Sides Jokes

What are some Sides jokes?

Worst Geometry Joke I Know

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

Yo mama's like a brick.....

dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

A Horse Walks into a Bar...

He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"

The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other

France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

Why do italians love soccer?

Because halfway through they get to switch sides

How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.

With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

Two blondes are on either sides of a river.

The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".

The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...

The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"

The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...

most of the time it's just d-pressing.

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake.

One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",

to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"

A horse walks into a bar and says, On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?

The bartender says, Y, the long face.

2 Blondes are standing on opposite sides of a river...

...One blonde yells across, "How did you get to the other side?"
the other blonde looks confused and yells back, "Don't be stupid, you're already on the other side!"

Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river

One blonde calls out to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, "But you're already on the other side."

Cats and ladders

A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.

"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."

He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.

"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."

I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

Ice cream

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little
Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three
women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking
the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of
the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like
your thinking."

Two blonds are on opposite sides of a river

"Hey!!! How do I get on the other side??"

"You idiot!! You're already on the other side!!!"

The River

A blonde and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river.

The brunette yells to the blonde "HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER?"

The blonde yells back "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU IDIOT!!"

A trick with a tie

Son: Dad! I learned an awesome new trick at school in science class. Can I borrow your tie?

Dad: Let's see it.

Son: if we fold your tie in half, and roll the fat end toward the middle, and the thin end toward the middle, we have two rolls - one big and one small, both the same length, right?

Well, if I hold up the tie from the middle, and let go of both sides at the same time, which side will unroll first?

Dad: I have no idea.

Son (drops both ends, which open at the same time):

It's a tie, dad.

A teacher asks her class...

"If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with
the first gun shot" The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone" To which Little Johnny replied,

The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on,... but I like your thinking."

A teacher asks her class...

A teacher asks her class "if there are 5 birds sitting on a wall and you shoot one of them how many are left?" She calls on little johnny "none they all fly away at the first gunshot" the teacher replies "the correct answer is 4 but I like your thinking" then little johnny replies "now I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream. One is delicately liking the sides of a triple scoop ice cream, the second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone and the third is biting of the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher blushes and replies "well I guess the one that is gobbling down top and sucking the cone" "the correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking"

What is it called when a large piece of foliage is the same on both sides?

Symmetree.

Tapes have A and B sides

So it only made sense to transition to CDs .

The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle,

until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.

Some musician jokes

Q. Why don't violinists play hide and seek?

A. No one would look for them.

Q. How can you tell if a stage is level?

A. Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q. What is the definition of perfect pitch?

A. Tossing an accordion into a dumpster without hitting the sides.


Q. How do you get two guitarists to play in unison?

A. Shoot one.

Q. How can you tell if a cello is out of tune?

A. The bow is moving.

Q. Why are musician jokes so short?

A. So the bassist can understand them.

Q. If a conductor and a watermelon are both dropped from a 24 story building, what hits the ground first?

A. Who cares?

Q. How can you keep your violin from being stolen?

A. Keep it in the violin case.

An Englishman and an Irishman are standing on opposite sides of a river

The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"

The Irishman yells back "What'r ye talkin about? you're already there!"

A pirate captain says to his first mate...

Where are my buccaneers?

Aye Cap'n, they're the sides of your buccan' head!

Mary had a little skirt It was slit right up the sides... And every time she wore that skirt.... The boys could see her thighs.... Mary had another skirt It was slit right up the front....

But she never wore that one.

What has 6 sides and flies?

A box with flies in it

I went to my in-laws for dinner

An argument inevitably broke out and my wife told me not to take sides.

I told her "they wont notice", as I slid the roast potatoes into my pocket "they are to distracted"

Just some jokes about musicians.

How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.

How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.

How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world?

Molar opposites.

In the wake of Trump meeting the "President of Virgin Islands", it remind me the two sides of Trump's brain: "left" and "right"...

In the left side, there's nothing right.

In the right side, there's nothing left.ο»Ώ

Yo mama so fat

That she falls off of both sides of the bed at once

How can you tell when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.

Two blondes were tubing down a river...

Two blondes were tubing down a river when they got pulled into the rapids. Their tubes capsized and floated off without them and they ended up on opposite sides of the river.

One yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?"

The other yells back, "You're on the other side!"

Two men are on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts to the second...

"How do i get to the other side of the river"

The second man shouts back :

"You are on the other side of the river."

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales...

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

Your mother is like a brick

Flat on both sides and laid by mexicans

A blonde and her friend...

Are recently hired putting up siding on a house. They're working on opposite sides so the first one goes to check on the second. She watches as she pulls a nail from her bag, lookas at it, and throws it away. She hollers up and asks what that was about. The second blonde says some of the nails are defective. The point is facing the wrong way so she throws those out. The first blonde says, " You idiot! They aren't defective, they're for the other side of the house "

How does a band know if the stage is level?

When drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

I like writing my eights on their sides.

It's infinitely better

My ex girlfriend is a brick

Flat on both sides and laid by hispanic men.

If you see a Kentucky man driving down the road...

How can you tell if he's married? If he's married there'll be tobacco juice down both sides of the car.

A private school dance...

There are two private middle schools having a school dance together in on of the school's gyms. One is an all girls' school, and the other is an all boys' school.

All of the kids are dancing in the middle of the school's gym and having a pretty good time...except for one girl with a peg leg and one boy with a wooden eye.

After about a half an hour of standing on opposite sides of the gym, the boy finally musters up the courage to speak to the girl.

The boy says to her "Hi I think you're very pretty, would you like to dance with me?"

Excited, the girl sweetly says "Would I!"

After a moment, the boy growls back at her "peg leg!"

At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.

The other is getting oral sex from an 90-year-old toothless woman.

They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?

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Don't look down.

Two men are on opposite sides of a river.

The first one shouts, 'How do I get to the other side?'

The second one replies 'You are already on the other side!'

For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin

The one they can't see and the one they can't see either

An archeologist finds three coffins. The first two have ornate drawing of a person covering each of their front sides. The third one, however, possessed only a primitive sort of stick figure. Who did the archeologist think was buried in the last coffin?

The coffin painter

So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's...

And says, "Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."

Why does Sideshow Bob look up to Moe?

Because Bob also wants to be a Bart-Ender.

Your brain has two sides, a left and a right side.

In the left side there's nothing right and in the right side there's nothing left.

Why did the singer of System of a Down open a restaurant?

Because of his self-righteous soup and sides.

France and Italy are at war. Who wins?

No one. France surrenders and Italy changes sides

France and Italy are in a battle against each other. Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

There's always multiple sides to a story, unless you're at a library...

...then there's multiple stories to a side.

A lawyer is parking his BMW...

A lawyer is parking his BMW outside a store in Manhattan, and as he opens his door to get out a taxi sides wipes his car taking the whole door off.

The lawyer hops out and starts screaming at the cab driver, "You idiot, you hit my brand new BMW, you ripped the whole door off! Do you have any idea how much this is going to cost? I'm a lawyer! I'll sue you so bad your grandchildren will feel it!"

The cab driver sighs and says, "You lawyers are all the same, only care about material things. Your door got ripped off, yet you didn't realize you also lost your arm."

The lawyer looks down to see his left arm missing, looks back and the cabbie and yells, "My Rolex!"

Did you hear about the war between France and Italy?

Italy switched sides and France surrendered

How do roadies know when they've got a stage level?

The drummer drools evenly out of both sides of his mouth

A convict imprisoned for 1st degree murder escaped from prison.

On the run, he broke into a young couple's house and tied each of them up on opposite sides of the room. He went over to the wife and bent over beside her, appearing to be kissing her neck. He suddenly got up and left the room. Quickly, the husband rushed to his wife and whispered, "This guy probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing your neck and he probably wants to have sex with you. Just cooperate with him and pretend to enjoy it because our lives depend on it. Be strong and I love you."
His wife whispers back, "You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck...he was whispering in my ear. He thinks that you're really cute and asked if there was any lube in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you too."

France and Italy declare war...

France surrenders and Italy switches sides. Both countries lose.

He Tries To Give A Little Girl Some Advice. But Didn't Expect This Reply.

One afternoon, firefighter Rick was working on the engine outside the Fire Station, when he noticed a little Susan nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The Susan was wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

So firefighter Rick walked over to take a closer look. That sure is a nice fire truck, the firefighter said with admiration to Susan.

Thanks, the little Susan replied.

Then firefighter Rick looked a little closer, The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

Little partner, firefighter Rick said, I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go a lot faster.

The little Susan replied thoughtfully, You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.

Why did Jesus get all the ladies?

Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)

Where does a pirate captain keep his buccaneers?

On the sides of his buckin' head!

What do you call a triangle with four sides and a serious drinking problem?

A wrecked angle.

How do you keep a blonde busy?

Put "flip" on both sides of a piece of paper

What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?

A USB drive

Give me your best 'Yo Momma' jokes.

Yo momma's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm for different timezones!

Yo momma's so fat, she is on BOTH sides of the family!

Why do rivers contain a lot of money?

There are banks on both sides.

Why did the chicken return to the buffet?

To get to the other sides

Did you hear about the boolean argument?

There are two sides but they say only 1 is true.


^^^^^^^^^^^^hurt
^^^^^^^^^^^^me

How many sides does a circle have ?

Two.

Inside & Outside

How to make Sides jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Sides to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Sides? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Sides pick up lines to share with friends.

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