Shortest Of All Jokes
100 shortest of all jokes and hilarious shortest of all puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shortest of all that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Shortest Of All Short Jokes
Short shortest of all jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shortest of all humour may include short shortest jokes also.
- The shortest sentence in the English language is "go." What is the longest? Life without parole
- Which President had the shortest term? Grover Cleveland.
He was the twenty second President. - The shortest tribe in the world The Fuckawee tribe....In the long grass you can hear their chant...Where the Fuckawee!
- What did the winter solstice say to the shortest day of the year? "Hey, cheer up! Tomorrow will be a little longer."
- Known as the "one-day insect" the Mayfly has the shortest lifespan of all organisms... But it still lives longer than my headphones.
- If I am is said to be the shortest sentence in the English language... Could it be that I do is the longest one?
- Just witnessed the shortest ever dispute in court about a guy who supposedly stole a woman's bag. It was a briefcase.
- "An unknown plight" or "the shortest and worse joke i know" Pedophiles have trouble fitting in.
- The shortest Dad Joke in the world. Driving down a country road with your kids in the back seat, point at a stack of hay bales on some random farm and exclaim:
># Hey! - The World's Shortest Fairy Tale Once upon a time a young man asked the fairest lady in the village to marry him. She looked him up and down and said "No."
He lived happily ever after.
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Shortest Of All One Liners
Which shortest of all one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shortest of all? I can suggest the ones about smallest and world shortest.
- The shortest sentence in the English language is also the longest I do
- The shortest sentence known to man is I Am The longest one is I Do
- Shortest one liner A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- Which is the shortest century? The twenty-second century.
- Q: What's the shortest book ever written? A: French War Heroes.
- What's the shortest death sentence? "Arghh."
- I present to you the world's shortest poem, entitled "Fleas". Adam had'em.
- What are the 3 shortest words in the English language? is it in
- Shortest horror story Wife: "Honey, Let's go shopping"
- Shortest Joke Son to Dad: I swear dad, it's shampoo on the toilet seat.
- Which baseball player has the shortest commute? The catcher, he only works from home.
- What's the shortest three-word sentence in the English language? Is it in?
- What's the shortest way to someone heart? The Dijkstra's algorithm.
- What is the shortest street in the universe? Planckstrasse
- The shortest word play joke ever. Dwarf shortage.
Shortest Of All Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about shortest of all you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean youngest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shortest of all pranks.
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day.
As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any p**....
He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some p**... as it is not good to walk around without any p**... on."
The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy p**... for her.
When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened.
Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her p**..., and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church.
As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs.
The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.
The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything walks back to the priest very calmly.
The priest then gives the lady $1 and says, "Take this money and for God's Sakes, buy yourself a razor!"
What's the shortest word in the world?
As you pass the joint saying here: "ear"
Peculiar Contest
A frenchman, an american, and an arab [NOTE: this isn't racist, you can just paste any nationality whatsoever. However, the joke works best with these three] walk into a bar and come up with a contest to see who's better.
The contest rules: you must kill a bear and have s**... with an old lady in the shortest possible time.
The frenchman walks in, and he's very good with women because he's french and all, takes 2hr to bang the grandma. But, he s**... at hunting because he's never seen a bear before and needs 6hrs to kill the bear. 8hrs.
The american is the opposite, because he's all christian and has moral obligation, while he's really good at hunting because there are lots of bears in his country. 8hrs also.
The arab walks in where the bear is, and stays in there for 7hrs. We hear grunts and loud noises. Finally, he emerges all bruised up and scarred, and proudly says: "So, where is that old lady I have to kill?"
Olympics / opening ceremony jokes
Credit where credit's due - I got these from Sickipedia. I'm brand new here but I gather these would be appreciated...
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I certainly enjoyed the opening ceremony which displayed the history of the early 20th century Britain.
I can't wait until the games are held in Germany.
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So in the Olympic Opening Ceremony, British athletes can walk behind a bloke carrying the Union Jack and everyone cheers...
...But when the BNP do it it's frowned upon.
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My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?"
After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer:
"Chinese," I replied.
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I'm entering the m**... Tournament in the Olympics this year.
Very stiff competition though.
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As I watched the woman's football today, my wife proudly quipped, "This just shows you how far the Olympics have come, women excelling at men's sports. What do you think this means?"
I don't think "22 blokes are forced to get a take-away tonight" was the answer she was looking for.
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Well done Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.
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7 years the London Olympics have been in the making.
Never has it taken so long for a large number of foreigners to enter the country.
What's the shortest horror story ever written?
President Romney.
Shortest One-Liner ever
Dwarf shortage
What's the world's shortest book?
Jewish book of business ethics.
An extremely close landing on an extremely short runway..
A plane is nearing its destination. The pilot turns to his co-pilot and remarks: "That looks like a really short runway." The co-pilot looks at it and says: "Yes, captain, its really short." 100 meters from the runway, the pilot communicates to the passengers and crew: "Fasten your seatbelts, this is going to be an extremely close landing!" The plane touches down on the ground, engages maximum breaks, and with schreaching tires comes to a stop two meters from the end of the runway. "Phew, " says the pilot relieved. "That was the shortest landing I've ever made." The co-pilot looks out of the windows and answers: "And certainly on the widest runway I've every seen.."
Brace yourself for the shortest and corniest joke in the world
What do you call a fly with no wings....... A walk
What's the shortest word in the dictionary?
the
What's the shortest joke you know/can come up with?
Here's mine: Women are more holy than men.
Photos: World's tallest man meets world's shortest man
List of the shortest books
1. The Australian Book of Foreplay.
2. Contraception by the Pope.
3. The American Guide to Etiquette.
4. Healthy Marriages by the British Royal Family.
5. Consumer Marketing Ethics.
6. Career Opportunities for History Majors.
7. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan.
8. Integrity by Bill Clinton.
9. The Wit and Wisdom of George W. Bush.
10. What I've Accomplished by Barack Obama.
When is a body builder's shortest workout?
During the winter Swole-stace
Racism is institutionalized throughout the US
Why else would black history be celebrated during the shortest month!
Did you know why today is one of the shortest days of the year?
Because it's only 4/11.
What's the shortest way to the front page?
Up vote to find out.
The worlds shortest blues song.
"Didn't wake up this morning."
World's shortest resign letter.
Dear Sir,
Waak! thuu.
Thank You.
Why is the shortest verse in the bible Jesus Wept?
Because Jesus Cries
World's shortest poem titled....
Fleas
Adam had `em
Sentences
A man is at a bar and says, "did you know that 'I am' is he shortest sentence in the English language?"
The bartender exclaims, "Did you know 'I do' is the longest one?"
(Was in the comics today so I thought I would share.)
It's a good thing Aquaman isn't black
Shortest...comic book...ever!
I just watched a movie following a black man in a zombie apocalypse.
It was the shortest movie I've ever watched.
What's the shortest possible sentence in Canadian English?
Sorry, eh.
who are the shortest people in the bible?
The Shuhites
Optometrist dilated my eyes today; everything blurry
Shortest time I have ever spent on the p**..., says the wife...
Which reindeer have the shortest legs?
The smallest ones.
Hear of the shortest s**... note ever?
Life s**..., girlfriend doesn't.
Two pilots are landing a plane.
Two pilots are preparing to land and they're coming in hot. The wheels touch the tarmac and before you know it they're off the other end. 100mph through the grass, the fence and they smash through the gates. Glass and bags go everywhere.
When they finally come to a stop the pilot looks at his co-pilot and says "That was the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
The co-pilot says" Yeah, but wasn't it wide!
I saw a girl with the shortest shorts today...
Her shorts were so short you could see private parts hanging out of mine!
Have you heard about the world's shortest active volcano?
They say that mountain ain't that Taal
What is the shortest word in the English language?
Everything.
Because it's very thin in the middle.
Don't Assume
Don't assume my gender!
I identify by whatever bathroom has the shortest line.
What's the best day to host a midget convention?
The Winter solstice. It's the shortest day of the year!
"Fake News, inevitably, will be the end of us all!"
- Napoleon Bonaparte after Buzzfeed posted an article titled "10 Shortest Dynasties (Literally)"
Shortest four-line poem I can think of
Not sure where else to post it. If you can read it, it doesn't apply to you.
YYUR
YYUB
URN
YY2ME
Who was the shortest person in the Bible?
It was actually Peter, because he slept on his watch
World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "No!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motocycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank.
The End
The shortest person I've ever met was the divorced mother of a physicist
She was a single μm
What's the shortest calendar?
An advent calendar.
World's Shortest Joke
*Doctor :* How is your headache ???
*Man :* "She is fine."
😂😂😂
My dad only gave advice on math and women.
so i know for a fact the shortest way to a women's heart is a straight line.
I haven't run a 5K for the longest time.
I usually try to go for the shortest.
Just made this up myself, but someone's probably come up with it before though...
What is the shortest book ever written?
"Swedish War Heros"
Do you know why February is black history month?
Because It's the shortest month of the year, and it's too cold to have a parade.
What is the shortest book in the world?
'French War Heroes'.
Shortest conversation between a girl and a doctor
Doctor: How are you doing ?
Girl: I don't know, you are the doctor.
How come the shortest people have the highest voices?
They have to raise their voices to be heard
What's the shortest biography you can write for a convicted m**...?
A life sentence.
Disappointed, Sarah the egg pushed Chris the chicken off her after the shortest s**... of her life.
I guess we answered that question, she said.
Why were the prisoners of Alcatraz upset when the shortest inmate broke free by sliding down his homemade rope?
It was a little condescending.
Track and field is perfect for introverts.
The goal is the be there the shortest time possible.
What's the shortest lifelong sentence?
I do.
Idiot pilots - an old one if you haven't heard it . . .
Two idiot pilots are coming-in for a landing.
"Give me 10% flaps," the pilot says.
"Okay, 20% now."
"And, 30%."
"Hey it looks like we're coming in pretty fast," the co-pilot says.
"Yeah, give me 40% flaps."
"Better make that 50%."
"Whoa, this isn't gonna work, 60%, no 80%!"
"Give me 90%, give me 100!!"
The plane hits the runway, the pilot slams on the brakes, and the plane stops just inches from the edge. The pilot wipes his brow and turns to the co-pilot.
"Wow, that's the shortest runway I've ever seen. But, you know, it must be a mile wide." ha ha
Airport trouble
An airplane lands at an airport with great difficulty, stopping, just short of an accident. When they arrive at the gate, the captain wipes his brow and says,"My God that's the shortest runway I've ever seen!"
"You're not kidding" says his co-pilot, looking out of the window "but it sure is wide."
What are the three shortest words in the english language to describe the shortest thing in the human body?
Is it in?
Two polish Pilots are trying to land a plane
They approach the ground, but they really struggle with the runway. The plane nearly crashes, but they finally are able to land it.
Jesus, one pilot says. That was the shortest runway ever.
Yeah, and did you see how wide it was?
Shortest conversation that led to a beat down
Wife: I have changed my mind
Husband: Is it working now?