Shutting Jokes
32 shutting jokes and hilarious shutting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shutting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shutting Short Jokes
Short shutting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shutting humour may include short shuts jokes also.
- My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what... She couldn't do either!
- How do you get an antivaxxer to shut up? I've been here for over fourteen years, it's been all downhill for the last ten.
= - An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... I only know because they won't shut up about it.
- My Dad has the heart of a lion and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice
- I used to love building sandcastles with my grandma But my parent's eventually found it creepy and glued the urn shut
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog because he shuts up after you let him in.
- "Dad, your credit card has been stolen for 3 months and you haven't reported yet! - Shut up kid, the thief is spending less than your mother.
- Nothing better than shutting the door and jerking off after a long day And it's even better if the uber has heated seats
- My sister told me women are better at multitasking than men. I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what, she couldn't do either
- BLONDE luck A blonde was at a gumball machine. She kept putting quarters in and getting gumballs out. The man behind her asked if he could get a gumball. She said, "Shut up! I'm winning."
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Shutting One Liners
Which shutting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shutting? I can suggest the ones about shut the door and stopping.
- Telltale Games will shut down... *Fans will remember that*
- "Dad, I don't want to go visit Grandma" "Shut up, and keep digging"
- what sign do you put up when you shut down your brothel? Beat it, we're closed
- I asked Siri "What do women want?" My phone has not shut up for the past three days.
- But daaaad, I don't wanna go see grandma... "Son, shut up and keep digging,!"
- Mommy mommy I dont wanna see grandma! Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
- How do you get a guitar player to shut up? Put sheet music in front of him
- I had to shut down my human centipede program I couldn't make ends meet.
- I think my cat's a communist... He won't shut up about Mao
- I told my cat all about Chairman Mao this morning Now she won't shut up about him!
- What's worse than male chauvinists? Women who don't shut up.
- Why do Republicans make good DJs? Because they know how to shut the House down.
- "Daddy, I don't want to see grandma!" "Shut up and keep digging!"
- What did one fish say to the other? Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
- Yoda: Dark it is, the other side Luke: Shut up and eat your toast.
The Funniest Shutting Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about shutting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean quitting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shutting pranks.
Republicans are the true snowflakes...
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
I hate it when people subtly flex where they went to college
I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won't shut tf up about it. He's always been like this, even when we were in college together.
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are at a coffee house.
The physicist says, "You know, engineering is just applied physics," and they all laugh. The mathematician says, "You know, physics is just applied math," and they all laugh again. Then the philosopher says, "Well, you know, math is just applied philosophy," and the engineer says, "Shut up and make our coffee."
Carl opened a zoo.
Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.
Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.
So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.
Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.
A blonde buys a gun.
A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
Kid1: Hey Dad why am I called lily?
Dad: Because a lily petal fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid2: Hey Dad why am I called rose?
Dad: Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid3: herdurrrrahduhrgh#%*?
Dad: Shut up Cinderblock
An Engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician enter a bar
Engineer: My good sirs, without engineers people would still be living in huts
Physicist: But alas my good sir, engineering is simply applied physics
Mathematician: But alas my good sir, physics is simply applied mathematics
"hearty laughter"
Philosopher: But alas my good sirs, mathematics is only applied philosophy
Mathematician: shut up and get us our d**... drinks
Prostate Exam
After my recent Prostate Exam - one of the most thorough examinations I've ever had –
the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.
After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....
She said...."Who was that guy?"
Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the s**... club.
Teen: Of course not dad!
Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.
An Amish man and his son are at a mall.
They're taken aback as they look around. The son points to an elevator and asks his father, "What is that?" The man says, "I don't know, son, but let's watch." An old, fat woman gets on and the metal doors slide shut. A few moments later the doors slide open and a gorgeous young blonde gets off. The man turns to his son and says, "Go get your mother."
