Following is our collection of Signs jokes which are very funny. There are some signs billboard jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these signs sign on beer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.
Men's Helpline
"Hello, you have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
I asked him how companies like that advertise because I've never seen ads any for that sort of business and he replied:
"They essentially sell themselves."
They pulled out all the stops
...but when I got home all the signs were there.
He was reading road signs at 50 miles per hour
1.
He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."
They just have a feel for that kind of thing.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
You can explore signs caution reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean signs signs of our times dad jokes. There are also signs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
He'd been doing roadworks for over 20 years but he got fired for stealing on the job. I couldn't believe that he would be a thief, but when I went over to his house the signs were all there.
Because the signs say "No Trespassing".
Banner.
MEN"S HELP LINE, "Hello, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
Caller: "Hi, Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
Trying to read the road signs!!!
The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*
No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!
They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think oral sex may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.
I walked in and hired myself.
cr
Stoners stop and wait for them to turn green.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I should have seen the signs.
When he reached the hotel, he found two doors with two signs written
1. Bride Relatives
2. Groom Relatives
He entered the groom's door and and found another two doors
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the Men's door and found two more doors
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and found himself outside of the hotel premises
His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.
but when I got home all of the signs were there.
In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there
I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..
He arrives at the Pearly Gates and he sees two signs. The first sign reads, "MEN WHO CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". The old man looks and sees that this line is about 10 miles long. So the old man looks at the second sign. It reads "MEN WHO WERE NOT CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". There's only one guy in this line. Slowly the old man walks over to him, "Tell me, why are you standing over here?". The guy looks at him and says "I don't know, my wife told me to."
Cause I have found some of his gray uniforms from the 1940's with thunder signs on it.
Have you ever seen the protestorsβ that put them up?
To be honest, I should have seen the signs
There we were, left sans-sheriff
We don't know what it was about, nobody could read their signs.
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
He sees a group of people holding up picket signs that say "We Hate Gingers". Confused, he goes up to them and asks, "Who are you and what are you protesting?" They answer, we're the sect of dyslexic Klansmen, and we want you out of our town!
I should have seen the signs.
... but when the police raided his apartment, all the signs were there.
I didn't want to believe her, but all the signs were there.
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
1) Easily distracted
2) Frequently lose your train of thought 3) Unfinished projects
Because they're all crips.
(Sorry)
2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.
"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien
"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other
"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"ο»Ώ
I tried to wait my turn patiently, but he just kept buying soda. I stood there for a while just watching him put in some money and take his drink, over and over until he had a whole bag of soda cans. He showed no signs of stopping, so I asked him, "Why do you keep doing that? Are you ever going to give anyone else a turn?"
He smirked and replied, "You're just jealous because I've won every time!"
There will be a lot of signs.
Because you see the street signs twice and you don't miss them.
She's giving all the right signs
Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
While they are chatting, the woman speaking and the man signing, the man would stop and laugh, making a visible laughing motion that the woman sees.
The woman eventually asks what is so funny and the man signs backing, "Oh it's nothing."
They move on and the woman eventually says that her butt has fell asleep.
The man signs that "I know, I could hear it snoring. Why do you think I was laughing?"
The Astros stole all their signs.
The signs say "no trespassing"
But when I got home, all the signs were there....
I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.
All the signs where there.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
They're both signs of possession.
We just want to be herd.
11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken
The patient responded No. Why? Who told you to ask that??
What was I meant to do? There were signs everywhere saying 'don't feed the animals'
A truck drives by and the driver shouts you dumb religious wackos , makes the turn and drives off the cliff. The rabbi turns to the priest and imam and says you think we should change our signs?
I should've seen the signs.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the signs lanes jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working signs sign piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.