Signal Light Jokes
14 signal light jokes and hilarious signal light puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about signal light that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Signal Light Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good signal light joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
"Drive that thing like you stole it!"
One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"
Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.
To which my Dad replied, "Trust me, Sweetie. If he stole a car, he'd be driving the speed limit, using his turn signals, stopping at red lights, and heading home as soon as possible to avoid the attention of the cops."
Three Engineers
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.
The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God must be a mechanical engineer!"
The electrical engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is an electrical engineer. Just look at the human body - the nerve system routes electrical signals to the brain which is essentially a computer. God must be an electrical engineer!"
The civil engineer disagrees. "No, no. God is a civil engineer. Just look at the human body - only a civil engineer would run a toxic waste pipe through a playground."
A traffic policeman was patrolling at a signal.
A woman ran a red light, and he pulled her over.
The woman said, Please let me go! I'm a teacher.
The policeman laughed and said, Time for payback.
He hands her a notebook and a pen tells her, Write: I'll never break traffic rules again 100 times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who has the most worthless job in the world?
The guy who installs signal lights on BMW cars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.
He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."
The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degres west."
Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"
"I'm a s**..., second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."
Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"
There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."
I watched a terrible documentary on traffic signals.
Who green-lights these things?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a hard time reading woman's signals.
I once tried going to the red light district, but I didn't stop.
It was late at night .....
It was late at night and the police were out checking for erratic driving.
They spotted a car travelling alone along the dual carriageway and decided to follow it. The car never exceeded the speed limit, gave all the correct signals as it left the main road and when they reached the town it pulled up correctly at all the traffic lights.
Eventually, the police car overtook the car and flagged it down.
Good evening, Sir, said the policeman.
We felt we had to stop you to congratulate you on your perfect driving skills.
Well, thank you, officer, replied the driver, I always drive very carefully, especially when I've had a bit to drink.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Change your course
Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: Change your course 10 degree east.
The light signals back: Change yours, 10 degrees west.
Angry, the captain sends: I'm a navy captain! Change your course, sir!
I'm a s**..., second class, comes the reply. Change your course, sir.
Now the captain is furious. I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!
There is one last reply. I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The captain of a battleship sees a light in the heavy fog...
The captain called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."
"I'm a s**... second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees."
By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees."
Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse."
My drive was long today; I hit every red light.
The traffic signals were a pain as well.
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Signal Light One Liners
Which signal light one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with signal light? I can suggest the ones about traffic light and street light.
- I watched a terrible documentary on traffic signals. Who green-lights these things?
- My drive was long today; I hit every red light. The traffic signals were a pain as well.