Show Jokes

Following is our collection of espn humor and let me show you something one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Show puns for adults, dirty idiocracy jokes or clean claude gags for kids.

There is an abundance of degenerous jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 85 funniest jokes on show. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any degeneres witze you can hear about show.

The Best jokes about Show

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show.

I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.

Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.


A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"

Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.

Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".

The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.

Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.

I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.

I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.

What did the suicide bomber instructor say...

I'm only going to show you this once.

TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught.

It's called the Tour de France.

Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"


A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom

The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."

The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.

"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"

"What drugs?"

I give to you a joke I made up when I was seven: Why did the computer crash?

It had a bad driver!

**bows **

I'll show myself out.

Xbox and PlayStation are having a fight...

Then the cops show up: "Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U..."

Why are mountains so funny?

Because they are hill areas.





I'll show myself out

Stats show the average person has sex 89 times per year

Looks like I'm in store for a wild December

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline.

You don't have much of a case, he replied.

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.

*


A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests.

He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says "no son you're not." The drunk turns to the other priest, "I'm jesus Christ" to which the second priest replies "no son you're not." So the drunk says "Look I'll show you." So he walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says "Jesus Christ you're here again?"

A farmer had three daughters...

and each was going on a date one Friday night.

The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"

Betty left with Freddy.

The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"

Flo left with Joe.

The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"

The farmer shot chuck.

I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend

Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.

A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong

As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.



P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

Bill Cosby is going to have a new show

Women Say the Darndest Things

At the dentist

The wife says, -I have to get a tooth pulled and I have no time for any anesthesia. Just pull the tooth out as quickly as you can so we can get going!
The dentist was really impressed, -You are indeed a brave woman! Which tooth is to be removed?
She turned to her old man, -Show him your tooth, dear!

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?

Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

My buddy just lost his job at a cinema that only shows Pixar films...

He forgot to show Up

Why didn't the bike go to the car show?

Because he was two tired.

What did the kamikaze pilot tell his students?

Watch closely. I'm only gonna show this once

A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.

"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

*A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?

A Cat-Has-Trophey!

Facts of life

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.

It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis

It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own ass.

Two of Trump's wives have been immigrants.

Which just goes to show you that those people will take jobs that no American wants.

What does the German say when you show him a good meme?

Danke.

An old woman stopped me and asked

"Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
I said "No problem"
Then I pushed her under a bus

Body Pain

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.

That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?

No I'm a blonde , she replies.

I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.

My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up

It was a diss appointment

What are we doing for Easter?

Wife: What are our plans for Easter?

Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.

Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.

Husband: What do you mean?

Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.

If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective...

I'd say it was Doctor Whom.

Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...

"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"

"I did Teacher"

"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"

"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."

"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"

"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"

Why did the riot police show up early to the protest?

They wanted to beat the crowd.

A boy asks a girl to prom..,

..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.

Me: "Do you shower after sex?"

Coworker: "Yes."

Me: "Then you should get laid more often."

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning

A tv show about the earth would be really boring

It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.

The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'd just "let it go".



My 6 year old told me this.



I will show myself out now...

In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.

Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.

Childish but made me laugh

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"

The next person to show me that dress...

...is gonna get a white and gold eye.

So I was showing my friends the first floor of my house

When one of them said "What's upstairs?"
I told him that the stairs don't talk.

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever.

Not.

What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class?

Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

What do you call the formal study of pasta?

Linguinistics.

I'll show myself out.

Why didn't the camgirl show up for work?

She wasn't feeling herself that day.

How does Moses make coffee?

Hebrews it.




I'll show myself out.

Recent studies show that 43% of women have used vibrators...

From this, we can conclude that the other 57% bought theirs new...

My wife got naked and told me to show her a good time

So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.

When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...

it's called gluten tag.


I'll show myself out.

What's a cokeheads favorite TV show?

Whose Line is it Anyway

There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God

and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."

God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"

The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."

I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway...

... I finished in 3^st

What is a chef's favorite gun?

A-salt-rifle

I'll show myself out

I wanted to show appreciation to my new girlfriend's foot fetish. Little did I know the woman in the bed was her sister..

I got off on the wrong foot.

Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy

If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world

The ending would be a cliffhanger.

I just watched a documentary about beavers.

Best dam show I've ever seen.

Suicide Bombing Instructor

What were the suicide bombing instructor's last words?

"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"

My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues...

I'll show him.

A Chinese couple gave birth to an albino baby

...which just goes to show that two Wongs do make a white.

What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?

Breakfast and lunch.


I'll show myself out now

Who else thinks it's time we called Sesame Street out for what it really is?

Show of hands

I'm against picketing....

But I don't know how to show it.
- Mitch Hedberg

The CIA, FBI, and the KGB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest...

The CIA show up after a few days and release a 6000 word article on the fact that rabbits don't exist.

The FBI show up with a dead rabbit and say in a press release "The rabbit had it coming."

The KGB show up with a bruised and beaten bear. The bear is forced to make a statement "I am a rabbit, my father was a rabbit, and my mother is a rabbit. My whole family are rabbits!" the bear disappears shortly after...

They call me The Tripod

Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?

Me: Let me unzip this and show you...

*opens camera case and takes really steady photo*

The morticians wife.

The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the funeral, he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.

He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"

My favourite way to dress is all in black.

My sense of fashion is second to nun.

I'll show myself out.

My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise

I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists

I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.

Hand-picked from a third world country.

...I'll show myself out.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes