Short Jokes
165 short jokes and hilarious short puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about short that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Short Short Jokes
Short short jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The short humour may include short thin jokes also.
- An essay should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.
- If Ani is short for Anakin and Obi is short for Obi-Wan, what is Luke short for? A stormtrooper.
- My mum suffers with short term memory loss Hope it doesn't run in the family because my mums got it too
- I am starting a charity to teach short people maths. It's called making the little things count.
- My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her summer for short.
- My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
Heads or Tales. - Those hedge funds should have known they'd lose money by shorting GME. As for us Gamestop customers, we fully expect to sell something for $20 and have to spend $500 when we want to buy it back.
- What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks? A good start. HOLD the LINE.
- I don't know why, but the record for oldest person seems to be cursed. Every time someone gets it, they die shortly afterwards.
- If you could get rid of any race, which would you choose? I'd pick the 400 meters, it's too long for a sprint and it's too short to be a true endurance race.
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Short One Liners
Which short one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with short? I can suggest the ones about abbreviation and temporary.
- I like my women like I like my password Short and insecure
- If men call short women petite. What do women call short men? Friends.
- What's E.T. short for? Cus he's got little leg
- When is the Bible accurate? When it's thrown from a short distance.
- How to become a millionaire: Step One: Be a billionaire
Step Two: Short sell $GME - What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship.
- What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
- Life is too short for my book of 5 letter words.
- T-Shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt... Because of the short arms
- Why do electricians wear pants? Because they hate shorts.
- Stranger: "Bob? Is that short for Robert?" Bobert: "No."
- Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? Jokejoke jooooooooooooooooooke
- So according to this BMI chart... I am too short.
- I named my son Gram It's short for Grammar because he was supposed to be a period.
- Why are ten year olds wearing shorts vulnerable? They have exposed kidneys
Short People Jokes
Here is a list of funny short people jokes and even better short people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Being tall is an enormous responsibility Short people look up to you.
- Why can't short people cook? Because the steaks are too high.
- People are complaining that games are too short but New Battlefront has 4500 hours of gameplay and people are still complaining!
- Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas
- Does anyone know the PC term for short people? ...or do yall also struggle with gnomenclature
- Being a 6'3 comedian... a lot of my jokes revolve around short people. However, after receiving multiple complaints, ive decided to stop making short jokes now.
I'm above that. - I am not short... I'm just more down to earth than other people.
- I'm currently in a recovering alcoholics program in North Carolina. But to keep it short, I just tell people I'm in the NCAA.
- Why are blonde jokes always so short? So the people who like to tell them can remember them.
- Height bullying is no joke. Seriously guys, we need to stop looking down on short people.
Short Story Jokes
Here is a list of funny short story jokes and even better short story puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's an Ethiopian's favorite book? "My Life And Other Short Stories"
- Gf tells me "to make love like to me like they do in the movies".. Long story short..Im due in court soon. Guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.
- Last September my wife asked me to put a load in the dishwasher. So long story short, happy fathers day to me.
- A man over heard my conversation about GameStop stock and asked me what'a this fuss all about? I said, Do you want the long or the short story?
- An Act of Malicious Conpliance Teacher: Write a short story. You have a strict 140-character limit.
Student: Once upon a time, Snow White lived with 139 Dwarves. The end. - My dad has the heart of a lion Long story short he is no longer allowed in a zoo
- To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- I got sent to court over a missing tuxedo Long story short, I lost the lawsuit as well
- I fell in love with a cucumber farmer. We had many good years together but then, as these things do, it turned sour.
Long story short: I'm in a bit of a pickle.
Short Stop Jokes
Here is a list of funny short stop jokes and even better short stop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze. But Soon after, I realized there's already a Charity for them, The US Government.
- In baseball, why does it take longer to get from second to third than any other bases? Because there's a short stop in between.
- I bought a treadmill and use it for 15 seconds a day every day. It says right on it in big letters to stop using if you get shortness of breath.
- No Nut November joke.. No Nut November? More like Non stop nut november. I know thats a short one, but people on discord found it funny.
- I was working in the supermarket and it was very busy. While I was racing around, a man stopped me. He said, "Short staff?"
I said, "Not particularly, but Paul's only 4 ft 11." - Yesterday I got stopped by a cop with short term memory loss. He kept asking me if I knew why he pulled me over.
- I played sports, my whole life, and was always the best. I stopped short of playing collegiately. In other words, I peaked in high school.
Short Skirt Jokes
Here is a list of funny short skirt jokes and even better short skirt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mini-Skirt Speech My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
- This hot weather... The thing I love most about this hot weather is the crop tops and short skirts...
Although it does make me look a bit gay. - A good speech should be like a woman's skirt; long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
- Today my girlfriend said she will spend the entire day wearing only a short skirt and a long jacket. After all, it is my Cake day!
- Have you heard of airplane skirts? They're so short, you can see the cockpit.
- My daughter came downstairs in a short skirt. I said, "You aren't wearing that to school."
"Why not?" she asked moodily.
I said, "Because I want your mother to try it on later." - School should be like a woman's skirt... Long enough to cover the subject matter, short enough to keep things interesting
- After a spate of bizarre crimes Police want to speak to three men wearing high heels and short skirts but have been told they must wear their uniform
- It was 90° in Florida yesterday.... Women's skirts were so short you could see their cobwebs.
- An acquaintance of mine said that when she feels down she puts on a skirt that's too short, and it helps. Coincidentally, her wearing a skirt that's too short also helps me when I'm down.
Witty Short Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about short you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean length jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make short pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just o**... stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
Am I in heaven? asks the disoriented priest.
No says one of the nurses. We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward.
Two Snowmen are in a field...
...and one turns to the other and says "Yeah, you're right, it DOES smell like carrots."
My favorite joke - short, hysterical, and perfect for any occasion.
So..the wife and I were in town shopping....
..and as we came out of a store, three girls aged between 18 and 20 walked by, wearing tiny cropped tops and short short skirts. One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.
I gently nudged my wife and said "I bet you wish you still had legs like that!".
She got really upset with me..in fact I could still hear her sobbing as I wheeled her up the ramp into the next store.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
n**... Wife's New p**...
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless p**... in an attempt to spice up her dead s**... life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless p**...?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do asian parents give their children short names?
More time on tests.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two kids watch a p**...-bellied man undress in a changing room,
One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the p**...-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My grandad always used to say to me that the best part of fighting is the make-up s**....
Which would probably explain his short lived career as a boxer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
if your little ladies not so little anymore...
you may want to think about what you can do to help. Here's some advice i got from a certified physical trainer: All you need to do is have your wife walk two miles every morning, and then another three miles every night, and in just seven short days that fat b**...'ll be thirty-five miles away
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
The warning sign
There was a watermelon plantation which had been constantly spoiled by night thieves who were trespassing to steal melons. The owner came with an idea to repel the intruders: he put a warning sign on the plantation's fence: "Beware! Steal on your own risk! One melon below this fence is poisoned!"
The next day, there were no more missing melons and a short text added on the warning sign: "Now there are two".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Ole and Sven are flying a plane over northern Minnesota
Ole is the pilot, and they are approaching their destination. Sven looks out the window and sees the runway in the distance. He notices the runway looks rather short and says, "Y'know, Ole, dat looks like a really short runway."
Ole replies, "Oh, don't worry. Dis is a small plane after all. Dere's plenty of space for us to land."
As they get closer, Sven sees that the runway is indeed very short, and he says, "Ole, I don't know bout dis, it looks like dat runway is too short."
Ole says, "Ok, I'll press da brakes as hard as I can when we come down, how bout dat?"
But Sven isn't reassured very much. At this point, he can see that the runway is almost certainly too short for them to land. He says, "Ole! Dis runway is way too short. we're gonna c**...!"
Ole says, "Oh shut up. I'll just put de plane in reverse as soon as we land, that'll do it."
So, the plane touches down, and despite Ole's best efforts, they do go off the runway and into the fence. The plane flips over a few times and is heavily damaged, but luckily both Ole and Sven are relatively unharmed. The two climb out of the wreckage, and Sven says, "You see, I was right! Dis runway was too short!"
Ole looks up and down the runway, and then he says, "Aye, it was really short. But look at how *wide* it is!"
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
The shortest sentence in the English language is "go." What is the longest?
Life without parole
A horse walks into a bar
A horse walks into a bar and says "bartender, scotch on the rocks please!"
The bartender, rubbing his eyes in disbelief says "did.. did you just talk?!"
"Yes I have, why?" Said the horse
"It's just, incredible! I've never seen a talking horse! You know, you should really go talk to the local circus, they would LOVE to have someone with your skills!"
The horse replied "why? Are they short on electricians?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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So I was having s**... with a girl from work...
She wasn't really into it, and then to make matters worse my boss walked in on us.
Long story short, I lost my job at the morgue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do midgets wear short dresses?
So they can show off a little leg.
In light of all the recent blond jokes...
Why are blond jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
If you were to write a direct, very short introduction for Microsoft Office's word processor, it might be a...
...forward four-word foreword for Word.
A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...
And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.
The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"
No offense anyone...hehe
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's ET short for?
Because he's got little legs.
A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it?
A surname.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What does s**... and basketball have in common?
I'm too short to play
:(
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Gotta hand it to babies...
...because their short, s**... little arms can't reach anything
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It's 80 degrees in San Francisco today.
Girls are wearing skirts so short you can almost see their d**....
A man goes to buy a Ferrari...
but he was short of $1.
He saw a homeless man and said "Can you give me a dollar, I have to buy a Ferrari."
The homeless man gave him two dollars and said "Get one for me too."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"No child of mine is going out in a skirt that short."
"Dad, I'm sixteen. I'll wear what I want!"
"Yeah, but son, your nuts are showing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a s**..., the second lady had a s**..., but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.
So doctor, do I have rabies?
Doc: Short answer. Yes.
Patient: What's the long answer?
Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss.
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You'll never be able to go back in time and kill h**... as a baby.
You'd be way too short and weak.
An international conference was being held..
In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.
The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".
African president asked, "What is food?".
Europe asked, "What is Short?".
USA asked, "What is the rest of the world?".
North Korea asked, "What is Opinion?".
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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, s**... this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2017 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
I went shopping with my wife today...
When I came across a group of women in short skirts.
I looked over to my wife and said "Ooh, I bet you wish you had legs like *those*"
She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was upset; I heard her sniffle as I wheeled her up the ramp into Waitrose.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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r**......
Short word.
Long sentence.
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:
1: Religion
2: Sexuality
3: Mystery
Below is the only A* essay.
"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why do so many l**... have short hair?
They just get really excited about scissors.
I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...
I asked my librarian if she had a book on short term memory loss...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Studies have shown that smoking w**... causes short term memory loss.
Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking w**... causes short term memory loss.
A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".
And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: My d**...'s name is life. Life is hard.
Girlfriend: Life is also short.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Last weekend I organised a t**......
We were a couple people short but everyone still had a good time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Men call short women "petite". What do women call short men?
Um, yeh, they don't call.
Source: I'm not a tall man.
I went to the local liquor store on my bicycle the other day
I bought a nice bottle of scotch and put it in my basket.. I was afraid that if I fell over the bottle might break so instead of risking it I drank the bottle right there.
Turned out to be a smart thing to do because I must have fallen 12 times on my short way back home..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The midget s**... club down the street is hiring.
They must be short staffed.
9 is enough.
Shortly after having her ninth baby, an Irish Catholic woman runs into her parish priest.
He congratulates her on the new offspring and says, "Nine children is certainly a full house."
"Well," she replies, "I don't know how I get pregnant so often. It must be something in the air."
"Yes," says the priest, "your legs."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was in confession asking for forgiveness at his local church.
Man: Father I have sinned.
Yesterday my wife was leaning against the sofa and she was wearing a short Dress she looked so s**... I couldn't control myself. I went up behind her and spread her legs and started ramming her from behind uncontrollably.
Priest: oh no no they don't like that sort of behaviour is heaven.
Man: No they don't like it in Walmart either.
Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?
I mean, where did it come from where did it go?
My brother is turning 32 tomorrow, so I told him not to get his hopes up.
When he asked why, I replied:
"Well, it'll be pretty short. It is your thirty-second birthday after all."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am disgusted by the youth of today....
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a tall lesbian and a short lesbian have a baby...
...you could call them m**...-mum and mini-mum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...
I thought, that's a little condescending.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach...
A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach.
"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.
"What's it short for?" she asks.
Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,
"I dunno, it's always been like that."
I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
A tourist in London was throwing bread to some ducks in a pond...
when a local woman approached him looking rather upset. She asked him how he could throw bread in the water for ducks when there were starving children in Africa? Wasn't it obvious that they could use that bread more than the ducks?
The man stood there for a short moment and responded to the woman saying, "I'm sorry ma'am, but I can't throw that far."
A wife asks her husband, Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six.
A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk.
Why did you buy six cartons of milk? the wife asks.
He replies, They had avocados.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If smoking m**... causes short term memory loss,
what does smoking m**... do?
It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts!
I love you refrigerator!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
A guy approaches a beautiful young woman in a short dress at the jukebox.
Wow. Great thong.
She pours her drink on him and walks away.
I'm thorry, was it thomething I thaid??!!
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.
Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."
