sigmund Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sigmund puns

A lot of people think Sigmund Frued is a hack.

And yes, some of his theories were proven wrong but the work he did made the field of psychology so famous he should never be forgotten. They just go hand in hand, you cant have one without the mother,

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What do Sigmund Freud and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both explored the unconscious.

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Freud's response

Freud comes back from the dead, and asks the first person he sees if he knows who he is.

The man replies: "No, I do not."

Freud says: "why, I am the great Sigmund Freud. I am the father of modern psychology, I have made great advancements in studying the human psyche!"

Man replies: "but Freud, all of your 'advancements' have been wildly discredited, and many psychologists view you as a joke."

Freud's response: "those mother-fuckers"

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Sigmund Freud is talking to his buddy ...

... and the conversation turns to sex, as often happens. Freud says, "I'm thinking about taking out Carl's daughter."

"Carl's daughter?" says the buddy in disbelief. "Isn't she a little Jung?"

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Today is Sigmund Freud's birthday

Which reminds me, Mother's Day is this weekend.

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What does Sigmund Freud say comes between fear and sex?

fΓΌnf

(it helps if you say it out loud, and understand German) :-)

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Sigmund Freud sits down for tea with his mother..

Sigmund Freud is sitting down for a cup of tea with his dear mother, who has her nose in a book. She gasps, and Freud asks why. And so she responds: "why, Siggy, according to these scientists, our universe is only one of many! We live in parallel with millions of other realities where everything that may or may not happen is happening simultaneously throughout the multiverse! Our reality is one string in a giant blanket of undulating spacetime!"

Freud nods, thinking a moment before responding.

"You mindfucking me, mom?"

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It's Sigmund Freud's birthday today...

I wish him great happenis.

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Do you want to hear the story on Sigmund Freud? NSFW

It takes a while but it gets to the mother fucking point.

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What did Sigmund Freud say when he had an epiphany?

Urethra!

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How did Sigmund Freud die?

He slipped

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Why doesn't Sigmund Freud swear?

Because he kisses his mother with that mouth.

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My grandpa believes he is best friends with Freud.

But I keep telling him he is just a Sigmund of his imagination.

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Sigmund Freud discovered the "Freudian Slip"

which in my opinion, was pure penis...I mean genius.

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How do you get Sigmund Freud to screw a lightbulb?

Tell him the lightbulb is his mother.

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What was Sigmund Freud's favorite food?

Freud Rice

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What happens when you give Sigmund Freud and Oedipus a bunch of cocaine?

A mother fucking awesome party.

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Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

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What's Sigmund Freud's favorite soap opera?

The Jung and the Restless

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A Jewish joke (as told by Sigmund Freud)

One Jew says to another, Have you taken a bath?
The other replies: "No. Is one missing?"

From *Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious*

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Why didn't Sigmund Freud buy name-brand weiners?

They were too expenisve

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Sigmund Freud in a slam battle:

"Yo' mamma's so neglectful, you struggle to maintain relationships with women because they view you as overly attached and clingy."

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What did Sigmund Freud call his father?

Motherfucker

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Sigmund Freud goes to In-n-Out

After discussing with the CEO that their company's name unconsciously symbolized sexual intercourse, they simply said back:

"At least we're not Pinkberry."

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What do you get when you mix Louis C.K. and Sigmund Freud?

One funny mother fucker

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Why did Carl Jung stop talking to Sigmund Freud?

He wouldn't stop talking about anal.

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My friend Sigmund had his Id stolen...

...now he's a raving egomaniac.

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Like flaming globes of Sigmund

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What were Sigmund Freuds roommates doing when they mocked him for his pent up sexual frustrations?

S~~c~~hadin'freude

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Sigmund Freud was a moron with a huge ego

And id. And superego.

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Sigmund Freud

That guy was one crazy motherfucker.

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Why did Sigmund Freud cross the road?

Your mom!

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My friend Sigmund fell while walking on ice yesterday.

He had a Freudian slip.

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What do you call a con artist with a degree in psycology?

Sigmund Fraud.

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Which Psychologist can not be trusted?

Sigmund Fraud

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What are the most funny Sigmund jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sigmund? Well, here are the best Sigmund dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sigmund pick up lines to share with friends.

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