Shrieks Jokes
12 shrieks jokes and hilarious shrieks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shrieks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shrieks Short Jokes
Short shrieks jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shrieks humour may include short yells jokes also.
- "Of course I have a mandate!" Donald Trumpler shrieked at reporters. "Master Putin is picking me up tonight for dinner and dancing."
- Metal songs that don't get any violent reaction from the audience like growling and shrieking are gold! Coz without reaction they'd be noble metals.
- What do you call it when Donald Trump is shrieking at someone for spilling a drink on his tie? A tyrant on a tie-rant.
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Delightful Fun Shrieks Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about shrieks you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean growls jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shrieks pranks.
A man rushes into the doctors' office and screams, "Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those 'do not eat' packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?" The doctor tries to relax him by saying, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."
The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A knight and his men return to their castle...
...after a long hard day of fighting.
"How are we faring?" asks the king.
"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."
"What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"
"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man has to pee...
But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.
A man walks into a museum.
While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."
A Scotsman is at a bar..
A woman at the bar looks on in interest at his kilt, noticing this he yells at her "You can put your hand up there if ya like!"
She can't contain her curiosity, and upon sliding her hand up his kilt she shrieks "Oh it's gruesome!"
He chuckles,
"Put your hand up again lass, It's grew some more!!"
A number 2 is walking down the street...
When another number 2 sneaks up from behind and jumps on his friends back to surprise him.
The first number 2 shrieks out-
"Aahhhhh!! You squared me!!"
Sorry...
An obese woman goes to the doctor.
She explains to the Doctor that she has been very nauseas and vomiting, even more so in the morning. After many tests and examinations the doctor came to a conclusion, "It looks like you're pregnant." He told her.
The woman was very distraught with his diagnosis. "I'm pregnant?!" She shrieks.
"No, but it looks like you are."
Put the P in pool
A police officer is on his beat walking past a public pool. A woman runs out of the pool area and shrieks Officer!! Officer! There's a man peeing in the pool!
The cop responds so what lady, everyone pees in the pool
She responds, well not off the high dive!
A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,
The doctor examined him and explained:"I'm going to give you some suppositories.
I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."
Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository.
She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks,
"Aahhhhh!"
"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks.
"No... I just realised that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders!"
a magician has a show on a cruiseboat..
So this magician has gotten himself a gig at a cruiseship.
When the ship is out on the open sea the show starts featuring himself and his parrot.
He is performing his first trick a TADAAA a whole deck of cards flips out thin air. the parrot shrieks loudly "those cards were in his left jacketsleeve, they were in his left jacketsleeve!"
Ok well, time for trick #2, the magician pulls a whole bouquet of flowers out of his hat and the parrot start shrieking "those flowers were in his pockets, those flowers were in his pockets!"
The magician reacts a bit annoyed by the parrot spoiling all his tricks, but he doesn't have alot of time to be angry, because the ship capsizes, drowns, and everyone on board is dead.
Except the magician and his parrot. They are floating on a piece of wreckage and just sort of look awkwardly at each other untill finally the parrot says "Ok fine, I give up, where is that boat?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Irish bloke goes to the doctor
and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a $20 bill lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another $10 bill appear. "This is amazing" exclaims the Doctor "What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out man" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the ten and another twenty appears, and another and another and so on...Finally the last bill comes out and no more appear.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den? The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "$1990 exactly."
"Ah, dat'd be roit." says p**... "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."
At the mental health clinic.
A fresh patient arrives and is being guided around by a staff member.
"This right here is John" sais the staffer "he is a paranoid delusional"
"Oh dear!" speaks the newbie "do you really think they are out to get you?"
"No!" shrieks John, tears running down his eyes, "nobody's out to get me, nobody!", and John storms off crying.
"Wow, you guys must ave some cold blooded, but hard hitting therapy", sais the newbie.
"Actually ..." replies the staff member, "John is being treated for self esteem issues."
