Shot Jokes
148 shot jokes and hilarious shot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shot Short Jokes
Short shot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shot humour may include short shoot jokes also.
- A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem He tells the bartender,"Give me 2 shots of..."
The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get 1 shot." - Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors? Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot. - My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila. You're coming home now! she screamed.
No, I'm not, I laughed.
She said, I'm talking to the kids. - The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.
- My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house... I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
She laughed, I laughed, the amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo - My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house. And I answered, because of the decepticons!
She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.
It was a good time.
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- - Where do horses go when they get sick? To the horse-pital.
Just kidding, they get shot. - The doctor told me I had only six months to live, so I shot him dead. The judge gave me fifteen years. Problem solved.
- As a cop, I don't know how to deal with black people... But I guess I'll take a shot at it.
- The moon landing was staged The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.
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Shot One Liners
Which shot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shot? I can suggest the ones about bullet and spots.
- Eminem has started a vaccine company You only get one shot
- I shot a Black Man the other day I got charged with impersonating a Police Officer.
- Eminem isn't allowed to get the full COVID vaccine He only gets one shot
- How many shots can an irish man handle? about 10 rounds.
- A black guy applied for a job at the LAPD He got shot down
- Alcohol is not always the answer… …but it's worth a shot.
- Chuck Norris was shot today The bullet is in critical condition
- I shot a black teenager the other day I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
- Did you hear about the photographer who ran out of subjects? He shot himself.
- My doctor said I only have 2 months to live... So I shot him.
The judge gave me 30years. - I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crimes
- A depressed Storm Trooper goes to the bar for some jager shots. He goes home sober.
- I shot a black man and got caught I was charged with impersonation of a police officer.
- People who like being photographed in natural light.. ..should be taken outside and shot.
- Why don't black people dream? The last one who had a dream got shot.
One More Shot Jokes
Here is a list of funny one more shot jokes and even better one more shot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard some guy tell two terrible Malaysian Airline jokes... The first one got no response and the second one was shot down in flames
- I heard they're not letting Eminem get fully vaccinated. They told him "you only get one shot."
- Why do black people always have nightmares? Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
- Why does Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine? You only get one shot…
- A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem, He asked for two shots of…
He was cut off by the bartender saying: you only get one shot. - Johnson & Johnson have hired Eminem as a celebrity spokesperson for their COVID vaccine. Because you only get one shot.
- Why do African Americans always have nightmares? Because the last one to have a dream got shot
- I shot a bullet into the air and it hit my hand. On one hand I'm really happy that it didn't hit my head and kill me, but on the other hand I have a big gaping hole now.
- So a guy walks into a bar where Eminem is the bartender Guy: Two shots please
Eminem: You only get one shot - I'm just glad Eminem will never be a mass shooter He only gets one shot
Shot Put Jokes
Here is a list of funny shot put jokes and even better shot put puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So, I just tried a new drinking game. I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.
Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed. - How do you make a Tupac cocktail? Start by putting six shots in it.
- Ferguson joke. Too soon? Black guy walks into a bar in Ferguson. Says to the bartender, "Give me a Michael Brown." Bartender says "Ok. Put up your hands." the gave him six shots.
- A three-legged dog walks into a bar and puts a shotgun on the table.... Barman asks, *" How can I help you?*
"I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw" - I got rid of my NES today. I was putting a a game in it, and the hinged door dropped down and bit me. Because of it, I had to get a Tetris shot.
- How many shots of liquor does it take to kill an Irishman 20, and if that does not put him in the ground, His wife surely will!
- I heard if you try to put a gun in your mouth and shot, it's not necessarily to make you die. This fact is just mind-blowing.
- A duck walks into a bar... "I'd like a shot of tequila!" he says to the barman.
"Sure, here you go. That's $10 please."
"Ok, just put it on my bill." - I came up with a fun drinking game the other day You watch a movie with a group of friends, and every time a black person puts their hands up you take a shot
- When I was a kid, I played Cops and Robbers with my black friend. After I got cuffed, I was beaten with a baseball bat, shot with a NERF gun, and then he put a knife in my hand.
Tequila Shot Jokes
Here is a list of funny tequila shot jokes and even better tequila shot puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Tequila may not be the answer... ...but it's worth a shot.
- Tequila may not fix your life. But, It's worth a shot.
- Clint Eastwood, the Pope, and Yoda walk into the bar... It was at this point I realized I had done WAY too many tequila shots.
- My son puked all over the bar on his 18th yesterday But then again, 18 shots of tequila are pretty much for a 7 year old.
- Two almonds Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each.
Bartender says: "What are you guys, nuts?" - What happens when you cross Santa Claus with five shots of tequila? Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.
- A Roman walks into a bar, holds up 2 fingers and says I'll have 5 shots of tequila please.
- A Mexican walks into a bar... A Mexican walks into a bar and says, 'I need tequila'. The barman says, 'how many shots will you need?' The Mexican says, 'One will do, i have good aim.
- How does Harry Potter order tequila shots? Patron us!
- It's National Tequila Day. I wasn't gonna celebrate, but then I thought I'd give it a shot.
Shot Chest Jokes
Here is a list of funny shot chest jokes and even better shot chest puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why did Thor throw his axe at Thanos's chest, instead of cutting off the hand with the gauntlet? Because he was going for the kill shot instead of disarming him.
- A man entering a s**... club was shot in the chest today, but thankfully his front shirt pocket had a bunch of neatly folded one dollar bills.. Some say it was his life savings
Hilarious Fun Shot Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about shot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean splash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shot pranks.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
A boy and his dad are talking.
"Hey Dad."
"Yes son?"
"Did you ever get shot in the army?"
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad's eyes, and he quietly replies;
"No, but I was shot in the leggy."
An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit s**....
She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left n**....
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.
My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."
My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.
A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon
He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
A farmer had three daughters...
and each was going on a date one Friday night.
The first daughters date showed up "Hi I'm Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?"
Betty left with Freddy.
The second daughters date showed up "Hey I'm Joe here to pick up Flo to go to the show, is she ready to go?"
Flo left with Joe.
The third daughters date showed up "Hello I'm Chuck-"
The farmer shot chuck.
Judgement day
Peter is on trial. He's on trial because he shot his wife when he caught her in bed with another guy.
The judge wants to know; "why did you shoot your wife?".
"Well, " Peter replies, "it seemed easier to shoot her once, than to shoot a different guy every week".
So I'm making a TV series about a plane h**.....
We've just shot the pilot.
10 shots of whiskey please!
A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender pours them and the guy starts downing them. By the 5th one the bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You'd drink this fast if you had what I have."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "No money."
What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?
"Worst case of s**... I've ever seen"
My wife asked my why i carry a gun in the house.
I looked at her and said "Decepticons". She laughed, i laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster. It was a good time.
My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house.
"To fight the Decepticons," I said.
She laughed. I laughed.
The toaster laughed.
I shot the toaster.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
I deserve an award for beating up a school shooter...
I beat him up every day for nearly a year before he shot up the school.
My therapist asked me what I'd feel if I shot someone.
"Recoil", I calmly answered.
Civil War spoilers
Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth.
An old woman wants to commit s**......
...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.
She goes to the local doctor and asks;
"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"
"Oh, it's just below your left breast."
So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.
Let's play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game
Whenever your girlfriend goes to the bathroom take a shot
Liquor probably won't fix your problems...
but it's worth a shot.
A black man and an autistic man walk into a bar
The autistic man orders a shot, but the black man gets it instead
Everybody is trying to make Harambe jokes, and they are all really bad...
But I'm going to take a shot at it.
There was a b**... in my neighborhood last night
The police told us to stay inside until they shot him
It's a good thing Harambe got shot....
d**... out for dead kids just doesn't sound good
I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. So I shot him.
Judge gave me 30 years.
So I mean who's the real winner here?
I don't understand why people are so upset about Harambe
I mean, gorillas get shot by white cops all the time.
When I was a kid my younger cousin always cheated at freeze tag,
So I wasn't surprised when I heard he got shot by the cops
As a doctor, I've never made a joke about an unvaccinated baby before
but let me give it a shot.
Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead
Two men are out hunting when one of them suddenly drops dead. He calls 911 immediately. The operator says "Can I help you sir?"
The man replies "I think my friend is dead! Get an ambulance! What should I do?"
The operator replies "Okay, calm down sir. First we have to make sure he is dead."
There is silence, then a gun shot, then the man comes back on "Okay, what now?"
I call my wife Bambi and she thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes...
Actually, it's because I shot her mother with a hunting rifle...
I doubt v**... is the answer....
But it's worth a shot
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter p**... at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
A cat walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "what'll you have?"
The cat says, "A shot of r**...."
The bartender pours the cat his drink.
The cat slowly pushes the shot off the table.
"Another."
So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....
He then asks the bartender why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling? The bartender says well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else's drinks for the next hour. The guy ponders for a minute and then says, I would do it, but the stakes are too high.
The doctor gave me 5 month to live.
So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
And the judge gave me 25 years.
Problem solved.
My doctor said I have 2 weeks to live...
So I shot him. Problem solved, the judge gave me 20 years.
"911, what's your emergency?"
*"Me and my friend were out hunting and... I accidentally shot him and now he's dead!"*
"Alright, sir, calm down. Now, we need to be sure he's actually dead before we do anything else."
**BANG**
*"Okay, what next?"*
My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket.
So he had something to read as he bled to death.
NBC is planning a sitcom about the life of Abe Lincoln.
Shot in front of a live studio audience.
A pregnant woman walks into a bank being robbed,
She tried to call the cops and got shot in the stomach three times. Luckily, all her children were safe.
15 years later, one of her daughters came up to her and said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." So, she told her daughter the story.
Finally, her son came in and she assumed she knew what he was going to say, "Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
The son replied, "No, what? I was m**... and I shot the dog."
Did you hear about the guy who was shot with a starter p**...?
Police think it is race-related
A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ''I'm f**......'', but a voice in the back of his head says: ''Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!''
''What?! Why?'' - thinks the cowboy.
''Just kill the chief!'' - says the voice.
The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief.
As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''*Now* you're f**......''
I was in a bar the other day, when a girl asked me, What do you do? I responded, I race cars. Screeching with excitement, she shot back, Do you win many races!? I sighed...
No, the cars are much faster.
My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house
I said decepticons.
She laughed, I laughed, my microwave laughed.
I shot the microwave.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that's draped in bacon. A bacon tree ! We're saved! He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
I accidentally called my wife a 'trophy' the other day...
She shot back, Oh come on, just because you always finish first doesn't mean you win anything!
As a doctor, I know I should never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"
God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."
"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, like a penny to you is a million dollars for us?"
"Um, yeah, kinda. Something like that...." God says
"Well, in that case, can I just have a penny, God?" The man shoots his shot
"Sure" God agrees, much to the surprise of the man. "Just gimme a second to find it...."
Condoms don't guarantee safe s**... any more.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
Dave was getting robbed in the desert
he gave the robber his money and asked the robber shoot a few bullets in his hat to make it believable to his wife that he was robbed.
he then asked," shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not look like a coward"
after the robber shot the coat, he said, "shoot a few holes-"
"please, no more holes, I'm out of bullets"
"that's what I wanted to hear. now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue"
A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...
"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."
"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.
Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."
A little boy runs up to his father with a question.
"Daddy, daddy!" says the boy, excitedly. "Did you get shot in the army?"
The father looks away and grimaces. The pain is etched clearly on this face. He gets a faraway look in his eye, and a tear rolls down his face, as he says, "No, son..."
"...but I did get shot in the leggy."
My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!"
I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"
Stalin is giving a speech, and someone sneezes.
Stalin looks up from his notes and says, "Who sneezed?" No-one says anything.
Stalin has the first row taken away by KGB to be shot. "Who sneezed?" he asks again. No-one says anything. He has the second row of the audience taken away by the KGB to be shot.
"Comrade Stalin, I sneezed!" Says a man in the third row.
Stalin looks at the man and says; "Bless you."
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.
The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.
But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.
When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.
The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!
The old man said, That's s**...! The bullet must have been shot by another person.
That's exactly right, said the doctor.
I call my girlfriend Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute.
I just really hope her mom gets shot.
Robin said to Batman...
"Batman, why do you wear dark colors?"
"Easy Robin, it makes me less likely to be shot"
"Then why do I wear bright colors?"
"It also makes me less likely to be shot."
Pregnant girlfriend
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
