Sick Jokes

Funniest Sick Short Jokes

Short sick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sick humour may include short nasty jokes also.

1. My grandfather warned people that the titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre
2. Got my girlfriend a "get better soon" card She isn't sick, I just think she can get better
3. My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it. I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.
4. Where do horses go when they get sick? To the horse-pital.
   
   
   
   Just kidding, they get shot.
5. My sense of humor is a lot like COVID Tasteless, not good for large groups, and anyone who gets it is pretty sick.
6. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
7. Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it? You've got the carownervirus.
8. My wife asked me: "Shall we go bowling or stay cozy home." I replied: " I am sick of putting my fingers in holes that everyone has touched with their sweaty hands. Let's go bowling!"
9. Growing up, my dad said we should treat him like a god... ...so we pretty much ignored him until we were sick, hurt, or broke.
10. My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer. Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a transformer. I'm leaving you."
    Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."

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Sick One Liners

Which sick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sick? I can suggest the ones about tired and feeling ill.

1. How come ants don't get sick? ...because they have lil' anty-bodies
   *runs away*
2. Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies
3. I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.
4. Why did the man get sick after eating a loaf of bread? He overdoughsed.
5. I don't like anti-vaxxers They make me sick!
6. What do you do with sick chemists? If you can't helium or curium, you barium.
7. I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier... It could be a terminal illness.
8. Well my parents are finally sick of all my electronics puns. Now I'm grounded.
9. Where do sick boats go? ........to the dock!!
   HAHHAHHAHAHHA
10. "I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.
11. Boss: How is it that you are always sick on weekdays? Me: It's my weekend immune system.
12. A dark sense of humor is like a hospital. Lots of sickness and occasionally dead babies.
13. I hate when bacteria gets into me without me knowing It makes me sick!
14. What does a sick billionaire say? "I feel like a million bucks"
15. I'm sick of all these bri'ish jokes... I'm British and i love T.

Being Sick Jokes

Here is a list of funny being sick jokes and even better being sick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
• I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit. I think it's time to make a stand.
• Why do I always feel great on Saturday and Sunday, and sick on all the other days? Maybe I just have a weekend immune system.
• Ebola, covid, and monkeypox walk into a bar. The bartender says, What is this, some kinda sick joke?
• I just bought my local MP a get better soon card. He's not sick. I just think he can do better.
• I used to hang out with a guy who crossbred insects... But I got sick of his crazy ant ticks.
• I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket Daniel I'm sick of this bucket
• Wife: Okay. Here's what's got to change. I'm sick of you saying I talk like a pirate and you never buy me flowers! Husband: I never knew you sold flowers!
• My friend is pretty sick and tired of PC culture I tried to console him but he didn't want his hand held
• Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?" Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".

Calling In Sick Jokes

Here is a list of funny calling in sick jokes and even better calling in sick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert? He was forced to resort to excessive violins.
• What do you call a sick cup of coffe? A coughy mug
• A man calls in sick... "It's my eyes," he says.
  "What's wrong with them?" his boss asks.
  "I just can't see myself coming to work today."
• My company has a weekly joke and after four years I'm quite sick of it. They call it a "paycheck" when it's barely an allowance!
• I'm calling in sick today because I have an eye problem I don't see myself coming into work today
• I called my boss this morning and told him i was sick. "Just how sick are you?" he said.
  "well im in bed with my little sister, is that sick enough"
• I called my boss this morning... Me: Sorry, I'm not going to make it in today, I'm sick.
  Boss: How sick are you?
  Me: Well, I'm in bed with my mother.
• I'm so sick of people calling me a weeb If I had a death note they'd be sorry...
• My wife wanted to role-play.. ..she was my boss and I was her employee, so I called in sick.
• Doctor's appointment. Janet: I have a doctor's appointment today but I really don't want to go… 
  Adam: Just call in sick then.

Sick People Jokes

Here is a list of funny sick people jokes and even better sick people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. I swear if it happens again... I'll be ill
• Most people think I'm sick and twisted... But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.
  In a jar.
  On my desk.
• If people make you sick, You're probably not cooking them long enough.
• The whole "Pavlov's Dog Experiment" is such a load of bunk I'm sick of people bringing it up... ...at this point just *hearing* the name "Pavlov" makes me mad.
• I'm so sick of people looking at me funny because I choose to breast feed. If I wanna get my milk straight from the cow, then that's up to me.
• I am American and sick of people saying Americans are the stupidest people in the world. I don't get it.
• I'm sick and tired of all these people farming karma on their cake day. Anyways, an upvote would be appreciated.
• I just don't understand it when people create puns about Covid 19 Is there some sick joke that I'm not getting here?
• There are two types of people And they're both sick and tired of being put into two groups.
• Sorry. Due to the sick and twisted nature of the people on this reddit, I will not be leaving.

Feeling Sick Jokes

Here is a list of funny feeling sick jokes and even better feeling sick puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• THAT'S NOT FUNNY, THAT'S SICK! A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods. The boy says "it sure is dark and scary here". The clown says "how do you think I feel? I'm coming back alone".
• I don't have a great relationship with my doctor. In fact, I feel sick every time I see her.
• Looking at my face is like reading in the car It's all right for 10 minutes, then you start to feel sick
• Where do sailors go when they feel sick? The docktor!
• Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good? Giraffe-Sick Park
• [Couples Therapy] Her: I am sick of him being literal all the time! Therapist: I see. And how do you feel?
  Him: With my hands.
• Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump You could call it the car owner virus
• I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick. Must be the high Mercury content.
• I feel bad for sick apple trees Cause doctors can't go anywhere near them
• If your friend makes you feel sick, they're probably toxic. If they give you a tingly feeling, they're probably radioactive.

Ridiculous Sick Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about sick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sore jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sick pranks.