Side Jokes
189 side jokes and hilarious side puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about side that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the best Far Side jokes and the dark side of humor. Discover why some of the most popular jokes can suddenly turn to the other side. Read on to learn more about side jokes and the darkside of comedy.
Quick Jump To
- Short Side Jokes
- Side One Liners
- Side Road Jokes
- Bright Side Me Jokes
- Bright Side Jokes
- Dark Side Jokes
- Far Side Jokes
- More Side Jokes
Funniest Side Short Jokes
Short side jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The side humour may include short corner jokes also.
- How many Alzheimer's patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side
- I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83... On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
- My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.... We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
- Its funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.
- I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps." I was right. I was playing the B-side.
- One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
- Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: A table for 26, please.
Headwaiter: But there's only . . . um, 13 of you.
Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side. - The cast of star wars VII just finished their first read through Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?
- Judaism is a lot like the pH scale. On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.
- Worst Geometry Joke I Know When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?
When it is intercepted by a plane.
Share These Side Jokes With Friends
Side One Liners
Which side one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with side? I can suggest the ones about bottom and ides.
- Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side.
- Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side... Only three more sleeps till Christmas
- how many alziemers patients does it take to change a light bulb? to get to the other side
- Why did the Jedi kill his master? To get to the other side.
- When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane
- Why are Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
- Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides
- Why did the console gamer cross the road To render the other side
- How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon? Intersect it with a plane.
- Why did the Egyptians build the pyramid? To get to the other side.
- What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity? Anonogon.
- What do you call a joke that doesn't make sense? To get to the other side.
- Why did the double agent cross the road? Because he never really was on your side.
- Since Eve was created from Adam's ribs... That technically makes her Adam's side chick.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Side Road Jokes
Here is a list of funny side road jokes and even better side road puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In the US people drive on the right side of the road, but here in Atlanta we drive on what's left.
- A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck: Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
- Cop: You're driving on the wrong side of the road. Driver: Sorry, I'm English
Cop: (shouting) Oii.. It's the rong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit? - My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?" I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."
- I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier. I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents." - Why did the ghost cross the road? To come back from the other side.
- Why did the spy cross the road? He was never on your side
- Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
- A Duck is standing on the side of the road waiting a for break in the traffic... A chicken walks up to him and says Don't do it, you'll never hear the end of it.
- Why did the tornado cross the road? To get the road to the other side.
Bright Side Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright side me jokes and even better bright side me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal. At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.
- On the bright side... We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.
- I heard women in this country only get 78¢ for every dollar a man earns... On the bright side, we get to keep 22¢
- If you have Alzheimer's, look on the bright side… …at least you can hide your own easter Eggs.
- Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him.
- Why are all optimists blind? They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.
- With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ... ... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.
- Insomnia sufferers. Look on the bright side, only 6 more sleeps until Christmas.
- To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money. On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.
- On the bright side of the election There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while.
Bright Side Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright side jokes and even better bright side puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I can't see very well in the dark but on the bright side, I see just fine.
- On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
- 79 million people are without access to drinkable water Though on the bright side, the number is decreasing!
- I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side. No punch line.
- On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics... On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green.
- I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.
- I suffer from terrible insomnia But on the bright side it's only three more sleeps till Christmas.
- Look on the bright side would be horrible advice to someone trapped in a tanning bed
- My friend told me to look on the bright side. He said I could be chest deep in water in a hole in the ground.
I know he means well. - I went paintballing last weekend and it didn't go very well. I got hit by every single paintball that came my way. On the bright side, it was an overall colourful experience.
Dark Side Jokes
Here is a list of funny dark side jokes and even better dark side puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many sith lords does it take to change a light bulb? None. They like it on the dark side.
- Why do jedi always burn their pancakes? Because they wont turn over to the dark side.
- (Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child The child would definitely be on the dark side
- President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions. the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.
- Yoda: Dark it is, the other side Luke: Shut up and eat your toast.
- Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.
Happy May 4th - Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
- Did you hear that Darth Vader's gf is really tan? He likes his women a little on the dark side.
- What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say when he heard Anakin had joined the dark side? (shrugs)
"Well, Sith happens" - I'm getting my Darth Vader shaped mole checked out. I'm concerned because it's on the dark side.
Far Side Jokes
Here is a list of funny far side jokes and even better far side puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dog brought me a ball from the other side of the world! Far-fetched, I know.
- I love sunny side up eggs. But no matter how far in advance I plan to make one... ...I always wind up scrambling at the last minute.
- Why did Gary Larson cross the road? ... to get to the far side.
- If I steal jokes from The Far Side... ...Do you think the will charge me with Larsony?
- Why did the left cross the road? Because they found their side to be too far right.
- How I feel every time I visit the dentist Gosh, I love far side.
- My friend told me to try out a g**..., since you can pretend it's a woman on the other side I've s**... 5 d**... so far and I still have no idea how this is supposed to work
Uplifting Side Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about side you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean surface jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make side pranks.
Drunk in confession booth.
A drunk staggers into a church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to just sit there. Finally,the priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
Two nuns went on a bike ride...
...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!"
So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye...
It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.
An young Irish boy
A young Irish boy is stood crying at the side of the road. A man asks him What's wrong wid ya laddie? The boy says Me ma is dead . Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you ? The boy replies No tanks mister, s**... is the last ting on my mind at the moment.
A priest and a pastor...
... are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, 'The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!'
They hold up the sign to cars passing by.
"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yells the first driver as he speeds by.
From around the curve they hear screeching tires and a big splash.
"Do you think," says the priest to the pastor, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye...
but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side.
I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out.
It felt good being on the winning side for once.
2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the h**...?
The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO
A man finds a penguin on the road...
A man finds a penguin on the road side. Thinking the penguin is lost the man takes it, drives until finding a police officer and asks what to do.
- Take it to the zoo replies the officer.
One week latter the policer officer sees the man driving with the penguin by his side.
What are you doing with that penguin ? I told you to bring him to the zoo.
I did exactly that. He loved it and now we are going to the movies .
I happily dad joked my fiancé
While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!"
Why did the chicken get an ouija board?
To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.
What's the worst thing about a woman's p**...?
Your nuts hang out the side.
A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change
A man walks into a barbershop...
...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."
The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."
The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her.
She was seeing somebody on the side.
A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"
The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"
I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye.
Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.
A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road
as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"
When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius s**...?
A: To get to the same side!
A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"
Jesus walks into a restaurant...
And says to the Maitre'd "Table for 26 please"
Confused, the Maitre'd does a quick head count, and says "But there are only 13 of you."
Jesus replies "Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side"
What does a carpenter do after one night stand?
A matching one for the other side of the bed.
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...
The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"
A man sees a blonde across the river.
Man: How do I get to the other side?
Blonde: You are on the other side.
It's crazy how everyone sleeps differently.
I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back, and my ex sleeps with everyone.
This actually just happened...
*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!
Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other...
They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.
Two blondes are on either sides of a river.
The 1st blonde yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!".
The 2nd blonde thinks for a moment and then yells back, "You're already on the other side!"
A Scotsman moves to London
How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock? asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
It's okay, he replies, but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps b**... his head on the wall.
Never you mind, says his mother, don't you let them get to you, just ignore them.
Aye, that I do, he says, I just keep playing my bagpipes.
Roses are red, Violets are blue
I have Alzheimer's
To get to the other side
I was fed up with life and tried hanging myself from the side of a cliff, but I failed.
Now I'm just a cliffhanger and the suspense is killing me.
A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, Hey, how do I get to the other side of the river?
The other man responds, You are on the other side of the river.
I'm not sure about my stand on the abortion issue....
On one side, I love to kill babies but on the other side, I hate to give women a choice.
A man cheats with his wife's sister
Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!
Wife: You slept with my sister!
Man: When i got to work she was just laying there n**... on my table! What was I supposed to do?!
Wife: The autopsy!
PS: Didnt make this up
A Horse Walks into a Bar...
He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."
I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...
Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.
I would like to thank my arms
For always being by my side
I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me
And I would like to thank my fingers because I can always count on them
What did Jesus say right before the last supper?
Everybody get on this side of the table if you want to be in the picture.
My girl is so smart!
My girlfriend is so smart. I called her from my friends phone and she said "what's up honey?". She already knew I was on the other side of the line ;)
A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road
They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
Jesus and the 12 apostles walk into a restaurant
and Jesus says to the waiter:
-- Table for 26 please.
-- But there's only 13 of you?
-- Yeah, but we wanna sit all on one side.
My son asked me what a dilemma was?
"Imagine you're n**... and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...
Who you going to turn your back on?"
There's an old man on his deathbed...
... sensing his time is near he beckens for his wife to join his side. She sits down next to him and clutches his hand and leans in to hear what he has to say.
In a shakey voice he says: "Maybel, when I die, I want you to marry Jenkins."
Taken back a moment, she looks at her husband and says: "Jenkins?! Why, I thought you hated him!"
The old man cackles and in his last breath he says "AND I STILL DO!"
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
I gently slid her p**... to the side...
....so I could fit her socks into the drawer
Trump has two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'.
In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
A blonde stands on the bank of a river
There is no bridge in sight. She sees another blonde across the river and shouts:
How do I get to the other side of the river?!
The other blonde shouts back:
Why? You already are on the other side!
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
A blonde...
...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest
I'm undecided about abortion
on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?
A son asks his father, Dad, what's a dilemma?
Well, Son, imagine you were lying in bed, n**..., and, to one side, is a beautiful, young, n**... woman, and, to the other side, is a very muscular, gay man; who ya gonna turn your back on?
Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other?
Its because one side has more geese.
With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.
The outraged side,
And the uninformed.
Another blonde joke
Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."
I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.
He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
A man on one side of the river shouts out to a man on the other side of the river, Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?!
The other man yells back, You are on the other side of the river!
An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"
Jesus: "A table for 26, please."
"But you're only 13"
"Yes, but we're all going to sit on one side."
My Wife just accused me of hating her side of the family and relatives.
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
I spotted my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum hall, but I was too self-conscious to go say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me
My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the host ask the other two :
- How do you split your money with the Lord ?
"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest.
The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" .
"How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest.
I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,
a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."
