Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Showers puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.
Genocide
A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now
Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people
Pilgrims.
What do Pilgrims bring?
Smallpox
The other 2% haven't been to prison yet
The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz
April showers bring Mayflowers.
Written by my twelve-year-old brother:
Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.
for meatier showers.
(I have kidney stones)
...but Mayflowers bring smallpox.
But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.
Hot, wet and finished in 20 minutes.
The hockey team showers after three periods.
Pilgrims!
Credit to my 5yo daughter who just told me that one. She can't read so I'm relatively sure she didn't find it here.
I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"
Because of the towel ban.
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells:
"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"
A Google shower would make you sign in to Google+, track how many times per day you shower, then sell it to advertisers.
A Facebook shower would have a camera watch you so you can share it with your friends
An Apple shower would only work with an obscure showerhead that uses a non-standard connection, would be no longer supported after 5 years, and would force you to buy a new home to upgrade.
A Linux shower would require that you first spend 40 years becoming a master plumber, carpenter, engineer, and electrician, renovate your entire house from the ground up to install it, and would not be compatible with your utility company's water.
A hockey team showers after 3 periods.
..I've been trying to get clean for years now.
I thunk he has a high selfie steam problem.
They both have three periods between showers.
...showers in the camps didn't even work!
Pilgrims
Lukewarm.
because of how few showers I took this April.
They take Steam-y ones.
Because April showers bring May flowers and May flowers bring white men.
He was expecting showers.
But as time advanced they moved onto meteor showers.
June bugs.
What do June bugs bring? Small grub-eating mammals, wasps, and endoparasitoid pyrgotidae flies.
I'm all about coming clean.
Because you might get so oily, America invades you.
After his hour long showers all my conditioner is gone
Oui.
Courtesy of Stewart Francis.
They wash up on shore.
Incredulous Facebook posts about the arrival of spring.
He heard she has golden bathrooms and can't wait to try out the showers.
When the doorbell rang.
"It's me, the blind man."
And she didn't open the door because she has public decency and doesn't stop her showers for strangers.
On the first day in the shower a huge hairy guy full of muscles comes out of the fog right to him :"You're my new wife now. Let's get it on."
The man looks all around but theres nobody who'll help him and he surrenders in fear of what might come.
"With or without spit?" asks the big hairy man. The first-timer answered "When I have to: with spit" The big man turns around and yells into the showers: "Yo Spit, he says you can come too."
I'm on track to get 2 flowers next month.
It completely ruined our class trip to Auschwitz.
After buying the German a beer, the Frenchman asks where his is from.
"Auschwitz," the German replies.
"Is it weird living there, especially with its history?" The Frenchman asks.
"Yes, but the services are incredible."
"Oh really?"
"Yes. Cheap gas and free showers."
A hockey player usually showers after 3 periods
Rich enough to get golden showers.
and 80% bathtubs.
Hay fever...achooo
He likes golden showers.
Every naked person they see turns them on
They all seem to get a bit weird around showers.
Take golden showers
Cold, crying and alone.
Golden Showers.
Everyone knows urine over your head
They're hoping for meatier showers
Because they're showers not growers.
...and does his buisness. All the women then commented on how he had quite a "grüß dich."
It really ruined the tour around Auschwitz.
Nobody's caught me yet.
Republicans: "The storms are why there was such low turnout."
Trump: "The showers remind me of when I was in Russia."
now I don't take showers at all.
Oui...
The Trump Hotel has golden windows on the outside, but the Ritz-Carlton has golden showers in your room.
An E-**piss**-copalian!
Because April showers, bring May flowers!
You can bend over in prison showers
That explains the meatier showers.
They're to die for.
Just think of all the baby showers they threw in Auschwitz
With meteor showers.
Behind the Iron Curtain!
It started out small, but our members are increasing in size every day.
Get in the showers!
She only showers after third period.
Tell him the forecasts predict golden showers.
Consent.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.