Show Jokes

182 show jokes and hilarious show puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about show that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Bring the laughs to your next talent show, friends TV show, or even the Kapil Sharma Show with our collection of real show jokes. Reveal your inner Presley as you share these witty one-liners with your friends and family. From game shows to regular shows to ESPN, you'll have something to keep everyone entertained!

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Funniest Show Short Jokes

Short show jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The show humour may include short display jokes also.

  1. Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today? Because they had to go home and change first.
  2. What's the difference between donald trump and a worm? One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
  3. I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
  4. The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
  5. Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
  6. I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
  7. My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
  8. Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.
  9. I can't stand homeless people Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.
  10. Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga … And 100% of men don't care.

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Show One Liners

Which show one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with show? I can suggest the ones about hide and reveal.

  1. Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
  2. Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill areas.
    I'll show myself out
  3. What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding? Wows
    I'll show myself out
  4. What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to dinner? A cold shoulder.
  5. Bill Cosby is going to have a new show Women Say the Darndest Things
  6. Why did the boomer cross the street? To show how it's done.
  7. Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
  8. Why did the riot police show up to the protest so early? To beat the crowd
  9. What does the Fox say? We're canceling all of your favorite shows.
  10. A canibal shows up late to a dinner He ended up getting the cold shoulder
  11. What does the German say when you show him a good meme? Danke.
  12. A cannibal showed up late to the luncheon His friends gave him the cold shoulder.
  13. Why did the riot police show up early to the protest? They wanted to beat the crowd.
  14. what's black, white, and red all over? Rihanna's halftime show.
  15. The next person to show me that dress... gonna get a white and gold eye.

Show Off Jokes

Here is a list of funny show off jokes and even better show off puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me. I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
  • TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.
  • A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead.
  • I planned a date with this girl at the gym today, but she didn't show up that's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
  • My wife laughed when I said I still have the body of a 25 year old. Until I showed it to her in the freezer.
  • I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat... But two Hobbits just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.
  • I was so excited to show my teacher my Reddit joke, but sadly she wasn't in today, so... ...the subreddit.
  • I ordered a balloon on aliexpress Tracking showed it was on the way and then it just disappeared. Has anyone seen it?
  • The show "COPS" is no longer filmed honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras
  • Xbox and PlayStation are having a fight... Then the cops show up: "Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U..."

Tv Show Jokes

Here is a list of funny tv show jokes and even better tv show puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A friend and I were discussing a TV show and they said that the 32nd episode is undoubtedly the greatest. Upon rewatching the episode I was shocked to find it was 30 minutes long.
  • A tv show about the earth would be really boring It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.
  • What's a cokeheads favorite TV show? Whose Line is it Anyway
  • I was watching a tv show about the worlds best ceiling... And I realised that mine wasn't the best, but it was definitely up there.
  • Why don't Malaysian TV shows get commissioned? Because they all have terrible pilots.
  • TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV. It was *Ellen* or rugby.
  • Lately I've been getting turned on every time I see someone cut in two on my tv shows So yeah I guess I'm bisectual
  • What do you call a tv show about female puberty? A Breasted Development
  • Just wrote this How does Sherlock Holmes find out what TV shows are on?
    He just asks Watson.
    (Works better out loud)
  • Have you heard of the TV show about kamikaze attacks? It didn't last longer than the pilot
Show joke, Have you heard of the TV show about kamikaze attacks?

Friends Show Jokes

Here is a list of funny friends show jokes and even better friends show puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up It was a diss appointment
  • So I was showing my friends the first floor of my house When one of them said "What's upstairs?"
    I told him that the stairs don't talk.
  • My friend was showing me around his toolshed Pointing to a ladder he said, "That's my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder."
  • My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists
  • My friend was showing me his tool shed. He pointed to a ladder.
    "That's my step ladder," he said.
    "I never met my real ladder."
  • A friend showed me a photo of his wife. Isn't she stunning? He said.
    You should see my wife, I replied.
    What, is she stunning, too? He asked.
    I said: No, she's an optometrist.
  • I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered ...they said it meant a lot to them.
  • So FRIENDS is having a reunion Turns out the show wasn't over. They were on a break.
  • I am going to tell my friends... That I will show up to their holloween party as Amelia Earhart...then not show up.
  • My friend showed me a photo of a famous meteor crater in Arizona. It's amazing how close it landed to the Visitor's Center.

Game Show Jokes

Here is a list of funny game show jokes and even better game show puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread... it's called gluten tag.
    I'll show myself out.
  • Why is playing Jenga so important on a first date. So I can show the girl my pull out game is on point
  • Fun Super Bowl Game: Every time they show Ray Lewis on the screen, stab someone in your party and then deny it was you.
  • While gaming last night, I was called a loser due to still having my default skin But when I showed up to school, the next day, wearing a new skin, I'm a psychopath.
  • Yo mama's so fat Her favorite game show is Wheel of Four Chins.
  • Theresa May to host new game show! Neither Deal Nor No Deal
  • What is a pickle's favorite game show? Dill or No Dill
  • What is Homer Simpson's favorite TV game show? Tic-Tac-D'oh
  • I am glad Game of Thrones is coming to an end in 2019 I hate when TV shows dragon too long.
  • What game should you play on the first date? Jenga, so you can show her how strong your pullout game is

Talent Show Jokes

Here is a list of funny talent show jokes and even better talent show puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A deaf-mute man came on a Talent show. And what is your talent?
    - I can speak!
  • Hey, did you hear about the prison talent show? They had quite the captive audience.
  • What's the talent show where the contestants do basically nothing? "American Idle"
  • A guy is at a talent show and says, just to make sure everything is working, if your name is Michael please stand up . Then, a couple of dudes stand up and he says, that concludes the mike check .
  • I have never cared for talent shows like America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent, etc. I think its all staged.
  • They banned me from the school talent show. But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.
  • Did you hear about the German doing an impression at the talent show? He did the wurst.
  • Did you see what Sam did at the talent show? Sam sung
  • A guy did squats at a talent show... He called it a stand up routine.
  • Why did the eagle win the talent show? Because he was TALONted!
Show joke, Why did the eagle win the talent show?

Hilarious Fun Show Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about show you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean presentation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make show pranks.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for the day.

Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.

Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.

At the dentist

The wife says, -I have to get a tooth pulled and I have no time for any anesthesia. Just pull the tooth out as quickly as you can so we can get going!
The dentist was really impressed, -You are indeed a brave woman! Which tooth is to be removed?
She turned to her old man, -Show him your tooth, dear!

Why didn't the c**... show up for work?

She wasn't feeling herself that day.

A farmer had three daughters...

and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer c**...?

It had a bad driver!
**bows **
I'll show myself out.

My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues...

I'll show him.

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests.

He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says "no son you're not." The drunk turns to the other priest, "I'm jesus Christ" to which the second priest replies "no son you're not." So the drunk says "Look I'll show you." So he walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says "Jesus Christ you're here again?"

I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway...

... I finished in 3^st

Childish but made me laugh

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used t**... and ask, "What period is this from?"

What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?

Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now

Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'd just "let it go".
My 6 year old told me this.
I will show myself out now...

Stats show the average person has s**... 89 times per year

Looks like I'm in store for a wild December

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy

My buddy just lost his job at a cinema that only shows Pixar films...

He forgot to show Up

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning

Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants.

Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever.


Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

Facts of life

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

What does a s**... bomber say when he's teaching class?

Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.
P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

How does Moses make coffee?

Hebrews it.
I'll show myself out.

A boy asks a girl to prom..,

..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.

A k**... passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.

"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...

"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"

What did the s**... bomber instructor say...

I'm only going to show you this once.

There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God

and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."

If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective...

I'd say it was Doctor Whom.

*A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A Cat-Has-Trophey!

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.

s**... b**... Instructor

What were the s**... b**... instructor's last words?
"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?

Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students?

Watch closely. I'm only gonna show this once

Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

An old woman stopped me and asked

"Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
I said "No problem"
Then I pushed her under a bus

My wife got n**... and told me to show her a good time

So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.

If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world

The ending would be a cliffhanger.

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline.

You don't have much of a case, he replied.

I wanted to show appreciation to my new girlfriend's f**.... Little did I know the woman in the bed was her sister..

I got off on the wrong foot.

What is a chef's favorite gun?

I'll show myself out

A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby

...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.

The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

I'll show myself out.

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase e**... vocalizations during s**.... Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.
It's a very powerful w**...-moan.

Me: "Do you shower after s**...?"

Coworker: "Yes."
Me: "Then you should get laid more often."

It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis

It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own a**....

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield

The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.
"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.
The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:
"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"

If I was being subjective, I would have to say that the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.

If I was being objective, I would say it's Dr. Whom.

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"

I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad

He didn't show up

A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.

When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, I don't know. It all happened so fast.

Show joke, A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.

jokes about show