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Sign Jokes

178 sign jokes and hilarious sign puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sign that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

When it comes to comedy, nothing is funnier than sign jokes! From zodiac sign puns to stop sign gags, these clever jokes will leave you in stitches. Learn about the classic "There's Your Sign" jokes from Bojack Horseman and find out why symbols like the stop sign signify caution. Whether you’re looking for laughs or some new trivia, these sign jokes are for you.

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Funniest Sign Short Jokes

Short sign jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sign humour may include short letter jokes also.

  1. My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
  2. The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn't share the flatbread recipe Just their standard naan disclosure agreement.
  3. I signed up for Binary 101, but failed it miserably. I had no idea it was a Level 5 course.
  4. My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft... I didn't believe it at first. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
  5. I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though. He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
  6. Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
    A professional thief says, "Sign here please.."
  7. I lost my job at the zoo recently. There was a sign that said do not feed the animals. So I didn't.
  8. Dear God, If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.
    Thanks,
    America.
  9. I saw a sign that said "watch for children". and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
  10. A lot of people call # a Hashtag but back in my day it was the pound sign which makes the movement #MeToo a bit awkward

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Sign One Liners

Which sign one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sign? I can suggest the ones about flag and symbol.

  1. I know several jokes in sign language I guarantee nobody has ever heard them.
  2. Caitlin Jenner just signed a deal with Marvel. She is going to be in the new Ex-Men film.
  3. My deaf girlfriend just told me, We need to talk. That is not a good sign.
  4. My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died She was eaten by a giant crab
  5. I signed up for a gym membership this year. So far I've managed to lose £200.
  6. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
  7. Why did the Mexicans ignore the "No Trespassing" sign? It was just the two of them.
  8. How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic? You take the pizza delivery sign off
  9. I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks" I tried. It doesn't.
  10. What does the sign of an out of business brothel say? Beat it. We're closed.
  11. Today I learned that "wet Floor" signs… …are not a request…
  12. Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair? Well, besides cancer.
  13. What are the unspoken rules of sign language? All of them
  14. I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles So I have signed a partition
  15. I believe every Zodiac sign has its own signature hairstyle. Except Cancer.

Here Your Sign Jokes

Here is a list of funny here your sign jokes and even better here your sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm a screenwriter and I just signed an amazing 2-year deal with the parent company of Universal Pictures! I'm going to be getting the basic cable plus HBO.
  • Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
  • Two blondes are going to Disney Land At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"
    They went home crying.
  • A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast.
  • I was dropping my kids off at school when I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children." I'm going to miss them, but man this is a nice Rolex.
  • My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.
  • A new gym opened near me. They are currently going door to door signing up new members. It's called Jehovah's Fitness.
  • Some blondes are in a car on their way to Disneyland. When they see a sign at an intersection.
    "Disneyland left" ←
    so they went back home.
  • What did one Mexican robber say to the other when they got to the "No Trespassing" sign? "It's ok because there is only two of us."
  • Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job. One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"

Stop Sign Jokes

Here is a list of funny stop sign jokes and even better stop sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a high and drunk driver? The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
  • Something told me to stop today It must've been a sign
  • Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says "No swimming without supervision."
  • Yes Sir, Officer. I saw the stop sign. I just didn't see you.
  • How did Helen Keller break her arm? You try reading a stop sign at 60 miles an hour.
  • I'm tired of people asking what my sign is. Stop okay?

    I like octagons.
  • News flash: Vandals destroy street signs They pulled out all the stops
  • I saw a man at an intersection holding a sign saying Homeless VET, anything helps. So I stopped to ask him how he ended up on the street, he said I got caught sleeping with my patients.
  • I failed the drivers test even though I stopped for the sign I gave it plenty of time to cross, it's not my fault I hit it.
  • This Halloween, I stopped the pranksters before they covered my house with eggs again. We met up for negotiations and signed a trick or treaty.

Road Sign Jokes

Here is a list of funny road sign jokes and even better road sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
  • Why didn't the number 3 cross the road? He saw a sign that said no trespassing.
  • I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker, I don't know how I never noticed that all the signs were there..
  • Why did the blind driver have no hands? He was reading road signs at 50 miles per hour
  • Why did the rooster cross the road? He saw a sign that said "Chicken strips for a buck"!
  • I was driving along the road and I saw a coffin on the curb with a sign that said "FREE" I thought to myself, "this is the last thing I need."
  • Chemistry Hotel So I was driving down the road, getting pretty tired on my way home and saw a sign that said "Chemistry Hotel"
    the sign said:
    *"Cheap Day Rates, and Even Cheaper NO3-'s"*
  • You know the signs that say "End road work"? Have you ever seen the protestors​ that put them up?
  • I didn't want to believe that my uncle had been stealing from the roads and traffic department ... ... but when the police raided his apartment, all the signs were there.
  • Saw a guy on the side of the road with a "will work for food" sign. So I threw him a coconut.

Sign Language Jokes

Here is a list of funny sign language jokes and even better sign language puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Sign language is pretty handy.
  • I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language... They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.
  • Is it possible to stutter in sign language? Yes, it's called Parkinson's
  • My sign language comedy show got cancelled today Apparently nobody there had heard of me
  • I always get sad when I watch videos of gorillas using sign language to ask for food. It's a shame there are so many deaf gorillas.
  • Why can't pirates use sign language? Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.
  • I learned sign language It's very handy!
  • I signed up for German language lessons recently. They replied, and I am kind of worried now. They said, We have ways of making you talk.
  • How do billboards communicate? Sign language
  • what do you call a deer with no eyes in sign language? Anything you like. It can't see you.

Zodiac Sign Jokes

Here is a list of funny zodiac sign jokes and even better zodiac sign puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is your zodiac sign? Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
    Patient: Cancer.
    Doctor: What a coincidence...
  • I had a friend whose zodiac sign was cancer. The way he died was very ironic... He got was eaten by a giant crab.
  • The zodiac sign of a friend of mine was cancer, which was very ironic because of how he died. He was eaten by a large crab.
  • Every Zodiac sign has a haircut . . . Except Cancer (in honor of my dad who lost his hair to chemo!)
  • Historians have proved that people with every zodiac sign survived the sinking of the Titanic... Except Leo
  • My barber is big into astrology, and told me that every zodiac sign corresponds to a certain hairstyle, except for one Cancer.
  • I'm cancer free! Now I'm dating a girl with different zodiac sign.
  • What zodiac sign doesn't have hair Cancer
  • Today my dad beat cancer. By the way what is your mom's zodiac sign?
  • What do the zodiac signs use to pay for coffee? Starbucks
Sign joke, What do the zodiac signs use to pay for coffee?

Hilarious Sign Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about sign you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gesture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sign pranks.

Number 7

Mark dreams number 7.
He wakes up, looks at his watch: it was 7:07.
He looked at the calendar: July 7, 2007.
Decided it was a sign he's taking the bus 77.
Arrive at the track, put $ 7777 on the horse 7 from the 7th race.
The horse comes seventh.

Boat for sale

Ole walks by Sven's house and sees a sign that says "Boat for sale". He walks up the driveway and only sees a tractor and a lawn mower. He goes up to the door and says, "Ole, I see dat sign dat says 'boat for sale,' but alls I see is a tractor and a lawn mower." Sven says, "Yup, and dey're boat for sale."


I was hungover this morning so I phoned work and said to the boss...

.. "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night."
"That was your last chance Dave," he said, "I'm taking the 'and son' off the shop sign."

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

Gambling Problem

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."
I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".

A police officer pulls a guy over.....

and the driver rolls down his window and asks why he is being pulled over. The cop explains that he didn't completely stop at the stop sign. The driver says: I slowed down and took a look. The cop grabs him through the window, pulls his head out, and starts slapping him in the face with his summons book repeatedly. After about twenty slaps, the cop asks him:
Do you want me to stop or slow down?

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Card

Man, am I scared! confided p**... to Seamus, looking furtively around the pub. I just got a card from a guy saying that he would shoot me if I did not stay away from his wife.
Well, stay away from his wife, advised Seamus, and you have got no problem.
How can I? moaned p**..., he did not sign his name.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent...

...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"

A man rolls thru a STOP sign and a cop pulls him over

"I pulled you over because you failed to stop at that stop sign. You only slowed down."
"Slow down... stop... what's the difference?"
The cop pulls the man out of his car and begins beating him with his nightstick.
"Now you tell me whether you want me to stop... or slow down."
*This joke was told to me by a police officer, which made it kinda scary.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads...

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the s**... bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your hands," says the man. "I want a chicken sandwich!"

Old Soviet Joke

Little Boy: What will Communism be like when perfected?
His Father: Everyone will have what he needs.
Little Boy: But what if there is a shortage of meat?
His Father: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, "No one needs meat today."

My boss wanted me to sign up for the company 401k.

I told him, "No way, do you have any idea how far that is?"

If a man's signature is called a "John Hancock" what do you call a woman's?

Historically insignificant.
Full disclosure: Heard on the radio this morning on my way to work.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Today I saw a sign for a s**... helpline on the back of a bus.

I couldn't help but think, it would work much better on the front.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A couple of guys at the start of a bridge with signs

The sign reads **"THE END IS NEAR. TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."**
A car speeds through yelling at them *"F*** off you religious nuts!"*
The two guys turn around just in time to see the car disappear into the water.
*"Ya think we should just have our signs say BRIDGE CLOSED instead?"*

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I got a h**... yesterday

I'm now officially a sign language interpreter

I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale

I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Donald Trump campaign sign was found defaced with a s**...

No one knows if it was done by a supporter or a protester

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting

"Stay off the grass."

what's the difference between a subtraction sign and a feminist

a subtraction sign actually makes a difference

I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the restroom. And there was a sign in there that said, "Employees Must Wash Hands."

And I could not find one employee who would wash my hands.

What's the difference between an Ethiopian elevator sign and an British elevator sign?

British sign says " Maximum 6 People/500kg"
Ethiopian sign says "Maximum 500 People/6kg"

Was kicked out of Walmart today.

When I walked in I saw a "Wet Floor" sign. So I did.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I lost my job at the hospital today for s**... assault....

It's not my fault that they put up a sign that said, 'stroke patients downstairs'.

A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS...

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea.
He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop.
It read… MAIN ENTRANCE.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

What's the difference between Muslim and a t**...?

I don't know, I just sign executive orders.
I'll be here all week.

How do you get 500 cows into a barn?

Put a bingo sign on it.

In Germany, online jokes can be given as a sign of thanks.

They call them danke memes.

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

I just signed up for a yoga class....

"How flexible are you" asked the instructor
I said "I can't do Tuesdays"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"

First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

A Jewish guy walking through Chinatown notices a jewelry shop with has a big sign that says - Abe Goldberg jewelry.

He walks in and asks to meet Abe Goldberg. A Chinese man comes out from the back and says - herro, I Abe Golber.
The Jewish guy says, you're Abe Goldberg??? How did you get that name?
The Chinese man tells how when he was at Ellis Island, the guy in line before him was Abe Goldberg. When the immigration officer asked for his name he said - **Sam Ting**

I dreamt that I had to write my own epitaph...

... That's a grave sign.
(I made up this joke and I nope no-one else has done it before me.)

A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road

They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How can you tell a s**... club is not open?

The sign says, "Sorry, we're clothed"

How to use and 5 times in a row grammatically

A man owned a store called This And That and hired another man to make a sign for it.
When it was finished the owner inspected the work.
He discovered that the spaces were wrong so he said, The space between This and And and And and That is different. Please fix it

A man parks his car. As he is getting out a traffic warden walks up and says, "I'm sorry sir, you can't park your car here." .....

...."Yes I can" says the man. "The sign there says, 'Fine for Parking'!"

In USSR we had this joke

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"

I found a useful website for people with commitment issues.

But I didn't want to sign up.

I didn't signup for the 401K at work

because I don't think there is anyway I could run that far

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "s**... patients here" meant something totally different.

I was once driving down the road..

..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit

How do you make an art student's car go faster?

Just remove the huge Dominoes sign on top!

Gender Equality

Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent from CNN noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front.
The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality.
"No", the man replied. "Land-mines."

I've heard that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

There were three restaurants

There were three restaurants on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."
On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."

A zookeeper spotted a visitor throwing $10 bills into the elephant exhibit…

Why are you doing that? asked the keeper.
The sign says it's okay, replied the visitor.
No, it doesn't.
Yes, it does. It says, 'Do not feed. $10 fine.'

I signed up for my companies 401K...

But I don't think I can run that far.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

When I went to the hospital I saw a sign that said "r**... victims".

So I did.

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

I was with a deaf girl who knew sign language, we were watching that movie where Johnny Depp has blades for fingers. I couldn't remember what that character was called so I sign to her, What's that character's name?

Edward, says her hands.

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, "One day, this could be you"

I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he's right.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

I came up with this one by myself

Are you the one who signed up for the pee drinking club because if so u**...

A farmer was fed up with drivers speeding down the road where he lived, so he asked the police to put up a sign...

They put up a "Slow down, speed limit" sign - with no effect. Then, "Danger, road hazard!" sign was put up, but had no effect, either. Then the police tried a sign stating "Children crossing" - and still nobody slowed down.
Finally, the farmer asked the police if he could put up his own sign. They agreed, and to their surprise, just days later a passing officer saw a row of cars moving very slowly past the farmer's place. The policeman approached the farm, and saw a new, hand-painted sign stating: "Nudist Colony".

A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, have you ever ordered here before?
The man replies, No, I haven't.
The waiter continues, We're a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form, and he hands a piece of paper to the man.
The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, We have naan at this restaurant. The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement.
The waiter replied, impatiently, Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.

Saw a sign at a farm that said, "duck, eggs."

I was contemplating the use of the comma when it hit me.

jokes about sign