Sight Jokes
132 sight jokes and hilarious sight puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sight that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These days, it seems like it's hard to find a time to laugh. Unwind from the day-to-day with some sight jokes! Learn about interesting word play related to vision, eyesight, and the comic clubhouses where sight gags tend to thrive. Get your daily dose of fun for your eyes and soul!
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Funniest Sight Short Jokes
Short sight jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sight humour may include short vision jokes also.
- I went to the doctors yesterday and unfortunately he told me i lost 20% of my sight Sigh...
- Chore time at the house. My daughter was freaking out at the sight of the plates, cups, bowls, et cetera stacked in the sink. I looked at her reassuringly and told her… Dishes not the time to panic.
- What's the difference between a short sighted marksman and a constipated owl? One can shoot but can't hit..
- Why are your eyes covered in ketchup? I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?"
So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20. - What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? There have been sightings of UFOs
- A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first? Her eye sight
- The blind lady on the airplane got mad at me. Because I asked if she had done any Sight Seeing on her vacation.
- Six months ago, my wife asked me to get in shape. Since then, I have been eating everything in sight. Today I am proud to say that I am a circle!
- My child told me they were transgender, and I slowly faded out of sight as I slowly became transparent
- My friend Ray just passed away :( He was on the donar list. Apparently they used his eyes to give some poor blind sod his eye sight back.
Its a miracle really, now he's got ex Ray vision
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Sight One Liners
Which sight one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sight? I can suggest the ones about spectacle and sense.
- I joined a dating sight for arsonist's… They sent me a lot of matches.
- The ketchup shortage this year was so predictable. But I guess Heinz sight is 2020
- I could see every bottle of ketchup in the restaurant. Heinz sight is 20/20.
- How do you catch up with the past? With Heinz sight
- Why is it easy to tell when you use the wrong sauce? Heinz sight is 20 20
- Why was the herd of well-sighted deer so smart? It was full of good eye deers.
- Do you believe in love at first sight or do i pass by you again.
- I won a game of hide and seek at the airport. I was hidden in plane sight.
- What type of sights are used on the guns of the Indian Army? Red Dot
- What do call a drawing of a dad joke? a sight gag
- Have you heard the joke about the man who lost his sight? It's really dark.
- Where do you hide an airport? IN PLANE SIGHT!
- Why Did The Blind Student Get an F On His Paper? He didn't sight sources.
- Why did the hand and the mitten get married? Because it was glove at first sight.
- What do you call someone who can always spot a lie? Farse-sighted
Plain Sight Jokes
Here is a list of funny plain sight jokes and even better plain sight puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Terrorists now have a brand new state of the art weapon that can be hidden in plain sight The Galaxy Note 7
- I've got a conspiracy joke that no one would believe, even though the punchline is in plain sight.
- I made a startling discovery about one of the greatest Renaissance painters. He was actually a silica-based mechanoid hiding in plain sight.
Sand Robot Ticelli.
Regained Sight Jokes
Here is a list of funny regained sight jokes and even better regained sight puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A blind man regains his sight then immediately after, his wife dies and he says, I can see clearly now, Lorraine is gone.
- Did you hear about the blind guy who got in a car accident? He regained his sight in ICU.
Comical Sight Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about sight you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean glance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sight pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One from the 1970's . . .
What's uptight, outta sight and in the groove?
A t**....
Lost in africa
Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces.
His friend said ''Hey are you crazy!!!! You can't outrun a leopard.''
His friend replied, '' Mate, i don't have to,I just have to outrun you!!!!''
A man is in urgent need for transplant buttocks after an accident.
Doctors report no end in sight.
I was watching some construction workers today
outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.
I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...
It was quite the horrific sight indeed...all I could think was, "Poor sod..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her s**... life.
Two weeks go by and nothing. Finally one day the door bell rings. She opens the door and sees a no-armed, no-legged man.
She looks at him and asks, "How do you expect to fulfill my wishes?"
He explains, "I have no arms to hit you with and no legs to run away."
Then she says, "And the s**... life?"
He looks at her and says, "I rang the door bell, didn't I?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oogaly Boogaly
A white man, Chinese man and a black man were in Africa doing research when they were captured by a tribe. First, they were tied to stakes. The chief then walked up to the white man and asked, death or oogaly boogaly. The white man thought, I don't want to die, I'll take oogaly boogaly. So the chief loosened his ropes, took him to the edge of the forest, within sight of the other two and all of the tribesmen r**... him. The chief then asked the Chinese man, death or oogaly boogaly? the Chinese man thought, remembered the screems of the white man, but didn't want to die. So he said, 'oogaly boogaly'. So the chief loosened his ropes, took him to the edge of the forest and all of the tribesmen r**... him. Then the chief walked up to the black man and asked 'death, or oogaly boogaly?' The black man said, naw man, just give me death.' The chief said 'OK, death, by oogaly boogaly!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Black guy and Jewish Genie
A black man is walking along the beach one day, when he finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Jewish Genie.
"I vill grant you 3 vishes"
Without hesitating, the man says "I wanna be White, Tight, and out of sight!"
*p**...*
He turns into a t**... ....
What's the moral of the story?
You never get anything from a Jew, without a string attached.
My friend has a compulsion to eat everything in sight, and as a result, he's put on a lot of weight...
You might say he suffers from OBCD.
One dark night, my youngest son was looking at a plane move across a clear sky...
... 'Whew', he said after it had dissapeared from sight. 'I'm never going to be a pilot.'
'Why?', I asked.
'Can you imagine how hard it would be to steer around all those stars?'
There once was a gasman named Peter...
Who, one day while reading the meter
Used a match for a light
He blew out of sight
And as anyone who knows anything about poetry will tell you, he also ruined the meter.
the papal visit
the pope visited Glasgow during his visit he went to the Royal infirmary. He went to the ward where seriously ill patients were cared for. The first patient could not walk, the pope blessed him and he got up and walked, the second patient could not see after the blessing his sight was restored, the third patient shrunk back in horror. He shouted get back don't touch me I'm on motability.
A blonde and a brunette decide to rob a bank...
The brunette is the getaway driver. She told the plan to the blonde, told her to be back in less than 5 minutes, and dropped her off at the front door of the bank.
10 minutes goes by.... No sight of the blonde...
20 minutes goes by... No sight of the blonde...
Finally, after a half hour the blonde comes running out of the bank, dragging the safe by a long rope. As soon as the blonde gets into the car, the brunette sees the guard running as fast as he can towards them, with his pants at his ankles...
After a few moments of silence, the brunette realizes what happened and screamed to the blonde, " You IDIOT! You were supposed to tie up the guard and blow the safe!!!"
A pirate goes to the doctor
A doctor walks into his exam room and is greeted with a strange sight: a pirate captain with a ships steering wheel protruding from his waistline. The doctor says "Well, I'm not sure what you came in here for, but I think we should start by addressing the steering wheel down your pants."
The pirate nods fervently, and says "Yarr, it's been drivin' me nuts!"
#ForeverAlone
Girl: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Guy: At the first sight of what?
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer
were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to the movies yesterday, and I met the most insensitive homophobe there
I mean, just the mere sight of me m**... sent him off on a rant about "morals" and "his children" and "security".
An engineer, a doctor and a priest are playing golf
There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. That's a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why can't they play at night?"
Did you hear about the blind guy that went crazy?
He lost his vision in an accident, and shortly after he went insane.
But you know what they say...
"Out of sight, out of mind."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When you really have to pee and there's no bathroom in sight...
u**... trouble.
Is it okay to make fun of colourblind people's line of sight?
It's a grey area
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.
When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.
While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a w**... emporium today...
I never sausage a sight!
I'm Starting a Fundraiser to Help Restore Sight to Seniors with Degenerative Eye Problems.
Please Upvote for visibility.
Batman walks into a bar with a pig...
It was a hot summers day and the barman thinks it's a strange sight, not to just see Batman, but to see him with a pig that has jet black hair, black eye shadow and studded bracelets.
The barman says "Is there anything I can get you Batman?"
He replies "Just-ice for goth-ham"
It's hard to compare Stevie Wonder to Ray Charles
They are both just so out of sight
The five senses are touch, smell, sight, hearing, and.....
It's on the tip of my tongue...
As a kid I wanted to be a tree surgeon...
but the sight of sap makes me faint
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cop was called to investigate a room that was the sight of a m**...
Upon arrival, the cop discovered the room was merely the crow exhibit at an aviary
A man and his son were at the grocery store today...
They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,
Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you doing?! Stooop!
Kid: Daaaad?! We're not going anywhere! What are you doing?
The dad finally stops after a minute, looks his son straight in the eye and says, as a matter of fact,
Dad: "I don't know son, you're the one who's driving."
I've never laughed so hard while eavesdropping, dad jokes are great. Happy Saturday!
She didn't believe in love at first sight...
So I had to walk by again
My dad said it was love at first sight
My mom said it was roofies
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day John looks over the fence and spies Sam's wife, n**..., watering the garden.
When Sam gets home from work, John brags to him that he's seen his wife n**....
Sam wants revenge, so that night creeps over to John's yard and catches sight of John's wife performing o**... s**....
The next day, Sam approaches John at the mailbox. "Hey, I saw your wife performing o**... s**... on you last night."
"Ha ha, the joke's on you," John says, "I wasn't home last night!"
My gay friend really despises of fruit
He cannot stand the sight of a mango.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife told me she can only have s**... with me in the dark because she can't stand the sight of me.
Since then I haven't been paying our electric bill.
A guy with an inverted sight boarded a bus to a random location.
Whoops, wrong sub.
"She's dead, there's nothing you can do, now get out of my sight!"
"Denial is the hardest part," said the necromancer.
Army Post
A friend of mine recently back from his time in the army told me about one night, at his military base when he woke up about 2am, went outside - and he saw doughnuts, eclairs, cakes of all sizes scattered over the yard - but not another person in sight. Then he realised...
They had desserted their post.
Two pilots are sitting in the cockpit, talking, when they realize they are flying over a huge crater.
"Wow, what a beautiful sight," says the first pilot.
"It is, isn't it?" the other pilot replies.
Then a flight attended joins them.
"Sir, what are we flying over?" she asks the first pilot.
"It's a crater. A meteor crashed into the earth and left that giant hole."
"Wow," replies the flight attendant. "And what's that building right next to it?"
"That's the visitors center," the second pilot says.
"Phew," she says. "They really got lucky, didn't they?"
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn
A Swede, a Norwegian and a Finn tried to swim from Norway to America on a dare. Ten miles from the Norwegian coast, the Swede gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. Fifty miles from the Norwegian coast, the Norwegian gasped "I can't make it..." and promptly drowned. The Finn had just caught sight of the American coast, when he sighed "I can't make it either..." and promptly swam back to Norway.
A lady calls her butler into her room and says, "Jeeves, take off my dress"
He casually says, "Yes, Madam", and removes the dress. Then she says, "Jeeves, take off my underwear". Again, he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the undergarment. She then says, "Jeeves, take off my bra". Again, with no hesitation he says, "Yes, Madam" and removes the bra. Then she says, "Now out of my sight! If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's wife is looking at herself in the mirror
She says to her husband "I'm old, fat and ugly. Can't you give me a compliment?"
To this the husband replies "well, at least your sight is working"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
To celebrate New Year's, my brother and I went to the Canary Islands. Beautiful part of the world, but strangely enough there wasn't a single canary in sight!
...so next year we're going to the v**... Islands
Two friends were climbing a mountain
When suddenly one of them took a false step and fell from the top, disappearing from the other's sight.
As they were equipped with radio equipment, the other tried to contact him immediately with his, "Well, well, are you okay?"
"I'm fine!"
The friend sighed in relief, and kept asking, "Do you have a fracture?"
"No, none!"
"Then go back up and I'll wait for you here."
"Sure, as soon as I get to the bottooooooom!"
My dad lost his right eye
Its been hard on the old man
He was already losing his sight to begin with
Now he says he's going to cherish whats left
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does border patrol use airplanes to search for i**... crossing the border?
Because they are always hiding in plane sight
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
An English man, German, french and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"
A question of chromosomes, don't ask him Y
A prince out for a ride in his carriage caught sight of a man who looked very much like him. He called the man over and asked him curiously,
Tell me, was your mother ever in the service at the palace?
Holding himself very straight, the commoner replied,
No, your majesty. But my father was.
hindsight is 20/20
future sight is 2020.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle.
A Hippie was walking along the beach line when he kicked a bottle. Suddenly a genie burst forth and yelled,
"YOU HAVE FREED ME FROM MY 1000 YEAR PRISON, WHAT DO YOU DESIRE? I WILL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES!"
The Hippie looks at the genie and says, "Cool man. I want too be Uptight, Out of sight, and in the groove."
So the genie turns him into a t**....
I've just visited Canada's national web page, and it was down for maintenance.
It was a sorry sight.
My mate and I went to stonehenge.
"Of all the places we've been, this is my favourite to date," he said.
I said, "But there isn't a woman in sight."
You know you're getting old when...
You don't panic at the sight of a cop car behind you in traffic.
A boxer loses his sight in a freak accident.
Not being able to compete again, all he can do now is training with his loyal training partner and hitting the bag. Since he can't see, he is required to remember and move only a certain amount of steps (both forward and backwards) to keep the distance. Suddenly his partner stops the session and the boxer asks why they stopped. His partner says: we stopped because you messed up the punch line.
One time my ex looked into a tin of Altoids
It was ex sight mint!
my sight was getting bad so I went to get glasses ...
I could not afford a pair so I bought a monocle instead -
at least now I have 1920 vision.
My friend always asks how I can spot a cute girl from across the street without my glasses.
Heinie sight is always 2020.
As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight.
Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.
My friends said they couldn't reach me after I went blind and suffered brain damage
I told them I was out of sight, out of mind
My blind friend is being unrealistic again
So I told him, " don't lose sight of what's really important. "
My Girlfriend was born without her pinky toe and the sight of her foot makes me physically ill.
My therapist says I'm lack toes intolerant.
What's the most beautiful sight to behold in Britain?
The platform for the Eurostar to Paris.
The clairvoyant and her boyfriend got engaged after only two dates.
It was love at second sight, they said.
So I live next to a prison...
One morning I awoke to the sight of a little person breaking out of said prison, hastily climbing down the fence to freedom.
Sipping my coffee I thought to myself "*Well that's a little condescending".*
Girl: Dad, I'm in love, Love at 2nd sight!
Dad : What's Love at 2nd sight???!!!
Girl : When I saw him 1st he was buying McChicken...
When I saw him again ...... he was eating it in his Lamborghini
I used to can beans for a living,
In Heinz sight it wasn't a bad job.
A strange sight was seen in the Skies of Medieval Canterbury
It was a flying Chaucer!
Airplanes
I wrote an essay once. It was about airplanes.
My Teacher asked wheres the answer to the question?
I said It Is In Plane Sight.
Last time I was working in Dallas, I had picked up these two girls on Uber.
They were talking about sight seeing and various landmarks when we pulled up next to a older brick building that had huge windows at a red light. I noticed the building was empty inside, like it had been cleared and renovated but not occupied. So I pointed it out and told the girls it was the Dallas Air and Space Museum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does Batman's mask hide only half his face?
So that the cops can see he's white and not shoot him on sight.
