Sides Jokes
139 sides jokes and hilarious sides puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sides that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funniest "sides jokes" - puns related to the popular Sander Sides series by Thomas Sanders. From puns based on characters' names to jokes about sided polygons and spiky sides, get ready for a good laugh!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Sides Short Jokes
Short sides jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sides humour may include short sided jokes also.
- How many Alzheimer's patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side
- I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83... On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
- My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.... We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
- Its funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.
- I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps." I was right. I was playing the B-side.
- One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
- Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: A table for 26, please.
Headwaiter: But there's only . . . um, 13 of you.
Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side. - The cast of star wars VII just finished their first read through Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?
- Judaism is a lot like the pH scale. On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.
- Worst Geometry Joke I Know When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?
When it is intercepted by a plane.
Share These Sides Jokes With Friends
Sides One Liners
Which sides one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sides? I can suggest the ones about sided building and downside.
- Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side.
- Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side... Only three more sleeps till Christmas
- how many alziemers patients does it take to change a light bulb? to get to the other side
- Why did the Jedi kill his master? To get to the other side.
- When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane
- Why are Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
- Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides
- Why did the console gamer cross the road To render the other side
- How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon? Intersect it with a plane.
- Why did the Egyptians build the pyramid? To get to the other side.
- What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity? Anonogon.
- What do you call a joke that doesn't make sense? To get to the other side.
- Why did the double agent cross the road? Because he never really was on your side.
- Since Eve was created from Adam's ribs... That technically makes her Adam's side chick.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Opposite Sides Jokes
Here is a list of funny opposite sides jokes and even better opposite sides puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake. One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",
to which the other replies "You are on the other side!" - A horse walks into a bar and says, On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle? The bartender says, Y, the long face.
- Two men are on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts: How do I get to the other side?
The second shouts back: You are on the other side! - Two blonds are on opposite sides of a river "Hey!!! How do I get on the other side??"
"You idiot!! You're already on the other side!!!" - An Englishman and an Irishman are standing on opposite sides of a river The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"
The Irishman yells back "What'r ye talkin about? you're already there!" - What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world? Molar opposites.
- Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a lake -Hey, how do I get to the other side? Yelled one blonde
-You are already on the other side. The other one answered - Two men are on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts to the second... "How do i get to the other side of the river"
The second man shouts back :
"You are on the other side of the river." - Why did the polish person marry someone from the other side of the country? Because opposite poles attract
- 2 Blondes On Opposite River Banks 1 Yelled "How Do I Get To The Other Side"? She Yelled Back "You'r On The Other Side".
Cheeky Sides Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about sides you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sides pranks.
Give me your best 'Yo Momma' jokes.
Yo momma's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm for different timezones!
Yo momma's so fat, she is on BOTH sides of the family!
2 Blondes are standing on opposite sides of a river...
...One blonde yells across, "How did you get to the other side?"
the other blonde looks confused and yells back, "Don't be s**..., you're already on the other side!"
I like writing my eights on their sides.
It's infinitely better
What is it called when a large piece of foliage is the same on both sides?
Symmetree.
How do roadies know when they've got a stage level?
The drummer drools evenly out of both sides of his mouth
Cats and ladders
A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Just some jokes about musicians.
How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.
How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.
At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.
One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.
The other is getting o**... s**... from an 90-year-old toothless woman.
They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
Don't look down.
So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's...
And says, "Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."
How does a band know if the stage is level?
When drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
Yo mama's like a brick.....
dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
If you see a Kentucky man driving down the road...
How can you tell if he's married? If he's married there'll be tobacco juice down both sides of the car.
A blonde and her friend...
Are recently hired putting up siding on a house. They're working on opposite sides so the first one goes to check on the second. She watches as she pulls a nail from her bag, lookas at it, and throws it away. She hollers up and asks what that was about. The second blonde says some of the nails are defective. The point is facing the wrong way so she throws those out. The first blonde says, " You idiot! They aren't defective, they're for the other side of the house "
Two blondes were tubing down a river...
Two blondes were tubing down a river when they got pulled into the rapids. Their tubes capsized and floated off without them and they ended up on opposite sides of the river.
One yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?"
The other yells back, "You're on the other side!"
How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?
You switch sides at half time.
The River
A blonde and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river.
The brunette yells to the blonde "HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER?"
The blonde yells back "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU IDIOT!!"
How can you tell when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...
The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"
Your mother is like a brick
Flat on both sides and laid by mexicans
Why did Jesus get all the ladies?
Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)
Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales...
Two blondes are on either sides of a river.
The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".
The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Put "flip" on both sides of a piece of paper
Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river
One blonde calls out to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, "But you're already on the other side."
Why did italy cross the road?
To switch sides
France and Italy are in a battle against each other. Who wins?
Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.
France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other
France surrenders
Italy changes sides
Both lose
France and Italy declare war...
France surrenders and Italy switches sides. Both countries lose.
A Horse Walks into a Bar...
He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."
Did you hear about the boolean argument?
There are two sides but they say only 1 is true.
^^^^^^^^^^^^hurt
^^^^^^^^^^^^me
My ex girlfriend is a brick
Flat on both sides and laid by hispanic men.
If France and Italy go to war, who would win?
None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.
How many sides does a circle have ?
Two.
Inside & Outside
Why do rivers contain a lot of money?
There are banks on both sides.
Mary had a little skirt It was slit right up the sides... And every time she wore that skirt.... The boys could see her thighs.... Mary had another skirt It was slit right up the front....
But she never wore that one.
Why do men sleep on their sides?
Because they have a kickstand.
What has 6 sides and flies?
A box with flies in it
In the wake of Trump meeting the "President of v**... Islands", it remind me the two sides of Trump's brain: "left" and "right"...
In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.
I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...
most of the time it's just d-pressing.
Where does a pirate captain keep his buccaneers?
On the sides of his buckin' head!
With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.
The outraged side,
And the uninformed.
Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?
So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.
What do you call a triangle with four sides and a serious drinking problem?
A wrecked angle.
Why does Sideshow Bob look up to Moe?
Because Bob also wants to be a Bart-Ender.
I went to my in-laws for dinner
An argument inevitably broke out and my wife told me not to take sides.
I told her "they wont notice", as I slid the roast potatoes into my pocket "they are to distracted"
Why did the singer of System of a Down open a restaurant?
Because of his self-righteous soup and sides.
There's always multiple sides to a story, unless you're at a library...
...then there's multiple stories to a side.
Did you hear about the war between France and Italy?
Italy switched sides and France surrendered
Two men are on opposite sides of a river.
The first one shouts, 'How do I get to the other side?'
The second one replies 'You are already on the other side!'
For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin
The one they can't see and the one they can't see either
Yo mama so fat
That she falls off of both sides of the bed at once
A pirate captain says to his first mate...
Where are my buccaneers?
Aye Cap'n, they're the sides of your buccan' head!
Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...
He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."
The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle,
until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.
An archeologist finds three coffins. The first two have ornate drawing of a person covering each of their front sides. The third one, however, possessed only a primitive sort of stick figure. Who did the archeologist think was buried in the last coffin?
The coffin painter
Tapes have A and B sides
So it only made sense to transition to CDs .
What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?
A USB drive
Your brain has two sides, a left and a right side.
In the left side there's nothing right and in the right side there's nothing left.
France and Italy are at war. Who wins?
No one. France surrenders and Italy changes sides
Why did the chicken return to the buffet?
To get to the other sides
Mary had a little dress
With slits all up the sides
And every step that Mary took
The boys could see her thighs.
\~\~\~
Mary had another dress
With slits all up the front
\--But she never wore that one.
Two men are on opposite sides of a river
The first man shouts "How do I get to the other side of the river?"
The second man shouts back "You are on the other side of the river."
polygon
the guru was happily teaching math to the students at his home. He said
"5 sides --> pentagon"
"6 sides -->hexagon"
"8 sides -->octagon"
.....then suddenly, the guru got a sudden heart attack, he fell onto the ground making a loud "thud" sound and died on the spot. Hearing the sound, his wife came running from the other room and asked "what happened ?"
Guess what the students said ?
"--> gurugon"
What did sideshow Bob work as after he got fired from being a clown?
A bartender
In Norway they print barcodes on the sides of their battleships.
When they return from war they can Scandinavian.
More than 50% of Americans fall asleep on their sides
Probably because their main courses are enormous
A snail walks into a car dealership...
A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.
The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!
Clinton and Pence
You know both sides of the aisle are more alike then you think. Both Clinton and Pence had issues with their flies...
An exercise for people who are not in good shape.
Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
