Sick Dog Jokes
39 sick dog jokes and hilarious sick dog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sick dog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sick Dog Short Jokes
Short sick dog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sick dog humour may include short sick cat jokes also.
- Totally sick of idiots letting firework off early, it's still October for goodness sake!!! Dog is going mad and keeps knocking the Christmas tree over!
- The whole "Pavlov's Dog Experiment" is such a load of bunk I'm sick of people bringing it up... ...at this point just *hearing* the name "Pavlov" makes me mad.
- I took my sick dog to the vet, and they told me that the best option was for my dog to go live with some children in China. Although, I'm surprised that he referred to them as the "youth in Asia".
- Did you hear about the dog who tried to dress up as a cat but got sick at a Halloween costume party? He said he wasn't feline well.
- The music teacher at the school my niece goes to was out sick 2 days last week. The school had a dog fill in for her. He was a sub woofer.
- Why did the husband bring his wife's sick dog to the salon? He was trying to get her pedicure.
- I fed my dog and it got sick. Turns out dog food isn't one of the purposes in "All Purpose" Product.
- I made a joke to a sick friend who is recovering from a staph infection. If you were a dog, you'd be a staffy!
She laughed.
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Sick Dog One Liners
Which sick dog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sick dog? I can suggest the ones about bad dog and sick kid.
- My dogs are sick You could say that they have a woofing cough
- What does a sick, Jewish dog have? Rabbis!
- Why did the dog get sick after eating coupons? They were expired.
- My dog used to chase rats into the sewer Eventually, he got sick and quit his job sewing.
- Who does h**... call when his dog is sick? A Veteran a**...
- What did the dog say when he was sick. b**...! b**...!
- I took my sick dog to see an ex-n**... He killed my dog even though he was a veteran a**....
Comical Sick Dog Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about sick dog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sick baby jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sick dog pranks.
A family takes their sick dog to the vet.
The vet picks the dog up and studies him. Finally, the vet says "I'm really sorry but I'm gonna have to put him down."
"Why?", asks the shocked family. "What's wrong with him?"
"Nothing major", replied the vet. "He's just really heavy."
Dear Charlie, We've been neighbors for 6 tumultuous years.
When you borrowed my snowblower, you returned it in pieces.
When I was sick, you blasted Metallica.
And when your dog decorated my lawn, you laughed.
I could go on, but I'm not one to hold grudges. So I am writing this letter to tell you that your house is on fire.
Cordially, Harry
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet…
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
Sick
"Can you have a look at him," he says,
"I think he's cross-eyed".
So the vet picks up the dog and examines him.
"I'm going to have to put him down," says the vet.
"Why, just because he's cross eyed?"
"No," says the vet, "because he's heavy!"
A guy walks into a liquor store and ask for a case of Heineken.
The gal behind the counter replies, "Sorry. We're out of Heineken."
The guy shrugs his shoulders and says, "Fine. Make it Rolling Rock."
The woman replies, "Sorry, but the only cold beer we have in stock is Budweiser."
The man says, "Nope. No way. Last time I drank a case of Bud, I ended up getting sick and blowing chunks."
The cashier replies, "You drink a case of any beer you're gonna get sick!"
The man retorts, "No, you don't understand. My dog's name is Chunks."
My buddy came to me after a night of drinking and said...
"I drank moonshine last night and blew chunks. Now I'm embarrassed." I said, "no need to be embarrassed my son, we all have gotten sick from the shine." He said, "you don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
A man goes to the vet
Man: "Doctor, judging by the p**..., I think my dogs sick"
Vet: "Why do you say that now?"
Man: "Well it tasted awful!"
Vet: "Good God! Why would you eat your dog's p**...?"
Man: "I didn't, I ate the dog"
Vet: "Oh God No!
Man: "It was my p**... that tasted awful afterwards"
Vet: "Nooooooo!"
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
A guy goes skydiving for the first time...
... and while he's in the plane he's looking at his fellow jumpers. He's quite surprised when he sees that among them is a blind man, with his guide dog. After a bit of internal debate about minding his own business, curiosity wins out and he decides to just ask.
"Excuse me, but are you blind?"
"Yes I am."
"I'm sorry to pry, but I really want to know how you know when to pull the cord, since you can't see."
"Oh, the leash goes slack."
*Told to me by a sick sick sick friend over 20 years ago.
*Pardon formatting; mobile.
I found my dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. The rabbit was dead and I panicked
I took the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house. I gave it a bath, blow dried its fur and put it back into the cage at the neighbor's house hoping they would think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asked me, "Don, did you hear that Fluffy died?"
I said, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replied, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
A joke my girlfriend's German grandmother told me.
A drunk fisherman is walking home from the bar and is about to be very sick. He gets home but outside he vomits all of the beer he drank and all of the sausages he ate on the sidewalk.
A few moments later while the drunk is gathering himself, a small dog runs up and begins eating the sausages the man threw up. The man, only now just realizing there's a dog in front of him, is confused.
"Okay", he says to himself. "I remember where I got the beer from, and I remember where I ate the sausages, but I have no idea where I ate that dog!"
Pet Laundry
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the store picking out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.
"Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."
But the boy was not stopped by this and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store doing some shopping. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The grocer said, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."
"Oh I'm sorry. How did he die?"
"I think it was the spin cycle."
Dead duck
An old lady has a sick pet duck that she loves dearly, but she's broke so she takes him to a cheap veterinary clinic. The vet doc says your duck is dying there's nothing we can do. Devastated she pleads for him to try anything, so he says he'll be right back. He walks back in with a Labrador by his side, the dog places one paw on the duck, nothing. Vet doc says OK one moment. Leaves comes back with a cat, cat places one paw on the duck, nothing. The vet doc then tells the lady that's all he can do but her duck is still dying. Defeated and broken she leaves, upon receiving the bill on the way out its three times higher than she expected hud. She ask the secretary why and she says "it says here you requested additional LAB work and a CAT scan"
The neighbor's pet rabbit
A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stammers and says, "Um... no... what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him, someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There are some real sick people out there!"
So there's this blonde...
and she's sick and tired of being stereotyped as the dumb blonde, so she decides to dye her hair and move to another city. After she died her hair brown, she packs up her things and leaves for the new city. Driving down a barren country road on the way there, she starts to get really hungry. With no restaurants in sight, she pulls in to the only home as far as the eye can see, a sheep farm. Thinking a sheep would make a tasty meal, she walks up to the house where the farmer is sitting on the front porch and asks him if she can guess how many sheep there are if she can have one. The farmer agrees. The woman has a knack for counting and adds up all the sheep really quickly and says "72". The farmer says "whelp, that's right, go grab your sheep and leave." The woman picks up her choice and starts walking back to her car, but before she gets in the farmer shouts after her "If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A man takes his dog to the vet.
A man's dog is very sick and won't do anything but lay down. The man takes his dog to the vet and asks the vet to run some tests. The vet brings in a cat and sits the cat next to the dog. The dog doesn't react. The vet takes the cat away then brings in a Labrador who starts barking at the sick dog. The dog still doesn't react.
The vet leaves with the Labrador and comes back with a bill. The vet tells the man the tests were inconclusive and hands the man a bill for 600 dollars. Outraged the man asks why the bill was so high. The vet replies "The catscan and lab test."
A pint, a dog and an old lady
A guy goes into a bar and as he orders a drink he notices a jar at the end of the bar full of money. He says to the barman "what's that about?" to which the barman replies "you pay a tenner and have to complete 3 challenges, if you are successful you win all the money in the jar. Would you like to try it?" The man says he'll think about it and sits down with his drink. After about 8 pints the man staggers up to the bar and slams a tenner on down in front of the barman, "Okay pal, I'll have a go".
So the barman says "ok, challenge number 1, here's a pint of tequila, you have to drink all of that without coughing it up or being sick". It takes the man a couple of minutes but he finishes the drink.
"well done" says the barman. "The next challenge, there's a guard dog outside with a bad tooth, you need to go out there and remove it. After that, there's a woman upstairs, she's 83, never had s**... in her life. I want you go up there and show her a real good time".
So the man goes outside and for about 15 minutes there is a lot of barking, shouting and screaming. Then after a while it goes quiet. The barman walks outside to find out what's happened... The dogs dead. The man who's out of breath turns to the barman and says "Right... Where's this old lady with the bad tooth?"
A guy walks into a bar and orders 15 shots...
He proceeds to drink them in 15 minutes and then leave. He returns the next night and repeats the procedure, 15 shots in 15 minutes. This goes on for 3 solid months. It gets to the point that the bartender starts setting up the 15 drinks before the guy even arrives.
One night, the guy walks in as the bartender is preparing his order and waves away the 15 shots. "What's the matter," asks the bartender, "You're one of the best drinkers I've ever seen"
The man replies, "It's just that I got a little too drunk last night I went home and blew chunks."
The bartender says, "So what, everyone gets sick now and again."
The guy says, "You don't understand, Chunks is my dog."
