Shuffles Jokes
24 shuffles jokes and hilarious shuffles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shuffles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shuffles Short Jokes
Short shuffles jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shuffles humour may include short shakes jokes also.
- A senior citizen is sitting at a bar.. A young woman walks in and sits down a couple seats over. The old man gets up, shuffles over to her, leans over and asks "So, do I come here often?"
- So I was at the club They played crank that, and I did the Superman.
They played the Cupid shuffle, so I did the Cupid shuffle.
They played Come on eileen, and I got kicked out of the club. - Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
- An old man shuffled really slowly into an ice cream shop and said, Can I have a banana split? Server: Sure. Crushed nuts?
Old man: No, Arthritis. - I bought a deck of glass playing cards... It's pretty easy to shuffle but the deck cuts you.
- Have you heard of the Arkansas shuffle? That's where you have to sneak out of your sisters bed in the middle of the night and crawl back into mom's bed before she knows you where gone.
- An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, Crushed nuts? No, he said. Arthritis.
- Some say the five knuckle shuffle isn't a finishing move My girlfriend is not one of them.
- An impotent man shuffles into the doctor's office. Doctor: excuse me, sir, but why are you shuffling?
Man: Well, you see, ever since I was diagnosed as impotent I've had a limp. - There 3 Red Knives, 7 Blue Knives, 4 Green Knives, and a Purple Cat all shuffled into a bag. What are the odds Timmy picks a Cat out of the bag? 1/15
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Shuffles One Liners
Which shuffles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shuffles? I can suggest the ones about shuttle and shaken stirred.
- How do you annoy a Pink Floyd fan? Play their music on shuffle
- How does a blackjack dealer sneak about? He shuffles a round.
- Have you heard of the new hit dance called the corona Shuffle? All the kids say it sick.
- I tried to shuffle a pile of Ibuprofen I guess drug dealing just isn't for me.
- Why can't you use a deck of cards that's been shuffled? It's out of order.
- What's the best way to stop an Indian "arranged marriage" Shuffle the photos around
- Anyone can shuffle a sharp deck... But the deck cuts you.
- What does a magician who plays with cards listen to? Everyday I'm shuffling...
- What is a wolf's favourite dance move? The Shuffle
... pack of wolves. - What did the playing card say to the other one? Everyday I'm shuffling.
Rib-Tickling Shuffles Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about shuffles you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flips jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shuffles pranks.
Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car
The operator asks for his location.
Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .
The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"
There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.
Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street
Told an inmate to have a safe drive home.
I'm a corrections officer, getting ready to head out at shift change:
Inmate: "drive home safe"
Me: "yeah you too..."
Me: (thinking "oops, ouch")
Coworker: "Muahahaha"
Inmate: (hops into his imaginary car and shuffles to his cell making f**... engine noises, screeches the brakes, steps out of his car and into his cell. Pokes his head out) "Made it home safe dad"
Me and my coworker burst out laughing
A man living in the Soviet union is queuing up for bread...
when he gets to the front he is told there is none left.
Annoyed, the man goes on a tirade, complaining about the poor conditions and the incompetence of the government.
A soldier, hearing this, says to him, "you better be careful. In the old days it would have been...", the soldier points his gun at the man's head, "...bang!"
The man apologises and shuffles off. When he gets back home his wife asks him, "husband, your hands are empty! Have they run out of bread again?"
To which the man replies, "it's even worse than that. They've run out of bullets!"
An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...
And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"
But the cows keep shuffling in.
Because they don't understand English.
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University ...
A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University and found himself lost in the yard. He stopped a professor who was walking by and said to him, "Howdy Pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor couldn't believe his ears. "What did you say?" he said.
The Texan again said, "Howdy pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor became indignant, "You can't talk like that at Harvard University. I mean, you've ended your sentence with a preposition. Try to do better!"
The Texan shuffled for a second and said, "Well pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at...a**...!"
iPod Shuffle
Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a s**... note.
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
Two Irish friends leave the pub.
One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to walk all the way home'. 'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus home.
We could steal a bus from the depot' replies his mate.
They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other keeps a look-out.
After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing? Have you not found one yet?'
'I can't find a No. 91' 'Oh for goodness sake, ye thick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the roundabout.
When the computers c**... at work.
A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.
A old man walks into a McDonalds
He is bent over and shuffling slowly. He approaches the counter with great difficulty and orders an ice cream sundae.
The cashier asks "Crushed nuts?"
The old man replies, "No arthritis."
My wife wants to have the baby listen to classical music while in the w**....
Would an ipod nano or shuffle be easier to get up there?
