Significant Other Jokes
102 significant other jokes and hilarious significant other puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about significant other that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Significant Other Short Jokes
Short significant other jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The significant other humour may include short significant jokes also.
- The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused mark zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
- Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have? I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
- Always make sure SOMEONE in the relationship has good credit... That's why it's called SIGNIFICANT other. Sign/if/I/Can't.
- I heard the latest statistic that 1 in 3 people cheat on their significant others that means either my wife or my girlfriend is cheating on me.
Hmm.... - What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base? One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence.
The other is an Iraqi Army base. - Has anyone's gardening skills improved during the quarantine? I planted myself on the couch in august and have grown significantly since.
- If you think 30 seconds isn't a significant period of time.. ... try hesitating for 30 seconds when your wife asks you if she looks fat in that dress.
- I asked a Flat Earther to tell me what the volume of the Earth was but he couldn't give me a good answer. There was a significant rounding error.
- A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. "First offender," the judge asked. "No" she replied "First a Gibson, then a Fender."
- My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine... It was a huge mist opportunity.
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Significant Other One Liners
Which significant other one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with significant other? I can suggest the ones about spouse and companion.
- What does a male otter call his wife? My significant otter
- What does a cow call his girlfriend? His significant udder.
- What do you call your significant other's knives? Bae blades.
- What do you call a cow's mate? Its significant *udder*.
- My ex still misses me... But her aim has improved significantly
- My Friend Told Me Twelve is a Significant Number. I disagreed. I said it dozen't matter.
- What does a seagull call their significant other? Bagel
- What is another name for a significant other you meet online? e-Bae
- What did the colour-changing lizard say to his significant other? You're one in chameleon
- Did you hear about the trio who invented rounding? Three significant figures
- If you make fun of your significant other's love of hunger games are you.... Mockin'Bae
- what do cows call their husbands? significant udders
- What do you call an Arts graduate with no significant other? Homeless
- What do you call a four-legged significant other? Dear
- What does a bull call his wife? His significant udder.
Significant Other Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about significant other you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean better half jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make significant other pranks.
Why did the Pakistani cross the road? Because the American government was subsidizing the construction of mango harvesting and preservation infrastructure in the region on the other side, allowing farmers with the necessary means to develop strong ties to American markets and earn significant profits.
What's the difference between a complimentary cocktail and a significant brain surgery?
One is a free bottle in front of me, and the other is a pre-frontal lobotomy
SAN FRANCISCO MAN BECOMES FIRST AMERICAN TO GRASP SIGNIFICANCE OF SARCASM
Chuck Fullmer, 38, yesterday became the first American to get to grips
with the concept of sarcasm.
"It was weird" Fullmer said. "I was in London and like, talking to this guy
and it was raining and he pulled a face and said, "Great weather eh?"
and I thought - "Wait a minute, no way is it great weather".
Fullmer then realised that the other man's 'mistake' was in fact deliberate.
Fullmer, who is 39 next month and married with two children, aged 8 and 3,
plans to use sarcasm himself in future.
"I'm, like, using it all the time" he said.
"Last weekend I was grilling steaks and I burned them and I said
"Hey, great weather."
Do blind people care if their significant others are hot? (OC?)
Do blind people care if their significant others are hot?
Of course they do! They're blind, not necrophiliacs!
(Probably been done before, but I thought of it while on the toilet.)
In a sports relay race, a chemical kinetics specialist runs slowly, and his group loses the race.
When the chemical kinetics specialist is asked why he ran slowly, his reply was Well, I always wanted to be the significant rate determining step .
Pronounced 'Dead' on arrival ... oops!
The soon to be new parents known as Mr. & Mrs. D. were so excited, as they were just about to give birth to their brand new daughter, whom they'd already decided to name Dea D..
Just a few minutes later, a healthy baby girl popped out but was unfortunately pronounced 'Dead' on arrival by the attending nurse who apparently had significant issues with letter spacing on medical charts.
What do you call a belief that states that Zeus' significant other was a man?
A Herus-y!
A lady goes to a tattoo parlor and gets a tattoo of a turkey on her left thigh.
A week later she gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on her right thigh. The artist asked what's the significance. she replies turkey is for Thanksgiving, Santa is for Christmas. My husband complains there is nothing to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, now he can't complain
I mailed my maths homework to Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Queen Elizabeth II
...it said to give my answers to 3 significant figures.
The introduction of Yoga Pants have been found to be the cause of a 0.65 drop in the GPA of Males.
I dont have significant data to back this up, But i have some notes from college that show causation.
What do you call a Mexican melon?
A cantelopez!
Came up with this on all by myself. I'm a new Dad, so I feel as if I've significantly leveled up my Dad Joke ability.
Hey gurl, are you an inaccurate answer?
Because that is one-significant-figure
How many people have to die before change is implemented?
Significantly less if they are white
How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.
If all humans held hands around the equator of Earth
A significant amount of then would probably drown.
Important note
Important note from a car manual:
Backing rapidly at a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.
Measuring temperatures to three significant figures is overrated
1 significant figure is 0K
Breaking up with your significant other is like bowling
You carry something heavy going into it, and if it goes as planned, you walk away with an X.
Why do cows huddle together when it rains?
To keep each udder dry
Courtesy of my significant other
Hey girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
'Cause you have significant f**... trauma. You should probably see a doctor
I experimented with drugs...
...and I had a statistically significantly significant number of trials when I did.
How are new marriages just like LOST?
The Significant Others just want babies.
Traffic accidents
A Frenchman and an Englishman are talking at a bar:
Frenchman: "Did you hear, in France they lowered the the amount of alcohol you can drink before driving. But now car accidents have significantly increased"
Englishman: " Wow, how can that be?"
Frenchman: " Well its because if a man drinks wine with a meal at a restaurant, his wife has to drive him home"
TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war!
Sorry, wrong sub :(
Reposts are historically significant
Reposters shouldnt be warned for reposting.
They should be concidered Historians and respected as such.
How do spiders find significant others?
They use a web-based dating service.
I assured to my significant other that size doesn't matter...
when she asked "does this dress make me look fat?" and now she's furious, help--
Why was the cow roaming aimlessly?
Because it was without it's significant udder.
Every time my significant other asks me why people act weird when they hear we are high school sweethearts...
I tell her I have no idea. What... just because I'm her AP Bio teacher I'm supposed to know everything?
What keeps you from strangling your significant other during arguments? Love? Their good personality? Empathy? Morals?
For me, it's the death penalty.
What do you call losing the life you've always wanted with your significant other?
A miscarriage.
Why does everyone care about the eclipse?
Probably because it's significance is astronomical.
This food has been proven to drastically reduce or even eliminate s**... drive in a significant percentage of women.
It's wedding cake.
People say I'm well educated
I never went to actual school, but I significantly deepened my knowledge in the well.
How you treat the wait staff on a first date
Someone once told me that the way someone treats the wait staff on a first date is how they'll treat their significant other in six months.
So now when I'm on a first date, I have s**... with the waitress.
October is domestic a**... awareness month...
Time to make your significant other aware....
President Mugabe not dead, doctors say
There was no significant increase in brain activity
Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns...
...but the third has groan in significance.
Whats a great way to get closer with your significant other?
Mix epoxy resin with them. It'll be a bonding experience.
Did you know that within the UK, gender equality becomes significantly more progressed the further north you go...
If you go far north enough, it's common place for the men wear skirts and the women have deep voices.
What does a girl with a fruit and daddy k**... call her significant other?
Papaya
Studies show that lithium can significantly reduce s**... risk.
But I always want to kill myself when the battery dies
Why do German cats have significantly lower life expectancy?
Because they have nein lives.
Remember, having s**... on a regular basis helps your memory significantly.
I wish you all a Happy 2015.
I wasn't afraid of heights until my significant other told me about her bungee jumping accident
I got the fright of my wife.
My friends always ask me what I got my significant other for Valentine's Day...
Each year I tell them I got myself a nice new pair of gloves.
Embrace you mistakes
My significant other and I were discussing mistakes we have made in our relationship.
I suggested she should embrace her mistakes.
She then hugged me.
It was significantly more dangerous to go through child birth than to be in a car c**... in the 1800s.
Mainly because they didn't have cars back then.
40% of Police are reported to have beaten their significant other...
The other 60% are single.
It's significantly harder for athletes to perform in todays temperatures
I've read in the newspaper that the Government has forbidden fans at sport events
My Native American friend from work invites me home to meet his wife.
When we arrived at his house his wife appeared in full traditional dress, she looked stunning. My friend introduced me and said * I'd like you to meet my wife, five horses. * I commented what a beautiful name that was and asked what the significance was?
* Quite simple * really he replied, * Nag nag nag nag nag... *
My significant other purchased a map and handed me a dart and said Throw this, and wherever it lands we're taking a trip there after the pandemic ends.
Turns out we're spending 2 weeks behind the fridge.
A building inspector for an old European town found that all buildings built between 1584 and 1750 had significant structural flaws.
Otherwise, if it ain't Baroque, don't fix it.
What's one thing a s**... cannot say to their significant other?
"I missed you this morning!"
Two farmers
Two farmers were chatting,
One says, You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?
All depends, said the other.
On what
My pea value
I'm starting a service helping people break up with their significant others over dinner
I'm calling it FedEx
Man approaches significant other and asks, "Hey babe, what are we mad about today?"
Significant other replies, "Can you not call me babe please?" Man asks, "What should I call you?" Significant other replies, "I don't know, my name?" Man asks, "Why don't you know your name?"
A daughter asked her father
"Dad, what kind of man should I marry?"
Her father replied, "His wits come secondary. He must be a man who has a beard".
The daughter, bewildered, asked "What is the significance of the beard?"
The father, staring blankly, said "Well any man with the patience to grow a beard has the patience to deal with your b**...".
Ayy girl, are you a gas station?
Because your prices went up significantly within the last few months