Signed Jokes
111 signed jokes and hilarious signed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about signed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Signed Short Jokes
Short signed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The signed humour may include short signature jokes also.
- My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
- The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn't share the flatbread recipe Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.
- I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably. I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
- My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs
- My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though. He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
- I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing,
but when I got home, the signs were all there. - Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
A professional thief says, "Sign here please.." - I lost my job at the zoo recently. There was a sign that said do not feed the animals. So I didn't.
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Signed One Liners
Which signed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with signed? I can suggest the ones about signing and ended.
- I know several jokes in sign language I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.
- Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time? Because the sign says no trespassing.
- Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel. She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.
- Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? Because the sign says No Tres passing
- My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
- My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
- I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
- What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
- Why did the Mexicans ignore the "No Trespassing" sign? It was just the two of them.
- How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off
- I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks" I tried. It doesn't.
- What does the sign of an out of business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed.
- Today I learned that "wet Floor" signs… …are not a request…
- what sign do you put up when you shut down your brothel? Beat it, we're closed
- I signed up for binary 101 but it turns out it's a level 5 course
Signed Peace Jokes
Here is a list of funny signed peace jokes and even better signed peace puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man walks into a bar in Ancient Rome The bartender asks him how many bottles of wine he wants and he holds up a peace sign. The bartender brings him five bottles.
- A Roman soldier walks into a bar with 4 friends, holds up a peace sign and says to the bartender „5 Beers please .
- Roman guy walks in a bar and makes a peace sign with his fingers Bartender gives him 5 beers
- When I play rock, paper, scissors, people think I always choose scissors. They're wrong. I'm actually flashing a peace sign. Stop the violence.
- Sign outside at "Justice of the Peace" You furnish the bride...........we will do the rest.
Signed Declaration Jokes
Here is a list of funny signed declaration jokes and even better signed declaration puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page
- (Groan inducing): Why was it necessary to have official witnesses at the signing of the Declaration of Independence? Because it's not a republic without a notary public.
- My wife threatened to put to sign on the ceiling over our bed declaring me an idiot... ...that way everyone in the town will know it.
- Chuck Norris didn't sign the Declaration of Idependence because he wanted the British to think they had chance.
Signed Treaty Jokes
Here is a list of funny signed treaty jokes and even better signed treaty puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- This Halloween, I stopped the pranksters before they covered my house with eggs again. We met up for negotiations and signed a trick or treaty.
- Turkey, the country occupying Cyprus, an actual EU country, wants to join the EU They will have to sign the Mastic Treaty
- Fan fiction: Trump and Putin are in a conference to sign a treaty. Due to winter storms, power goes out for the night. What happens throughout the night?
Fun-Filled Signed Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about signed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean marked jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make signed pranks.
I recently signed up for reverse-origami classes.
It'll be interesting to see how it unfolds.
If the NSA built the website for healthcare...
Americans would have been signed up before they knew it...
Ray Rice just signed another endorsement deal
Black & Decker
The first day of school I signed up for English, Math, Science and Language.
The rest, as they say, was History.
My work signed me up for a 401k
But I've never even run a marathon
Signed up for Gmail and set my password as 'Mypenis'
Google said it was too short. :(
I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale
I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes
When I signed up for college they said I had to take a 'Fat Awareness' class
I said that do we need 'Fat Awareness' for? They're so easy to spot.
dwights farm as suffered a massive blight, almost bankrupt he was signed for a massive record deal on the condition he give up farming
turns out all he had to do was drop those sick beets
I signed a petition to end women's suffering yesterday.
Oops. Sorry: autocorrect.
*suffrage.
My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't
The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.
My girlfriend wanted me to make her feel like she's the only girl in the world.
So I signed her up for Electrical Engineering.
Brainless Lawyers
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"
"No."
"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"
"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."
I signed up for some Meteorology courses.
MET 104 Standing in Deep Water
MET 105 Standing in Heavy Rain
MET 106 Acting Amazed
I once made an error in little league,
When I signed up to play.
A professor was teaching a class of hyperintelligent youngsters on Game Theory
"To get an A in the test tomorrow your score will have to be as close as possible to 2/3s of the average score of the class."
Afterwards everyone signed up for the test.
The test was the next day.
No one showed up.
The dwarfs from Snow White want to tell their story
They've signed a seven-figure book deal
Donald Trump has just signed ANOTHER executive order
it's about foreign birds of prey. the order states that any bird, specifically eagles, who have some sort of illness like flu will not be allowed to enter the country.
Trump has labelled them -
ILL EAGLE IMMIGRANTS
"I'm not a fool..."
An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..
I just signed up for a yoga class....
"How flexible are you" asked the instructor
I said "I can't do Tuesdays"
What do Americans with online student loans have in common with the French?
They've both signed away their future without Le Pen
My friend told me he's never heard of Super Mario.
"Really?" I asked.
"Nope. Never." He signed.
Bruce Willis and Liam Neeson have signed up to do a movie together
It's called 'Taken Hard'
With the transfer window now closed....
Chelsea signed Drinkwater whilst Everton signed drink driver.
I found a way to save 27 million tons of paper per year
I signed up for e-mail receipts at CVS
I'm a comedian and I just signed a one-year contract with HBO!
I even get the premium channels
Good news for Detroit - a major TV show just signed to do filming there!
Unfortunately, it's Survivor.
My buddy signed up for one of those, "learn to be a plumber in 6 weeks" courses you see on TV and his final exam was at 9am today...
He showed up at 3pm, looked at the test paper and said, "Looks like I'm gonna need a pen for this job. I'll have to pop round to my suppliers for one. Be right back."
Graduated top of his class...
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday...
"Something expensive, and that I don't need." she replied.
I signed her up for chemotherapy.
I recently signed on as a partner at this vampire hunting firm.
I'm a stakeholder now.
Russia, U. K. and U.S.A. just signed a monetary agreement.
A pound of rubles will cost a dollar.
A bee, a fly, and a mosquito signed up for a website that sometimes stings, usually stinks, and mostly s**.... What website is this?
BuzzFeed
Two friends, after a long time...
I see you have lost weight! What happened?
It's because I signed up for a gym.
So, you make a lot of exercise, right?
No, but I have to pay them so much that I have no money for eating...
Warning, Do not join any of the new super market dating services, I signed up.
And ended up with a bag for life.
A man owned a Greek island, but there so much paperwork that came with tourists travelling there that he always had to sit inside working. Eventually, he decided to pass the island on to someone else. This way he could spend more time outside and focus on his real passion - maths.
So, he signed over Kos and got a tan instead.
A couple just finalized their adoption of a Japanese baby.
Shortly after, they signed up for Japanese lessons and explained that they had just adopted a baby.
"How nice!" said the teacher.
"Yeah," they agreed. "He'll be talking in a couple years and we want to be able to understand him!"
I signed up for my companies 401K...
But I don't think I can run that far.
Don't get drunk and use Twitter, signed.....
Roseanne Barr'ed
Bodybuilding contest
Frankenstein signed up for a bodybuilding contest,
later to find out...
he was at the wrong place.
I just signed up for the new college course about the effects of drinking soda on the body.
Anatomy and fizzyology.
114 years ago, France and the UK signed the Entente Cordiale...
...which many considered to be just a watered down version of the Entente Jus D'Orange
I've been a bad girl, she said, I need to be punished.
So I signed her up for a Comcast account.
After the stunning success of the most recent Ghostbusters movie it is herein announced that....
....the next Superwomen will be played by a man.
Signed
Marvel Comics
I've just signed up to the slimming world website.
Once I've logged in, it asked me to accept cookies.
I think it's a test.
Life is like soccer
My mom signed me up for it even though I hate it
Today the president signed a bill making it against the law to get up out of a chair.
I tried to sue but the judge said there was no legal standing.
If lazyness was an olympic sport
I would not have have signed up for it. Too much hazzle
H.P. Lovecraft just signed up for netflix...
Next he'll get Cthulhu.
Don't know what was wrong with the delivery driver this morning.
He was all smiles until I signed his touch screen thing, then he got all shouty and mad.
I was so scared I dropped my sharpie and just closed the door.
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team.
I blame the general manager, said the first fan. If he signed better players, we'd be a great team.
I blame the players, said the second fan. If they made more of an effort, we'd score some points.
I blame my parents, said the third. If I'd been born in Seattle, I'd be supporting a decent team.
I came up with this one by myself
Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so u**...
I signed up for German language lessons recently. They replied, and I am kind of worried now.
They said, We have ways of making you talk.
I accidentally signed up for a escapology class...
I'm really struggling to get out of it.
I'm looking for a woman who has great t**... and swallows
Signed: Ben the ornithologist
Lost 160 lbs recently...
Finally signed the divorce papers
I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions
1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate
I signed up for my company's 401K
But I'm not sure I can run that far
I signed up for Binary 101 this semester and I'm failing in all the exams.
Turns out it is a level 5 course.
After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room.
Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass.
When he returned from making his pit stop, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said
"Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner."
Defense!
In a m**... trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere!
I recently signed an apartment lease...
Below where I signed on the lease agreement I had my dad cosign
Now we're tan.
I just can't pronounce `Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn`, but I'm trying to do better -
I just signed up for an online course called `Hooked on Cthonics`
Nine out of ten doctors signed up for a conference
The Tenth Doctor didn't want to go
I'm a screenwriter and I just signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures!
I'm going to be getting the basic cable plus HBO.
Sounds of Silence
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break, about being out late the night before. The first man signed," My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "You're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me h**... for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, " So what did you do?"
"I turned out the light," the second man signed.
They said I'd never make it as a screenwriter, but I just signed a multi-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures!
Looks like I'm going with the basic cable plus HBO Max.
I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles
So I have signed a partition
I signed up for the company 401k.
But, I'm concerned that I can't run that far.
I signed up for my company's 401k
but I don't think I can run that far.
-Norm Macdonald
I have very nearly signed up for Danish language classes
I just need to dot the A's and cross the O's
I signed up for a guitar chord lesson but had to quit because it was too hard.
Which I thought was strange because I was told it would B E C...
Good news! I finally signed up for a 401K!
Bad news: I work for a marathon organization
A man decided to take up golf
so he signed up for lessons with the local pro. The pro showed him the proper stance and grip and swing and then said, Now just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green. The novice teed up and smacked a beauty, straight down the fairway, onto the green, stopping inches from the hole. Now what? the man asked the shocked pro. Uh, you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup. Oh, great! said the beginner in a disgusted tone. Now you tell me!
Would the people who signed up for the yodelling class please form an
orderly, orderly, orderly, orderly-y queue?
The kidnap
A blonde is running a little short of cash, so she goes to the playground and kidnaps Johnny.
She takes him to her home and writes a note:
\- If you want to see Johnny again, leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a plain paper bag by the merry-go-round at the playground by 8 AM tomorrow. Signed, A Blonde.
She pins the note to Johnny's shirt and sends him home.
In the morning she goes to the playground, and sure enough, there is the plain brown bag containing a large stack of bills, along with a note that reads,
\- How could you do this to a fellow blonde?
A lawyer was interviewing a doctor about the death of a patient
"When you examined the patient, did you check his pulse?" asked the lawyer.
"I didn't" said the doctor.
"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" said the lawyer.
"No, I did not" the doctor said.
"So in other words" the lawyer said "When you signed the death certificate you had NOT taken adequate steps to confirm he was dead."
"Well, let me put it this way," said the doctor- "At that point, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk. But for all I know I guess he could've been out practicing law somewhere!"