Shower Jokes

Hey Eugene, do you shower after sex?

Well yes Bob, I do.

Great, can you please get laid more often?

My house was robbed last night. The burglars took everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothpaste, and mouthwash.

Dirty bastards.

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

I have bathed in the blood of virgins!

I had a nosebleed in the shower.

Two guys in a communal shower...

Guy1: You wanna play the rape game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!

My girlfriend gave me a handjob using Vaseline the other day.

I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.

When I get naked in the bathroom..

The shower usually gets turned on.

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.

Those dirty bastards.

A programmer got stuck in the shower because...

The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

I took ten photos of myself in the shower, but hated them all.

Turns out I have selfie-steam issues

My wife asked me to please quit singing Wonderwall in the shower

I said maybe.

I'm 30 days clean now

Taking a shower every day was hard, it's a good thing I had meth to get me through it

A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex

The other 7% have not been to jail.

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!

"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.

And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.

Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.

"I wish for a meatier shower!"

Me: "Do you shower after sex?"

Coworker: "Yes."

Me: "Then you should get laid more often."

I don't want to brag, but when I take my clothes off...

the shower gets turned on.

TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a...

Baby shower.

What's the Difference between NHL Players and the Jersey Shore Girls?

NHL Players shower after three periods.

A bald guy slipped in the shower

Fell on his head and slipped again.

90% of Men in Chicago have had shower sex

The other 10% have never been to prison.

Why did the priest go to the gym?

For muscle mass.

I thought of this one in the shower this morning.

Apparently the Dad jokes never stop...

I just told my wife I was going to go hop in the shower; my 66 year old father-in-law looks me straight in the face and says, "You know, it works better if you just stand in it"...

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.
"But wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the man.
"Well? Won't they find out?"
"And who's gonna tell?"

I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

I'm finally 5 years clean!

Having to get a shower every day has been hard - luckily, I've had my heroin addiction to help me through it.

Pirates never shower before they walk the plank.

They just wash up on shore afterward.

Came up with this joke this morning in the shower.

I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.

My neighbor thinks I spy on her..

I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now

How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

Give them a leaky showerhead.


You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

So, my 3 year old cousin was over this morning.

I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?

What kind of tree does a chicken grow on?

A poultry.

(came up with that in the shower)

I overheard my wife singing in the shower.

"You should go on America's Got Talent," I told her.

"I can't sing," she replied.

I said, "Exactly."

This joke I made up while in the shower

What's the difference between my shower and everyone?

My shower gets turned on by me.

A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.

The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?

78% of black men like sex in the shower

The other 22% haven't been to prison yet

Do you know what the difference is between toilet paper and a shower curtain?

Oh. So it's you then.

I don't like sex in the shower.

It's slippery, dangerous and one of the worst things about prison.

She gave me a hand-job using Vaseline as lube...[NSFW]

I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off.

Every naked person I see turns me on...

Said the shower head.

Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had sex in the shower.

The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.

A boy is in the shower with his mum.

The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!

What's the difference between water falling from the sky and hamburgers falling from the sky?

One of them is a meatier shower.

I just enlisted my kids into the Navy.

Or as the wife calls it, masturbated in the shower.

Wife and I taking a shower

Wife: I want you to do bad things to me.

Me:

If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven...

is doing it in the shower a German oven?

Why do German shower faucets have 11 holes?

Jews only have 10 fingers.

Nice guys don't finish last..

They finish alone in the shower.

My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower....

I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.

Isn't It Ironic?

My wife was trying to explain to me that I didn't know what irony meant, which was ironic because I had just taken a shower.

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.

We have collected gags that can be used as Shower pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Shower, here are one liners and funny Shower pick up lines.

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