Sidewalk Jokes
117 sidewalk jokes and hilarious sidewalk puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sidewalk that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the art of sidewalk chalk painting and its potential to turn any alley into a vibrant and fun outdoor art gallery. Learn how to create clever jokes and puns with passersby in mind, and how to incorporate manholes for extra tricks and treats.
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Funniest Sidewalk Short Jokes
Short sidewalk jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sidewalk humour may include short street jokes also.
- Looked down and saw $80 on the sidewalk. Being the good Christian that I am, I thought, what would Jesus do? So I went to the liquor store and turned it into wine
- I found $10 on the sidewalk and I was going to keep it, but then I thought, "What would Jesus do?" So I turned it into wine.
- An economist walks by a hundred dollar bill ... ... on the sidewalk but decides not to pick it up, because if it were really there, someone would have picked it up already.
- Once, when I visited America I saw a Crab walking along the Pavement
Sorry I meant to say Sidewalk
He was Sidewalking along the pavement - A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today... The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.
- Today a girl stopped me on the sidewalk and says, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am?" "I'd say you're about the average but I don't want to make this a mean joke."
- I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house. The owner had left a note. "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!" - I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift. He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
- Coronavirus has finally made me less racist Now I also cross the street when a white person approaches me on the sidewalk
- Oh my god! there was a kidnapping right outside my house today... So weird to see a kid sleeping on the sidewalk in the middle of the day.
Share These Sidewalk Jokes With Friends
Sidewalk One Liners
Which sidewalk one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sidewalk? I can suggest the ones about roadside and street corners.
- Why the crab cross the road? It didn't, it used the sidewalk.
- I want to give a shoutout to the sidewalk For keeping me off the street.
- What do you call a chicken's sidewalk drawing? A chalk-a-doodle-do!
(Cr - If you don't like the way women drive, Stay off the sidewalk.
- Why did the crab cross the road? Actually, it never did. It used the sidewalk.
- You wanna know something that's really trippy? Uneven sidewalks.
- I'd like to thank the sidewalks For keeping me off the streets
- I feel like a crushed Coke can on the sidewalk. Soda pressed.
- Did you hear the one about the sidewalk? It's all over town!
- I heard this great idea to keep kids off the streets Sidewalks
- Yo mama's so fat when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
- What did the sidewalk say when it fell in love? It was cement to be.
- Have you heard the news about the sidewalks? It's all over town!
- A dead goose was discovered on the sidewalk today. Fowl play is suspected.
- Why did the driver run over the sidewalk? He wanted to flatten the curb
Sidewalk Chalk Jokes
Here is a list of funny sidewalk chalk jokes and even better sidewalk chalk puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like to draw shapes in the sidewalk with chalk... But the street is where I draw the line
- What's a sidewalk's favorite ice-cream flavor? Chalk-late
Laughable Sidewalk Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
What funny jokes about sidewalk you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pedestrian jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sidewalk pranks.
A man is walking down the street
He notices another gentleman walking down the sidewalk towards him dragging a long chain behind him.
He says to the man, "Excuse me sir, but why on earth are your dragging that long chain down the road?"
The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a chain down the road?"
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
A police officer was directing traffic.
A police officer was directing traffic. He saw a man walking along the sidewalk with a penguin following him. He says, "Sir, you have a penguin following you."
"I know, he won't quit following me." replies the man.
"You should take him to the zoo." The man nods and walks towards the zoo. A bit later the police officer sees the man with the penguin still behind him. "Excuse me sir, I thought you were taking the penguin to the zoo."
"I did" said the man, "Now we are going to the movies."
p**... in New York
p**... was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop at a busy intersection. The cop stopped the flow of all traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' When everyone had safely crossed the street, he would allow traffic to resume.
The officer had done this several times, and p**... still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, p**... went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across ?'
What happened?
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
I missed yesterday's "most intellectual joke" thread, so I'll just leave this here instead.
Two economists are walking through town, when one of them stops suddenly and points to something thin and green on the sidewalk.
"Look there," he says to his companion. "Is that a $100 bill just lying there on the ground?"
"Impossible," the other replies. "If it was, someone would have picked it up by now."
Still the best blonde joke to date..
A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
A drunk walks out of a bar...(not sure if a repost. New to this sub)
He stumbles along the sidewalk and comes upon a nun walking toward him.
He sees her and his eyes grow big and he lurches at her and begins to wail on her.
He throws her to the ground and stomps and pummels her until she is no longer moving.
He gathers himself, stands up and dusts himself off.
As he turns to walk away, he says " not so tough tonight are you, Batman?"
Hygienic!
Two girls were walking down the sidewalk on a hot summer day. They come upon this old lady sitting on steps in front of her house eating watermelon. They notice that she wasn`t wearing any p**.... So they ask her if its cooler without wearing any p**....
She said, "I don't know if it's cooler but sure keeps the flies off the watermelon.
An old woman went on a walk looking for her husband of 50 years...
As she strolled down the sidewalk outside of the retirement home, so approached a shaking bush. When she peered inside, she saw her husband getting a h**... from old Gurt. Startled, they got up. The woman cried to her husband, "how could you do this to me?" He hung his head in shame. "What makes her so great?! What does SHE have that I don't?"
The old man just smiled, and replied, "Parkinson's."
A Rabbi and a Catholic priest are driving down the road...
when they happen to see this young boy walking down the sidewalk. The priest leans over to the Rabbi and says. "Hey Rabbi...whaddaya say we screw this little boy?" The Rabbi looks back at him, slightly confused, and asks "Out of what?"
Two Blondes on a Street
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You d**..., it's me!"
Two blondes walking
Two blondes were walking down the street when the came across a compact mirror laying on the sidewalk. One of the blondes picked the mirror up and looked in it. She said, "man, this chick looks familiar." The other blonde grabs the mirror, looks in it, and replied "you idiot, that's me."
A man is walking on a sidewalk past...
An insane asylum. He hears voices on the inside chanting "thirteen,thirteen, thirteen".
He is curious why they are chanting that. He looks around and finds a hole that allows himself to look inside the fence. As he puts his eye on the hole a stick jabs him in the eye. And the chant changes to "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen".
My dad tells this joke all the time.
A drunk white guy swerves and hits 2 black teens walking down the sidewalk
One went through the windshield, the other was flung 50 yards away.
When the police show up, they charge the first kid with breaking and entering and the other with fleeing the scene of a crime.
When I grow up!
One day a child and his mother were walking down the sidewalk when they came upon a burning building. The fire department had just showed up and all the people inside were saved by the strong firemen. The little kid looks to his mother and says "mom, when I grow up I'm gonna be a fireman!". The mother replies "you're not going to grow up!, you've got luekimia!"
So there's this lemon...
And he's running down the street.
He trips and falls on the sidewalk, leaving him with a n**... gash on his arm.
Luckily, another lemon walks by and patches him up with a Lemonaid kit.
(It's really bad, but the joke inspired my username. Just had to share.)
City workers
A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn't figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.
Two turtles collide in an intersection.
When the police come, they look around to see if there are any witnesses, they only see a snail on the sidewalk. The police approach the snail and ask him if he could tell them what he saw. To which the snail replied, "well, it happened so fast..."
A Cop and His Trained Dog Stop me on a Sidewalk
The dog sniffs around me for a bit and barks to the officer.
The officer walks up to me and says, "Where are the drugs? The dog says he could smell them off you."
I reply, "Drugs? What drugs? You're the one talking to dogs."
I accused the construction man for damaging my sidewalk.
"You are going to need concrete evidence if you want to prove me guilty"
A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
My father thinks himself an expert at cutting through busy sidewalks.
I consider his ability rather pedestrian.
A Touching story
one day a boy was walking home from school and saw a cat lying motionless on the sidewalk. To satisfy his curiosity the boy walked up to the cat to see if it was injured or dead. He touched the cautiously the first time but there was no response. So He touched the cat again. He continued touching, touching and touching. Like i said in the title, this is a touching story.
A drunk stumbles out of the bar, sees a nun on the sidewalk and pops her one right in the nose...
while she's on the ground crying, he says,"Not so tough now, are you, Batman?"
A Rabbi and a priest are sitting on a park bench.....
The priest points to a little boy walking down the sidewalk, turns to the Rabbi and says "Let's screw him." Rabbi looks the child over and says, "Out of what?".
A guy walking into a bar
sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk.
Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.
A man in Ireland finds a boy crying on the sidewalk
He walks up to the boy and says "Poor laddy, what's the matter? Why are ya crying?"
Little boy says "It's me mum you see, she just passed and now I've got no one at home for me. I'm all alone."
The man comforts the boy who's mum had just died and offers to go fetch Father Monaghan from the church.
The little boy responds "No need to fetch him, s**... won't help this any."
Someone told me I am bad at driving
I told them that if they didn't like my driving, they should get off the sidewalk.
Blondes Find A Mirror
Two blondes finds a mirror on the sidewalk. The first blonde picks it up, looks into it, and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before." The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duh! Of course you have -- that's me!"
I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but then I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel?
And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
(Emo Philips)
What do you call a sidewalk that swindles you out of your money?
CON-crete
Two economists walk down a road...
Two economists walk down a road and they see a twenty dollar bill lying on the side-walk. One of them asks is that a twenty dollar bill? Then the other one answers It can't be, because someone would have picked it up already, and they keep walking.
Never realized how much I take sidewalks for granted.
After all, they've been keeping me off the streets for years.
A blind man walks into a bar
...and now the construction crew is in trouble for leaving their scaffolding stacked in the middle of the sidewalk.
How do you get a poor man off the streets?
Pick him up and put him on the sidewalks.
A man is pulling a line of string along a sidewalk
A woman asks him as he walks near, "Excuse me, why are you pulling that string along?"
The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a string?"
Did you hear about the dog that gave birth on the sidewalk?
She was given a ticket for littering.
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.'
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound' and another sign that says 'Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.'
So he asks the man behind the cash register, how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?
The man replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?
I think the kids next door stepped through my newly poured sidewalk
Don't have any concrete evidence though.
What's cold, blue and waiting on the sidewalk?
A frostitute.
(It worked better in German :P)
How do c**... get around on land?
They use the sidewalk.
A nun is doing her rounds around town. . .
. . .when she turns the corner near a bar, only to collide with a mean-looking, stumbling drunk. The drunk flies into a rage, and punches her in the face. He then kicks her square in the gut, and begins to brutally pummel her head and face as she doubles over.
Within a minute, she is reduced to a quivering, sobbing mess on the sidewalk. The drunk spits on the nun, and sneers.
"Yeah. . .not so f**...' tough NOW, eh Batman?"
Of course.
Two blondes are walking along and they find a compact (for make-up) on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, opens it and looks in the little mirror.
Oh! , she says. This person looks very familiar!
The other blonde grabs the compact, looks in the mirror and says,
Well of course, you d**.... It's ME!
There are two potatoes standing on the sidewalk. How do you know which one is the p**...?
The one with the sticker Idaho.
Donald Trump is heading to Trump Tower and bumps into a fellow on the busy sidewalk. He turns to the man and says...
"I pardon myself"
Beside the sidewalk, someone left a plastic bag with a set of German team uniforms inside. Cannot believe that! Just throw it here??!
It costs 50 cents in supermarket for such a big plastic bag!
A man proudly sporting an I Love Trump pin passes a liberal man on the sidewalk. As he does so, he trips and falls.
Oh my god! Exclaims the liberal, Are you alt-right?
One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...
a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be f**... driver for 25 years.
Came across a body lying on the sidewalk
A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.
The operator asked him where he was and the man replied, I'm on Sycamore Drive.
How do you spell that? the operator asked.
S-i-c-k… the man began. No, s-i-c-a….. no, s-i-k-a…. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I'll call you back.
Two blondes
Two blonds find a mirror on the sidewalk. The first blonde looks into it and says: look! There's a picture of a woman.
The second blonde looks at it and says: eww, she's so freaking ugly!
I saw a man on the street dressed as henry viii.
He was sitting on the sidewalk asking people for money.
I thought, that can't be right; beggars can't be Tudors?
Lamborghini
A blondie was driving down the road with her Lamborghini. She stops at a red light.
A man walking on the sidewalk sees the car.
Man: Wow.. So beautiful!
The blonde rolled down her window.
Blonde: Are you talking about the car or me?
Man: I was talking about my reflection
A staggering drunk knocks over a pregnant lady who is carrying a bag of groceries...
2 eggs and a bottle of ketchup fall and break to the sidewalk. The drunk say "Sorry lady, but it would have died anyway. Its eyes were too far apart.
A r**... suffered a n**... fall...
So he visited a physician and sought treatment.
Apply this ointment to the area where injury was sustained, the doctor said.
The r**... happily left the clinic and proceeded to liberally apply ointment on the sidewalk where he fell.
How i learned to mind my own business
One day I was walking on the sidewalk next to a mental hospital and heard 13...13...13...
So I decided to peek through a hole in the wall and immediately got poked In the eye and heard 14...14...14...
Trandlated a joke, hopefully nobody told it already
Johnny is walking around with his grandma.
He finds candy on the ground, he wants to pick it up, but his grandma tells him:"don't pick up things on the sidewalk."
They continue walking and Johnny finds 1$, but his grandma tells him again:"don't pick up things on the sidewalk."
Then his grandma slips and asks him:"Johnny, help me stand up" Johnny replied:"No, I don't pick up things from the sidewalk."
A guy walks into a bar
He sits down and tells the bartender, I don't drink too often, so what would you recommend? Bartender says, I make a pretty good grasshopper. Guy replies, Cool, I'll have one. So the bartender whips it up, the guy drinks it, and heads out of the bar.
While walking to his car the guy notices a grasshopper on the sidewalk. Guy looks down and says, did you know they have a drink named after you in there?
Grasshopper says, they have a drink named Lenny?
A man committed a m**..., and he made the mistake of dragging the body across a freshly-paved sidewalk.
He was easily convicted. There was concrete evidence
A guy is at a party on the second floor of a house, and he's very drunk.
The guy falls out the window of the house and lands on the sidewalk. There just happens to be another person walking on the same sidewalk a few feet away.
What happened? The guy walking says.
The drunk looks up at him and says, I don't know, I just got here!
Two mice are walking down a New York sidewalk.
A beautiful woman passes them. The first mouse says Wow! Did you see the a**... on her?! The other mouse responds It was nice, but I'm a titmouse myself.
"911, what's your emergency?"
Drunk r**..., "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"
911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"
Drunk r**..., "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."
911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "
Drunk r**..., "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"
