The Best 64 Signs Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Signs jokes. There are some signs billboard jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these signs sign on beer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Signs Jokes and Puns
I've never understood how the Nazis couldn't find where Anne Frank was hiding
I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.
Men's Helpline
Men's Helpline
"Hello, you have reached the Men's Help Line, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep. Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So, I hid in the garage, behind my boat and waited for her. When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse. Then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouching behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
My uncle has a factory that make "For Sale" signs.
I asked him how companies like that advertise because I've never seen ads any for that sort of business and he replied:
"They essentially sell themselves."
News flash: Vandals destroy street signs
They pulled out all the stops
I didn't want to believe my flatmate was stealing from his job as highway maintenance
...but when I got home all the signs were there.
Why did the blind driver have no hands?
He was reading road signs at 50 miles per hour
The 5 signs of laziness
1.
A man decides he wants to learn to play bass.
He signs up for lessons and the first day the instructor says to him "today we're learning E." and he just plays E over and over again. The next lesson the instructor says he'll be teaching him A and he plays A over and over again. The third lesson is D and he plays D over and over again. At the end of the lesson the instructor says "next lesson we'll learn G" but the guy replies "I can't make the next lesson, I have a gig."
How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors?
They just have a feel for that kind of thing.
I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from the transportation department.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft...
I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
You can explore signs caution reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean signs signs of our times dad jokes. There are also signs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My dad called to say he got fired.
He'd been doing roadworks for over 20 years but he got fired for stealing on the job. I couldn't believe that he would be a thief, but when I went over to his house the signs were all there.
In honor of Cinco De Mayo - Why do Mexicans cross the border two at a time?
Because the signs say "No Trespassing".
What did the sign convention management do to the woman who kept pulling down their long signs?
Banner.
Men's Help Line
MEN"S HELP LINE, "Hello, my name is Bob. How can I help you?"
Caller: "Hi, Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
How did Helen Keller lose her arm?
Trying to read the road signs!!!
A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs
The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*
What don't they name train stations after astrology signs?
No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!
A woman is in a coma and her nurses are giving her a sponge bath
They notice when they get near her lower area that her vital signs improve a little. They think oral sex may bring her out of her coma. They go in the waiting room and tell her husband their theory and assure him they will have complete privacy. The nurses leave and come back 15 minutes later and the woman is flat-lined. What happened?? Yelled the nurse. Her husband replies, I don't know...I think she choked.
A gas station had 2 signs in the window, help wanted and self-service.
I walked in and hired myself.
cr
Driving high versus driving drunk: Drunks run stop signs.
Stoners stop and wait for them to turn green.
I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
My hearing-impaired GF left me for a hearing-impaired man.
I should have seen the signs.
A man was invited to a wedding
When he reached the hotel, he found two doors with two signs written
1. Bride Relatives
2. Groom Relatives
He entered the groom's door and and found another two doors
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered the Men's door and found two more doors
1. People with gifts
2. People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts) and found himself outside of the hotel premises
My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend...
His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site...
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I vandalized an art major's car today.
Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.
I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job...
but when I got home all of the signs were there.
My ex-girlfriend says she has a stalker. I have to say I'm surprised.
In all the time I've spent hanging around her house, hiding in the bushes, watching her come and go...I've never seen any signs of a stalker.
I didn't believe it when I first heard that my dad was stealing from his job as a road repairmen...
But when I got home, all the signs were there
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker,
I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..
An old man dies and goes up to heaven
He arrives at the Pearly Gates and he sees two signs. The first sign reads, "MEN WHO CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". The old man looks and sees that this line is about 10 miles long. So the old man looks at the second sign. It reads "MEN WHO WERE NOT CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". There's only one guy in this line. Slowly the old man walks over to him, "Tell me, why are you standing over here?". The guy looks at him and says "I don't know, my wife told me to."
[OC] Grandad was a Flash cosplayer back in his days
Cause I have found some of his gray uniforms from the 1940's with thunder signs on it.
You know the signs that say "End road work"?
Have you ever seen the protestorsβ that put them up?
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.
To be honest, I should have seen the signs
The Chief of Police died responding to people changing fonts on town signs
There we were, left sans-sheriff
Did you hear about the doctors' protest?
We don't know what it was about, nobody could read their signs.
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
I had a deaf girlfriend once, she left me for a guy who was also deaf.
I should have seen the signs.
My deaf wife admitted that she had been cheating for years.
I didn't want to believe her, but all the signs were there.
Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?
She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.
Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE ADD:
1) Easily distracted
2) Frequently lose your train of thought 3) Unfinished projects
Why are handicap signs blue?
Because they're all crips.
(Sorry)
Two Aliens
2 aliens are talking in outer space, looking down on Earth.
"It seems the inhabitants of planet Earth have created nuclear technology and missiles" says one alien
"are they showing signs of intelligence?" asks the other
"I dont think so. They seem to be aiming at themselves"ο»Ώ
I wanted to buy a drink from a vending machine, but there was a guy in front of me.
I tried to wait my turn patiently, but he just kept buying soda. I stood there for a while just watching him put in some money and take his drink, over and over until he had a whole bag of soda cans. He showed no signs of stopping, so I asked him, "Why do you keep doing that? Are you ever going to give anyone else a turn?"
He smirked and replied, "You're just jealous because I've won every time!"
How do you know a deaf person is vegan?
There will be a lot of signs.
I just realized it's much safer to drive drunk
Because you see the street signs twice and you don't miss them.
A deaf person has a crush on me
She's giving all the right signs
My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend!
Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
Two freinds are sitting on a bench, a deaf elderly woman and a elderly man.
While they are chatting, the woman speaking and the man signing, the man would stop and laugh, making a visible laughing motion that the woman sees.
The woman eventually asks what is so funny and the man signs backing, "Oh it's nothing."
They move on and the woman eventually says that her butt has fell asleep.
The man signs that "I know, I could hear it snoring. Why do you think I was laughing?"
Black lives matter held a rally in Houston, but no one knew what they were trying to say.
The Astros stole all their signs.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3?
The signs say "no trespassing"
I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker...
But when I got home, all the signs were there....
My dad got fired as a road worker because of stealing.
I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.
All the signs where there.
What do apostrophes and demonic behavior have in common?
They're both signs of possession.
A detective story
11:45 - arrived at crime scene
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain
11:45 - Realised watch was broken
The doctor asked his patient Do you experience any signs of paranoia?
The patient responded No. Why? Who told you to ask that??
I was unfairly fired from the zoo
What was I meant to do? There were signs everywhere saying 'don't feed the animals'
A rabbi, a priest, and an imam stand on the side of the road holding signs saying the end is near .
A truck drives by and the driver shouts you dumb religious wackos , makes the turn and drives off the cliff. The rabbi turns to the priest and imam and says you think we should change our signs?
My deaf girlfriend cheated on me with her best friend
I should've seen the signs.
I got arrested for illegal fishing, even though there weren't any 'no fishing' signs.
Apparently if it's an aquarium in a hotel lobby, you don't need a sign.
11:45 Arrive at the crime scene
11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle
11:45 Found murder weapon in storm drain
11:45 Realize watch is broken
PSA Free Food
Just wanted to let everyone know this. Around where I live, I have noticed that restaurants are putting their extra food in a bag and placing on a table. You can just come in and grab one. Now you won't know what's in it until you open in your car but it's can be a nice surprise and it's free.
Bonus, if you park where they have these advertising signs in the parking lot, they will bring you the food out to your car. They always call me by the wrong name but whatever.
I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.
The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.
I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the signs lanes jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working signs sign piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.