The Best 82 Sides Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Sides jokes. There are some sides side jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sides two sides to every story puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Sides Jokes and Puns

2 Blondes are standing on opposite sides of a river...

...One blonde yells across, "How did you get to the other side?"
the other blonde looks confused and yells back, "Don't be stupid, you're already on the other side!"

I like writing my eights on their sides.

It's infinitely better

What is it called when a large piece of foliage is the same on both sides?

Symmetree.

Sides joke, What is it called when a large piece of foliage is the same on both sides?

How do roadies know when they've got a stage level?

The drummer drools evenly out of both sides of his mouth

Cats and ladders

A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."


Just some jokes about musicians.

How do you know the stage at a concert is level?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummers mouth.

What do you call a drummer with no girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do floutists eat for breakfast?
Flute loops.

How do you tune three oboeists?
Shoot 2 of them.

How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
One, they stand on the ladder holding the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor.

The other is getting oral sex from an 90-year-old toothless woman.

They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?

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Don't look down.

Sides joke, At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's...

And says, "Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

How does a band know if the stage is level?

When drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Yo mama's like a brick.....

dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.

You can explore sides spiky reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sides sided building dad jokes. There are also sides puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world?

Molar opposites.

If you see a Kentucky man driving down the road...

How can you tell if he's married? If he's married there'll be tobacco juice down both sides of the car.

A blonde and her friend...

Are recently hired putting up siding on a house. They're working on opposite sides so the first one goes to check on the second. She watches as she pulls a nail from her bag, lookas at it, and throws it away. She hollers up and asks what that was about. The second blonde says some of the nails are defective. The point is facing the wrong way so she throws those out. The first blonde says, " You idiot! They aren't defective, they're for the other side of the house "

An Englishman and an Irishman are standing on opposite sides of a river

The Englishman asks "How do I get to the other side?"

The Irishman yells back "What'r ye talkin about? you're already there!"

Two blondes were tubing down a river...

Two blondes were tubing down a river when they got pulled into the rapids. Their tubes capsized and floated off without them and they ended up on opposite sides of the river.

One yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?"

The other yells back, "You're on the other side!"

Sides joke, Two blondes were tubing down a river...

How do you know the rules of football was written by an Italian?

You switch sides at half time.

The River

A blonde and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river.

The brunette yells to the blonde "HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER?"

The blonde yells back "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU IDIOT!!"

Worst Geometry Joke I Know

When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.


How can you tell when the stage is level?

The drummer is drooling equally from both sides of his mouth.

I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon?

Intersect it with a plane.

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...

The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"

The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"

Your mother is like a brick

Flat on both sides and laid by mexicans

Why did Jesus get all the ladies?

Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the others relies on tales...

Two blondes are on either sides of a river.

The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".

The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"

How do you keep a blonde busy?

Put "flip" on both sides of a piece of paper

A horse walks into a bar and says, On a right-angled triangle with sides X, Y and Z, if X and Z are perpendicular, which side is opposite the right angle?

The bartender says, Y, the long face.

Two blondes are sitting on opposite sides of a river

One blonde calls out to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde looks back quizzically and replies, "But you're already on the other side."

France and Italy are in a battle against each other. Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other

France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

Two men are on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts to the second...

"How do i get to the other side of the river"

The second man shouts back :

"You are on the other side of the river."

France and Italy declare war...

France surrenders and Italy switches sides. Both countries lose.

Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

Two blonds are on opposite sides of a river

"Hey!!! How do I get on the other side??"

"You idiot!! You're already on the other side!!!"

A Horse Walks into a Bar...

He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"

The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."

My ex girlfriend is a brick

Flat on both sides and laid by hispanic men.

If France and Italy go to war, who would win?

None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a lake.

One yells to the other, "Hey! How do I get to the other side!?",

to which the other replies "You are on the other side!"

Why do italians love soccer?

Because halfway through they get to switch sides

Mary had a little skirt It was slit right up the sides... And every time she wore that skirt.... The boys could see her thighs.... Mary had another skirt It was slit right up the front....

But she never wore that one.

What has 6 sides and flies?

A box with flies in it

In the wake of Trump meeting the "President of Virgin Islands", it remind me the two sides of Trump's brain: "left" and "right"...

In the left side, there's nothing right.

In the right side, there's nothing left.

I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...

most of the time it's just d-pressing.

Where does a pirate captain keep his buccaneers?

On the sides of his buckin' head!

With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.

The outraged side,

And the uninformed.

Why do Swedish battleships have barcodes printed on the sides?

So that when they return to port they can scandinavyin.

What do you call a triangle with four sides and a serious drinking problem?

A wrecked angle.

Why does Sideshow Bob look up to Moe?

Because Bob also wants to be a Bart-Ender.

I went to my in-laws for dinner

An argument inevitably broke out and my wife told me not to take sides.

I told her "they wont notice", as I slid the roast potatoes into my pocket "they are to distracted"

Why did the singer of System of a Down open a restaurant?

Because of his self-righteous soup and sides.

There's always multiple sides to a story, unless you're at a library...

...then there's multiple stories to a side.

Did you hear about the war between France and Italy?

Italy switched sides and France surrendered

Two men are on opposite sides of a river.

The first one shouts, 'How do I get to the other side?'

The second one replies 'You are already on the other side!'

For blind people, there are always two sides to a coin

The one they can't see and the one they can't see either

Yo mama so fat

That she falls off of both sides of the bed at once

A pirate captain says to his first mate...

Where are my buccaneers?

Aye Cap'n, they're the sides of your buccan' head!

Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...

He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.

"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."

He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.

"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."

The bermuda triangle used to be known as the bermuda rectangle,

until one of the sides mysteriously vanished.

An archeologist finds three coffins. The first two have ornate drawing of a person covering each of their front sides. The third one, however, possessed only a primitive sort of stick figure. Who did the archeologist think was buried in the last coffin?

The coffin painter

Tapes have A and B sides

So it only made sense to transition to CDs .

What has 3 sides, 4 corners, and 4 faces?

A USB drive

Your brain has two sides, a left and a right side.

In the left side there's nothing right and in the right side there's nothing left.

France and Italy are at war. Who wins?

No one. France surrenders and Italy changes sides

Mary had a little dress

With slits all up the sides

And every step that Mary took

The boys could see her thighs.

\~\~\~

Mary had another dress

With slits all up the front

\--But she never wore that one.

Two men are on opposite sides of a river

The first man shouts "How do I get to the other side of the river?"
The second man shouts back "You are on the other side of the river."

In Norway they print barcodes on the sides of their battleships.

When they return from war they can Scandinavian.

More than 50% of Americans fall asleep on their sides

Probably because their main courses are enormous

A snail walks into a car dealership...

A snail walks into a car dealership. The snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing multiple brands he decides on one.

The rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships salesman and says "I want you to paint big S's all along this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it, but can't help but ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.

So the snail answers him "It's simple: When I launch past people on the highway they will say Look at that S car go!

Two blondes were standing on opposite sides of a lake

-Hey, how do I get to the other side? Yelled one blonde

-You are already on the other side. The other one answered

Clinton and Pence

You know both sides of the aisle are more alike then you think. Both Clinton and Pence had issues with their flies...

An exercise for people who are not in good shape.

Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

What's the difference between toilet paper and toast?

Toast is brown on both sides.

Why are chromosomes like fighting prisoners?

They both get pulled apart to opposite sides of the cell.

At the exact same time, there are two 35-year-old men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers at the 85th floor. The other is getting oral sex from an 90-year-old toothless woman. They are both thinking the exact same thing... What are they both thinking?





\* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* Don't look down.

Why are cowboy hats curled on the sides?

So three of those assholes could sit in a truck.

What's round on both sides and high in the middle?

Ohio

I ordered a pen with an eraser on both sides

It was pointless

A man meets with his friend and sees that he has red markings on both sides of his face.

He asks his friend, "What happened to your face?"

The friend replies, "I saw a lady on my way here. She had her skirt wedged between her butt so I fixed it for her. Then she slapped me."

The man says, "Okay... What about the other side?"

The friend replies, "I thought she was mad at me for pulling the skirt out. So I wedged it back in."

Two men are on opposite sides of a river.

The first man shouts: How do I get to the other side?

The second shouts back: You are on the other side!

A van carrying snooker equipment has crashed in the motorway

Queues on both sides.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sides halftime jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sides sexes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes