Show Jokes
180 show jokes and hilarious show puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about show that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Bring the laughs to your next talent show, friends TV show, or even the Kapil Sharma Show with our collection of real show jokes. Reveal your inner Presley as you share these witty one-liners with your friends and family. From game shows to regular shows to ESPN, you'll have something to keep everyone entertained!
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Funniest Show Short Jokes
Short show jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The show humour may include short display jokes also.
- Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today? Because they had to go home and change first.
- I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn't show. I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
- The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
- Andrew Tate arrested in Romania after a pizza box showed he was in the country. Police arrested him within 30 minutes As any longer would mean they had to give him a free garlic bread.
- I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time. When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.
- My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
- TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.
- A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead.
- I planned a date with this girl at the gym today, but she didn't show up that's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
- I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat... But two Hobbits just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.
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Show One Liners
Which show one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with show? I can suggest the ones about hide and reveal.
- Why did eminem kneel at the half time show? His knees were weak, and arms were heavy.
- Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill areas.
I'll show myself out - What did Owen Wilson and his wife exchange at their wedding? Wows
I'll show myself out - What do you give a cannibal that shows up late to dinner? A cold shoulder.
- Bill Cosby is going to have a new show Women Say the Darndest Things
- Why did the boomer cross the street? To show how it's done.
- Why didn't the bike go to the car show? Because he was two tired.
- What does the fox say? We're canceling all of your favorite shows.
- what's black, white, and red all over? Rihanna's halftime show.
- The next person to show me that dress... ...is gonna get a white and gold eye.
- Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever. Not.
- What do you call the formal study of pasta? Linguinistics.
I'll show myself out. - How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.
I'll show myself out. - What's a cokeheads favorite TV show? Whose Line is it Anyway
- What is a chef's favorite gun? A-salt-rifle
I'll show myself out
Show Off Jokes
Here is a list of funny show off jokes and even better show off puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was so excited to show my teacher my Reddit joke, but sadly she wasn't in today, so... ...the subreddit.
- I ordered a balloon on aliexpress Tracking showed it was on the way and then it just disappeared. Has anyone seen it?
- Xbox and PlayStation are having a fight... Then the cops show up: "Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U..."
- My wife said, The Last of Us is a strange show, don't you agree? Me: Yeah, but I've seen Stranger Things on Netflix.
- I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
- I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again. I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.
- fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting
- I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad He didn't show up
- I proudly showed my son, "Check this out! Bought a new shrub trimmer today!" He shrugged and replied, "That's great, dad." I continued... "It's cutting hedge technology!"
- How many Broncos does it take to change a tire? One. Unless it's a blowout then the whole team shows up.
Tv Show Jokes
Here is a list of funny tv show jokes and even better tv show puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A friend and I were discussing a TV show and they said that the 32nd episode is undoubtedly the greatest. Upon rewatching the episode I was shocked to find it was 30 minutes long.
- A tv show about the earth would be really boring It would just be the same 4 seasons over and over again being rerun.
- I was watching a tv show about the worlds best ceiling... And I realised that mine wasn't the best, but it was definitely up there.
- Why don't Malaysian TV shows get commissioned? Because they all have terrible pilots.
- TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV. It was *Ellen* or rugby.
- What do you call a tv show about female puberty? A Breasted Development
- Just wrote this How does Sherlock Holmes find out what TV shows are on?
He just asks Watson.
(Works better out loud) - Have you heard of the TV show about kamikaze attacks? It didn't last longer than the pilot
- What will they call Trump's prison reality TV show? Orange is the new Orange.
- My black friend said he doesn't watch the tv show "Friends," because it's racist. How can it be racist though when it doesn't even have black people in it?!?
Friends Show Jokes
Here is a list of funny friends show jokes and even better friends show puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up It was a diss appointment
- So I was showing my friends the first floor of my house When one of them said "What's upstairs?"
I told him that the stairs don't talk. - My friend was showing me around his toolshed Pointing to a ladder he said, "That's my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder."
- My friend was showing me his tool shed. He pointed to a ladder.
"That's my step ladder," he said.
"I never met my real ladder." - I showed my Mexican friends I know a little Spanish by saying "mucho" and they seemed really flattered ...they said it meant a lot to them.
- So FRIENDS is having a reunion Turns out the show wasn't over. They were on a break.
- I am going to tell my friends... That I will show up to their holloween party as Amelia Earhart...then not show up.
- My friend showed me a photo of a famous meteor crater in Arizona. It's amazing how close it landed to the Visitor's Center.
- Studies show that one out of every six friends have a gambling addiction My money is on Peter
- A recent study shows that you can't be friends with the gender that you are attracted to. Guess I am bisexual now.
Game Show Jokes
Here is a list of funny game show jokes and even better game show puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- While gaming last night, I was called a loser due to still having my default skin But when I showed up to school, the next day, wearing a new skin, I'm a psychopath.
- Theresa May to host new game show! Neither Deal Nor No Deal
- What is a pickle's favorite game show? Dill or No Dill
- What is Homer Simpson's favorite TV game show? Tic-Tac-D'oh
- I am glad Game of Thrones is coming to an end in 2019 I hate when TV shows dragon too long.
- What would the most depressing game show be? Biggest Loser: All-Stars.
- My girlfriend left because I treated our relationship like a game show... Oh well, she was a worthy contestant.
- Hear about the Jewish Game show? The Price is too high!
- I heard that there is going to be a Game of Thrones crossover with Westworld. (Spoilers for both shows) Hodor: Hodor!!!
Arnold: What door? - What do you call a psychoanalysis game show? Family Freud
Talent Show Jokes
Here is a list of funny talent show jokes and even better talent show puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A deaf-mute man came on a Talent show. And what is your talent?
- I can speak! - Hey, did you hear about the prison talent show? They had quite the captive audience.
- What's the talent show where the contestants do basically nothing? "American Idle"
- A guy is at a talent show and says, just to make sure everything is working, if your name is Michael please stand up . Then, a couple of dudes stand up and he says, that concludes the mike check .
- I have never cared for talent shows like America's Got Talent, Britain's Got Talent, etc. I think its all staged.
- They banned me from the school talent show. But i know they were just salty, because they knew they couldnt make their clothes disappear as well as i did.
- Did you hear about the German doing an impression at the talent show? He did the wurst.
- Did you see what Sam did at the talent show? Sam sung
- A guy did squats at a talent show... He called it a stand up routine.
- Why did the eagle win the talent show? Because he was TALONted!
Hilarious Fun Show Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about show you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean presentation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make show pranks.
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on 'Take your kid to work day'
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong
As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Statistics show that the average person has s**... 89 times a year
Today's going to be great!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub...
She says, "Show me it's true what they say about black men." ;)
So he stabs her & steals her purse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The morticians wife.
The mortician gets a call to come pick up Schultz, who dies unexpectedly. While getting him ready for the f**..., he can't help but notice Schultz has a freakishly huge male member. So he cuts it off, puts it in a bag, and brings it home to show his wife this amazing specimen.
He gets home and says, " Honey come look at the amazing thing I found at work today!" She comes over, takes a look in the bag and shrieks loudly, "Oh my God! Schultz is dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for the day.
Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.
Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?
He was making up for lost thyme.
Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.
*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*
In honor of 3/14... TIL the man who discovered Pi had his wife, Edith, leave him over his obsession with math.
Which just goes to show you, you can't have your Pi and Edith too.
At the dentist
The wife says, -I have to get a tooth pulled and I have no time for any anesthesia. Just pull the tooth out as quickly as you can so we can get going!
The dentist was really impressed, -You are indeed a brave woman! Which tooth is to be removed?
She turned to her old man, -Show him your tooth, dear!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why didn't the c**... show up for work?
She wasn't feeling herself that day.
A farmer had three daughters...
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I also like my coffee like i like my slaves.
Hand-picked from a third world country.
...I'll show myself out.
My psychiatrist says I have revenge issues...
I'll show him.
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests.
He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says "no son you're not." The drunk turns to the other priest, "I'm jesus Christ" to which the second priest replies "no son you're not." So the drunk says "Look I'll show you." So he walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says "Jesus Christ you're here again?"
I'm against picketing....
But I don't know how to show it.
- Mitch Hedberg
I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway...
... I finished in 3^st
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the main difference between a drag show and a drag race?
The phrase "I blew a t**..." means something totally different.
What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner?
Breakfast and lunch.
I'll show myself out now
Why shouldn't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'd just "let it go".
My 6 year old told me this.
I will show myself out now...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the crazy mexican c**... a train?
He had loco motives...
I'll show myself out
Statistics show that six out of seven dwarves aren't happy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When German children play a game involving touching each other with bread...
it's called gluten tag.
I'll show myself out.
My buddy just lost his job at a cinema that only shows Pixar films...
He forgot to show Up
A black guy and a white girl are at a party
A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs
A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
Here's one for you recent graduates.
A college grad decides to get a job at a hardware store for the summer. He shows up on his first day of work and his boss hands him a broom.
"Here, your first task is to sweep out all the aisles. After that, I'll show you where the rest of the cleaning supplies are."
The grad looks at the broom and says to his boss, "I don't think you understand, I'm a college graduate."
His boss replies, "Oh, no problem. I can show you how to use a broom."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
Facts of life
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."
My recent letter from the BBC read...
"Thanks for entering your wife into our new quiz show.
However, we feel you may have misread the title?
The show is actually called "Fact Hunt"
Credit @ShitJokes via Twitter.
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a h**... laying down?
Whorizontal.
Thanks, I'll show myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can produce silver just by sniffing.
Smelt it with my own nose.
**I'll show myself out**
A boy asks a girl to prom..,
..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A k**... passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.
"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."
Tommy comes back off his holiday with his mum and his step dad and the teacher asks him...
"Hello Tommy, did you enjoy your holiday?"
"I did Teacher"
"And did your stepdad take you out, show you things, go exploring?"
"Yes he did teacher, he took me out rowing 1/2 a mile into the lake every day, and then I'd swim back."
"Oh, well, um, it's an awful long way to swim isn't, 1/2 a mile?"
"Oh no teacher, no, it was easy once I'd got out of the bag!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the s**... bomber instructor say...
I'm only going to show you this once.
There was a scientist one time, and he went to talk to God
and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."
*A joke my son told me* - What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show?
A Cat-Has-Trophey!
So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ...
y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."
What are we doing for Easter?
Wife: What are our plans for Easter?
Husband: I'll be like Jesus. Disappear on Friday and return on Sunday.
Wife: That's AWESOME. I'll be like Mary.
Husband: What do you mean?
Wife: I'll show up pregnant and untouched by my husband.
A man auditioned for a talent show
A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.
but I have a PhD...
"Here's a broom go and sweep the floors."
"But I have a PhD..."
"Oh sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done."
Do you know how to confuse a coal miner?
Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.
Body Pain
A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, Doctor I'm hurting all over my body.
That's odd , replied the doctor, Show me what you mean
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says, You're not a natural brunette are you?
No I'm a blonde , she replies.
I thought so…. your finger is broken. , replies the doctor.
An old woman stopped me and asked
"Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
I said "No problem"
Then I pushed her under a bus
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife got n**... and told me to show her a good time
So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.
If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world
The ending would be a cliffhanger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise
I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists
My favourite way to dress is all in black.
My sense of fashion is second to nun.
I'll show myself out.
They call me The Tripod
Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?
Me: Let me unzip this and show you...
*opens camera case and takes really steady photo*
Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer
than the men who mention it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wanted to show appreciation to my new girlfriend's f**.... Little did I know the woman in the bed was her sister..
I got off on the wrong foot.
The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.
"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."
I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend
Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy calls in on radio show
**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.
Oxytocin is known to increase e**... vocalizations during s**.... Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.
It's a very powerful w**...-moan.
A proton, electron and a neuton get into a bar fight.
The bartender calls cops and they show up to arrest everyone. The cops cuff the proton and electron but they let the neutron go because nobody could press charges.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: "Do you shower after s**...?"
Coworker: "Yes."
Me: "Then you should get laid more often."
Who else thinks it's time we called Sesame Street out for what it really is?
Show of hands
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was revealing when Americans bought toilet paper at the start of the COVID-19 Crisis
It goes to show in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, The Average American only cares about his own a**....
Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield
The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.
"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.
The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:
"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
