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Shrugged Jokes

66 shrugged jokes and hilarious shrugged puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shrugged that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Take a journey through the world of Atlas Shrugged jokes and see how things began. We knew how skeptical the world was about the novel, so we used laughter to come to terms with it. Dive into the collection of jokes to find out more.

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Funniest Shrugged Short Jokes

Short shrugged jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shrugged humour may include short shrugs jokes also.

  1. I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued... "It's cutting hedge technology!"
  2. For years, I've suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden and when I asked her about it, she just giggled and shrugged... The plot thickens...
  3. Two nuts are sitting next to each other at the asylum. One turns to the other and says, "Why are we all here?" Other nut shrugs his shoulders and replies, "'Cuz we're not all there."
  4. As a paramedic, I've learned that there is something you can never say with a straight face: I'm having a s**....
  5. Person 1: For the last time, it's not "reverse gravity", it's called BUOYANCY Person 2: *shrugs* Whatever floats your boat
  6. I went to a fancy restaurant last night and a man was complaining about his escargot. The waiter just shrugged it off. "I'm sorry sir," the waiter told him. "All snails are final."
  7. The bear in the bar A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and ...... cola."
    "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
    The bear shrugged. "I´m not sure; I was born with them"
  8. Journalist to Abused Wife Journalist : Do you know what your husband does in his free time ?
    Wife : *shrugs* beats me.
  9. A concerned friend asks a guy why he just endures his marriage with an abusive spouse. He just shrugged it off and says, "beats me."
  10. A monk walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." ~~~
    So he pays for his meal and asks for his change.
    The vendor shrugs and retorts smugly, "Change comes from within."

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Shrugged One Liners

Which shrugged one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shrugged? I can suggest the ones about nodded and sighed.

  1. I did some shrugs in the gym. After someone asked me, "What are you doing here?"
  2. Did you hear about the apathetic man who died? It was a shrug overdose
  3. I asked Rihanna where Chris Brown was She just shrugged her shoulders.
    "Beats me!"
  4. Reporter- What excercise do you use to make your traps bigger? Bodybuilder- shrugs
  5. What's the best way to work your trapezius muscles? *shrugs*
  6. An old man is asked if he wears boxers or briefs. He shrugs and says "Depends."
  7. I get most of my daily exercise from shrugging.
  8. How do you get rugs to be quiet? (shrugs)
  9. "I just don't think a complete free market would promote equality", Atlas Shrugged
  10. I asked my dench friend how to work out my trapezius muscles.... But he just shrugged.
  11. What does a strong shoulder do when it doesn't know how to get any stronger? Shrugs.
  12. How do you tell a carpet to be quiet? **sh*rug*
  13. How do you stretch your back? "I don't know."
    **shrugs*
  14. Me: "So bro, what do you think Ayn Rand looked like n**...?" Atlas: *shrugs*

Shrugged joke, Me: "So bro, what do you think Ayn Rand looked like n**...?"

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about shrugged can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of shrugged puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Gather Around for Fun Shrugged Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about shrugged you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean grinned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make shrugged prank.

Wishes

A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"

A rabbi and a priest walk into a playground....

and a little boy walks by. The priest taps the rabbi on the shoulder and says, "I'm going to screw that little boy." The rabbi holds up his hands, shrugs, and says, "Out of what?"

The Costume Party

The local pub once held a costume party. The bartender announced to the patrons that they must all come dressed up as their "love life". Sure enough, the day of the party arrives and the bartender spots some old g**... dressed as Abraham Lincoln. He says "Oi, mate. You were supposed to come dressed up as your love life!"
With a shrug and a sly grin the other man says "Oh, I have. My four scores were seven years ago."

What will the neighbors think?

With summer getting sunnier a woman asks her husband:
"What do you think: should I go sunbathing in the n**... in the backyard?"
The husband just shrugs and says:"Do as you like."
The woman replies: "What do you think the neighbors will say if they see me sunbathing like that?"
The husband replies:"They'll probably think I married you for the money."

When I was a teenager, I'd lock myself in my bedroom for hours every night...

One night, my dad kicked the door open to find out what I was doing. He walked in to discover me sitting on my hand.
"Ah, that old trick," he laughed. I gave an awkward smile back.
"I have to say, son," he continued, "I'm relieved to be honest. I thought you might've been doing something weird. I'll leave you to it."
When he closed the door behind him, I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on f**... myself

It is Fred's first day in prison.

After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.
Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."
Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."
"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"
Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.
Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.
"What happened?" he asks.
The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."

In and Out

(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)
Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.
One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and Out, it's time to come in!"
After a few minutes, Out comes in. Mama looks at him and says, "Out, where is In? I just told you both to come in!"
Out says, "In is still out." So Mama tells him "Well Out, you go right back out, find In, and bring him in!" So Out goes out, and within just a minute he comes back in with In.
Mama Skunk is amazed. She says, "Out, how on earth did you find In so quickly?"
Out shrugs and says, "Instinks."

s**... Math Time

So a 54 year old man cheats on his wife and leaves her a note saying that he has been sleeping with an 18 year.
The 54 year old wife reads the note, shrugs and writes one of her own.
When her husband gets home he reads the note, it says:
I know that you've been cheating on me with an 18 year old, but I have an 18 year old of my own and we all know 18 goes into 54 far more than 54 goes into 18.

So I sold my guitar...

I sold my guitar to a man with no hands.
So I said to him: "So how are you gonna work that then?"
He shrugged and said: "I'll play it by ear."
All Gratuities payable towards My Uncle Chris.

A Man Goes Into A Pharmacy

And asks for birth control for his wife and seven year old daugher.
The pharmacist, shocked, exclaims "You're seven year old daughter is s**... active?!"
And the man just shrugs and says "Nah, she just lays there"

A man was walking down the street when he heard a distant voice say, "Climb the ladder to success."

The man then noticed a ladder leaning up against the building to his right. Again, he heard the voice: "Climb the ladder to success." The man shrugged and began to climb. The voice kept repeating itself and grew louder as the man approached the top. "Climb the ladder to success." Finally, the man reached the top of the building, where he found a fully n**... man. "Hi, I'm Sess."

Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant...

Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant and open their briefcases, take out sandwiches, and start eating. A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.

A maid asks for a raise

A maid asks for a raise from the queen.
"Give me three good reasons to give you a raise." the queen demands.
"Well, I cook better than you." Astounded by the answer, the queen asks, "Who told you that?"
The maid replies with, "Your husband told me that.".
The queen is unhappy, but shrugs it off and asks for another reason.
"I'm a better cleaner than you are." The queen is unhappy again and asks who told the maid this. "Your husband told me that." The queen is now unhappy and asks for a final reason to give a raise.
The maid says, "I'm better in bed than you." The queen's jaw drops open and asks "DON'T TELL ME MY HUSBAND TOLD YOU THAT DID HE?".
The maid replies calmly with, "No, the driver did."
The queen curses quietly, "Shhh. Keep it down, its 25% okay?"

I was at my bank today and there was just an Asian lady ahead of me

who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!!"

It was my dad's f**... last week.

We all walk into the chapel and there's a huge floral arrangement on the coffin that says: 81.131.11.216
My mother hisses to me, What is *that*?
I shrugged. What you asked for: our IP in flowers.

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars.

"Twenty dollars?!" he said. "For what?"
"To buy groceries," I told him.
"When I was a boy," my grandfather said. "My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I'd go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes, a carton of eggs, three bottles of milk, a can of coffee and a box of tea."
He shrugged and paused.
"Times have changed and ya can't do that now," he told me. "Too many f**...' security cameras."

A polar bear walks into a bar.

The bartender asks what he'll have.
The bear says "I guess I'll have a................beer."
The bartender asks "Why the big pause?"
The polar shrugs. "I don't know, I was born with 'em."

A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man

... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."
The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."
The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."

A German and a Swiss are arguing about who's country is better...

The German, clearly annoyed, asks the Swiss
"So what's so great about Switzerland?" The Swiss shrugs, simply saying.
"Well, the flag is a big plus."

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,

... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."
[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first chemist, who had a major disagreement with the second and knows the second chemist only drink water, says to the bartender, "I'll take some H2O."
The second chemist automatically responds, "I'll take some H2O too."
The bartender shrugs then turns around and promptly gives the first chemist his glass of water, and the second chemist a glass of water too... because the bartender is an adult and can infer meaning from contextual clues.

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?' The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations'. The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too'.

Father, I must confess I've been having s**... with two gorgeous models everyday for the past month.

Father: Well, as a good catholic I can't condone this behaviour.
Man: I'm Jewish
Father: What are you telling me for then?
Man: *shrugs* I'm telling everybody.

Currency Fluctuations

An Asian man comes to the US to do business and converts 110 million Yen into 1 million dollars. On his next trip, he returns to the bank to do the same, but only receives $990,000 in return.
He asks the teller, "Why did I receive less this time?"
The teller responds with a shrug, "Fluctuations"
The man gets very angry and storms out, stopping at the door to shout back, "Fluc your Americans too!"

Donald Trump is standing in the gallows...

The executioner is fitting the rope around his neck.
Below the platform are all the news networks. They are all clamoring for a final statement before the man is hung for his crimes.
Trump simply smiles and shakes his head.
Finally, one question is heard above the roar of the crowd?
"Aren't you worried about dying?" A voice asks.
Trump shrugs his shoulders as he smiles again and shakes his head for the last time.
He replies: "Fake noose."

Joke I heard from a 109 year old Holocaust survivor

A Jew gets to heaven after passing and meets god. The Jew tells god a Holocaust joke, but god doesn't laugh. The Jew shrugs and says, "I guess you had to be there to understand".

A woman was at the supermarket

A woman was at the supermarket with her kid and was about to check out. When she got to the cash register, all she had was a backpack. The clerk asked her why she wanted the backpack since her kid was still very young. She responded, "I'm going to stuff my kid in the backpack and carry him around." The people behind her in line gasped at how the lady said she was going to treat her kid. The clerk shrugged his shoulders and said, "Ok lady, whatever totes your goat."

A man finally got engaged to his dream woman. Eager to show off his new fiance, he took her to his home town.

Upon arrival, he approached his mother and said, I'm going to bring home three girls and I want you to guess which one is my fiance.
Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the man walked in the door with three girls following behind him.
Without a moment's hesitation the mother pointed to the man's fiance and said, It's that one.
Wow! exclaimed the man. How in the world did you know it was her?
The mother shrugged, I just don't like her.

An old holocaust survivor dies and goes up to heaven....

He asks God,
"How do you get a girl's number in Auschwitz? Roll up her sleeve."
God doesn't laugh.
The Jew shrugs and says, "Eh. I guess you had to be there to understand".

A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..

She sits at the end of the bar and raises her arm to call the bartender and a drunkard would say, "Hey, bartender.. give the ballerina a beer on me.."
This happened two more times and the bartender finally asks, "Tell me, I'm curious.. What makes you say that the woman at the end of the bar is a ballerina? "
The drunkard shrugs and says, "Any woman that could lift her leg that high must be a ballerina."

Since people are translating their native jokes, I hope no one has posted this yet

There were 3 boys who were being chased by the police. John the wise, Peter the smart, and Jose the dumb.
As the police were gaining on them, they each decided to hide in a box in an alley way.
The policeman ran up to John's Box and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, John said "Woof woof"
The policeman shrugged and said "Ohhh, its just a dog"
He then went up Peter's box, and kicked it.
Peter followed John's example, "Meow meow"
The Policeman shrugged again and said "Ohhh, its just a cat"
He then went to the last box, which hid Jose and kicked it
"Potato Potato"

Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church.

One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him.

My boss came to me at lunch: "Where the h**... have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!"

I shrugged and said: "Good employees are hard to find."

I don't understand women...

One word out of place, just ONE word, and she's packing her b**... bags.
She asked me why I take my wedding ring off before s**.... I just shrugged and said "Habit".

I was at my bank today...

There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange money for dollars.
It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollars, today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

Two lawyers walk into a restaurant.

They put their briefcases on the floor and order two coffees. They get their coffee and pull out lunches from their briefcases.
"Sorry," the waitress says, "You can`t eat your own food here."
The lawyers look at one another, shrug their shoulders and swap sandwiches.

Moses, Jesus and an old man are playing golf together.

Moses swings and the ball rolls towards a river. The river splits and the ball goes through. Jesus shrugs, and hits the ball straight onto the river. It rolls straight over. The old man smiles and hits the ball into the river. A fish swallows the ball, an eagle swoops down, grabs the fish and flies off. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, it drops the fish, the ball falls into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus "I hate playing with your dad."

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender I'll have a r**... …………………. and coke.

The bartender asks, What's with the big pause?
The bear shrugs. I was born with them.

Two attorneys went into a diner

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and then exchanged sandwiches.

Wife came home early from work

So the other day my wife unexpectedly came home early from work and asked me if I wanted to play Monopoly with her. I agreed but while we were playing, I caught her cheating. I called her out on it and she just shrugged and said, "if you're not cheating, you're not trying!" That's when her sister burst out of the closet and said to my wife, "thank God you're cool with it, I thought I was going to be stuck in there for hours!"

God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit are going on vacation...

God the Father says "Let's vacation in Israel".
God the Son, Jesus, says "Too many bad memories there. Let's vacation in Berkeley."
God the Father says "I'm not into the Mother God, hippy v**...."
The Holy Spirit says "I know, let's go to Rome and visit The Vatican"
God the Father and Son ask - "Why?"
The Holy Spirit shrugs and replies "I've just never been there."

i was in Jerusalem for a holiday

Needing my cuppa of java i wandered into a cafe and was served by a male barista. I found it odd that there were no female Baristas so i made it a point to keep a lookout for them across the holy land.
From Starbucks to coffee club, from hipster cafes to neighborhood coffeehouses, not a female barista could be found.
Perplexed by this, i finally asked the Jewish barista at the starbucks at the airport when i was about to leave. He thought about it for a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said simply:
Hebrews.

The r**... Honeymoon

A guy r**... and a girl r**... just got married. It's the night of the honeymoon and the guy's parents come home to find their son sitting there on the couch.
"Son, what are you doing here? Tonight's your honeymoon, you should be with your bride."
The son looks up forlornly, with tears in his eyes. "Well dad, I found out she's a v**...!"
The father shrugs and says "so?"
"C'mon dad, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she d**... sure ain't good enough for ours!"

I met my new neighbor today. Turns out he's Swiss.

I told him I'd never met someone from Switzerland before, and asked what he likes most about his home country.
He shrugged. "I dunno. The flag's a big plus."

When a man showed up at work an hour late for the second time in a week, his boss called him into her office. She asked What's your excuse this time? He shrugged and said I overslept. d**... it she yelled, at least tell me something I haven't heard before!

He replied, You're looking lovely today

I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!" He replied, "Of course! Take the afternoon off." When I returned to work the next day, he came to my desk, smiled and asked, "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?" I shrugged, "I don't know..."

"I'll tell you in nine months!"

My music snob friend told me that The Doors had a lacklustre rhythm section. I asked him why he would say that, and he just shrugged his shoulders.

I told him I'm sick of hearing these bassless accusations.

Shrugged joke, My music snob friend told me that The Doors had a lacklustre rhythm section. I asked him why he woul

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these shrugged jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.