It said "Bathroom closed"
An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"
Because the sign says no trespassing.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
Because the sign says No Tres passing
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
...And sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
The woman slaps him and shouts, "SIR! This is an aviary!!"
She was eaten by a giant crab
So far I've managed to lose £200.
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help
you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your fuckin' hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"
An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
A professional thief says, "Sign here please.."
Sign language.
If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
Thanks,
America.
and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward
It was just the two of them.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender:
Are you the one who gives the hand jobs? he asks.
Yes, she purrs. I am.
Well, wash your frickin' hands, says the man. I want a cheese sandwich!
You take the pizza delivery sign off
I'm now officially a sign language interpreter
... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'
They hold up the sign to cars passing by.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.
From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
I tried. It doesn't.
Not a fucking thing, usually.
Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
Beat it. We're closed.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
A man was selling his TV on his front porch with a sign that says "$1". A bloke walks by and asks
'You're selling your TV for a dollar?'
'yup'
'It looks brand new!'
'It is.'
'What's wrong with it?'
'Oh the volume is turned all the way up and you can't change that'
'So whatever I watch the volume is on Max, and you're only selling it for a dollar?'
'yup'
'Wow, can't turn that down.'
It reads: Toasted Sandwiches- $2, Handjobs- $5.
He approaches the bar and sees a stunning large breasted, tight waisted blonde goddess serving.
He asks her, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
She leans towards him, resting her breasts on the bar and says, "Why, yes I am." With a wink.
To which he replies: "Well go and wash your fucking hands before you make my sandwich!"
Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."
Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."
He says it lures them into a false sense of security and when their guard drops he sleeps with them.
I thought that it couldn't reallly hurt my chances just to try.
3 years later, Mark and I now own a house together, 2 turtles, 3 fish and we are scheduled to be married next week. Still no sign of getting any pussy though.
Maybe this strategy isn't for me...
I don't know, I just sign executive orders.
I'll be here all week.
He was mauled by a giant crab.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sign? Well, here are the best Sign dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sign pick up lines to share with friends.