shouting Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious shouting puns

I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.

At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

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My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

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My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".

Always Tolkien in her sleep...

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This is your captain speaking

AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING .

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My wife said, "Are you ashamed to walk with me?"

I said, "Why are you shouting?"

She said, "Because you're on the other fucking side of the road."

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After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...

"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"

Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"

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A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"...

A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

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How I learned to miknd my own business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were yelling "13...13...13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then they all started shouting "14... 14... 14..."!

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It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, "Order!!"

So I replied fried chicken, mac and cheese and cola. Now I'm being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.

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The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth.

Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

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A man with a gun walks in to a bar...

He unholsters the weapon and waves it in the air, shouting, "I have a 45 caliber Colt 1911 with 7 rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber, and I want to know who's been sleeping with my wife!"

A voice from the back shouts, "you're gonna need more ammo!"

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A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator..

Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"


Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."


Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

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I was having sex with this german schoolgirl the other day

I was really into it, but she totally killed the mood by shouting her age the entire time

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My girlfriend was shouting Give it to me now! I'm so fucking wet!

I simply told her This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.

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To determine a rabbit's sex from afar, try sneaking up on them and shouting: if he runs, it's a boy.

If *she* runs, it's a girl.

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On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding

Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".

A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...

"Maybe I shouldn't have been masturbating on a bus..."

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How I learned to mind my own buisness.

I was out for a walk and passed a mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting: "13... 13... 13..."

The fence was too high for me to see over, but I saw a small gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on in there.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick, then they all started shouting: "14... 14... 14..."

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A hunter comes home with a deer and tells his wife to cook it for dinner that night

The hunter's wife obeys and serves it to the family for dinner. Before the children start eating, the wife has them guess what kind of meat it is.

She gives a clue: "It's what I call your father."

The hunter's son pushes away his plate, shouting, "Don't eat it, it's a fucking dick!"

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"Honey, why are there broken condoms on the backyard?"

And that's when his wife replied shouting: "I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING THE KIDS THAT!"

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An 8 year old girl cuts her hand on a thorn...

...and rushes inside shouting "Mommy, Mommy! I've cut my hand on a thorn! Can you get me some cider?"

Confused, her mother says "You're 8 years old, you're not having any cider."

"But Mommy, I've cut my hand on a thorn! I need to soak it in a bowl of cider!"

Laughing, her mother says "Why cider?"

"Because the other day I overheard big sis saying that when she gets a big prick in her hand she can't wait to get it in cider!"

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A women in labor suddenly starts shouting, SHOULDN'T, WOULDN'T, COULDN'T, CAN'T

Don't worry, said the doctor.
Those are just contractions

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I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

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A man watches TV

Α man watches TV and start shouting :

Dont go, Dont do it...Dont do it...NOOOOOOO

His wife comes in and says : What are you watching there ?

And the man says : I was just watching our wedding on DVD

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An Irishman, Russian and the Blonde...

An Irishman, Russian and a Blonde come across a magical slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Russian amazed slides down screaming "VODKA!", and lands into bottles of vodka at the bottom. The Blonde takes her turn, and without hesitation shouts "WEEEE!" as she slides down.

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A woman in labor suddenly started shouting,

Couldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't! Shouldn't! Can't!

Don't worry, said the doctor, those are just contractions.

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If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, "Vodka! Tequila! Sambuca!" at the top of your lungs...

This will make you the person who calls the shots...

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My daughter came sprinting in to the house yesterday shouting 'daddy, daddy, I just saw two fairies at the bottom of the garden!'

Humouring her I asked 'That's amazing darling, what were they doing?'

She replied 'Sucking each other's cocks'

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A buddy of mine got sent to jail

A buddy of mine got sent to jail and completely lost his shit as soon as he got there. 30-seconds in, he punched another guy, that guy went down, and a huge fight broke out. There was a lot of blood, a lot of swearing, and the whole time my buddy was just swinging wildly and shouting absolute nonsense.



We don't play Monopoly together anymore.

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My wife was in labor with our daughter

My wife was in labor with our daughter, everything was going well until she started shouting
"Shouldn't! Couldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't! Can't!".
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing, she is just having contractions."

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George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat.

The boat begins to sink.
George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!"
George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"

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A ship is sailing through the sea...

passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.

A passenger asks the captain:

- Who is he?

- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

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TIL

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.



But how did they get this name?..



Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...



Every so often they could be seen jumping up shouting...



''Where the Fakawi?''

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Somewhere off Gilligan's Island...

On a Christmas cruise on a luxury ocean liner in the Pacific,
a passenger sees seven straggly people on a small island
jumping up and down and waving their hands and shouting.

"Who are they?" the passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. But each year when we pass, they go nuts."

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I wanted to make friends but I had no facebook

So I went out on the street and started shouting what I cooked, ate or drank.

Right now I've got 3 followers - two cops and a psychiatrist

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I was walking past the mental hospital the other day.

All the patients were shouting ,'13....13....13'
The fence was too high to see over,but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.
Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

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What are the most funny Shouting jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Shouting? Well, here are the best Shouting dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Shouting pick up lines to share with friends.

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