Short Arm Jokes
58 short arm jokes and hilarious short arm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about short arm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Short Arm Short Jokes
Short short arm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The short arm humour may include short long arm jokes also.
- Did you know "T-shirt" is short for "tyrannosaurus shirt"..... because they have short arms?
- Short armed and dangerous. Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.
- Second Amendment The Second Amendment of the Constitution affords me the right to wear short sleeve shirts to work.
The right to bare arms. - I love when Americans wear short sleeves. It's good to see them supporting their right to bare arms.
- I knew a guy who had his left arm and left leg cut off... To cut a long story short I'm in jail and he is dead
- Did you know that the U.S. Constitution protects the right to wear a short-sleeved shirt? It says "the right to bare arms shall not be infringed."
(credit to my dad for this one) - Most people think that t-rexes can't clap because they have short arms Actually it's because they are dead
- Happy ending massages don't count as cheating... Women pay to have their cars washed for the same reasons. It takes too long, my arm gets tired, and I get my gym shorts all wet.
- I don't know why so many people lack the ability to wiggle their ears They must have extremely short arms
- Why was the T-Rex angry? His arms were too short to sarcastically slow clap this terrible joke...
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Short Arm One Liners
Which short arm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with short arm? I can suggest the ones about long arms and small arms.
- T-Shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt... Because of the short arms
- Why don't T-rex go to war? Because they're short on arms.
- Interesting fact: T-Shirt is short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt… Because of the short arms.
- What animal pities the fool with short arms? Mr. T-Rex
- On the baseball diamond, I'm like a T-Rex. I have a short arm.
- Why are the t-rex's arms so short? The rest of them was blown up by fireworks.
- What is the best part about r**... a midget? Their arms are too short to hold you back.
Short Arm Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about short arm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean broken arm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make short arm pranks.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff.
His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air.
Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast s**.
.. Swim across the English Channel.
After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead.
No sign of the blonde.
After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore.
They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink.
After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
Quasimodo wanted to go on vacation.
He sends out an ad in the newspaper to get someone to ring the bell in his place. Unfortunately, no one responds, but just as he leaves, a man with no arms is at the door. Quasimodo asks why he's there. The man says, I want the job. Quasimodo counters this, saying that he couldn't possibly ring the bell with no arms. The man says, just watch. So, Quasimodo decides to give him a chance. He brings him up the tower to three bells. Quasimodo says, alright, ring the short bell. The man takes a few steps back, prepares himself, and runs right at the bell, jumping at the bell and ringing it! Quasimodo is extremely impressed with this display. Alright, try the medium bell, Quasimodo says. The man takes a few more steps, runs at the bell, jumps, and rings it! Quasimodo is more than impressed. Okay, you've done great. Now I just need you to ring the high bell, and you've got the job, he says. The man walks all the way to the back, runs at the bell, and jumps right out the window! Quasimodo races down the stairs, and by the time he gets to the bottom, the police are on the scene. Quasimodo, do you know this man? The officer demands. After thinking for a little, Quasimodo responds, no, but his face rings a bell.
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
There was a Gay guy named Billy
Billy was dating a bisexual guy named Jordan. Recently, however, Jordan has started going to parties on Friday nights without inviting Billy. Billy, thinking that Jordan was ashamed of dating a guy, asks to go with him one day.
When they arrive at the bar, he notices that Jordan is not holding his hands like he usually does. When they walk in, a short, drunk blonde girl who wraps her arms around his waist. Jordan introduces the girl as Jean, who tells Billy that she's heard a lot about him. Billy wonders if he told her about their relationship and starts to get jealous. He tells Jordan that he's going to go home early.
Jordan follows him to the door and asks why he is leaving. Billy just says that he is not having fun and tells him to have fun with his "friend". Jordan realizes what this was all about and tells him that the girl was just someone he used to date. She recently had a child and he wanted to know whether the child was his or not.
Billy doesn't believe Jordan's story. He rolls his eyes and starts walking away again. However, Jordan stops him and looks him right in the eye. Then, he says, "Billy, Jean is not my lover. She's just some girl who said that I am the one. But the kid is not my son."
A farmer goes to town...
and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens and a goose.
He looks at his purchases and says "How am I gonna carry all this home?"
The clerk says "Put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your free hand."
The farmer sets off. He meets an attractive woman who says "Can you tell me how to get to Mockingbird Lane?"
"Well, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut down this alley."
"I'm a lonely widow. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't hold me up against the wall and ravish me?"
"Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly do that?"
"Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket ... and I'll hold the chickens".
edit=added quote marks
A Finnish Soldier...
In the winter war in 1945 is getting in line for a rifle. The man behind the counter says "sorry, the guy in front of you got the last one. Here, take this hockey stick, and if you see a Russian, point it at him and yell BANG!" The Finn finds this ridiculous but takes it, thinking he'll just fix a bayonet on the thing and fight like that.
As he gets to the bayonet counter, the guy in front of him gets the last one. Instead, he is given a piece of wood about six inches long with the instructions to yell STAB! every time someone is within arms length.
Feeling horribly unprepared, he heads out to battle with his platoon. Shortly, they become separated by snow and wind, and he is left alone with no weapon. A Russian comes over a snowdrift. Desperately, the man throws up his hockey stick and yells BANG! The Russian drops.
So he fights all through the day, yelling BANG and STAB at his will and dropping the enemy like flies. Late in the day, a huge Russian soldier comes plodding toward the man slowly. Feeling confident, the man fires his hockey stick to no effect. He tries a couple more times. Nothing.
Desperately, he throws his small piece of wood at the man, but it just bounces off. Suddenly, the earth around him explodes and he goes flying. Just as he is about to die, the Russian plods on by him saying under his breath "tank, tank, tank, BOOM!"
Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.
"How are you going to travel on a single ticket?" asked a lawyer.
"Wait and watch" answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, "Ticket please." The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
"Wait and watch" answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."
A large, powerfully-built guy...
....meets a woman at a bar.
After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite! She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite! She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, Why are you in such a hurry to go?
She replies, With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench...
... and are approached by a man in a trench coat, who opens his coat and flashes the women, n**... except for his shoes.
The first old lady has a s**....
The second old lady has a s**... as well.
The third lady's arms were too short.
A group of senior citizens were talking...
...at the breakfast table in a Palm Springs nursing home.
"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills makes me dizzy," another went on.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."
Movie theater madness
A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"
The religious bear.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."
At first, God created Adam...
But then a short while later, Adam started to get lonely, so he decided to go to God and let him know.
"God, I am very lonely, he said. I am in need of a companion"
"Well, how do you want your companion to be?" asked God.
"I want someone to care about me. Someone to help me sleep at night, and listen to what I have to say, and comfort me, and love me. I need someone who will be there for me and be honest with me and help me through tough situations, and would prioritise me over their personal needs. I just need someone who can make me happy."
"I can do that, but it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam pondered for a while.
"What can I get for a rib?"
La fille
An Italian man and a French man both worked at the same construction site, and one day the Italian man came into work and noticed the French man smelling his finger. Confused at his odd behaviour, he questioned his co-worker, to which he replied, "Ah, la fille! La fille!"
A sense of understanding came over the Italian man, and their work day ended shortly thereafter.
The next day, the Italian man again found the French man smelling his finger. "La fille, la fille." The Italian man loudly sniffed his arm from wrist to shoulder and screamed, "MARIAAAAA!"
A man flashed three old women in the park. The first two women each had a s**...!
The third woman tried, but she couldn't reach because her arms were too short.
Raymond and Polly
A large, powerfully-built guy named Raymond meets a woman named Polly at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Raymond stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, Raymond flexes his muscular arms and says, See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite! Polly begins to drool. Raymond then drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!
Polly is just aching for action at this point. Finally, Raymond drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, Polly grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. Raymond catches her before she is able to leave and asks, Why are you in such a hurry to go?
Polly then replies, With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!
Three old ladies sat at a park bench when a man in an overcoat appeared in front of them, opened his overcoat, and flashed his n**... body.
The first old lady was overcome by the experience and had a s**.... The second old lady was also overcome by the experience and had a s**.... The third old lady didn't have a s**... at all -- her arms were too short.
Three old women in the park
There were three old woman in the park when suddenly a semi-n**... man walks up to them and shows his private parts. The first old woman saw him and had a s**.... The second old woman saw and also had a s**.... The third old woman did not have a s**... because her arms were too short.
Lost Chapter In Genesis
Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.
Three old ladies sitting on a bench
A man comes by and flashes them. The first lady had a s**..., the second lady had a s**..., but the third's arm was too short.
Gotta hand it to babies...
...because their short, s**... little arms can't reach anything
3 old women sitting on a park bench one sunday morning
when a guy jumps out of the bushes, flashes them, then runs off. Due to the ordeal the first woman, she had a s**.... The second woman also had a s**.... The third woman ... well, her arms were too short to reach.
How do you get 4 old ladies to yell "s**...!"?
Get a 5th old lady to yell "Bingo!"
3 nuns were sitting on a bench in the local park
The nuns usually came out here to get away from their convent and get a chance to talk about the attractive men that walked by. This day, however, there was a man who kept watching them from an uncomfortable distance. One of them points him out as he begins to walk towards them. The man is tall, sporting a large trench coat, with long black greasy hair. He walks up right in front of them and undoes his trench coat to reveal a massive e**.... Immediately the first nun looks and has a s**... as well as the second. The third nun tries, but her arms are too short.
Woman and the news paper( kinda short)
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. Looking for a man with three qualifications: won't beat me up, won't run away from me, and is great in bed. Two days later her doorbell rings. Hi, I'm Tim. I have no arms so I won't beat you, and no legs so I won't run away. What makes you think you are great in bed? the woman retorts. Tim replies, I rang the doorbell, didn't I?
f**... opens his trenchcoat, exposing himself to three elderly women on a park bench.
First elderly woman sees what is happening and has a s**.... Second elderly woman sees what is happening and also has a s**.... Third elderly woman sees what is happening, but doesn't have a s**... -- her arms were too short.
A streaker flashes three old ladies on a bench.
The first had a s**.... The second had a s**.... The third's arms were a bit too short to reach.
A penguin is driving along a highway...
When his car breaks down outside a garage and pushes it in to get it fixed, the mechanic says to come back in an hour while he figures out what the problem is..
The penguin, with an hour to kill spots an ice cream parlour and spends the hour having ice cream but due to his short penguin arms he spills a lot of the ice cream down himself..
He goes back to the garage and asks the mechanic if he found the problem, the mechanic says it looks like you've blown a seal!
The penguin replies... no no it's just ice cream!
Penguin
A penguin is driving his car into town when it starts to smoke. He brings it to the local garage and asks the mechanic to look at it.
"I'll be across the street at the drug store." he tells him. He goes to the drugstore and orders a dish of vanilla ice cream which he has to eat with his beak because of his short arms.
He finishes up and goes back to the garage. The mechanic comes out and says "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says "That's just a little ice cream."
A T-Rex was really bored and frustrated
But his arms were too short to do something about it
An idiot goes walking through the woods...
After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.
There's 3 old ladies sitting on a bench
A man in a trench coat walks out, opens up the coat and flashes them. 2 of the old ladies have a s**.... The 3rd one doesn't because her arms are too short.
A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma
Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.