I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt.
Genocide
A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now
Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people
I am not sure what she is doing inside, but this gives me a lot of time to jerk off to Chris Evans
I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt
Pilgrims.
What do Pilgrims bring?
Smallpox
The other 2% haven't been to prison yet
The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz
April showers bring Mayflowers.
Written by my twelve-year-old brother:
Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.
for meatier showers.
(I have kidney stones)
- "Scattered fucking showers, my ass" - Noah, 4314 BC
- "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
- "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
- "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
- "It does so fucking look like her" - Picasso, 1926
- "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
- "Any fucking idiot could understand that" - Einstein, 1938
- "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945
- "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963
- "Aw c'mon... who the fuck is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1997
After months of desperation and trying everything he asks for the help of a fellow farmer, who tells him to show the bull some hardcore porn. Despite the silly advice, he has nothing to lose. He sets up a projector in the barn and showers the bull with porn 24/7 for several days, and exposes him to the cows afterwards. Sure enough, the bull jumps on the first cow he lays his eyes upon and starts humping like a champ as the farmer watches in joy, which quickly turns into horror as the bull pulls out and proceeds to cum all over the cow's face.
...but Mayflowers bring smallpox.
A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
Mom we had gym class today and took showers. My penis was the biggest of all the boys in class. Is it because I'm black?
No honey, it's because you're 19.
But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.
Hot, wet and finished in 20 minutes.
The hockey team showers after three periods.
So a lumberjack just starts his job in Alaska and it's been a while since he's been with a woman. So one day, he asks his boss what the other lumberjacks do for pleasure around here. He says "try the hole in the barrel out by the showers." So, the next day, the lumberjack is showering and he decides he'll try sticking his penis through the barrel hole and he goes back to his boss and says "thanks boss, i'll be using the barrel every day thanks to you!" his boss responds "well, every day besides monday." lumberjack responds "whys that?" boss responds "because monday is your day in the barrel"
A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.
Because of the towel ban.
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"
Because they're too scared to go in the showers.
He took warm ones instead.
Guy1: Do you want to play the rape game?
Guy2: Hell yeah!
Guy1: That's the sp... wait what?!
They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells:
"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"
A Google shower would make you sign in to Google+, track how many times per day you shower, then sell it to advertisers.
A Facebook shower would have a camera watch you so you can share it with your friends
An Apple shower would only work with an obscure showerhead that uses a non-standard connection, would be no longer supported after 5 years, and would force you to buy a new home to upgrade.
A Linux shower would require that you first spend 40 years becoming a master plumber, carpenter, engineer, and electrician, renovate your entire house from the ground up to install it, and would not be compatible with your utility company's water.
The white guy says to the black guy hey I wish my dick looked like that. What's your secret? The black guy decides he's gonna take this opportunity to mess with him and says all you gotta do is tie a rock to it and hang it off the side of your bed at night . The white guy thanks him and goes home excited to try this new trick.
The next day at the gym, the black guy sees the white guy in the shower again and asks him Well, did it work? The white guy says Yeah! Look how black it is!
One was average build and the other was very large. The average build guy says, "Damn man, when's the last time you saw your dick?" The large man says, "I don't know, it's been a while." Average build guy says, "why don't you try to diet?" The Big guy says, "why? What color is it now?"
Mayflowers bring Small Pox.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Showers? Well, here are the best Showers dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Showers pick up lines to share with friends.