sides Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sides puns

Worst Geometry Joke I Know

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

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If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

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When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

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Three prostitutes are sitting in a bar. . .

and they're drunkenly arguing over who has the loosest pussy.

The first one says: "Last night I had a John put his whole fist up me and open up his fingers.

The second one laughs and says: "That's nothing! Last week I had a guy who stuck his arm up me to the elbow and could wriggle it all around, barely touching the sides!"

The third one laughed at the other two and slid down the bar stool.

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A girl with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach crying

A man walks up to her and says "What's wrong?" She replies "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her, but she starts crying even more. He says "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be kissed." This time she replies "Yea, but I've never been fucked before." The man thinks for a second, and has an idea. He picks her up by her sides, and throws her as far as he can into the ocean. He yells to her "Well, you're fucked now!"

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Yo mama's like a brick.....

dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

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Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

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A Horse Walks into a Bar...

He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"

The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."

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France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other

France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

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Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

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Why do italians love soccer?

Because halfway through they get to switch sides

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How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.

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Two blondes are on either sides of a river.

The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".

The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"

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With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

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A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...

The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"

The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"

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So a newlywed couple is in bed after their wedding day when...

The husband lets out a massive fart and the wife says " What was that?"
The husband responds "A game. Im winning 7-0" later the wife lets out a fart and says "7-7!"
The wife follows up with another poot and claims the score 14-7. Finally the the husband fart so explosively that he shits the bed. The wife says "What does that mean?"
The husband replies "halftime switch sides."

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Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

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I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...

most of the time it's just d-pressing.

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"Sir, this is the police, please open the door immediately."

"Give me a second, I'm taking a shit"

"We know sir, the phone box has glass sides"

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Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake.

One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",

to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"

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A horse walks into a bar and says, On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?

The bartender says, Y, the long face.

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A blonde and a burnette are on opposite sides of a river...

The burnette yells to the blonde "how do I get to the other side?"

The blonde yells back "you are on the other side!"

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2 Blondes are standing on opposite sides of a river...

...One blonde yells across, "How did you get to the other side?"
the other blonde looks confused and yells back, "Don't be stupid, you're already on the other side!"

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Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river

One blonde calls out to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, "But you're already on the other side."

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Cats and ladders

A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.

"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."

He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.

"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."

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I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

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An Asylum Tour

A benefactor by the name of John is touring an asylum to see how it is being ran. Occasionally, he sees an unusual patient and stops to talk.

The first man he comes across is grabbing the sides of his head and making a marked twisting motion. Concerned, John asks him what he's doing. Well, sir, the patient says "I'm trying to get my head screwed on tight so I can get the fuck out of here."

The second patient, upon seeing John, sudden pulls down his pants and shits in his hands. He then proceeds to mold it into a cube. He looks at John, and without prompting, says he is 'getting his shit together so he can get the fuck out of there'.

Surprised, John moves on until he sees a young man with his dick in a bag of peanuts. Unnerved, he asks the young man why he's doing this. "Well, gosh, sir. I'm fucking nuts and I'm never gonna get out of here."

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When does a pentagon not have five sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

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I'm a pretty neutral guy.

I find it hard to choose sides.

I mean, I have an uncle who drives a truck for Pepsi and a cousin who sucks dick for coke.

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Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvre always works."

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Ice cream

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little
Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."
Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three
women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking
the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling
down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of
the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like
your thinking."

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Two blonds are on opposite sides of a river

"Hey!!! How do I get on the other side??"

"You idiot!! You're already on the other side!!!"

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The River

A blonde and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river.

The brunette yells to the blonde "HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER?"

The blonde yells back "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU IDIOT!!"

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A trick with a tie

Son: Dad! I learned an awesome new trick at school in science class. Can I borrow your tie?

Dad: Let's see it.

Son: if we fold your tie in half, and roll the fat end toward the middle, and the thin end toward the middle, we have two rolls - one big and one small, both the same length, right?

Well, if I hold up the tie from the middle, and let go of both sides at the same time, which side will unroll first?

Dad: I have no idea.

Son (drops both ends, which open at the same time):

It's a tie, dad.

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What are the most funny Sides jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sides? Well, here are the best Sides dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sides pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes