Shotgun Jokes
122 shotgun jokes and hilarious shotgun puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shotgun that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Tired of the same old jokes? Check out this curated collection of original shotgun jokes, featuring everything from shotgun weddings to the iconic red car with a rifle in the back window for protective measures. These jokes will surely leave you laughing, whether you're a farmer or not!
Quick Jump To
- Short Shotgun Jokes
- Shotgun One Liners
- Shotgun Wedding Jokes
- Shotgun Blast Jokes
- Shotgun Shells Jokes
- More Shotgun Jokes
Funniest Shotgun Short Jokes
Short shotgun jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shotgun humour may include short guns jokes also.
- I yelled "shotgun", long before anyone else, but I still got to sit in the backseat. I hate cops.
- So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?" I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."
- I got arrested at the airport last week. Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane.
- I don't get why I just got seated in the back of the police car... I clearly called shotgun.
- I was banned from the airport last week. Security doesn't really like it when you call "shotgun" on the plane.
- My friend said this. Not sure if it was original or not but i have to share it. "Whenever someone calls shot gun I call rosa Parks and sit in shotgun anyway."
- A careless hunter accidentally shot my atheist friend in the side with a shotgun. The near-death experience made him a holier man.
- I was banned from the airport last week. Apparently the security doesn't like it when you say Shotgun while boarding the plane.
- How do you stop a kidnapper from putting you in the back of a van? Just call shotgun, now you've got the window seat.
- Homer Simpson takes his yellow, spiky-haired son to a bar. The bartender pulls up a shotgun and aims it at the boy. I regret saying this, but the bartender lives up to his name.
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Shotgun One Liners
Which shotgun one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shotgun? I can suggest the ones about shoot and weapon.
- Today I Called Shotgun... And the cop still put me in the backseat...
- I never argue with my brother for the front seat Last time i called shotgun, he drew one
- what did the grumpy British man use to scare kids off his lawn? A "sod off" shotgun
- What was Kurt Cobain's favorite seat? Shotgun
- What's a bank robbing dogs favorite weapon? A pawed-off shotgun.
- What do you call a rifle that has been fired recently? A shotgun
- When you call shotgun, but the police put you in the back-seat anyway.
- I like my beer like I like my violence... Shotgunned in my mouth.
- What kind of gun only hurts your feelings when it's used? A "Sod off" Shotgun
- My friend wants to look more like Kurt Cobain. I'm getting him a shotgun for Christmas.
- I tried to take on ISIS with a shotgun. Iraq'd and then Iran
- TIL Kurt Cobain didn't have a license. He preferred riding shotgun
- Friend: "I call shotgun!" Me: "Fine, I call AK."
- Kalamazoo Uber offering free rides. Everyone rides shotgun.
- What do you call the seat behind shotgun The Kurt Corbain
Shotgun Wedding Jokes
Here is a list of funny shotgun wedding jokes and even better shotgun wedding puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My parents decided to have a Nirvana-Themed wedding Then again, shotgun weddings were all the rage back then.
Disclaimer: 8371 days is long enough. - I never understood how a grown man could cry at his own wedding. That was until my father in law prodded me with his shotgun.
- Shotgun Wedding Death by shotgun or wife
- What do you call it when you get stuck into a shotgun wedding with a Czech? Checkmate!
- Why can't melons have shotgun weddings? They cantaloupe
Shotgun Blast Jokes
Here is a list of funny shotgun blast jokes and even better shotgun blast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
Shotgun Shells Jokes
Here is a list of funny shotgun shells jokes and even better shotgun shells puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"
Hilarious Fun Shotgun Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about shotgun you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bullet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shotgun pranks.
Kurt Cobain's last words were:
I call shotgun
A panda walks into a restaurant
He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says "Hey what was that for!?" The panda replies "I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary." Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word "panda."
"Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves."
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of the math class...
Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
"Yeah teach?" he replies.
"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.
Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."
"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.
"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is l**... it, and one is s**... on it. Which one is married?"
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's s**... on the ice cream."
Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"
A decides to go hunting
He asks his wife to pack his bag for him and fetch him the shotgun. A short while later his wife returns with the goods, telling him she will be going to town later on and the part ways.
Out in the woods the man suddenly spots the biggest buck he'd ever seen, he ruffles through his bag, looking for shells but when he takes his hand out: tampons... Furious he races home and waits for his wife. When she gets home he explains what happened. For a minute the wife looks puzzled, then with a shock tells him that she thought it was weird when she sneezed at the busstop and the guy behind her dropped dead.
Sorry for my english/wording. I hope it doenst ruin the joke!
What do you call reloading a shotgun with a cat (feline) silencer?
a
Wedding anniversary
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.
He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you.
Tomorrow I would've been a free man! "
When you call shotgun
But the officer still puts you in the back seat.
Wake-up Call
After a long night of making love, this guy rolls over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man holding a shotgun on the nightstand. Naturally, he began to worry.
Is this your husband? he asked nervously.
No, silly, she said while nibbling away at his ear.
Well, who IS he then? demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, That's me . . . before the surgery
I got arrested at an airport.
Apparently, airport security didn't like it when I called shotgun.
On a day full of infidelity, an American, French, and Japanese businessmen all returned from work early.
to discover their wives in bed with other men.
The American went straight for his 12 gauge shotgun.
The Frenchman began removing his own clothes.
And the Japanese man pulled out his business card and waited politely for his wife to finish and introduce him to the stranger.
Why do so many people in the South get married?
Free shotgun
Married farmer driving home on horses
A farmer and his brand new bride are riding home in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbles.
The farmer says, "That's once." A little further along, the horse stumbles again. The farmer says, "That's twice." When the old horse stumbles again, the farmer quietly reaches under his seat, pulls out a shotgun, and shoots the horse. His brand new bride yells, "That was an awful thing to do!" The farmer says, "That's once."
A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree
He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon landing, the trained chihuahua will viciously lunge for the gorillas g**... and when he attempts to protect himself we will slap on the handcuffs."
The homeowner, a little bewildered, says "that's crazy enough it just might work, but what is the shotgun for?"
"If I fall out of the tree first....shoot the chihuahua."
An old hillibilly with three daughters
An old had three pretty teenage daughters of whom he was very protective. He used to sit on the front porch, shotgun in hand, and run his eye over any potential suitors. If he didn't like the look of them, he'd send them on their way.
One night, all three girls were due to go out on dates. The first's boyfriend drove up and announced: "Hi, my name is Joe, I'm here to get Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The old man decided that the boy sounded OK and he gave his blessing for the date.
Ten minutes later, amother car pulled up. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Freddy, I'm here to get Betty, we're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The old man thought the boy was decent enough, so he gave him permission for the date.
Ten minutes later, a third car arrived. The driver called out: "Hi, my name is Chuck..." And the old man shot him.
A guy gets r**... by a bear while hunting...
and the bear runs off before he can shoot it.
The next weekend, he comes back with 2 guns and a bear trap, but the wily bear somehow sneaks up on him and rapes him AGAIN!
The third weekend, the guy comes back with a knife, a p**..., a shotgun, a rifle, 2 bear traps and a taser. As he is setting up his array of weapons, he feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to find himself face to face with the bear, who says "Let's be honest, mister. You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?"
Santa's annual check ride
As the sled rotated off the runway, the examiner pulled a double-barreled shotgun from under his cloak and blasted one of the raindeer. He then turned to the perplexed Santa and said "Engine failure on take-off!"
My ex told me that I was gonna die alone...
I told her she was wrong because I would die while making out with a shotgun.
Such a terrible moment when...
I always find it such a terrible moment when I call shotgun,
But the cops toss me in the back anyway D:
What kind of mic did Kurt Cobain use?
A shotgun mic!
A shabby looking Nun walks into a bar...
The barman takes one look at her, pulls out a shotgun and gives her both in the chest...
Aghast, I protest "Christ!? What the h**...'dya do that for?!"
With a look of regret he turns to me and whispers
"...bad habit."
What does a blonde and a shotgun have in common?
You break them at the middle and load them from behind
A Girl And A Shotgun Is Practically The Same
They both have to be loaded at the bottom
As Jeff the street sweeper says "A clean place is not where one sweeps, but where one doesn't litter"
That's why he traded in his broom for a shotgun.
Kurt Cobain tried to learn a new instrument...
He chose the shotgun, but it just went in one ear and out the other.
Son: Dad I just got a girlfriend.
Dad: Good work son.
Sister: Daddy I just got a boyfriend
Dad: *Load's Shotgun*.
My daughter asked what I was doing with my shotgun, I said I was hunting decepticons. She laughed, I laughed, the refrigerator laughed, I shot the refrigerator. Turns out...
It's i**... to fire a gun within city limits, I got arrested.
A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date
A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.
A blind man walks into a gay bar.
He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."
Did you hear about the time Nirvana went on a road trip?
All I know about it is that Kurt called shotgun.
I'm tired of everyone telling me to get used to sitting on a porch with a shotgun if I have a daughter...
I don't own a porch.
What did a British rifle say to the shotgun?
Sod off
There once was a farmer with three daughters.
They were all going on their first date at the same time. The farmer, being protective of his daughters, grabbed a shotgun and stood by the door. The first guy came to the door and said
"Hi, my names Joe, I'm here for Flo, we are going to the show, is she ready too go?"
The farmer thought he was ok, so they went out.
The next boy came and said
"Hi, my names Kenny, I'm here for Benny, we are going to Denny's, is she ready?
The farmer thought he was ok too, so they went off. The last boy came and said
"Hi, my names Chuck-"
The farmer shot him in the chest.
A farmhand hits a pig with his truck
A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off.
About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the wiggling pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
I'm pretty sure my wife is cheating on me with our neighbor.
So I grabbed my shotgun, walked over to his house, and knocked really loud on his door. He opened the door asking why I had a shotgun in my hands. I handed it to him saying, "If you want my wife you can have her, but you're going to need to use some protection".
The use of shotguns...
Is wide spread.
Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.
The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.
He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!
"Must be a cat." He moves on.
Kicks the second sack: Woof! Woof!!
"Must be a dog." He moves on.
He kicks the third sack: The sack says: "Potatoes!"
Why did kurt Cobain kill himself?
Because he thought his shotgun smelled like teen spirit!
I love seeing St Louis with local friends
Never call shotgun though.
A panda walks into a bar
He orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams Why?! The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads: Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.
My friend couldn't stop sneezing and I said, "man, your nose is like a shotgun with unlimited ammo!"
He said, "It's ah.. ahh.. an-an-allergy"
I said, "no, simile".
I saw Kurt Cobain's hitchhiking along the interstate...
...I told him he could ride shotgun in my car.
What's Kurt Cobain's favorite car position?
Shotgun.
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and puts a shotgun on the table....
Barman asks, *" How can I help you?*
"I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw"
I saved my wife from dying to a terminal brain tumor.
She's lucky too I hear being shot in the back of the head with a shotgun is painless when compared to the brain tumor.
I don't get it, no matter how many times I called shotgun, the cops always put me in the back seat🤦🏽♀️
Judge: "So did you aim to kill your classmates?"
School shooter: "That wasn't necessary, your Honor, I had a shotgun."
I was wearing at shirt of a priest holding a shotgun. A man came up to me, pointed to the shirt and said, "That's no joke."
It is now.
A man walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender pulls out a shotgun...
and fires it just missing the man. The man says thanks, leaves a tip, and walks out.
He had the hiccups
What position to hit it from?
Shotgun
A man walks into a bar with a shotgun...
but then he remembers that this is a repost and it's been over a decade since he divorced his cheating ex, so he just sits down and orders a drink.
Boss: Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
Me: Eating the barrel of a shot-gun...
Did you know Kurt Cobain always sat in the same spot on the Nirvana tour bus?
Apparently he always called shotgun.
Iconic Rock items:
\-Slash's hat
\-Freddie Mercury's teeth
\-Steven Tyler's Botox
\-Gene Simmons tongue
\-Kurt Cobain's shotgun
I shotgunned the passenger seat of my friend's car.
Now you can see through to the backseat.
This will blow your mind!
Shoot a shotgun at your head!
A man enters a bar with a shotgun
He yells: "Who slept with my wife?!"
The barman says: "Are you crazy?! You'll not have enough ammo!"
What's the difference between a h**... overdose and a shotgun s**...?
h**... addicts feel great after they shoot themselves.
I was banned from the airport last week
Apparently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun when boarding a plane
I created the first shotgun with 180 degree barrel
It backfired.
A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.
So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".
