showers Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious showers puns

My girlfriend always takes long showers after watching movies starring Chris Pratt

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt.

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If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring?

Genocide

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What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now

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Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

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My girlfriend always takes long showers after watching movies starring Chris Evans

I am not sure what she is doing inside, but this gives me a lot of time to jerk off to Chris Evans

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My girlfriend keeps watching Chris Pratt movies then taking long showers.

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt

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April showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

What do Pilgrims bring?

Smallpox

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98% of black people love having sex in showers

The other 2% haven't been to prison yet

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I was expelled from school for masturbating in the showers

The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz

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Why don't Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?

April showers bring Mayflowers.

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A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . .

Written by my twelve-year-old brother:

Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.

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Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

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My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers

(I have kidney stones)

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Ten times in history the "f" word was appropriate...

- "Scattered fucking showers, my ass" - Noah, 4314 BC

- "How the fuck did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC

- "You want WHAT on the fucking ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566

- "Where did all those fucking Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877

- "It does so fucking look like her" - Picasso, 1926

- "Where the fuck are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937

- "Any fucking idiot could understand that" - Einstein, 1938

- "What the fuck was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

- "I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963

- "Aw c'mon... who the fuck is going to find out?" - Bill Clinton, 1997

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A farmer has an impotent bull.

After months of desperation and trying everything he asks for the help of a fellow farmer, who tells him to show the bull some hardcore porn. Despite the silly advice, he has nothing to lose. He sets up a projector in the barn and showers the bull with porn 24/7 for several days, and exposes him to the cows afterwards. Sure enough, the bull jumps on the first cow he lays his eyes upon and starts humping like a champ as the farmer watches in joy, which quickly turns into horror as the bull pulls out and proceeds to cum all over the cow's face.

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April showers bring May flowers...

...but Mayflowers bring smallpox.

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What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippy chick?

A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

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A 3rd grader black boy came home from a all white school and asked his mother....

Mom we had gym class today and took showers. My penis was the biggest of all the boys in class. Is it because I'm black?

No honey, it's because you're 19.

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I'm proud to say I've been clean for one year.

But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.

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I like my showers like I like my women

Hot, wet and finished in 20 minutes.

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What's the difference between a hockey team and a Russian woman?

The hockey team showers after three periods.

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A lumberjack just starts his job in Alaska...

So a lumberjack just starts his job in Alaska and it's been a while since he's been with a woman. So one day, he asks his boss what the other lumberjacks do for pleasure around here. He says "try the hole in the barrel out by the showers." So, the next day, the lumberjack is showering and he decides he'll try sticking his penis through the barrel hole and he goes back to his boss and says "thanks boss, i'll be using the barrel every day thanks to you!" his boss responds "well, every day besides monday." lumberjack responds "whys that?" boss responds "because monday is your day in the barrel"

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What's the difference between a feminist and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after 3 periods.

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In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived.

I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.

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Why don't they have showers on airplanes?

Because of the towel ban.

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the soap dispensing priest

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.

Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"

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Why do refugees in Germany smell like shit?

Because they're too scared to go in the showers.

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Did you hear about the masochist who like cold showers?

He took warm ones instead.

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Two guys in communal showers...

Guy1: Do you want to play the rape game?

Guy2: Hell yeah!

Guy1: That's the sp... wait what?!

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#2857: Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells:

"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"

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If I can use dollar bills to make it rain, are dollar coins golden showers?

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Tech Companies are getting into Showers.

A Google shower would make you sign in to Google+, track how many times per day you shower, then sell it to advertisers.

A Facebook shower would have a camera watch you so you can share it with your friends

An Apple shower would only work with an obscure showerhead that uses a non-standard connection, would be no longer supported after 5 years, and would force you to buy a new home to upgrade.

A Linux shower would require that you first spend 40 years becoming a master plumber, carpenter, engineer, and electrician, renovate your entire house from the ground up to install it, and would not be compatible with your utility company's water.

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A white man and a black man are using the showers at a local gym...

The white guy says to the black guy hey I wish my dick looked like that. What's your secret? The black guy decides he's gonna take this opportunity to mess with him and says all you gotta do is tie a rock to it and hang it off the side of your bed at night . The white guy thanks him and goes home excited to try this new trick.

The next day at the gym, the black guy sees the white guy in the shower again and asks him Well, did it work? The white guy says Yeah! Look how black it is!

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There were two men in the gym showers

One was average build and the other was very large. The average build guy says, "Damn man, when's the last time you saw your dick?" The large man says, "I don't know, it's been a while." Average build guy says, "why don't you try to diet?" The Big guy says, "why? What color is it now?"

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April showers bring May flowers

Mayflowers bring Small Pox.

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What are the best Showers puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Showers? Well, here are the best Showers dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Showers pick up lines to share with friends.

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