Sideways Jokes

What are some Sideways jokes?

Racecar backwards is still racecar

but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

I was reading my emails...

The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."

And I thought to myself, doesn't OK look like a sideways person?

Have you ever thought about the word racecar and how it's a palindrome?

Put it backwards and it spells racecar, put it sideways and it kills Paul Walker.

Racecar backwards is still racecar

But racecar sideways is how Dale Earnhardt died.

racecar backwards is racecar

Racecar sideways is what killed Paul Walker.

racecar backwards is racecar

Racecar sideways is probably Paul Walker

"What are you doing?" asked my wife as she walked in on me and our children sitting around the table.



"I'm just showing them these old photos from when I used to be a Boxer" I said, showing off.

"If you turn them sideways kids, it looks like your Dad's standing up"

AN OLD FART

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice -- except they won't let you fart."

Confucius say: Man who go through airport turnstile sideways

going to Bangkok.

I don't think Flounder I caught today was very happy with me.

He was looking at me kinda sideways.

What's infinity minus one?

A sideways seven.

I'm so homophobic,

I eat my hotdogs sideways.

A crab walks into a bar...

The Barman says "I can't serve you mate, you're already walking sideways".

Why do gangsters hold their guns sideways?

Because that's the way it came in the box.

Why do gangsters hold their pistols sideways?

Because that's how it comes in the box :D

Why was everyone confused when a crab walked straight into the bar?

Because crabs only walk sideways.

My very pregnant wife complained that bending over the sink to wash dishes was too hard on her back

"Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"

The stitches come out on Monday.

Man who walks through airport turnstiles sideways....

is going to Bangkok

I used to live in a place with crazy thin walls.

I used to live in a place with super thin walls, which came with a lot of pros and cons

A big con was that at all times of day, you can hear people have nasty, carnal sex right next to you through the wall.

A pro, however, was that was if you knocked on the wall, and asked very nicely, you get to join in the sideways hokey pokey.

This led to a LOT of crazy, sex adventures.

All the crazy sex gets tiring after a while though, so eventually, I had to move out.

And I gotta say, it was really weird having to leave my parents place.

Recently I've been watching videos of people running sideways in Call of Duty...

They're really D-Pressing!

My wife told me that she couldn't turn her neck because it hurts so much, so I told her to look forward to a massage tonight...

...Since she can't look sideways anyways...

Nobody in the world knows what those tiny sideways triangles on a keyboard mean.

Well, more or less.

Race-car

A racecar backwards is still a racecar.

A racecar sideways is how accidents happen.

Hannah backwards is still Hannah...

But Hannah sideways is how she got pregnant.

Confucius says

Man entering airport door sideways bound to Bangkok

If a tree falls in a forest and no one hesrs it,

Do the squirrels sleep sideways?

Old Chinese Proverb

Says "Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok"

A man who walks through airport turnstile sideways...

is going to Bangkok.

:p

~From the movie: On A Clear Day

How to make Sideways jokes?

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