Comical & Quirky Shrug Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant...
Two lawyers sit down in a restaurant and open their briefcases, take out sandwiches, and start eating. A waitress comes up and says, "Excuse me, sirs, you can't eat your own food here." The lawyers shrug and exchange sandwiches.
The Costume Party
The local pub once held a costume party. The bartender announced to the patrons that they must all come dressed up as their "love life". Sure enough, the day of the party arrives and the bartender spots some old g**... dressed as Abraham Lincoln. He says "Oi, mate. You were supposed to come dressed up as your love life!"
With a shrug and a sly grin the other man says "Oh, I have. My four scores were seven years ago."
Two lawyers walk into a restaurant.
They put their briefcases on the floor and order two coffees. They get their coffee and pull out lunches from their briefcases.
"Sorry," the waitress says, "You can`t eat your own food here."
The lawyers look at one another, shrug their shoulders and swap sandwiches.
Currency Fluctuations
An Asian man comes to the US to do business and converts 110 million Yen into 1 million dollars. On his next trip, he returns to the bank to do the same, but only receives $990,000 in return.
He asks the teller, "Why did I receive less this time?"
The teller responds with a shrug, "Fluctuations"
The man gets very angry and storms out, stopping at the door to shout back, "Fluc your Americans too!"
Headless Bikers
Two old farmers are walking down a road when they hear a motorcycle behind them but are shocked when the driver passes them and the biker is headless. The two men look at each other and shrug. They continue down the road and a bicyclist comes up behind them and he, too, is headless.
The two old men continue to walk down the road, when the one walking along the inside turns to the other one.
You know, Allen, I think maybe you should carry that scythe on your other shoulder
Translated (badly) Goulash is sitting and relaxing in the stomach...
Goulash is sitting and relaxing in the stomach, when suddenly a tequila falls in. He shrug it off and continue to relax, but after a while a r**... falls in and join them.
He do some smalltalk but in general isn't much interested, so he continue to relax on his own. Then v**... falls in and joins.
He clearly annoyed by all this commotion asks "what the h**... is going on up there?"
"You don't know? There is this huge party" says the v**....
"Yeah? I need to check it out." says the goulash as he starts climbing up.
I did some shrugs in the gym.
After someone asked me, "What are you doing here?"
Did you hear about the apathetic man who died?
It was a shrug overdose
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street
... when they happen across a basketball court full of twelve-year-old boys shooting hoops. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Rabbi, you want to go screw those kids?" And the rabbi replies with a shrug, "Out of what?!"
So this attractive woman gets on the bus and sits next to me..
She's reading Cosmo and she says to me "According to this native Americans p**... have the most girth." I just shrug, then she says "and Polish men have the longest ones." "How 'bout that?" I reply. Then she asks my name "Tecumseh Kowalski"
I wish my surname was Gasket..
That way when people say things like, "I'm gunna blow a gasket!", I reply with a shrug and say, "Let's do this."
You can explore shrug nod reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shrug confusion dad jokes. There are also shrug puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Joke I heard while in Hungary
Two cops are standing by the street side in New York City. A foreigner approaches them looking slightly panicked.
"Parlez vous Francais?" He asks them. The cops, not knowing a word of French merely shrug their shoulders at the man.
Frustrated, he asks them, "Ustedes hablan español?" Again, the cops merely shrug.
The foreigner continues with the same result with Dutch, Russian, and German. Eventually, he leaves, knowing that there's no hope for him to communicate with the officers.
"I keep telling you we should learn more languages!" says one cop to the other.
"Why?" he responds. "That man knows five, and it didn't get him anywhere."
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the cops...
They run down an alley and find 3 boxes and decided to hide in each.
The cops arrive to the first box, they kick the first and the brunette shouts
'' Woof Woof!! '' The cops decided it must be dogs and move onto the next box.
'' Meow Meow! '' The redhead exclaims, the cops shrug thinking it is cats and move on to the next box.
'' POTATOES '' yells the blonde.
