Showers Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Showers puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Showers

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring?

Genocide

What is the difference between a feminist and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after three periods!^I^will^see^myself^out^now

Why do native Americans hate April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

April showers bring may flowers What do may flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

What do Pilgrims bring?

Smallpox

98% of black people love having sex in showers

The other 2% haven't been to prison yet

I was expelled from school for masturbating in the showers

The teachers said I ruined the trip to Auschwitz

Why don't Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?

April showers bring Mayflowers.

A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . .

Written by my twelve-year-old brother:

Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers

(I have kidney stones)

April showers bring May flowers...

...but Mayflowers bring smallpox.

I'm proud to say I've been clean for one year.

But all these showers aren't helping me quit smoking crack.

I like my showers like I like my women

Hot, wet and finished in 20 minutes.

What's the difference between a hockey team and a Russian woman?

The hockey team showers after three periods.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Credit to my 5yo daughter who just told me that one. She can't read so I'm relatively sure she didn't find it here.

In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived.

I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.

the soap dispensing priest

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it , not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.

Having no place to hide , he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled , he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun , "it's a soap dispenser". To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough , he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs , then yells..."Holy Mary , Mother of God , HAND LOTION TOO!"

Why don't they have showers on airplanes?

Because of the towel ban.

#2857: Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells:

"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"

Tech Companies are getting into Showers.

A Google shower would make you sign in to Google+, track how many times per day you shower, then sell it to advertisers.

A Facebook shower would have a camera watch you so you can share it with your friends

An Apple shower would only work with an obscure showerhead that uses a non-standard connection, would be no longer supported after 5 years, and would force you to buy a new home to upgrade.

A Linux shower would require that you first spend 40 years becoming a master plumber, carpenter, engineer, and electrician, renovate your entire house from the ground up to install it, and would not be compatible with your utility company's water.

If I can use dollar bills to make it rain, are dollar coins golden showers?

What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey hooker?

A hockey team showers after 3 periods.

I'm addicted to taking showers...

..I've been trying to get clean for years now.

My friend has a habit of taking blurry pictures of himself in the bathroom mirror after taking hot showers...

I thunk he has a high selfie steam problem.

What do an Amish woman and a hockey game both have in common? (NSFW)

They both have three periods between showers.

German engineering isn't that good...

...showers in the camps didn't even work!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims

How does Princess Leia like her showers?

Lukewarm.

I guess there wont be many flowers this May

because of how few showers I took this April.

PC gamers don't take hot showers.

They take Steam-y ones.

Why don't Native Americans do rain dances in April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and May flowers bring white men.

Why did the meteorologist bring a bar of soap to work?

He was expecting showers.

TIL that dinosaurs used hot springs to take baths

But as time advanced they moved onto meteor showers.

April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?

June bugs.

What do June bugs bring? Small grub-eating mammals, wasps, and endoparasitoid pyrgotidae flies.

[NSFW] I like to take showers before having sex.

I'm all about coming clean.

Why should you take regular showers?

Because you might get so oily, America invades you.

So my brother has been taking rill good care of his hair

After his hour long showers all my conditioner is gone

Was my French teacher into golden showers?

Oui.

Courtesy of Stewart Francis.

Why don't Syrian kids ever take showers?

They wash up on shore.

If April showers bring May flowers, what does April snow bring?

Incredulous Facebook posts about the arrival of spring.

Why is Trump so keen to stay with the queen in the UK?

He heard she has golden bathrooms and can't wait to try out the showers.

A woman was having a shower

When the doorbell rang.
"It's me, the blind man."
And she didn't open the door because she has public decency and doesn't stop her showers for strangers.

A man comes into jail the first time in life...

On the first day in the shower a huge hairy guy full of muscles comes out of the fog right to him :"You're my new wife now. Let's get it on."

The man looks all around but theres nobody who'll help him and he surrenders in fear of what might come.

"With or without spit?" asks the big hairy man. The first-timer answered "When I have to: with spit" The big man turns around and yells into the showers: "Yo Spit, he says you can come too."

If April showers bring May flowers...

I'm on track to get 2 flowers next month.

A friend of mine got caught masturbating in the showers.

It completely ruined our class trip to Auschwitz.

A German and a Frenchman walk into a bar.

After buying the German a beer, the Frenchman asks where his is from.

"Auschwitz," the German replies.

"Is it weird living there, especially with its history?" The Frenchman asks.

"Yes, but the services are incredible."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Cheap gas and free showers."

What is the difference between a hippy chick and a hockey player? (1 of 3 hippy jokes)

A hockey player usually showers after 3 periods

How rich is the President?

Rich enough to get golden showers.

This weather forecast extinguished my hope for a good day. They predicted 20% showers...

and 80% bathtubs.

If if April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?

Hay fever...achooo

King Midas doesn't like baths

He likes golden showers.

How do we know showers are bisexual?

Every naked person they see turns them on

Why should you never hire a Jewish plumber?

They all seem to get a bit weird around showers.

What do Golden Knights do after their games?

Take golden showers

I like my women how I like my showers...

Cold, crying and alone.

What do Trump and R. Kelly have in common?

Golden Showers.

What do the Frey and public golden showers have in common?

Everyone knows urine over your head

Why do astronomers eat steak before skywatching?

They're hoping for meatier showers

Why aren't bathtubs good at gardening?

Because they're showers not growers.

A polite German who never showers walks into a cathouse...

...and does his buisness. All the women then commented on how he had quite a "grüß dich."

My friend got caught wanking in the showers on a school trip.

It really ruined the tour around Auschwitz.

I take a lot of showers.

Nobody's caught me yet.

Democrats: "The rains are God crying about Trump's inauguration"....

Republicans: "The storms are why there was such low turnout."

Trump: "The showers remind me of when I was in Russia."

Before our first child, I took showers for granted

now I don't take showers at all.

Is my French girlfriend fond of golden showers?

Oui...

What's the difference between the Trump Hotel and the Moscow Ritz-Carlton?

The Trump Hotel has golden windows on the outside, but the Ritz-Carlton has golden showers in your room.

What do you call an Anglican who has a fetish for golden showers?

An E-**piss**-copalian!

Why were the Native Americans upset when it rained in April?

Because April showers, bring May flowers!

One of the advantages of being ugly...

You can bend over in prison showers

Did you know the government puts ground beef in the chem trails?

That explains the meatier showers.

How good are the showers at Auschwitz?

They're to die for.

NSFW I can't stop thinking about how thoughtful the nazis were

Just think of all the baby showers they threw in Auschwitz

How would the Nazis have killed the dinosaurs?

With meteor showers.

Where does Lenin take his showers?

Behind the Iron Curtain!

I founded a club for growers not showers

It started out small, but our members are increasing in size every day.

What did Hitler say to the national football team after they lost the final?

Get in the showers!

Yo Mama's like a football player

She only showers after third period.

How do you get Donald Trump to visit a memorial in the rain?

Tell him the forecasts predict golden showers.

Why do people run from the rain but love taking showers?

Consent.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes