Short Jokes

168 short jokes and hilarious short puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about short that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Short Short Jokes

Short short jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The short humour may include short thin jokes also.

  1. An essay should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.
  2. If Ani is short for Anakin and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, what is Luke short for? A stormtrooper.
  3. My mum suffers with short term memory loss Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too
  4. "No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short." "Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"
    "Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."
  5. I am starting a charity to teach short people maths. It's called making the little things count.
  6. My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her summer for short.
  7. My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
    Heads or Tales.
  8. Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME. As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.
  9. What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks? A good start. HOLD the LINE.
  10. I don't know why, but the record for oldest person seems to be cursed. Every time someone gets it, they die shortly afterwards.

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Short One Liners

Which short one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with short? I can suggest the ones about tiny and abbreviation.

  1. I like my women like I like my password Short and insecure
  2. If men call short women petite. What do women call short men? Friends.
  3. What's E.T. short for? Cus he's got little leg
  4. When is the Bible accurate? When it's thrown from a short distance.
  5. How to become a millionaire: Step One: Be a billionaire
    Step Two: Short sell $GME
  6. What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship.
  7. What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph because he's too short to be an essay
  8. What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
  9. What's Mary short for? She's got no legs.
  10. Life is too short for my book of 5 letter words.
  11. What word becomes shorter if you add two letters? Short
  12. You gotta hand it to short people because they can't reach it
  13. T-Shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt... Because of the short arms
  14. Why do electricians wear pants? Because they hate shorts.
  15. What is E.T. Short for? Because he has small legs.

Short People Jokes

Here is a list of funny short people jokes and even better short people puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I really have to hand it to short people Because they usually can't reach it anyways.
  • Short, but good nonetheless Every "yo mamma" joke has been done thousands of different times, by thousands of different people.
    Just like yo mamma.
  • Being tall is an enormous responsibility Short people look up to you.
  • Why can't short people cook? Because the steaks are too high.
  • People are complaining that games are too short but New Battlefront has 4500 hours of gameplay and people are still complaining!
  • How do short people greet others? They microwave.
  • Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas
  • You gotta hand it to the short people out there They can't reach it by themselves
  • Does anyone know the PC term for short people? ...or do yall also struggle with gnomenclature
  • What do you call short people on a merry-go-round? A midget spinner

Short Story Jokes

Here is a list of funny short story jokes and even better short story puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's an Ethiopian's favorite book? "My Life And Other Short Stories"
  • I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in. Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.
  • Gf tells me "to make love like to me like they do in the movies".. Long story short..Im due in court soon. Guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.
  • Last September my wife asked me to put a load in the dishwasher. So long story short, happy fathers day to me.
  • A man over heard my conversation about GameStop stock and asked me what'a this fuss all about? I said, Do you want the long or the short story?
  • An Act of Malicious Conpliance Teacher: Write a short story. You have a strict 140-character limit.
    Student: Once upon a time, Snow White lived with 139 Dwarves. The end.
  • My dad has the heart of a lion Long story short he is no longer allowed in a zoo
  • To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.
  • Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
  • I got sent to court over a missing tuxedo Long story short, I lost the lawsuit as well
Short joke, I got sent to court over a missing tuxedo

Short Stop Jokes

Here is a list of funny short stop jokes and even better short stop puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Being a 6'3 comedian... a lot of my jokes revolve around short people. However, after receiving multiple complaints, ive decided to stop making short jokes now.
    I'm above that.
  • I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze. But Soon after, I realized there's already a Charity for them, The US Government.
  • Height bullying is no joke. Seriously guys, we need to stop looking down on short people.
  • Stop making jokes on short people It's not funny if the person getting trolled can't enjoy it.
    After all, most of the jokes go way over their heads.
  • In baseball, why does it take longer to get from second to third than any other bases? Because there's a short stop in between.
  • I bought a treadmill and use it for 15 seconds a day every day. It says right on it in big letters to stop using if you get shortness of breath.
  • Why does it take longer to get from 2nd base to 3rd base than it does to get from 3rd base to home? Because there is a short-stop between...
  • Friends will be friends -You must stop making fun of how short i am
    -Come on man , do you want me to fill up the washbasin so that you can relax?
  • No Nut November joke.. No Nut November? More like Non stop nut november. I know thats a short one, but people on discord found it funny.
  • I was working in the supermarket and it was very busy. While I was racing around, a man stopped me. He said, "Short staff?"
    I said, "Not particularly, but Paul's only 4 ft 11."

Short Skirt Jokes

Here is a list of funny short skirt jokes and even better short skirt puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt... Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.
  • Mini-Skirt Speech My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
  • This hot weather... The thing I love most about this hot weather is the crop tops and short skirts...
    Although it does make me look a bit gay.
  • A good speech should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
  • An essay is like a girl's skirt... It should be long enough to cover the important parts, but short enough to still be interesting.
  • A speech should be like a woman's skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to keep it interesting!
  • Today my girlfriend said she will spend the entire day wearing only a short skirt and a long jacket. After all, it is my Cake day!
  • Have you heard of airplane skirts? They're so short, you can see the cockpit.
  • A research paper should be like a women's skirt. Short enough to keep my attention, but long enough to cover the subject.
  • Your essays should be like a girls skirt Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.
Short joke, Your essays should be like a girls skirt

Witty Short Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about short you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean temporary jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make short pranks.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just o**... stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.

He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
Am I in heaven? asks the disoriented priest.
No says one of the nurses. We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.

Two Snowmen are in a field...

...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."
My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion.

So..the wife and I were in town shopping....

..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.

n**... Wife's New p**...

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless p**... in an attempt to spice up her dead s**... life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless p**...?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."

Why do asian parents give their children short names?

More time on tests.

My grandad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up s**....

Which would probably explain his short lived career as a boxer.

Two priests in a car...

... as a cop pulls them over.
"Sir, we are looking for two child molesters..."
The priests look at each other and after a short moment the driver says:
"Okay, we'll do it"

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

So according to this BMI chart...

I am too short.

The warning sign

There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".

A woman says to her engineer husband...

"Could you please go to the store for me and buy a carton of milk. And if they have eggs, get six."
A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks, "Why the heck did you buy six cartons of milk?"
"They had eggs."

The shortest sentence in the English language is "go." What is the longest?

Life without parole

Was walking by a mental hospital when...

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 14, 14, 14, 14. My curiosity got the better of me so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration I then heard the people start chanting 15, 15, 15, 15.

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"

So I was having s**... with a girl from work...

She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us.
Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue.

In light of all the recent blond jokes...

Why are blond jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

If you were to write a direct, very short introduction for Microsoft Office's word processor, it might be a...

...forward four-word foreword for Word.

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...

And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.
The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"
No offense anyone...hehe

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.

What's ET short for?

Because he's got little legs.

I named my son Gram

It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.

A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it?

A surname.

A guy walks into a bookstore...

A guy walks into a bookstore and asks the assistant, "Hey, do you know if you guys have the new book for guys with short p**...?"
The assistant says, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
Guy says, "Yeah, that's the one!"

What is DNA short for?

National Dyslexics Association

What does s**... and basketball have in common?

I'm too short to play

My father suffers from short term memory loss

I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it.

Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.

They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.
The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"

Gotta hand it to babies...

...because their short, s**... little arms can't reach anything

So I was at my bank today.

There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"

It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.

Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their d**....

A man goes to buy a Ferrari...

but he was short of $1.
He saw a homeless man and said "Can you give me a dollar, I have to buy a Ferrari."
The homeless man gave him two dollars and said "Get one for me too."

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a s**..., the second lady had a s**..., but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.

So doctor, do I have rabies?

Doc: Short answer. Yes.
Patient: What's the long answer?
Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss.

You'll never be able to go back in time and kill h**... as a baby.

You'd be way too short and weak.


"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, s**... this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

I went shopping with my wife today...

When I came across a group of women in short skirts.
I looked over to my wife and said "Ooh, I bet you wish you had legs like *those*"
She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was upset; I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into Waitrose.


Short word.
Long sentence.

Why do so many l**... have short hair?

They just get really excited about scissors.

I asked the librarian if she had the new book about short p**.......

She said, "It's not in yet".
I replied, "YES, That's The Book!"

Studies have shown that smoking w**... causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking w**... causes short term memory loss.

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

Me: My d**...'s name is life. Life is hard.

Girlfriend: Life is also short.

Last weekend I organised a t**......

We were a couple people short but everyone still had a good time.

Men call short women "petite". What do women call short men?

Um, yeh, they don't call.
Source: I'm not a tall man.

I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day

I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.
Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..

As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

The midget s**... club down the street is hiring.

They must be short staffed.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp

The host asked me: What are you?
Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.
Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp
Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

My brother is turning 32 tomorrow, so I told him not to get his hopes up.

When he asked why, I replied:
"Well, it'll be pretty short. It is your thirty-second birthday after all."

I am disgusted by the youth of today....

Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby... could call them m**...-mum and mini-mum.

I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...

I thought, that's a little condescending.

Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?"

Bobert: "No."

My wife put on a s**... cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.

After a short trial, I was found not guilty.

A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach...

A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach.
"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.
"What's it short for?" she asks.
Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,
"I dunno, it's always been like that."

A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...

when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?
The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."

A wife asks her husband, Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.

A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.
Why did you buy six cartons of milk? the wife asks.
He replies, They had avocados.

Out walking last night decided to take short cut through a Cemetery when 3 young girls came towards me and said they were petrified walking through the grave yard and asked if they could walk along side me so I said yes...

As we were walking I said don't worry I understand I used to be petrified walking through here when I was alive.
Never seen anybody run so fast.

If smoking m**... causes short term memory loss,

what does smoking m**... do?

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you

A guy approaches a beautiful young woman in a short dress at the jukebox.

Wow. Great thong.
She pours her drink on him and walks away.
I'm thorry, was it thomething I thaid??!!

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"

Short joke, A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...

jokes about short