Sign Jokes
178 sign jokes and hilarious sign puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sign that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
When it comes to comedy, nothing is funnier than sign jokes! From zodiac sign puns to stop sign gags, these clever jokes will leave you in stitches. Learn about the classic "There's Your Sign" jokes from Bojack Horseman and find out why symbols like the stop sign signify caution. Whether you’re looking for laughs or some new trivia, these sign jokes are for you.
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Funniest Sign Short Jokes
Short sign jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sign humour may include short letter jokes also.
- My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
- The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn't share the flatbread recipe Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.
- I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably. I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
- My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs
- My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though. He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
- I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing,
but when I got home, the signs were all there. - Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
A professional thief says, "Sign here please.." - I lost my job at the zoo recently. There was a sign that said do not feed the animals. So I didn't.
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Sign One Liners
Which sign one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sign? I can suggest the ones about flag and symbol.
- I know several jokes in sign language I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.
- Why do only 2 Mexicans cross the border at a time? Because the sign says no trespassing.
- Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel. She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.
- Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? Because the sign says No Tres passing
- My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
- My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
- I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
- What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
- Why did the Mexicans ignore the "No Trespassing" sign? It was just the two of them.
- How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off
- I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks" I tried. It doesn't.
- What does the sign of an out of business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed.
- Today I learned that "wet Floor" signs… …are not a request…
- what sign do you put up when you shut down your brothel? Beat it, we're closed
- I signed up for binary 101 but it turns out it's a level 5 course
Here Your Sign Jokes
Here is a list of funny here your sign jokes and even better here your sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dear God, If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America. - I saw a sign that said "watch for children". and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
- I went to the zoo today and there were 2 baguettes in a cage The sign said they were bread in captivity.
- A lot of people call # a Hashtag but back in my day it was the pound sign which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward
- I'm a screenwriter and I just signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures! I'm going to be getting the basic cable plus HBO.
- Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
- I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- My friend, who's star sign was cancer, died very ironically. He was mauled by a giant crab.
- Two blondes are going to Disney Land At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"
They went home crying. - My deaf girlfriend cheated on me with her best friend I should've seen the signs.
Stop Sign Jokes
Here is a list of funny stop sign jokes and even better stop sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast.
- A blonde was driving on the way to disneyland. She came to an intersection and stopped, she saw a sign that read, 'Disneyland Left'. So she pulled a U-turn, cried and drove home.
- What's the difference between a high and drunk driver? The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
- Something told me to stop today It must've been a sign
- Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says "No swimming without supervision."
- Yes Sir, Officer. I saw the stop sign. I just didn't see you.
- How did Helen Keller break her arm? You try reading a stop sign at 60 miles an hour.
- I stopped at a roadside stand where a sign read "LOBSTER TAILS $5." I paid my $5 and the guy said....
"Once upon a time, there was this lobster....." - What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver? The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there..
The high driver will wait until it turns green - I'm tired of people asking what my sign is. Stop okay?
I like octagons.
Road Sign Jokes
Here is a list of funny road sign jokes and even better road sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two blondes were on their way to Disneyland ... and came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home. - My dad got fired as a road worker because of stealing. I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.
All the signs where there. - I didn't wanna believe that my dad was stealing from his work as a road worker But when I got home, all the signs were there.
- Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
- Why didn't the number 3 cross the road? He saw a sign that said no trespassing.
- I never wanted to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker... But when I got home, all the signs were there....
- I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..
- Never Wanted to believe I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker,
but when I got home all the signs were there - Why did the blind driver have no hands? He was reading road signs at 50 miles per hour
- Why did the rooster cross the road? He saw a sign that said "Chicken strips for a buck"!
Sign Language Jokes
Here is a list of funny sign language jokes and even better sign language puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What are the unspoken rules of sign language? All of them
- I've decided to learn jokes in sign language Then I can guarantee no one's heard them before.
- Sign language is pretty handy.
- I've got some new jokes which I can only do in sign language... I guarantee you, no one has ever heard them before.
- I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language... They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.
- Is it possible to stutter in sign language? Yes, it's called Parkinson's
- I know several jokes in sign language. I guarantee no one has heard them before.
- What language has the least number of speakers? Sign language.
- My sign language comedy show got cancelled today Apparently nobody there had heard of me
- I always get sad when I watch videos of gorillas using sign language to ask for food. It's a shame there are so many deaf gorillas.
Zodiac Sign Jokes
Here is a list of funny zodiac sign jokes and even better zodiac sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair? Well, besides cancer.
- My uncle's zodiac sign was Cancer, which was ironic, because he died from being crushed by a giant crab.
- I believe every Zodiac sign has its own signature hairstyle. Except Cancer.
- What is your zodiac sign? Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer.
Doctor: What a coincidence... - I had a friend whose zodiac sign was cancer. The way he died was very ironic... He got was eaten by a giant crab.
- The zodiac sign of a friend of mine was cancer, which was very ironic because of how he died. He was eaten by a large crab.
- Every zodiac sign comes with a signature hairstyle... Except cancer
- Every Zodiac sign has a signature hairstyle For instance, people with cancer are bald
- Every Zodiac sign has a haircut . . . Except Cancer (in honor of my dad who lost his hair to chemo!)
- Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic... Except Leo
Hilarious Sign Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about sign you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gesture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sign pranks.
What's the difference between a drunk driver and a s**... driver?
A drunk driver will run the stop sign. A s**... driver will stop and wait for the sign to turn green.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
..."Cheese sandwich $3.50. Chicken sandwich $4.50. h**... $5." He checks his wallet and calls over the waitress. He asks, "Are you the one who does the h**...?"
She smiles at him seductively and says, "I am."
He says, "Well, wash your f**...' hands. I want a cheese sandwich."
I tried to go to the brothel today but there was a sign on the door
It said "Beat it, we're closed."
Number 7
Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.
I went to the zoo and saw a piece of toast in a cage.
The sign said "Bread in captivity".
A priest and a pastor...
... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'
They hold up the sign to cars passing by.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.
From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...
.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."
"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
A police officer pulls a guy over.....
and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent...
...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"
A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over
"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
Old Soviet Joke
Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."
I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children."
I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex.
If a man's signature is called a "John Hancock" what do you call a woman's?
Historically insignificant.
Full disclosure: Heard on the radio this morning on my way to work.
Today I saw a sign for a s**... helpline on the back of a bus.
I couldn't help but think, it would work much better on the front.
A blond is driving to DisneyLand...
She sees a sign saying "DisneyLand left" so she turns around and drives home.
A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs
The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*
I got a h**... yesterday
I'm now officially a sign language interpreter
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
My mother's star sign was cancer. Ironic how she died, really.
She died due to fatal injuries from a giant crab attack.
what's the difference between a subtraction sign and a feminist
a subtraction sign actually makes a difference
A doctor walks into a bank
A doctor walks into a bank to make a deposit. When he goes to sign the check, he realizes he's scribbling with a thermometer.
"Oh, that's great," he says. "Some a**...'s got my pen!"
Tried to sign up to a website the other day...
I put my password as "beef stew"
It said password not stroganoff.
I tried to sign up to a website yesterday. I put in the password 'beefstew'
But it said the password wasn't stroganoff.
I lost my job at the hospital today for s**... assault....
It's not my fault that they put up a sign that said, 'stroke patients downstairs'.
A man was selling his TV
A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks
'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'
'yup'
'It looks brand new!'
'It is.'
'What's wrong with it?'
'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'
'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'
'yup'
'Wow, can't turn that down.'
A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. "Her star sign was cancer you know" he says. " I guess it's ironic..."
"That she was killed by a giant crab."
What's the difference between Muslim and a t**...?
I don't know, I just sign executive orders.
I'll be here all week.
An old man dies and goes up to heaven
He arrives at the Pearly Gates and he sees two signs. The first sign reads, "MEN WHO CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". The old man looks and sees that this line is about 10 miles long. So the old man looks at the second sign. It reads "MEN WHO WERE NOT CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". There's only o**... in this line. Slowly the old man walks over to him, "Tell me, why are you standing over here?". The guy looks at him and says "I don't know, my wife told me to."
I got fired form the zoo.
Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.
There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"
First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.
Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland.
When they see a sign at an intersection.
"Disneyland left" ←
so they went back home.
I dreamt that I had to write my own epitaph...
... That's a grave sign.
(I made up this joke and I nope no-one else has done it before me.)
A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road
They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.
The sign reads as follows:
* Nachos $4
* Hamburger $3
* Hotdog $2
* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3
* Grilled Cheese $2
* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50
* h**... $10
After he looks over the menu for a moment he asks the bartender, "Are you the one who gives the h**...?" "Why yes I am." replies the bartender seductively. Then says the man, "Wash your hands! I'd like a hamburger."
How can you tell a s**... club is not open?
The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"
How to use and 5 times in a row grammatically
A man owned a store called This And That and hired another man to make a sign for it.
When it was finished the owner inspected the work.
He discovered that the spaces were wrong so he said, The space between This and And and And and That is different. Please fix it
A man parks his car. As he is getting out a traffic warden walks up and says, "I'm sorry sir, you can't park your car here." .....
...."Yes I can" says the man. "The sign there says, 'Fine for Parking'!"
What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign?
"It's ok because there is only two of us."
In USSR we had this joke
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "s**... patients here" meant something totally different.
I was once driving down the road..
..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit
Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job.
One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"
Gender Equality
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…
Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'
Abortion bill
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn't remember what that character was called so I sign to her, What's that character's name?
Edward, says her hands.
I came up with this one by myself
Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so u**...
A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...
They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".
A man walks into an Indian restaurant.
The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.
A black man walks into a restaurant..
There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"
Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs."
I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.
"Boy, I'm scared," a man said to one of his friends,
"I got a
letter from a guy who said he'd break my legs if I didn't stop
seeing his wife." "Well," replied his friend, "I guess you'll
have to stop seeing his wife." "Easy for you to say," the first
guy said. "You like her that much?" the friend asked. "It's not
that," declared the man, "He didn't sign his name."