Shovel Jokes
136 shovel jokes and hilarious shovel puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shovel that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These shovel jokes offer a chance to lighten up the mood! Whether you need to clear snow with a snow shovel, scoop dirt with a dustpan, or help with a groundbreaking ceremony, these shovel-themed jokes are sure to make everyone smile. There are even jokes about snowplows to keep you laughing through the winter months.
Funniest Shovel Short Jokes
Short shovel jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shovel humour may include short plow jokes also.
- My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
- The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but the invention of the broom swept the nation.
- My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her
- Do you know how to confuse a coal miner? Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.
- I got fired from PC World today. A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.
Probably a shovel was not the right answer. - Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers? They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.
- I like my shovels like I like my women.. I like my shovels like I like my women.
Sturdy. Dependable. Can help me bury a body. - My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head, Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.
- Just finished watching that Documentary on the invention of the shovel... Ground Breaking Stuff.
- Why did the snowman bring a shovel to the winter solstice party? Just in case he had to "dig" the music.
Share These Shovel Jokes With Friends
Shovel One Liners
Which shovel one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shovel? I can suggest the ones about snow plow and snowblower.
- Have you heard of the new thing called a shovel? It's groundbreaking.
- How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowplow? Give her a shovel
- Do y'all have any jokes about shovels? I really dig those types of jokes.
- My family is like treasure You need a map, and a shovel to find them.
- The shovel was such a great invention. It was truly groundbreaking.
- Sometimes I find myself just marveling at shovels. What a groundbreaking invention.
- Did you hear? They invented a new shovel! It's ground breaking!
- What was the most ground-breaking invention in human history? The shovel
- What does a necrophiliac bring to the first date with a girl? A shovel.
- How do you stop kids swinging on the clothes line? With a shovel
- How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole? Give the woman a shovel!
- Why did king Midas suddenly drop his shovel? It became a gold digger.
- My dog kept digging holes in the back yard... ..so I hide all the shovels
- What did the inventor of the shovel say about it? "This is Groundbreaking!"
- What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? Dead, probably...
Snow Shovel Jokes
Here is a list of funny snow shovel jokes and even better snow shovel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It snowed overnight. I told my wife to go outside and shovel the steps. All I got was icy stares.
- I was out shoveling snow with my kid the other day... He kept whining about why I wasn't using the shovel.
- I'm so glad it isn't snowing right now. I'd hate to shovel snow in that heat.
- My plan was to skip shoveling and just let the snow melt. It wasnt well thawed out.
- "Shoveling snow is great exercise" \- Satan
- With all the blizzard news here's a winter joke: How do you convert a dish washer into a snow blower? You give her a shovel!
- I don't like shoveling my driveway for snow because He who dealt it, should melt it.
- While everyone is arguing over whether it's called a snow blower or a snow thrower, I invented a way to turn a dishwasher into snow removal device. ...
I bought my wife a snow shovel. - I got really upset when I noticed my wife shovelling snow in the freezing cold But then I just closed the blinds.
Rib-Tickling Shovel Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about shovel you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean digger jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shovel pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Name Jokes
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and sits in front of a door? Mat
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and swims? Bob
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and sits in a big steel p**...? Stu
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and has a shovel in his head? Doug
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and sits in a can of paint? Hugh
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and lays on a grill? Frank. What's his wife's name? Patty
What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene. What if she's Asian? Irene
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs and sits on a swing? Anything you want, what's he really going to do about it?
A construction site worker told his boss
"Boss, the shovel broke ! What should i do now?" to which the boss replies "We're out of shovels. Go lean on something else !"
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've been shoveling manure all day
So don't give me any b**....
A foreman working on a construction site walks up to his only workers for the day...
They were an Irishman, Englishman and a Chinese.
The foreman walks up to the Irishman and tells him:
"I will be going out for a few hours to do some paperwork. In the meantime I want you to shovel this pile of gravel into the truck so it can be taken away when I get back."
He then goes to the Englishman:
"You, on the other hand are going to sweep all the dust on the ground left behind by all the cement. I want to see the floor spotless when I return."
He says to the Chinese man:
"I will leave you in charge of the supplies. Make sure everyone gets their supplies."
And having delivered the duties to his workers, the foreman leaves the site to attend to his business.
When he returns, he finds the gravel not shoveled and the floor not swept.
He quickly locates the Irishman and asks him why he didn't do his job. He says: "I would have shoveled this here gravel, but I don't have a shovel. The Chinese guy was supposed to give it to me but I haven't seen him since you left."
He then goes to look for the Englishman, who says: "I can't possibly sweep the floor without a broom and dustpan, as the Chinese man has not given them to me. I have been looking for him for hours but I can't seem to find him."
The foreman, Irishman and Englishman decide to go look for the Chinese man when he jumps out from behind a pillar and yells:
"SUPPLIES!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hunting Polar Bears
A hunter decides he wants to hunt a polar bear in the northern tundra. He hires a plane and a guide to take him out in to the ice fields. He asks the guide if he has any advice on how to catch a polar bear.
"It's quite simple," the guide responds. "First you take your shovel and dig a large hole in to the ice. Then take this can of peas and sprinkle them around the hole."
Confused, the hunter asks, "How on earth is that going to help me catch a polar bear?"
The guide smiles, "When the bear bends over to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!"
name puns! add to the list
what do you call a man:
-with a shovel?
-Doug
-without a shovel?
-Douglas
-in the bushes?
-Russel
-floating in the ocean?
-Bob
-with a gun?
-sir.
What do you call a woman:
-with one leg?
-Eileen
What did one shovel say to the other during a recurring fight?
Can we just bury this?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An italian, a scot, and a chinese man start their first day working at a construction site...
...so, for their first task, their boss shows them this enormous pile of sand, and tells them they need to move it from point A to point B in two hours.
"You," says the boss, pointing to the italian, "will shovel the sand."
"You," he says to the scot, "will sweep after him."
"and you," he says to the chinese man, "will be in charge of keeping the supplies in check."
The boss comes back, two hours later, and the pile of sand hasn't budged.
"What happened?" he asks.
"The chinese man ran off with the supplies, and we couldn't find him!" the italian and scot both say.
"Seriously?" the boss says.
The boss then approaches the pile of sand, when the chinese man leaps out of it and says "**SUPPLIES!**"
(If you didn't get it, say the last sentence out loud.)
Why does smokey the bear not have any girlfriends
Because everything that hot he beats with a shovel
Short Irish Joke
There once was an Irishman who got so drunk while he was in Rome that he kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sexist Joke: How do you convert a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give her a shovel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Englishman, Irishman and a Chinese man working on a building site...
The foreman says to the Englishman "I need you to dig the foundations"
He says to the Irishman "You're going to be mixing the concrete"
And to the Chinese man "You're in charge of the supplies so the other two can do their jobs"
The foreman returns an hour later to find that no work has be done and the Chinese man is missing.
"My shovel never arrived" Says the Englishman, sipping a cup of tea.
"I've got no concrete" Says the Irishman, swigging from a hip flask.
The foreman goes off in a rage to find the Chinese man. Upon opening the supply shed the Chinese man jumps out from behind the door and yells "Surprise!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How come Smokey the Bear doesn't have any children?
Every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel.
There once was a farmer who's name was Rick
There once was a farmer who's name was Rick,
And he just loved to play with his...
Banjo, and the lady next door,
You could tell by just looking that she was a...
Fine, fine lady, she rolled in the grass,
And when she rolled over, you could see her bare...
Legs in the moonlight, she walked like a duck,
And she taught Rick the right way to...
Raise fine children, the girls learned to knit,
And the boys learned to shovel big piles of...
Hay and barley, this story goes well,
And if you don't like it, you can go straight to...
Bed.
My mom comes up to me and says "I'm can do a magic trick"
I go, "Really? What's you magic trick?"
and my mom says she can turn a dishwasher into a snow blower.
"I can't wait to see this!" I said
So she hands me a shovel.
A farmer walks onto a field, shovel in hand and starts digging long canals. The field groans and says to the farmer..
You're really irrigating me
I took the kids to see their grandma
But the shovel broke
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ellen Pao, I'd hit that...
^^^with ^^^a ^^^shovel
I tried to fix my shovel today,
but I just couldn't handle it.
What were the headlines like when the shovel was invented?
There's been a ground breaking discovery...
One time there was an Irishman who got so drunk
He kissed his wife and beat the Pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can?
Stopping it with a shovel
Jim and Joe are digging a ditch...
They've been at it for weeks. Every morning they arrive with their shovel and get to digging. One day, Jim arrives with nothing but a stick.
"Where's your shovel?" Joe asks.
"Sure does!" Jim replies.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
dead baby jokes
Q. whats more fun than spinning a dead baby around at 50mph?
A. stopping it with a shovel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandad let me in on the secret to picking up hot Jewish girls during WWII..
with a brush and shovel..
What does the Farmer say when he is searching his shovel ?
Where is my shovel ?
According to NASA scientists, black holes were created using
The Space Shovel
At what point does a spoon become a shovel?
When you're in prison
Why did I need to bring a shovel on my first date?
Clearly the chloroform wasn't enough.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his shovel?
His name was Douglas
The person who made the shovel should receive an award
It was groundbreaking work.
How do you stop a mole from digging?
Take his shovel away
My dad told me a joke the other day, but I didn't really dig it...
I forgot my shovel at home
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you catch a polar bear with a shovel and a can of peas?
Dig a hole in the ice. Put peas all around the hole and wait.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.
What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?
Doug.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?
Doug
What do you call the same man without a shovel in his head?
Dougless
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you dig a deep hole without a shovel?
Vote republican.
Whats more fun than spinning a baby around on a clothesline?
Stopping it with a shovel ;;)
A farmer is outside tending his sheep
When a car driving by loses control and drives right in to the end of the farmers fence ripping the post out of the ground. The driver sees the farmer running over so he gets out of his car and yells "I'm okay I'm okay!"
The farmer says "I don't care about you! You just destroyed my whole fence!" So the driver says "It's just one post, if you have a shovel, I'll put it back in the ground for you"
The farmer, extremely flustered, says "Are you crazy?! You can't repost! Everyone who sees it will cry and complain!"
I turned my dishwasher into a snowblower...
...gave my wife a shovel
A boy with swollen cheek.
Mom looks at her son and asks "What happened Timmy?".
Tim replies "A fly landed on my face in the garden.".
"Did it bite you?" asks mom.
"No, dad killed it with a shovel." says Tim.
We have to bury my dog today.
Mom: Don't be sad. All dogs go to heaven.
Me: Thanks mom. Where does updog go?
Mom: What's up dog?
Me: Not much dog. Just looking for a shovel.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dog is so dumb. He can't ever remember where he buries his bones.
But at least he puts the shovel back.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Graveyards are great places to get laid
Especially if you have a shovel and a can do attitude!
The American dream:
To buy a shovel for 2$, to then sell it for 4$. Then you buy two shovels, and sell those for 8$. Then one of your rich uncles dies and you inherit 1,000,000$
My dad told me this one
Two miners walk out of the mine after a hard days work, one carrying a shovel and the other a stick. The one carrying the shovel turns and asks, "Where's your shovel?"
And the other responds, "sure does".
What do you call a guy with a shovel?
Doug
What do you call a guy without a shovel?
Douglass
Little Nancy, 8, was filling a hole in her garden when
the nosey neighbor peered over the fence, and asked "What are you doing?"
Nancy replied, "Well my goldfish dies so I just buried him"
The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said in a condescending tone, "That is an awful big hole for a tiny gold fish"
As Nancy used her shovel to pat down the last heap of earth she replied, "Well he's in your cat"
Today I learned about Harvey E. Brown, a civil war surgeon who had so many amputations he ran out of fake legs and had to use a shovel.
It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two shovels are having s**... but one has an STD...
I guess they both have SP-AIDS now!
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How do you confuse a Polish labourer?
Lay down an axe and a shovel and tell him to take his pick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad: What has 4 legs and isn't alive?
Me: You can't fool me dad! Its a chair!
Dad: Not this time son. Get a shovel, the dog's dead
I've just bumped into the guy who bullied me in school again
I've been digging in my garden when my shovel scraped something.
My city just fired half of the city's construction workers...
Apparently they realized a shovel can stand-up on it's own.
Why did the Rooster go out with the Shovel??
Cuz Chicks "Dig" him!!!
I can't stop my dog from digging in the garden.
I guess in the end I'll have to take the shovel from him.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel, and a Labrador?????????????
A hot diggity Dog.
I had to take my mother to hospital yesterday after a giant bee landed on her face
Thankfully it didn't actually sting her, I was too quick with the shovel
Shovels were a ground breaking invention...
But dumbbells were an uplifting one.
A man told me to invest in his impact shovel.
Apparently it's groundbreaking technology.
When scientists discovered a shovel, a random guy came up to them and said...
What a Ground-breaking invention!
When engineers made the shovel, a reporter asked many people about the contraption...
One of them said, Wow! What a Ground-breaking discovery! I could dig it!
