showering Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious showering puns

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.


I'm 60 days clean now!

It's hard showering every day, but luckily i had heroin to help me through it.


Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.

The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.

He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!

"Must be a cat." He moves on.

Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!

"Must be a dog." He moves on.

He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"


Then why did he ask?

A little boy is in the showering with his mother when he looks up and says "Mommy... what's that?"

The mother, wanting to satisfy his curiosity but not wanting to say too much, replied "That, my child, is where god struck me with the golden axe".

He looks at it, looks at her, shrugs his shoulders and says

"Nice shot. Right in the cunt."


A Cork Up His Ass

Two guys are in the locker room showering, when one guy notices that the other has a cork stuck up his ass!

"Dude, what the hell? Why is there a cork stuck up your ass?"

"Well.. the other day, I was walking down the beach, when I tripped over this lamp. I went to rub some of the sand off of it, and this genie popped out of it!"

"A genie? That's incredible!"

"Yeah. He told me he would grant me one wish, and I said 'No shitβ€½β€½'"


I surveyed 100 women & asked which shampoo did they use when showering.

99 of them said, 'HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE'.


(NSFW) A nun, who possessed miraculous healing powers, was taking a shower,

when her fellow nun goes into her room, and says, "Sister, a blind man is here to see you."

"I'm showering! Tell him to come back later," she replies.

"But he says it's urgent; he cannot come back later."

"Well, he's a blind man, so fine, send him in," she says as she turns off the water and opens the curtain.

He walks in, and exclaims, "Geez lady, nice tits! Now where should I install these blinds?"

~~The nun fainted.~~


An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's that between your legs, dad?"

The father says: "I can't tell you right now!"

The girl asks: "Will I get it when I'm older?"

The father replies: "You can get it now if you stay quiet."


A lumberjack just starts his job in Alaska...

So a lumberjack just starts his job in Alaska and it's been a while since he's been with a woman. So one day, he asks his boss what the other lumberjacks do for pleasure around here. He says "try the hole in the barrel out by the showers." So, the next day, the lumberjack is showering and he decides he'll try sticking his penis through the barrel hole and he goes back to his boss and says "thanks boss, i'll be using the barrel every day thanks to you!" his boss responds "well, every day besides monday." lumberjack responds "whys that?" boss responds "because monday is your day in the barrel"


A female friend of mine told me that i should act more like a knight

So i stopped showering, brushing my teeth and i raped her


Apparently, "showering her with love"...

...doesn't mean, masturbating on her while she is sleeping.


I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used while showering.

Ninety-eight of them said, "Get the hell out of here."


I was in the shower at the local swimming baths

The guy showering next to me asked "are you gay mate?"
I replied "What? no i'm not. But you must be, you haven't stopped looking at my erection since you got in"


A young couple are showering together

A young couple are showering when the girlfriend says, "Honey I want you to do something naughty."
The boyfriend agrees.
He then proceeds to drop shampoo in her left eye.


A woman hires an agent to kill her husband.

She sets it up so she can watch it from a building overlooking their apartment.

Her husband is showering as the agent arrives. She watches as the agent sneaks up on him without being heard. He whips off his overcoat, throws open the shower door and humps the husband to death.

The wife meets the agent the next day to pay for his service.

She hands over the money and says, "A little more unconventional than I expected, but you got the job done"

"What did you expect?" replies the agent

"Well, when you said you were an anal assassin, I expected you to be meticulous about your work."



I asked 100 women what brand of shampoo they use while showering.
99 out of those 100 answered : "How the fuck did you get in here you asshole!?!"


An honest mistake.

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it."

Jim agrees and the two say good bye.

A few months later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco."

"Crisco?!?" Bob exclaimed.

"Dammit Jim, Crisco's shortening!!!!"


Little Johnny and his mother

Little Johnny is running through the house one Saturday morning when he comes across his mother showering.

Unabashed, he marches through the open bathroom door and points down at her privates. He asks: "Mommy, what's that?"

The mother sighs and thinks how to phrase the answer. She delicately explains: "That, honey, is where God hit me with his axe."

Little Johnny explains: "WOW! Great shot! He got you right in the cunt!"


A daughter walks in on a father showering

She looks at his penis and says; Daddy, I want one! When can I get one? pointing at his penis.

The father responds with; Sure, sweetie. You can get one after your mom leaves for work.


Little Suzie Goes Swimming in a lake

One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.
Grandma Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother's legs. What's that?
Oh, her grandmother replies. That's my beaver, dear.
The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with her mother, and they go showering afterwards too. Mummy, is that your beaver? asks the girl.
Er, yes it is, Suzy. Where did you learn that? her mother answers.
From Grandma. But I think hers is dead because its tongue was sticking out.


I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard.

That way I will become filthy rich.


I've been clean for a year now.

Showering every day was hard, but at least I had cocaine to help me through it.


One day while showering, a man finds a rash on his penis...

Immediatly concerned, he rushes to the ER to get checked out. Gets there, checks in, and waits to be called in.

The nurse who checked him in accidentally mixed up his paper work with someone who is there with a broken foot. Not knowing this, he gets called back to the examination room where the nurse says "ok, just put it out on the table, and i'll be back in a minute"

She arrives back to the room and screams out "oh my god, thats not a foot!" He replies and says "well no, but its a good ten inches"


Maybe someday masturbating will be like showering.

Your first time is with your dad.


[Help] im trying to go clean, i have an addiction

to showering


I don't get why cats hate showering

Why do they always scream when I squish them dry?


A joke I thought of while showering. (showerjokes?)

Underage drinking is a crime punishable by breath.
haha get it?


I surveyed 100 women

and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. Ninety-eight of them said, "Screamed get out.. get out of my bathroom?"


95% of people masturbate while showering, the rest sings one specific song, which one?... No idea?

Then I know what group you belong to ;)


had a talk with my doctor

turns out im addicted to showering, been trying to get clean


Sex and swimming are really similar...

You spend more time showering and cleaning up after than you do in the actual activity


Child see his parents having sex.

This childs father was showering, he asks if he can come in the shower with his father. While they were showering the boy looks down and asks 'Dad, what is that?' his father replies 'that's my snake'.

A few days later his mother is showering and he asks to join her. While they are showering the boy looks up, he asks 'Mummy, what are they?' she replies 'They are my headlights'. The boy then looks down, he asks 'What is that?' his mother says 'That's my bush'.

That night the boy has a nightmare, he asks if he can sleep with his parents. They say yes if he does not look under the covers. Curios as of why he cannot look the boy sneaks a peek under the covers. He shouts, 'Mum! Turn your headlights on. There's a snake in your bush!'.


God news everyone!

Only 3 times showering 'till Christmas.


My son and daughter aee showering together

Its so nice to see them save water


A dad walks in on his teenage daughter showering

"OMG, dad! I'm naked!"

"Hi, naked, I'm dad."

"For fuck's sake, at least stop masturbating!!"


What are the most funny Showering jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Showering? Well, here are the best Showering dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Showering pick up lines to share with friends.

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