Sick People Jokes
114 sick people jokes and hilarious sick people puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sick people that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Sick People Short Jokes
Short sick people jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sick people humour may include short sick jokes also.
- My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
- I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
- My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened. He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
- Im sick and tired of people calling America the stupidest country in the world Personally I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world
- I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.
- I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
- I'm no racist, except when it comes to people who like the 21st letter of the alphabet U-people make me sick
- It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. I swear if it happens again... I'll be ill
- Most people think I'm sick and twisted... But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.
In a jar.
On my desk. - The whole "Pavlov's Dog Experiment" is such a load of bunk I'm sick of people bringing it up... ...at this point just *hearing* the name "Pavlov" makes me mad.
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Sick People One Liners
Which sick people one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sick people? I can suggest the ones about sick ill and sick kid.
- If people make you sick, You're probably not cooking them long enough.
- I hate people who don't cover their noses and mouths when they sneeze. They make me sick.
- To everyone with covid, walking around without a mask on, You people make me sick
- People who don't wear a mask Make me sick .
- I'm so sick of people calling me a weeb If I had a death note they'd be sorry...
- All these contagious people make me sick!
- I hate people who don't wash their hands They make me sick
- If people make you sick... Then maybe you should cook them longer.
- Vaccines People that don't vaccinate their kids make me sick...
- People make me sick I should try cooking them for longer.
- What do Roy Moore and an anti-vaxxer have in common? They both make a lot of people sick.
- I'm sick of people using up-arrow notation eKnuth is eKnuth guys
- I love going to hospitals, The people there are so sick!
- Where do people in Hanoi take their sick pets? To the vietrinarian.
- I used to be a bus driver But I got sick of people talking behind my back.
Delightful Fun Sick People Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about sick people you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean being sick jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sick people pranks.
A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself.
A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.
"What are you doing." they ask her.
So she replies "Hanging myself."
The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck."
The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."
The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."
The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!"
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
When a White guy is...
Scared- He gets even whiter.
Cold- He turns Blue.
Angry-He turns Red.
s**...- Gray duh.
Sick- He turns Green.
When a Black guy is...
Scared- He stays Black.
Cold- He stays Black.
Angry- He stays Black.
s**...- He stays Black.
Black Man to White Man: And you calling us colored.
An idiot moves to a very religious catholic neighborhood.
This particular idiot loved to eat chicken, so he grilled it every day. Now, on Fridays, the people of his neighborhood would get irritated that someone was eating meat when they had to abstain, so they took it up with their pastor. Their pastor then went to the idiot, and told him about the message of christ, and was able to convert him, spraying him with water saying, "you were born sick, you were raised sick, but now you are CHRISTIAN!". The idiots neighbors left him alone thinking that was that, but come Friday, and he's still grilling chicken when he should be abstaining. So they began to spy on him to see how he could justify such an act, and they saw him spritz his chicken with holy water, saying "you were born chicken, you were raised chicken, but now, you are FISH!"
idk if this is a repost, but my dad told me this joke as a kid, and I thought it was funny.
I can't believe people make jokes about cancer patients with no fathers
Sick b**...
Alaskan retirement.
Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress,
he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and
gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and
quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at
about 5:00."
"Great", says Jeff, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some
drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Jeff. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fighting' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can
handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Jeff, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the
way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."
So apparently it's just a bit of lighthearted fun when people dress up to go and see Harry Potter at the cinema.........
but, when you do the same for Schindler's List, you're some kind of sick w**....
Code Word
An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit! "Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen. "From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen. "This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93. Shortly after the new young priest settled in, he paid a call on the mayor. The priest was quite concerned. "You have to do something about the sidewalks in this town, Mayor. You can't believe how many people come into the confessional talking about having fallen! "The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had explained their code word to the new priest. But before the mayor could explain, the priest shook his finger at the mayor and said -"I don't know why you're laughing; your wife fell three times last week! "
I'm so sick of people questioning my s**... appeal...
... if you don't like it, don't donate!
I'm sick of people saying, "Its political correctness gone mad!"
That's offensive. You should say "Its political correctness gone mentally ill".
Really sick of people still talking about Frozen
Just let it go already
The neighbor's pet rabbit
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are captured by cannibals.
The leader of the tribe comes up to them and says, "Even though you are about to killed, your deaths will not be in vain. Every part of your body will be used.
Your flesh will be eaten, for my people are hungry.
Your hair will be woven into clothing, for my people are n**....
Your bones will be ground up and made into medicine, for my people are sick.
Your skin will be stretched over canoe frames, for my people need transportation.
We are a fair people, and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife."
...
The Englishman accepts the knife and yells, "God Save the
Queen", while plunging the knife into his heart.
The Frenchman removes the knife from the fallen body, and
yells, "Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
The American removes the knife from the fallen body, and yells,
while stabbing himself all over his body, "Here's your lousy canoe!"
I'm sick to death of c**... dealers...
always sticking their business in other people's nose.
Did you know that sick people can communicate with horses?
It's because their voices are hoarse.
I'm getting really sick of all this hate for Donald Trump.
It isn't nice to make fun of mentally ill people.
Toughen Up
I'm sick of people telling me I'm a weakling so last night I went to the gym.
After a light warm up, I steadied myself, put both hands on the metal bar and heaved with all my might. I strained and I strained but still, no matter how hard I tried, I could not get it to budge.
Eventually one of the burly staff members came over and said... "Stop pulling on the door mate, we're closed."
REQUEST: Racist "White" jokes, please.
I know DOZENS of Racist Jokes. But only a couple (not very good) Racist White Jokes.
For example:
Did you hear about the 2 house fire in Mexico?
Thousands died.
Why do Mexican's drive low-riders?
So they can pick strawberries from their car.
A man walks into a Bar with a Parrot on his shoulder.
The Bartender says: "Wow, that's awesome! Where can I get one?"
The Parrot Replies: "Africa! There's millions of them!"
Seriously though: I love Black People.
I think everyone should own one.
How do Asians name their children?
They throw their pots and pans in their air and record the sounds:
Ping Bang Pow.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss.
The only "White Joke" I know is:
White people are born purple.
Then turn pink.
When they're mad, they're red.
When they're sick they're green.
When they're scared they're yellow.
When they're cold they're blue.
And have the nerve to call everyone else colored.
So: Does anyone have any "White Jokes" for me?
I think people are getting sick of my jokes when they exhale deeply
I should take it as a sigh-n
A man sneezes on the subway who clearly has a cold.
The man next to him says in a disgusted tone, "people like you make me sick."
A man said to me, "Man, I was so wasted last night I went home and blew chunks!"
I said, "most people are sick after drinking too much."
"No, you don't understand." he replied. "Chunks is my pitbull."
I was on the subway when someone sneezed on me.
I was so disgusted, I turned to him and said "People like you make me sick."
Did you hear about the people who were sick in June from eating bacon past its use by date?
It was mayhem.
A white man tells a black man
Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know
When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.
Instead you my friend
When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....
And they still dare to call me a color man
I'm a little sick and tired of people always saying that at one time or another, every single American president is guilty of something...
I mean, what about Lincoln?! After all, he's in a cent...
I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed.
If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me.
Gay people make me sick
I should really stop d**... them so hard...
I'm sick of people telling me that I'm more likely to get mugged in London than New York.
What do they expect? I don't live in New York.
Why are victorian-era rich people always sick?
Because they wear e-bowler hats
A man goes to see his lawyer and says....
"I can't stand my name. I'm sick of people making fun of me. I want to officially have it changed."
The lawyer says: "What's your current name?"
"John Bedwetter."
"What do you want to change it to?"
"Paul Bedwetter."
How do you call a handshake between two AIDS-Sick people?
Hi-V
What institution has powerful old men who s**... assault people, has a sick inner circle of keeping people quite, influenced thousands of people, and has a black book?
Hollywood
There are two types of people
And they're both sick and tired of being put into two groups.
I'm sick of seeing people compare EA to h**...
I'm sick of these people milking the EA conflict for karma!
I hope it at least gives them a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Sheesh calm down.
- Ladies and Gentlemen, This is you captain speaking. Thank you for choosing our avia company, And thank you for being my first passengers, I just finished my training, hope everything will go smooth...
There are some worried whispers started and eventually people start shouting to get out from the plane. A flight attendant running to cockpit and after that pilot speaking again.
- Ladies and Gentlemen, This is you captain speaking. Please calm down, I was joking about training, Actually my twin got sick, I am covering him today.
A black guy goes into a bar
A black guy walks into a bar and takes a seat at the bar. The white guy he sat next to says, "Hey! No colored people allowed in this bar!"
The black guy turns to him and says, "Excuse me? When I was born, I was black.
When I'm sick, I'm black.
When I'm cold, I'm black.
When I'm hot, I'm black.
And when I die, I'll still be black!
YOU on the other hand:
When you were born, you were pink.
When you're sick, you're green.
When you're cold, you're blue.
When you're hot, you're red.
And when you die you'll be grey.
And you call ME colored?"
I'm not American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world."
America is not a country.
Once Apon a time, the Chief samurai of the land was sick, and needed to chose his successor
Only three people singled up. A Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish samurai.
The Japanese Samurai went first. He opened a box with a fly in it. With one swipe of his blade, the fly fell done, cut in two.
The Chinese Samurai went next. He opened another box with a fly in it. With two swipes of his blade, the fly fell down, cut in four.
Lastly, the Jewish samurai went. He opened the last box with a fly in it. He swiped once, but the fly still flew.
What was that? The fly is still alive
Of course! The purpose of circumcision is not to kill...
How norhtern africans call the place that is being used by sick people who don't want to live anymore?
Eutunisia.
Yo mama's so dense...
Yo mama's so dense the only reason people think she's bright is because she hit critical mass and now she burns the eyes out of anyone who looks at her... Sick burn.
Have you seen the videos in which people confuse their pets by disappearing unexpectedly?
I'm sick of that sheet.
Alas Fluffy, we knew him well.
I found my German Shepherd with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, " Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
I said, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage.
There are some real sick people out there!"
I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked
I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"
I said, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
The German Shepherd cover up...
I found my German Shepherd, Hondo, with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead, and I panicked.. I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blew dried its fur, and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"
I said, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath, and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
We live in a weird world where people would even believe that the earth is flat but no one will believe you if you got sick on a weekend
I hear anti-vaxxers are sick of people telling jokes about them.
It's easy to get sick when you're vaccinated.
Two planets are talking to each other.
"Hello, how are you? You look sick."
"I have people."
"Don't worry, this will usually disappear after a short time."
How do sick people get to the hospital?
They ride Achoo-Choo train
I'm sick of people freaking out about this bad lettuce
If everyone can romaine calm that would be greatly appreciated
My granddad warned people that the titanic would sink
He kept talking about it until everyone got sick of hearing it, at which point they kicked him out of the movie theatre.
I'm so sick of people making fun of the United States
Don't they know we're the third best country in North America?
What's the difference between a nurse and a corpse?
None, both of them turn on sick people.
Idk why flies can walk on walls,
But when I do it I'm possessed and need an excorsicm.
Sick of people these days smh
I overheard two people having a argument about vaccines.
Guy 1: How could people even think that vaccines are harmful?
Guy 2: Well when I was young my parents did an experiment they got me vaccinated and my twin was vaccination free.
Now I have had many sicknesses while my brother had almost none!
Guy 1: Wait I never knew you had a twin.
Guy 2: Oh yes I did, but he died when we where young.
I'm an American, and I'm sick of people saying, "America is the stupidest country in the world."
Personally, I think the UNITED STATES is the stupidest country in the world.
I just don't understand it when people create puns about Covid 19
Is there some sick joke that I'm not getting here?
TIL people with type A negative blood are more likely to become sick from COVID-19
I guess you gotta B positive during these rough times
The healing river
People heard about a healing river and the stories about its powers and so they gathered to see it with their own eyes. A lady with a sick child in her arms goes into the water on one shore and comes out at the other, the child now smiling and completely healthy. A blind man goes in and comes out seeing. Everybody is stunned. Another guy in a wheelchair goes in on one shore and comes out at the other with new rims.
People who say they don't care if they get COVID are clearly disturbed...
Because they're down with the sickness.
My grandfather warned the people that the Titanic would sink.......
No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre.
