Sickness Jokes
50 sickness jokes and hilarious sickness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sickness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laughter is the best medicine, and these jokes about common sicknesses will have you in stitches! Read on for a special compilation of morning sickness, sea sickness, motion sickness, and other disease- and ailment-related humour. Perfect for when you need a break from medication and remedies!
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Funniest Sickness Short Jokes
Short sickness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sickness humour may include short illness jokes also.
- My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
- Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card She isn't sick, I just think she can get better
- My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it. I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.
- Where do horses go when they get sick? To the horse-pital.
Just kidding, they get shot. - My sense of humor is a lot like COVID Tasteless, not good for large groups, and anyone who gets it is pretty sick.
- I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
- Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it? You've got the carownervirus.
- My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home." I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"
- Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god... ...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
- My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer. Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."
Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."
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Sickness One Liners
Which sickness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sickness? I can suggest the ones about being sick and disease.
- How come ants don't get sick? ...because they have lil' anty-bodies
*runs away* - Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies
- I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.
- Why did the man get sick after eating a loaf of bread? He overdoughsed.
- I don't like anti-vaxxers They make me sick!
- What do you do with sick chemists? If you can't helium or curium, you barium.
- I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier... It could be a terminal illness.
- Well my parents are finally sick of all my electronics puns. Now I'm grounded.
- Where do sick boats go? ........to the dock!!
HAHHAHHAHAHHA - "I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.
- Boss: How is it that you are always sick on weekdays? Me: It's my weekend immune system.
- A dark sense of humor is like a hospital. Lots of sickness and occasionally dead babies.
- I hate when bacteria gets into me without me knowing It makes me sick!
- What does a sick billionaire say? "I feel like a million bucks"
- I'm sick of all these bri'ish jokes... I'm British and i love T.
Morning Sickness Jokes
Here is a list of funny morning sickness jokes and even better morning sickness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm getting really sick of these Amber Alerts... They either wake you up at three in the morning or broadcast your license plate to the whole world.
- My wife makes my pancakes too thin. Tomorrow morning I am telling her I am sick of her crepe.
- I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick. "Just how sick are you?" he said.
"well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough" - I called my boss this morning... Me: Sorry, I'm not going to make it in today, I'm sick.
Boss: How sick are you?
Me: Well, I'm in bed with my mother. - What do you call an antelope who gets sick from the fruit salad the morning of his wedding? A cantelope
Guys I'm so proud of this joke - My first dad joke So, early this morning my wife got up and questioned me after I got up early with our son and fed him.
Her: Did you get our son sick?
Me: Nope, I got him cereal. - This morning i drank some milk at breakfast and everything was fine. It's when I ate my toast that I felt sick. I'm pretty sure I lack toast tolerance.
- I work for the Samaritans. Tried to call in sick this morning... But they talked me out of it.
- Why did the pregnant vampire feel sick? Morning sickness.
Sea Sickness Jokes
Here is a list of funny sea sickness jokes and even better sea sickness puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Do you know how old I am? I'm so old that I was around when the Dead Sea was just sick. (Told to me by my grandfather)
- Yesterday, I was feeling quite sea sick, but today I'm doing just swell.
- A man walks up to his friend and says, "I'm getting sick of being single." The friend replies "well there's a lot of sea in the fish.... and that sea is full of men."
- The Sea A husband says to his wife:
" -Honey, you remind me of the sea..."
" -That's really sweet!"
" -No, you just make me sick." - Have you heard about the Dead Sea? I didn't even know it was sick
Giggle-Inducing Sickness Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about sickness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sick ill jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sickness pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick of you guys posting dumb wordplay in here for awards and upvotes.
Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm sick and tired of this "everybody wins" mentality kids have these days.
Seriously, they never exercise, lie in bed 12 hours a day, and sit down far more often than they stand up. And they still get atrophy.
An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.
A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Wong came and gave me bitter herbs, and I got even worse. On death's door I called for Dr. Chang." "And what did Dr. Chang do?", his friend asks in wonder. The man replies happily, "Dr. Chang did the best of all, he didn't come, so I got well!"
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...
My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!
What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.
Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
A doctor and a lawyer
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
There were 2 blondes...
So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Chinese Sick Day
h**... Chow calls in to work and say,
"Hey boss, I no come work today, I very sick. Got headache, stomach ache, and legs hurt. I no come work today"
The boss says, "You know something h**... Chow, I really need you today. When I get sick like you do, I go to my wife and ask for s**.... That make everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later h**... Chow calls again and says,
"I try what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon. You have really nice house by the way!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sick day.
A man calls his boss and tells him he won't be coming in to work today because he's not feeling well. The boss says, "Well we really need you today. Whenever I'm feeling sick I tell my wife to give me a b**.... Works every time. Why don't you try that and then see how you feel."
He calls back an hour later and says, "Just letting you know, I'm on my way to work. I feel great now. And by the way, you have a nice house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife told me she is so sick of my mansplaining, and if I don't stop she's going to throw me in a deep hole with water in it.
I know she means well.
