Sick Ill Jokes

99 sick ill jokes and hilarious sick ill puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sick ill that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Sick Ill Short Jokes

Short sick ill jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sick ill humour may include short sick jokes also.

  1. It makes me sick when people forget to add an apostrophe. I swear if it happens again... I'll be ill
  2. I have a mysterious illness where I seem to get sick only during the work week. So, I went to my doctor. He said it was a weekend immune system.
  3. I'm getting really sick of all this hate for Donald Trump. It isn't nice to make fun of mentally ill people.
  4. Why couldn't the farmer drive around the sick bird lying in the middle of the dirt road? Because it was an ill eagle pass.
  5. I found this little baby eagle on the ground and it looked like it was sick. I thought about taking it to the vet, but I didn't pick it up because it's ill eagle.
  6. By the law you are not allowed to have a sick bird That's ill-eagle
  7. I phoned my boss. I said, "I'm calling in sick tomorrow."
    "But, how do you know you're going to be ill?" he asked.
    I swear, sometimes he forgets that he works in a psychic shop.
  8. I was going to adopt a sick bird to take care of it But I found out it was ill-eagle.
  9. If you get sick at an airport... is it a terminal illness?
  10. What do you call a sick painting? An Ill-ustration.

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Sick Ill One Liners

Which sick ill one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sick ill? I can suggest the ones about sick people and sick kid.

  1. I recently got sick at the airport, my doctor says it's a terminal illness.
  2. I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier... It could be a terminal illness.
  3. I fell sick in an airport.... was a terminal illness.
  4. I got sick waiting to board my flight It was a terminal illness
  5. Why do cops hate sick birds? Because they're ill eagles.
  6. Why did the cop arrest the sick bird? He was ill-eagle.
  7. Kim Jon Un is reported to be sick. He is now Kim Jong Ill.
  8. I was arrested the other day for keeping a sick bird of prey. Turns out it was ill eagle
  9. Did you hear about the man who got sick at the airport? It was a terminal illness.
  10. I heard that Kim Jong Un is sick. I guess that makes him Kim Jong Ill
  11. What do you call it when Kim Jong Un is sick Kim Jong Ill
  12. When gf and I are both sick Netflix and ill
  13. Why aren't you supposed to help sick birds? It's ill eagle
  14. Why can't a sick eagle cross the road? Because it's ill-e-gal
  15. What do you call a sick bird from another country? An ill-eagle.

Sick Ill Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about sick ill you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean feeling ill jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sick ill pranks.

The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.

Gravely ill, the Skipper was examined by a doctor while his wife stood by.
After the examination the physician motioned for her to meet him in the hallway.
"Your husband is very sick," the doctor said. "Still, you can do three things to ensure his survival:
First, fix him three healthy meals a day.
Next, give him a stress-free environment and don’t complain about anything.
Finally, have s**... and o**... s**... with him every day."
The doctor left and the woman returned to her husband’s room.
"What did the doctor say?" he asked.
"I’m sorry, m’dear," she said, "but he said you’re not going to make it."

A Pakistani living in England (offensive)

A pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."

Bill, Bonnie, and Ted

So Bill, Bonnie, and Ted are stuck on a deserted tropical island. And I mean completely deserted. After a week they haven't seen any other inhabitants, they've seen no boats, planes, anything.
Over the next couple of weeks they manage to find and gather some food, create a shelter, and generally start living a pretty decent life. They have food in abundance, and their shelter protects them from occasional rains. A few weeks go by and once the stress of washing up on an island ebbs away, they start having urges. So they start having s**.... They're only human, they all have needs. Luckily enough Bonnie never gets pregnant, so they've basically got the perfect setup.
This goes on for a number of months, and all of a sudden Bonnie dies from a mysterious illness. Bill and Ted are crushed, they feel like their having s**... with Bonnie caused her to develop this sickness and die. They're deep in mourning but, eventually, time does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks, they start having urges again. And hey, there's no one around to judge them, so Bill and Ted continue having s**.... This continues for a couple of weeks, and then one morning Bill and Ted wake up with this weird feeling... Like what they're doing is wrong, like it's against God's will, it's not what he would have wanted...
So they decide to bury Bonnie

What do you call a sick bird who has crossed a national border without consent?


What do you call a sick bird from Mars?

An ill Eagle alien.
Original joke created for my 5 year old.

There was a business man that used to travel a lot

But every time he went to the airport, he got sick right away.
When he visited his doctor, the doc said "Its nothing serious. You're just terminally ill".

An eagle gets sick and is arrested ...

because, he is ill-eagle

Kim jong un is sick...

Kim Jong Un is sick. I guess you could say he's now Kim Jong ill.

I'm sick of people saying, "Its political correctness gone mad!"

That's offensive. You should say "Its political correctness gone mentally ill".

An ill man named Tew.

I remember when I had tickets to see the new hit show, "The Ill Man Named Tew", but my water well was in such bad shape that I skipped the show to fix it.
I ended up just doing MORE damage to the well.
That's when I realized I should have Attended "Tew the Sick" and left well enough alone!

What do you call a sick dictator?

Kim Jong-ILL
Ill show myshelf out...

A Dutch anti-German joke (and the first foreign joke i ever learned!)

There's still a lot of ill feeling against the Germans in Holland. With that in mind, this is a joke a Dutch friend told me.
Walking around Amsterdam one day, a Dutchie sees a man down on his knees scooping up water from the canal with his hand to drink.
He shouts to the man (in Dutch) "Don't drink that, you will be sick!!!)
The man responds (in German) "Was hast du gesagt??" (What are you saying?)
The Dutch man responds (in German) "Use both hands! It's much better!"

Why was the piece of toast so mean when he was sick?

Because he was ill-bred.

What do you call being sick because of an airport?

Terminal illness

Why did the sick bird come in jail?

Because it was an ill-eagle.

What is demonic about several ill followers of Sikhism?

You have six sick sikhs

I tried calling in sick for work today.

Apparently being "sick of work" isn't an illness.

What would you say to h**... if he was sick?

Hey, ill h**...!

What kind of sick bird is against the law?

an ill eagle

I went to a metal concert, the singer was a bit ill...

Still f**...' sick though!

What does Lil Kim's granddaughter call her when she's sick?

Ill Nana

Earworms are mental illnesses.

And I'm down with the sickness.

What kind of bird is not allowed to get sick?

An ill eagle

My teacher said she's been ill since December 31st...

I said 'that means you've been sick all year'

What do you call a sick s**... attending the catholic mass ?

Winston™ Church-ill

What do you call a sick eagle that just flew in from out of the country?

an ill-eagle immigrant

Former presidential candidate Senator Sanders falls ill. What do you call him?

A sick Bern.

Why did the veterinarian turn away the sick eagles?

They were ill eagles.

I Kidnapped a kid

That way if i ever get sick of it ill get less of a life sentence.

Why couldn't the sick man fly on a plane?

He had a terminal illness.

Did you hear about the pilot that got sick?

He was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

What do you call a sick Judge?

An Ill-Legal

What do you call a sick baby elephant?

An ill-infant

Why is it unlawful to own a sick eagle?

Because it's ill-eagle

North Korea is such a sick place...

Kim Jong's Ill!

A guy asked his boss for a day off because he was feeling sick.

His boss told him : When I'm feeling sick,I kiss my wife and kids,and my illness goes away.Try it.
Ok - said the employee,
An hour passes and the boss asks him how it went.
The employee replies : It was hard at first because she refused,but then your wife agreed and my illness dissapeared.

What do you call an ILL Eagle?

A sick bird.

Did you hear about the queen of the smuggled American birds? She got sick!

Now she's a regal i**... ill eagle.

If an eagle if sick, it is not only immoral to not take it to a vet...

... it is ill-eagle.

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT, make sick bird puns.

It's ill eagle.

Why did the sick falcon get deported

It was an ill eagle

A boy approaches the boarder with a birdcage.

Do you have your papers kid.
No, you have to let me in, my bird is sick.
Sorry kid, we don't allow ill-eagle immigrants into this country.

If you're able to skip school because you're sick, that's an ill-gotten gain.

Went to a kids party today. It was sick.

I didn't know why they were celebrating while the kid was terminally ill...

What is the most ill advised thing?

Taking a sick day.

Why can't you own a sick eagle?

Because it's ill-eagle!

A sick man comes to a doctor. After an inspection, the doctor says "I have very bad news for you."

The man asks "What is so wrong?"
The doctor answers: "I missed all the lectures about your illness back in med school."

If you own a large bird of prey, it is against the law to let it get sick.

That would be ill eagle.

My Friend Smuggled a Sick Eagle Across The Border So It Can Get Treatment

It's an ill-eagle.

A guy had an eagle. One day it was sick. It puked everywhere and wouldn't stop. Worried, the guy called the vet. Instead of the vet, the cops came and took it away.

Cos it was Ill-eagle.

While meeting a sick person..

American says : Get well soon
Britisher says : Wishing you speedy recovery
Recently one of my relatives expired due to the same illness

I hate illness...

It makes me sick.

You shoot a sick bird, but get arrested. Why?

Because it was an ill eagle shooting.

Why shouldn't you get the national bird of the USA sick?

Because it'll be an ill eagle action.

Two old farmers meet on a moor …

They had crossed paths numerous times over 20 years and never spoken a word. One day, one of the farmers stops and says to the other My pig's sick. Covered in red blotches and really looking ill. The other one says One of my pigs had the exact same thing. I gave her turpentine. The next day they met again and the first one says I gave my pig turpentine like you said but she died.
The other one, without looking up, says Yup, so did mine.

Mario is getting old and becomes sick

He needs a caregiver to help him get around the house. His caregiver is Horton the elephant.
After a while, Mario is bedridden with his illness. There's a knock at the door, but Mario is too weak to go see who it is. Horton opens the door. Mario asks, "Horton, who's a here?"