The Best 64 Shots Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Shots jokes. There are some shots cannon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shots hot shot lawyer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Shots Jokes and Puns
My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila.
You're coming home now! she screamed.
No, I'm not, I laughed.
She said, I'm talking to the kids.
A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem
He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot."
The man says to the bartender...
"Gimme twelve shots of your finest whiskey, and fast!"
The bartender lines up a dozen shot glasses and as he fills them, the man starts to down them one after the other.
Shocked, the bartender asks, "What's the hurry, buddy?"
Between shots, the man replies, "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I've got."
Concerned, the bartender asks kindly, "What have you got, brother?"
The man downs the last shot and puts all his money on the table. "Fifty cents!"
A guy walks into a bar...
sits down and orders 10 shots one after the other without saying anything.
When he finally stops, the bartender is curious and asks him what the shots were for.
"My first blow job" the man replies.
"Oh" the bartender says, "Well then in that case let me give you one on the house."
"No, thanks," the man says "if 10 can't get the taste out of my mouth 11 sure won't."
A sad looking man walks into a bar
And orders three shots. He knocks them back one after the other and orders another three.
The bartender says "I've never seen anyone drink like that"
The man replies "you'd drink like this if you had what I've got"
This continues twice more, shots, never seen it, you would if you had what I've got.
After the fifteenth shot the bartender asks "I've got to know, what have you got?"
The man grins wide and shouts "twenty cents!" he slaps the coins on the bar and bolts out the door.
Genie with a flaw
A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.
The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.
"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"
The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."
The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.
"It shall be done." And
A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Network administrator
A network administrator decided to join the military, and as part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range.
After taking a hundred shots and missing every one, the man's DI (drill instructor) came by to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a network administrator," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The recruit checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off.
"Well," the he said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
Guy walks into a bar. (yes another one)
Guy walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila "line em up".
Guy starts slamming the shots one after the other.
Bartender says "Hey, slow down buddy!"
Guy says "No way, If you had what I had you'd be drinkin' this fast too."
Bartender says "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. What have you got?"
Guy takes another shot and says " Oh, about 75 cents."
So a guy walks into a bar...
and says to the bartender "Give me 12 shots of your most expensive Tequila!" The bartender pours the shots and lines them up. The guy starts shooting them back wicked fast, one right after another. The bartender says in shock "Why are you drinking those so fast?!" The guy stops long enough to get out a few words "you would drink these fast too, if you had what I have" Confused, the bartender asks "why? what do you have?"
The guy says "About four dollars"
7 shots
So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 vodka shots
The bartender asks the man what's the special occasion the man says
" I just experienced my first blow job" .
And the bartender says "congrats how about a 8th shot on the house" and the man goes
" if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will
Why did President Kennedy never get drunk?
He wasn't very good at taking shots.
You can explore shots shoot reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shots threes dad jokes. There are also shots puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A Man Walks Into A Bar...
And orders 3 shots for himself. The bartender asks why 3 shots? The man says that he has two brothers overseas and that whenever they drink, they all drink for each other as well.
A few weeks later, the same man comes in again and orders 2 shots for himself. The bartender asks the man if something happened to one of his brothers. The man replies "Nah, I've just stopped drinking."
A man walks into a bar...
... Approaches the bartender and asks for ten shots of his finest Scotch. The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them, one after the other, in under ten seconds.
The bartender says "My god, I've never seen anyone take so many shots so fast!"
To which the man replies "Bartender, if you had what I have you'd drink fast too."
"What do you have?" asks the bartender.
"Four bucks."
Do you know the Pistorious drinking game?
Every time your girlfriend comes into the room you take four shots.
A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.
As soon as the bartender pours them out, the man slams them down, one right after the other. Before the bartender can say anything, the man orders ten more shots.
"I don't know, maybe you should slow down," says the bartender.
The man replies, already slurring, "You'd be drinking like this too if you had what I have."
The bartender is taken aback and starts to apologize, "Oh I'm so sorry. What do you have?"
And the man says, "About $3."
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender: "Twenty shots of your finest tequila, please."
The bartender is surprised, but obliges. The man then goes down the line, taking shot after shot, back to back. The bartender is amazed!
"Wow! I've never seen anyone drink like that before!" says the bartender
The man says: "Yeah, well, when you have what I have, you'd drink like that too"
"Well, what do you have?"
"A dollar."
You guys want to play that new Michael Brown drinking game?
It's easy, you just stand there and take eight shots.
10 shots of whiskey please!
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the guy starts downing them. By the 5th one the bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You'd drink this fast if you had what I have."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "No money."
Have you heard about the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?
Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, you take 5 shots.
A man walks into a bar and orders 11 shots.
The the bartender pours the shots and asks the man what the occasion is. The man says "First time for a blow job today." The bartender congratulated the man and said "For such an occasion, I'll add a 12th shot on the house." The man said "Nah, don't worry about it. If 11 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, 12 won't either."
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.
The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."
Having a threesome with a mom and daughter
So it was Saturday night and I had no date and decided to drop in at the bar to get drunk and hopefully a girl to get laid with. As I started downing a few shots I noticed this hot looking mature lady ( must be in her 50s) sitting all alone at a corner table getting drunk and this thought came to mind that if she looks so hot for her age then she must be having a hot looking daughter as well and wish I could have a threesome with them. So I went to her table and asked her if I could join and to my delight she said yes. I chatted her up and next thing I know we caught a taxi and proceeded to her home. In the taxi I told her about my fantasy of having a threesome with a mother daughter combo and to my delight she felt it was a great idea and so we reached her home and as we entered she let out a shout,"Mom you still awake?"
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
is terrible advice for a recovering alcoholic.
A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots.
He goes home sober.
So I ordered the 50 cent at the bar last night...
The bartender gave me 9 shots and took all my money
Someone stole my coffee cup from work today.
Just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots.
How much did Harambe drink in the bar?
Just a couple of shots
2 Nazis walk into a BAR
They each get 10 shots
An alcoholic is sitting at a bar
He orders two shots. He proceeds to pour out the first one all over the bar, downs the second one and then orders two more. He pours out the first one on the bar, downs the second one and orders two more.
The bartender asks him why he keeps pouring out the first shot all over the bar.
The alcoholic replies with "My AA group said all I need to do is avoid that first drink."
A guy asks a bartender for a shot
After drinking it, the guys looks into his pocket and says, "Hit me again."
The bartender pours more liquor into the mans shot glass. The man takes the shot, looks into his pocket, and says, "Hit me again."
5 shots laters, the bartender asks the man, "Sir, why do you keep looking into your pocket?"
The man replies, "Well, you see, I have a picture of my wife in here. And when she looks good to me, I'll go home."
A man enters a bar with a revolver
He climb up a table, looked around and yell.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SLEPT WITH MY WIFE?!"
The bar went silent for a minute when suddenly a man at the back says.
"you are gonna need more than 6 shots pal!"
A man walks into a bar
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the man immediately downs them one after another. The bartender says " are you ok, I've never seen anyone drink like that." The man replied "if you had what I have you would drink like that too." The bartender asks "that's rough, what do you have?"
The man replies "about $.50".
A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.
The bartender asks what is the occasion.
The man replies 'his first blowjob'
The bartender congrats him and offers to buy him another shot
The man says that is unnecessary, if ten shots doesn't get the taste out of his mouth, one more won't make a difference.
A guy walks into the bar and looks the bartender in the eye and says "I need 10 shots"
The bartender lays them out and the man takes all 10 shots back to back.
In shock the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink like that before."
The man replies, "You'd drink like that too if you had what I had."
Sounding concerned, the bartender asks "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, what do you have?"
Man quickly says "2 bucks" and ran out of the bar.
A muslim walks into a gay bar
The bartender ask what he'll be having. The Muslim replies, shots for everybodyο»Ώ.
Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of JΓ€germeister
Man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of JΓ€germeister.
The bartender looks at him and says "Wow 6 shots of JΓ€ger! You must be celebrating something."
The man replies,"You bet I am! I am celebrating my first blow job."
"Hey congrats man!" says the Bartender "I'll get you a 7th shot on the house"
The man replies "No thank you. If 6 shots of JΓ€ger doesn't get rid of this taste nothing will."
If people went shopping like they do in RPG games, shop owners would be rich
"I'll take 99 boxes of Tylenol, 99 tetanus shots, 99 vials of clear eyes, and what's in that little box over there? screw it -I'll take 99 of them as well."
"Very good sir, may I ask what you will be using these for?"
"Who says I'm gonna use them?"
How many shots can an Irish man handle?
about 10 rounds.
A man runs into a bar...
He runs up the bartender and says:
"Quick! Pour me 20 shots of your most expensive single malt scotch!"
The bartender hurries and pours the man the 20 shots, and the man quickly takes down each one.
The bartender says: "wow, I've never seen anybody drink that fast!"
The man says: "well you'd drink fast too if you had what I had..."
The bartender says: "oh my God, what is it? What do you have?"
The man says: "Fifty cents."
Someone asked me how dark my humour is
Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
How do you make a Tupac cocktail?
Start by putting six shots in it.
Man walks into a bar
and orders 10 shots of tequila. Bartender surprised by the order asks what's the occasion? The man says "I just had my first blow job". With cheer in his voice bartender says "well if it's so, then I'll throw in 1 on the house". the mans says "if 10 shots can't wash that taste out of my mouth, I doubt 11 will"
My barber asked me what I wanted today. I replied, "I dunno. Do something that makes me look more sexy!"
So she started throwing back shots of vodka.
Doctor says alcoholism is a disease...
Bartender says get your shots here
If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, "Vodka! Tequila! Sambuca!" at the top of your lungs...
This will make you the person who calls the shots...
A guy runs into the bar and says, "Quick, pour me 5 shots of your most expensive Scotch."
The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.
"Wow that's the fastest I've seen anyone drink," says the bartender.
"Well you'd drink that fast if you had what I had," the man says.
"Oh my gosh," the bartender says, "What do you have?"
The man replies "50 cents."
A young man sits down at a bar and says, "I want six shots of Jagermeister."
"Six shots!?" exclaims the bartender, "Are you celebrating something?"
"My first blow job," replies the young man.
"Well, in that case," says the bartender, slapping him on the back, "let me give you a seventh on the house."
The man holds up his hand, "No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!
A man walks in to a bar and says to the bartender "Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!"
The bartender pours the shots, and the man drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says "Wow. I never saw anybody put away scotch that fast."
The man says "Well, you would drink as fast as I do if you had what I have."
The bartender says "Oh my god. What is it? What do you have?"
The man looks at him and says "Fifty cents."
I have a kid in Africa...
I have a kid in Africa and for only 37 cents a day he has a place to live, plenty of food, and all his shots.
The expensive part was flying him there.
Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?
It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.
In self-defense the man says, Who told you that drinking is bad?
Nun : "Mother Superior told me."
Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"
Nun : "No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor."
Man : "Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life."
Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking."
The man goes up to the bartender and says, Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.
The bartender looked at the man and said, Is that nun in here again?
What do antivax parents order at a bar?
Anything but shots
JFK, Ab. lincoln, & Martin luther king Jr walks into a bar
They get a few shots
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar.
The nurse sits down at the bar and says, "I'll have a Bloody Mary!"
The doctor sits next to her and says, "Give me a rum and coke!"
The anti-vaxver says, "No shots for me."
She then collapses and dies from polio.
It's flu season and I just saw 3 homeless people caring for each other.
They were giving each other flu shots under the overpass. What a caring community we live in God Bless.
After being 3 months sober from drinking, I bought myself a motivational poster to keep my spirits up.
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -Wayne Gretzky
Three men apply for a spy position
Three men apply for a spy position.
Its the final test
Interviewer: "I have your SO in this room. Your mission is to kill them. Here's a gun."
First candidate: " You can't be serious?"
Interviewer: " Then this job is not for you."
Second candidate comes out 5 minutes later: "I can't do this."
Interviewer hears shots fired, screaming and banging in the last room.
Last candidate: "The gun just had blanks. I had to beat her with the chair."
A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor
Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"
Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"
Doctor: "Who told you this?"
Man: "My wife"
Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make all your meals?"
Man: "Yeah, she does"
Doctor: "I've worked out your problem. Someones been feeding you bullshit"
I'm getting one of the first covid shots
I got choosen to receive one of the first covid vaccines shots. Since I'm 78yo old Vietnam veteran. I said, "Can I get it in my left arm". They said sure. I said Well good, it got blown off in Vietnam in 68, can you bring me back my West Point ring while your over there.
Edit for grammar.
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...
"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."
"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."
A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.
By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."
A man is being examined by his doctor.
He hears a voice down the hall, yelling.
"Polio! Diphtheria! Measles! Chicken pox!"
Alarmed, he asks his doctor what's going on.
"Don't worry," the doctor says. "That's just our head nurse. She likes to call the shots around here."
A man, frantic rushes up to the bar
Gimme twelve shots quick!! He says. The bartender starts pouring them out as the man starts slamming them. After the last shot the bartender says "damn! You sure drank those fast!! The man says "buddy, you'd drink fast too, if you had what I got!" "Jeeze, what do you have bud?" The bartender says. The man says "about 75 cents".
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shots drink jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working shots one more shot piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.