Side Jokes
188 side jokes and hilarious side puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about side that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the best Far Side jokes and the dark side of humor. Discover why some of the most popular jokes can suddenly turn to the other side. Read on to learn more about side jokes and the darkside of comedy.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Side Short Jokes
Short side jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The side humour may include short corner jokes also.
- How many Alzheimer's patients does it take in to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side
- I got my covid test results and I'm so confused.. it was just the number 83... On the plus side my IQ test came back positive
- My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.... We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
- Its funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody...that sorta thing.
- I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps." I was right. I was playing the B-side.
- One of the side effects of the COVID vaccine is constipation. After getting the first dose, you'll need to wait a few weeks for number 2.
- The cast of star wars VII just finished their first read through Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said Can I have a word?
- Worst Geometry Joke I Know When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?
When it is intercepted by a plane. - My wife says the salad I make tend to be a bit on the dry side. It's definitely something that needs addressing.
- I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though. He said "Alright, I'll write all right."
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Side One Liners
Which side one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with side? I can suggest the ones about ides and surface.
- Why did the console player cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side.
- Insomnia is terrible. But on the plus side... Only three more sleeps till Christmas
- how many alziemers patients does it take to change a light bulb? to get to the other side
- Why did the Jedi kill his master? To get to the other side.
- When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane
- Why are Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
- Why do italians love soccer? Because halfway through they get to switch sides
- How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon? Intersect it with a plane.
- Why did the Egyptians build the pyramid? To get to the other side.
- What do you call a nine sided shape that won't reveal its identity? Anonogon.
- What do you call a joke that doesn't make sense? To get to the other side.
- Why did the double agent cross the road? Because he never really was on your side.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
- Roses are red, Violets are blue I have Alzheimer's
To get to the other side - Russia is on the right side of the conflict. Don't believe me, check a map.
Side Road Jokes
Here is a list of funny side road jokes and even better side road puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In the US people drive on the right side of the road, but here in Atlanta we drive on what's left.
- A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck: Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!
- Cop: You're driving on the wrong side of the road. Driver: Sorry, I'm English
Cop: (shouting) Oii.. It's the rong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit? - My British friend asked me, "Why do you Americans drive on the wrong side of the road?" I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."
- Why did the ghost cross the road? To come back from the other side.
- Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says, "Help, need ride!"
- Why did the tornado cross the road? To get the road to the other side.
- A wife calls her husband driving to work and says, "Honey be careful. There's a maniac driving on the wrong side of the road on the highway."
He responds, "One maniac? There are hundreds of them." - Why did the depressed chicken stop in the middle of the road? To get to the Other Side
- Why did the accordion cross the road? To get to the polka party on the other side.
Bright Side Me Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright side me jokes and even better bright side me puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal. At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.
- On the bright side... We can look forward to four more years of Michelle Obama speeches from our First Lady.
- I heard women in this country only get 78¢ for every dollar a man earns... On the bright side, we get to keep 22¢
- Why are all optimists blind? They're constantly looking at the bright side of life.
- With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ... ... and please let me know what it is when you've found it.
- On the bright side of the election There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while.
- I can't see very well in the dark but on the bright side, I see just fine.
- On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
- 79 million people are without access to drinkable water Though on the bright side, the number is decreasing!
- I forgot to bring the drinks to my senior prom. But hey, look at the bright side. No punch line.
Bright Side Jokes
Here is a list of funny bright side jokes and even better bright side puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics... On the bright side, this is gonna be the most environmentally friendly olympics, even the pools are going green.
- I asked my crush out and got rejected. My friend was shot in a school shooting on the same day Well on the bright side, atleast I wasnt the only one that got shot down.
- Look on the bright side would be horrible advice to someone trapped in a tanning bed
- I went paintballing last weekend and it didn't go very well. I got hit by every single paintball that came my way. On the bright side, it was an overall colourful experience.
- A man calls over a waiter during his meal 'There is a fly swimming in my soup!' 'Look on the bright side Sir' replied the waiter 'If the portions weren't so generous he'd be wading'
- All my life, I tried to look on bright side of everything... Now with my cornea damaged, I'm legally blind.
- Well, look on the bright side... At least they won't be talking about that gorilla anymore.
- I heard due to the pandemic jobs of all types have been affected. Even employment rates for hitmen are down 75 percent... On the bright side, demand for ninja assassins is through the roof!
- Look at the bright side of being dyslexic. You would have a very good password.
- I was in an awful chemical accident that turned my skin blue, but on the bright side I was finally accepted into the Smurf community after many years of trying. it was quite cyandipitous.
Dark Side Jokes
Here is a list of funny dark side jokes and even better dark side puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many sith lords does it take to change a light bulb? None. They like it on the dark side.
- Why do jedi always burn their pancakes? Because they wont turn over to the dark side.
- (Star Wars) If Finn and Rey hooked up and had a child The child would definitely be on the dark side
- President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions. the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.
- Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.
Happy May 4th - Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.
- Did you hear that Darth Vader's gf is really tan? He likes his women a little on the dark side.
- What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say when he heard Anakin had joined the dark side? (shrugs)
"Well, Sith happens" - I'm getting my Darth Vader shaped mole checked out. I'm concerned because it's on the dark side.
- What is Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd album? Dark side of the Moon, for it's eclectic instrumentation and higher than average production values.
Far Side Jokes
Here is a list of funny far side jokes and even better far side puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dog brought me a ball from the other side of the world! Far-fetched, I know.
- I love sunny side up eggs. But no matter how far in advance I plan to make one... ...I always wind up scrambling at the last minute.
- Why did Gary Larson cross the road? ... to get to the far side.
- If I steal jokes from The Far Side... ...Do you think the will charge me with Larsony?
- Why did the left cross the road? Because they found their side to be too far right.
- How I feel every time I visit the dentist Gosh, I love far side.
Uplifting Side Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about side you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean outer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make side pranks.
A rich guy hires an out of work Mexican to do some work.
The guy hands him a 5 gallon bucket of green paint and says, "Go around the side of the house, and paint my porch."
The Mexican knocks on the door a few hours later and says, "I'm finished mister - but I have to tell you, that was no porch, that was a Mercedes."
Drunk in confession booth.
A drunk staggers into a church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to just sit there. Finally,the priest pounds three times on the wall.
The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"
Two nuns went on a bike ride...
...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An young Irish boy
A young Irish boy is stood crying at the side of the road. A man asks him What's wrong wid ya laddie? The boy says Me ma is dead . Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you ? The boy replies No tanks mister, s**... is the last ting on my mind at the moment.
A recently deceased man was being shown around heaven.
St Peter was looking after him by showing him the various facilities that were available. At the end of the tour, St Peter asked the man if he had any questions.
The man could only think of one. He pointed to a long wall running along one side. "Why do you have a wall there?" asked the man.
St Peter sighed and said, "That is for the Catholics. They`re on the other side. They like to think that they are the only ones here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Small o**...
A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.
"Your o**...," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."
Hurt, he replied, "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."
A child and Human Origin
A child asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"
His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a dwarf escaping from jail down the side of a wall
As he passed by, he sneered at me, and I thought, "That's a little condescending."
I saw a skinny guy getting brutally beat up by 5 huge guys! I'm not the hero type, but still decided to help out.
It felt good being on the winning side for once.
An Australian takes a vacation in america...
He's driving along in his rented car and a cop notices him driving on the wrong side of the road.
He pulls him over and says "Do you realize you're driving on the wrong side of the road!?"
The Australian says "Oh I'm from Australia."
The cop says "Well did you come here to die!?"
"No," replies the Australian. "I came here yesterduai!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 potatoes standing on the side of the road. How can you tell which one is the h**...?
The one wearing the sack that reads IDAHO
First joke I ever learned
An elderly man arrives home from bingo and his wife comes running up to him.
"Thank goodness you're home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!"
He responds, "*A* Lunatic? There were hundreds of them!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three homeless guys got drunk and passed out side by side in an alley
In the morning the first guy wakes up and says "I dreamt someone was jerking me off last night!". The second guys says, "that's funny, me too!" The guy in the middle said, "Not me, I dreamt I was skiing."
I happily dad joked my fiancé
While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side.
To which I replied, "At least you won't smell half bad!"
Why did the chicken get an ouija board?
To contact those who had crossed over to the other side.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the worst thing about a woman's p**...?
Your nuts hang out the side.
A homeless guy told me this joke in exchange for pocket change
A man walks into a barbershop...
...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."
The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."
The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke about golfers.
Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.
I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning.
On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her.
She was seeing somebody on the side.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy calls 911 and says: "I hit a pig on the side of the highway, what do I do?"
The operator replies: "If it's still alive, put it out of its misery."
The operator hears a gunshot and then the man comes back on the phone.
"Done, now what do I do with his motorcycle?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Muslims are a lot like breakfast eggs.
If they aren't Sunni side up, they're probably Shiite.
Shout out to my arms for always being by my side...
& my legs for being there every step of the way
A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road
as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"
A Jewish man is in a car accident.
A Jewish man is in a car accident and is laying bleeding on the side of the road. A cop runs up, and rolls him on his back. He looks down on him and says, "the paramedics are coming. Are you comfortable?"
The Jewish guy say, "eh... I make a decent living."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When your Dad is a math teacher you grow up with jokes like this...
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius s**...?
A: To get to the same side!
A blonde is walking along the shoreline of a lake in Minnesota looking for seashells when she spots another blonde across the lake from her. Eager for company she shouts loudly "How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde shouts back "You're on the other side!"
Jesus walks into a restaurant...
And says to the Maitre'd "Table for 26 please"
Confused, the Maitre'd does a quick head count, and says "But there are only 13 of you."
Jesus replies "Yes, but we are all going to sit on the same side"
What does a carpenter do after one night stand?
A matching one for the other side of the bed.
A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river...
The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"
The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"
This actually just happened...
*Wife: I wanna get into coding.
*Me: Oh, that sounds fun. You might even earn some
money on the side while you're at home. What language
did you wana code in ?
*Wife: English. Duh!
Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other...
They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scotsman moves to London
How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock? asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
It's okay, he replies, but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps b**... his head on the wall.
Never you mind, says his mother, don't you let them get to you, just ignore them.
Aye, that I do, he says, I just keep playing my bagpipes.
My favourite joke ever
So a woman is in the hospital, having just given birth to twins. The midwife appears at her side and gravely says that she has some good news and some bad news. The woman asks for her to get the bad news out of the way. "Well," the midwife says, "unfortunately one of the children is ginger".
The Mother laughs and says, "Well then, whats the good news?"
"Its dead", the midwife says.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man cheats with his wife's sister
Man: Calm down! You haven't heard my side of the story!
Wife: You slept with my sister!
Man: When i got to work she was just laying there n**... on my table! What was I supposed to do?!
Wife: The autopsy!
PS: Didnt make this up
Which side of the chicken has more feathers?
The outside
A Horse Walks into a Bar...
He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse?"
The bartender thinks for a moment, then replies, "Y, the long face."
I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...
Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.
What did Jesus say right before the last supper?
Everybody get on this side of the table if you want to be in the picture.
If I had a dollar for every time I messed up the punchline
To get to the other side
A priest and a pastor are standing on the side of the road
They are holding a sign that reads "The end is near! Turn around now before it's too late!"
A passing driver yells, "You guys are nuts!" and speeds past them.
From around the corner they can hear screeching tires- then a big splash.
The priest turns to the pastor and says, "Do you think we should just put a sign up that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son asked me what a dilemma was?
"Imagine you're n**... and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...
Who you going to turn your back on?"
There's an old man on his deathbed...
... sensing his time is near he beckens for his wife to join his side. She sits down next to him and clutches his hand and leans in to hear what he has to say.
In a shakey voice he says: "Maybel, when I die, I want you to marry Jenkins."
Taken back a moment, she looks at her husband and says: "Jenkins?! Why, I thought you hated him!"
The old man cackles and in his last breath he says "AND I STILL DO!"
On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.
On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I gently slid her p**... to the side...
....so I could fit her socks into the drawer
Trump has two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'.
In the left side, there's nothing right.
In the right side, there's nothing left.
Police: How'd you kill 30 people?
Redhead: I was over speeding when all of a sudden the brakes failed. I had two options. There was a parade on one side and a couple walking on the other side.
Police: Why didn't you hit the couple?
Redhead: I did, but as soon as I turned the car towards them, they started running towards the parade.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen. Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He's sitting in a square drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says Newton, you're terrible, I've found you! Newton says No no, Einy. You've found one Newton per square meter. You've found Pascal!
A blonde...
...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest
I don't like sidescrolling games on pc...
most of the time it's just d-pressing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm undecided about abortion
on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?
Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...
I mean, imagine all the peepholes.
Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other?
Its because one side has more geese.
With the outrage regarding the repeal of Net Neutrality, it is important to remember that there are two sides to this issue.
The outraged side,
And the uninformed.
Another blonde joke
Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde is walking by a river
She sees an another blonde on the other side of the river.
-Hey! - she yells.
-Yes? - the other one responds.
-How can I get to the other side? - she asks.
-Fool! You are already on the other side!
A man on one side of the river shouts out to a man on the other side of the river, Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?!
The other man yells back, You are on the other side of the river!
An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Since Eve was created from Adam's ribs...
That technically makes her Adam's side chick.
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
Jesus and Moses are at a lake in heaven
They both want to see if their powers still work
so moses splits the lake, walks right through, and says "alright jesus, now you try it"
So jesus tries to walk atop the waters but winks right through, and swims to the other side.
"What happened?" Moses asks, "Did you lose balance or something?"
"Well last time I didn't have holes in my feet"
I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me
My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.
An indian lady visited a bar for the first time
She was nervous but sat on one tall stool in front of the bartender.
The guy sitting on her left said: "Jack Daniels, Single"
The guy on her right side ordered: "Johnny Walker, Single"
Then the bartender looked at the lady & said: And you..?
The lady replied: "Parmjeet kaur, Married.
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the host ask the other two :
- How do you split your money with the Lord ?
"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest.
The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" .
"How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest.
I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping ..
...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
