shower Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious shower puns

My girlfriend asked me if I had ever I peed in the shower. I said "yes, twice, but they were both accidents"

She asked "How on earth could you accidentally pee in the shower?!"
I said "Well these things tend to happen when you're taking a shit".

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Porn is so unrealistic

Just took a shower with my girlfriend.....

And stood in the corner freezing for 20 minutes handing her different shampoos.

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A woman was having a shower

when the door-bell rang.

"It's the blind man" he called.

That's ok, she thought so she quickly ran downstairs naked to open the door.

"Nice tits" he said. "Now, where do you want those blinds?"

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My girlfriend asked me if I ever take a piss while in the shower.

My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.

I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."

She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"

"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're taking a shit."

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Son: "What's that Daddy?" (*pointing at Mummy getting out of the shower*)...

Daddy: "That's where mummy was hit by an axe, that's her axe wound."

Son: "Wow, bloody good shot, got her right in the cunt."

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My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

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My girlfriend came out of the shower

and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?"

I said yeah,"the damn drain is clogged again!".

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Lady jumps out of the shower and door bell rings...

\- "Who is it?" she yells, trying to find her robe.

\- "It's the blind man"

The lady goes to the door topless and opens it.

\- "Nice tits lady! Now, where do you want your blinds installed?"

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Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of shampoos and start using dish washing liquid. Its label reads

"Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

Follow this and stay slim and trim forever.

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I have bathed in the blood of virgins!

I had a nosebleed in the shower.

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Two guys in a communal shower...

Guy1: You wanna play the rape game?
Guy2: No.
Guy1: That's the spirit!!

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The first joke I remember my father telling me.

A woman is just getting out of the shower when there's a knock at the door. She doesn't have a towel at hand so she shouts, "Who is it?"

"It's the blind man"

Realising the towel no longer matters, she opens the door.

The blind man says, "Nice tits, love. Where do you want the blinds?"

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When I get naked in the bathroom..

The shower usually gets turned on.

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Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant.

Those dirty bastards.

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A woman is just getting out of the shower when there's a knock at the front door

She doesn't have a towel at hand so she shouts, Who is it?

It's the blind man

Realising the towel no longer matters, she opens the door.

The blind man says, Nice tits, love. Where do you want the blinds?

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A programmer got stuck in the shower because...

The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

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I've been clean for 45 days now

It's been tough taking a shower everyday, but at least I have the heroin to help me get throught it.

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I took ten photos of myself in the shower, but hated them all.

Turns out I have selfie-steam issues

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My wife asked me to please quit singing Wonderwall in the shower

I said maybe.

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I'm 30 days clean now

Taking a shower every day was hard, it's a good thing I had meth to get me through it

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A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex

The other 7% have not been to jail.

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I have a confession to make: I masturbate in the shower.

It feels good to come clean.

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My wife walked in on me

Blow drying my dick and balls after a shower.

What are you doing? She asked.

Apparently "heating up your dinner" was not an appropriate response.

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Me while talking to a lady friend :

Me : Hey, i read about this the other day ; did you know that 80% of women masturbate in the shower? Do you know what the other 20% do?

Her : No, what?

Me : Yea, I figured you were in the first group

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I don't want to brag, but when I take my clothes off...

the shower gets turned on.

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A bunch of thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap, shower gel, towels, toothbrush and deodorant.

Dirty bastards

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A woman has just removed her clothes to get into the shower when she hears a knock on the door.

Woman: "Who is it?"

Blind Guy: "It's the blind guy!"

Woman: *Well, he can't see me anyway....* (opens the door)

Blind Guy: "Nice tits! Where do you want these blinds?"


Cr

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[NSFW] Daughter walks in on mother taking a shower...

Daughter: Mom what are those things hanging on your chest?

Mom: They are called boobs..

Daughter: When am I going to get them?

Mom: When you grow up


*Later in the day she walks in on dad taking a shower*

Daughter: Dad, what is that thing hanging between your legs?

Dad: Its called penis..

Daughter: When am I going to get that?

Dad: You can get it now but don't tell mommy.

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TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a Bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a...

Baby shower.

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What's the Difference between NHL Players and the Jersey Shore Girls?

NHL Players shower after three periods.

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Usually when I get naked in the bath room

The shower gets turned on

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A bald guy slipped in the shower

Fell on his head and slipped again.

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90% of Men in Chicago have had shower sex

The other 10% have never been to prison.

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Why did the priest go to the gym?

For muscle mass.

I thought of this one in the shower this morning.

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My wife asked me if I had ever peed in the shower...

I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."
She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"
"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a shit."

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What are the most funny Shower jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Shower? Well, here are the best Shower dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Shower pick up lines to share with friends.

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