Sick Christmas Jokes
16 sick christmas jokes and hilarious sick christmas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sick christmas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Sick Christmas Short Jokes
Short sick christmas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sick christmas humour may include short bad christmas jokes also.
- Friend: This might be my grandma's last Christmas Me: why? Is she sick?
Friend: no, she's changing religions. - What's the difference between a beer and a Christmas song? It takes more than one beer for me to feel sick.
- Why does Santa always get sick on Christmas? Because he's always coming down with something
- Why was Santa sick on the day after Christmas? A couple of the chimneys he went down had the flue
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Sick Christmas One Liners
Which sick christmas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sick christmas? I can suggest the ones about sick and terrible christmas.
- I'm sick of Christmas music. You could even say it blows.
- What does Santa say when he is sick? OH OH NO!
Amusing Sick Christmas Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about sick christmas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean santa christmas jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sick christmas pranks.
Santa was having a really bad day....
Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, what will I do with the tree ?
And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.
Santa is stressed...
Many years ago on Christmas Eve, Santa Claus is preparing for his big day tomorrow but nothing is goin well. Half the reindeer are sick, the elves are behind on their work and Mrs Claus' mother-in-law just arrived for the week.
But then an angel appeared at Santa's door with a Christmas tree just for him.
Santa answered the door to find the angel in front of him. Smiling the angel said to Santa
"I found this tree to brighten up your Christmas, now where would you like me to put it?"
And that is how to tradition of the angel at the top of the tree started.
Sick days
For some reason when I get sick it always happens at the most suspicious time. For example, last year, I got sick the day before Thanksgiving. I called in sick, took the day off, and recovered over my now 5-day weekend.
Then Christmas rolled around, and I ended up getting the flu the day before I was due back at work. So I called in sick again and didn't end up back at work until after New Year's.
A few weeks later, it was my birthday, and I came down with a 24-hr stomach bug the night before! At this point I could tell my co-workers and boss were getting suspicious.
Not one month later my boss was having us stay overtime after work and I was hit with a severe migraine around lunch. This time I could tell that my boss definitely didn't believe me.
At that moment, while I was leaving the office building with the sunshine beating down on my pulsing headache, the reason why I got sick on all those days became apparent. I'm a pathological liar that hates to work.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas Angel
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of r**.... When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful Christmas tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Family xmas problem solved
An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Alaskan retirement.
Jeff had been in business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress,
he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from
humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and
gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and
quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks
on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Stan, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having
a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at
about 5:00."
"Great", says Jeff, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet
some local folks. Thank you."
As Stan is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some
drinkin!"
"Not a problem" says Jeff. "After 25 years in the business, I can
drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely
gonna be some fighting' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right and, if not, I can
handle myself pretty well .....I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,"
"Now that's really not a problem" says Jeff, warming to the idea.
"I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the
way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Santa's bad day
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were gone, heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of r**.... When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had finished the cider and the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the liquor bottle, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa stomped to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Peace'n quiet in Auz
Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'
'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks thank you.'
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'
'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .
I'll be there. Thanks again.'
'More'n likely be some wild s**..., too,'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'
'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.