This is the passing lane and your slow speed is endangering other drivers."
The old lady driving gives the trooper a look of bewilderment and says "but officer, the speed limit is very clearly 31 miles per hour, it says so on the sign just over there!"
"No ma'am, that is the highway number. The speed limit is actually 70 miles per hour. You should think about speeding it up to get your sick friend to the hospital!"
The shaken old lady replies "I am not sick, but we did just get off Highway 155"
How does this name fit?
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, Hans Olaffsen's Laundry.
Hans Olaffsen?, he muses. How in the world that name fits in here? So he decides to walk into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
The tourist asks, How did this place get a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?
The old man answers, Is name of owner.
The tourist asks, Well, who and where is the owner?
Me...is right here,replies the old man.
You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?
Is simple, says the old man. Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, What your name? He say, Hans Olaffsen. Then she look at me and go, What your name?
I say... Sem Ting.
Women are Never Happy
A woman and her girlfriends are staying at a ladies only hotel for the bachelorette party when the male manager of the hotel says: "if you'd like ladies, you may go to each floor, see what they have to offer, and choose your rooms accordingly. Just remember, you can only go up a floor, not back to an old one."
When the get to the first floor the sign says: full of short, fat, unattractive, s**... men. "let's go to the next floor up."
The second floor sign says: Full of short, buff, attractive, dumb men. "let's go to the next floor".
The third floor sign says: full of tall, unattractive, smart men. "Let's see what's on the next floor" the bride to be says.
On the fourth floor the sign read: full of tall, attractive, smart men for all your personal desires. The ladies decide they want to stay on the fourth floor until they see that the elevator will take them to a fifth floor. "Let's see what kind of hunky men are on the fifth floor".
The fifth floor sign reads: this hotel proves that no matter what the circumstances, women are never satisfied with what's in front of them.
Bell Ringer Wanted
A beautiful, old church with a tall steeple and bell tower was in need of someone to ring the bell every hour as the priest was getting too old to climb the stairs.
He put out a sign asking for someone to fill the position, and an hour later he hears 3 slow thuds on the front door. The priest opens the door to find a man standing there with no arms. He says, "I am here about the open position, it has always been my dream to ring the bell in this church".
Hesitant, the priest figures he will let the man audition, so they walk all the way to the top of the steeple where the large bell resides. The priest tells the man to go ahead and ring the bell, not sure how he will be able to pull the cord without any arms.
The man takes a few steps back, then runs and jumps face first at the bell, and it let out the most amazing ring causing the entire town to stop in awe. The man however, was bleeding from the nose after hitting his face, and the priest said, "that was the most beautiful sound the bell has ever made, but I cannot allow you do that to yourself every hour".
Distraught, the man throws himself from the top of the bell tower to the streets below. Two men walking by see the man fall, and stop near the body. One says to the other, "he looks familiar, do you know his name". The other man replies, "no, but his face rings a bell".
Two old Jewish men
Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $100".
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What are you, crazy?"
Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church. Twenty minutes later he walks out with his head bowed.
"So," asks Abe, "did you get your hundred dollars?"
Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"
The old women in the car
One day a cop is sitting on the side of a Highway with his radar gun. As he sits there people are passing by going the speed limit, and after a while a car drives by going very slow. So, he puts his gun up and they are going 25. He flips on his lights and goes up and pulls them over.
When he got out of his car, as he approached the car he see's 3 old ladies in the back, and two in the front. When he gets to the car, and asks for license and registration, he asks the little old lady if she knows how fast she was going. "Why, yes officer, I was going 25, maybe 26. I'm sorry, but that's what the sign said." The whole time shes talking the 3 in the back are looking scared to death. So, he says "Ma'am that is the highway sign. Is there something wrong with the ladies in the back?" "No, officer, we just got of highway 125, that's all."
A man was talking to an old woman before he left on a trip to New York.
She told him that years ago, her son had left for New York and she hadn't heard from him since. He asked her what his name was and told her that he would look for him. She told him his name was John Dunn. "Tell him to call his mother," she said.
So he gets to New York and as he's walking through the city, he sees a sign on a building that reads "Dunn & Bradstreet." So he says to himself "This must be it."
He walks in and the receptionist says, "May I help you?" He says, "Yes, do you have a John here?" To which she says "Yes, its back in the corner."
So he goes in and there's a man coming out of the stall. "Are you Dunn?" he asks. "Yes," the man says.
"Go call your mother."