Shore Jokes
153 shore jokes and hilarious shore puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shore that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shore Short Jokes
Short shore jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shore humour may include short marine jokes also.
- Why don't pirates shower before they walk the plank? Because they'll just wash up on shore later.
- What's the Difference between NHL Players and the jersey shore Girls? NHL Players shower after three periods.
- Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap? So just in case they go overboard they can wash up on shore!
Arrrrgh - Fishing There is a fine line between fishing, and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot
- There's no easy way to say this..... She sells sea shells on the sea shore, the shells that she sells are sea shells for sure.
- What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.
Sea what I did there?
I'm shore you did.
Laugh, you son of a beach! - A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back, "Naw man, you're in de-nile"
- This Hurricane should have been called Snooki... The're both heading to the Jersey Shore with plans to blow everyone in a 50 mile radius.
- What did one ocean say to the other? I'm not completely shore, but it must have been pretty deep.
- Mr.Rogers once was on a cruise ship, and fell overboard into the ocean
He was then carried safely to shore by a family of sharks.
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Shore One Liners
Which shore one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shore? I can suggest the ones about surf and shell.
- Pirates never shower before they walk the plank. They just wash up on shore afterward.
- I think someone just called me a "beach"... But I can't be shore.
- Someone asked me about my opinion on beaches I said that I wasn't shore.
- Why did the boat want to stay close to the shore? Pier pressure
- You guys hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore? It's only a tale...
- Why do waves always head toward land? Because it's the only direction they're shore of.
- The beach is very confident... ...in fact its 100% shore.
- can someone please tell me where the land meets the water geographer: shore
- What do you call an uncertain beach? I'm not shore.
- I used to be that area where water meets land... But now I'm not so shore.
- Why is the ocean always blue? Because the shore never waves back.
- I thought Jersey Shore was going to be about Jersey cows. I was right.
- Why does the moon raise and lower the tides over and over again? It has to make shore
- I was so glad I finally made it to shore... I had been wading forever.
- What did Sea say to land when he asked if she wanted to meet up sometime Shore
Washed Shore Jokes
Here is a list of funny washed shore jokes and even better washed shore puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last time I flew on Malaysian Airlines, I decided not to shower first. I figured I could just wash up on shore.
- Why didn't John Denver take a shower before he went flying? He figured he'd just wash up on shore.
- Why did JFK Jr. not take a shower before his trip? He figured he would just wash up on shore.
- I need karma but here's a joke Why don't pirates take a shower before they walk the plank
Cause they wash up on shore - A big hurricane came by and washed a beach away... The sea rises by and says "Oy! Beach! Where's the rest of ya!?". The beach replies: "I'm not shore anymore."
- why didn't natalie wood take a shower on the boat? she wanted to wash up on shore...
- An often-forgotten but great benefit to using Malaysia Airlines is that you never have to shower before boarding They always let you wash up on shore later
- A bottle washes onto the shore on a deserted island... *opens bottle*
We've updated our Privacy Policy - Why didn't John Denver take a shower on the plane? He thought he'd wash up on shore.
- Why would two Bud Lights wash up on shore together? They're best buds.
Jersey Shore Jokes
Here is a list of funny jersey shore jokes and even better jersey shore puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Snooki's kind of like Hurricane Sandy... She's large, slow-moving, an has blown just about everyone in the Jersey Shore.
- I was watching Jersey Shore the other day when I thought... I didn't know I had animal planet.
- Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino was indicted on tax charges today The Situation does not look good legally.
- What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore? It depends on The Situation.
- If two teams of football players hosted a game at a beach.. Would it be a Jersey Shore?
- Did you hear Mike Sorrentino from the Jersey Shore is pleading guilty to tax evasion? You could say he's in a Bad "Situation".
- How did Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola of the Jersey Shore direct the people looking for the store that sells grass seed? "Go to the LUUUUUAWWWWWWNNNNNN SHUUUUUUUUUUAWWWWWPPPPPP!"
- Did ya hear Mike from Jersey shore missed his waxing appointment?
- What do people do for a party itinerary in the Jersey Shore? Gym.Tan.Laundry.
Share Hilarious Shore Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about shore you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ship jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shore pranks.
A Catholic bishop, a Hebrew rabbi and a Buddhist lama were sitting in a boat and fishing.
The rabbi looked at his watch and said: "Hey, it's lunch time, there's a restaurant on the shore, I'll go and eat there".
He stepped overboard and walked to the shore on the surface of the lake as if it was solid.
The lama watched him and said: "Yeah, I'll also go and have a lunch".
He also stepped overboard and walked on water to the shore.
The bishop sat in the boat confused. Finally he thought: "God, if a Hebrew and a Buddhist can walk on water then I also should be able to, just like Jesus did!"
He stepped overboard but just splashed into water.
The rabbi and the lama were watching him trying to climb back into the boat.
"Maybe we should've told him about those submerged poles and stones in the water," the rabbi said.
"What poles and stones?" the lama asked.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Jewish banker escaped from that sinking Italian cruise ship
They were both clinging to a life preserver. o**..., knowing the other can't swim, says, " I'm going to try to swim to shore to get some help. Can you float alone?"
The second Jewish banker says, "how could you talk business at a time like this?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between h**... and the cast of the jersey shore?
I wouldn't shoot h**....
Greek/German joke I heard recently
So Angela Merkel decides to try to shore up some Euro solidarity by taking a vacation in Greece. When she gets to the border crossing, the guard looks over her papers and asks her "occupation?" "No," she replies, "just a vacation this time."
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
an elderly woman's dog jumps off a retaining wall
a German tourist passes by and see the elderly woman and decides to jump in after the the dog. He swims the dog back to shore and the woman comes up to him and asks him if hes a vet and the tourist replys "Vet? im vucking soaked".
Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement?
So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sailor gets shore leave after 4 months at sea, and goes into a bar
He says to the bartender, "Man, I want to have s**... in the worst way!"
The bartender replies, "How about standing up in a hammock, during a rainstorm?"
Blonde, Brunette, Redhead
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are trapped on an island 1000 kilometers from shore, and the only way to get back is to swim.
The brunette goes 200 kilometers, gets tired, and drowns.
The redhead goes 650 kilometers, gets tired, and also drowns.
Then the blonde gets to 999 kilometers, gets tired, turns around and swims back.
A lawyer and the pope die at the same time and go to heaven...
The pope is first and meets St. Peter at the gates to heaven. St. Peter says welcome to heaven and gives him a nice little plot of land with a decent sized house. The lawyer is next and St. Peter directs him to this huge mansion on the shore of a beautiful lake with anything the lawyer could want. The lawyer asks St. Peter "Why do I get this mansion with anything I could ask for and the holiest man on earth gets a small house?"
St. Peter replies by saying "We've got hundreds of popes up here, but you're the only lawyer!"
Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...
And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"
Last went to temple when I was 13. Still remember this "joke."
A man jumps into the ocean and decides to put his life in God's hands. He is treading water for 45 mins when a tugboat comes by. The captain shouts to him, "get in and we will take you to shore!" The man calls back, "no thanks, I'm waiting for God to save me." The captain looks perplexed but drives away." Next, a helicopter pilot spots the man and lowers down a ladder. He calls down, "grab the ladder and we'll pull you up!" The man again tells him, "not thanks, I'm waiting for God! The man dies and is before God at the pearly gates. He is angry and asks God, "where were you when I needed you?" God replies, "who do you think sent the boat and helicopter?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two p**... go fishing
These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing on a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other says "well, just make sure you mark the spot!" After they get back on shore, the first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat. The other p**... says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"
A man is shipwrecked on a tropical island
He finds a native village on the shore. The people there take him in, and he has a pleasant life while waiting for rescue. Only one thing bothers him. From the villages up in the hills he can hear drums beating constantly, night and day.
He talks to the chief of the village, "Those drums are driving me crazy. They never stop. I can't sleep."
The chief says, "When drums stop, very bad."
"What do you mean? Are they war drums? Is there going to be a battle?"
"When drums stop, very bad."
"What's so bad? What happens when the drums stop?"
"Bass solo."
In honor of The Challenger disaster: proof that I have no soul.
How do we know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Her head and shoulders washed up on the shore.
It was said that Christa's pupils were hit the hardest... by the instrument panel.
As she left for work that day she said to her husband "you feed the dog, i'll feed the fish."
How do you know her eyes were blue?
One blew one way the other blew another way.
Christa used to teach Social Studies ...now she's History
What does NASA stand for? Need another seven astronauts.
What I say to someone who's being crabby:
Clam down, I'm shore it'll be fine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pirate, land lubber
Yarrrr,
Why be it that land-lubbers are never confident?
For they are always on shore...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are people from the Jersey Shore so s**...?
"Why are people from the Jersey Shore so s**...? They can only count to tan"
A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...
Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."
I'm not a beach,
but shore.
Cheesy and overused, but always makes me laugh.
What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore?
Row v. Wade
a jewish lady and her boy were at the beach...
the boy is swimming in the sea, quite a way out. the mother looks on from the shore. after a while its clear the boy is in trouble. he's struggling to keep his his head above and he goes under.
his mother cannot swim at all so with no other option she drops to her knees and prays to God.
"GOD, Hear me! please help my boy! help my little bubala!"
sure enough the boy raises from the sea, levitating in the air he begins to float to the shore. it is clearly an act of god. the invisible force delivers him right into his mothers arms where he spits up sea water and takes a deep gasp of air...
his mother looks up at the sky and shouts to God:
"Excuse me!! I believe he was wearing a hat, hmm?"
I saw a lake monster!!! He was walking up out of the water and onto the shore!!!
Littorally!!!
A man is traveling to the coast of South Western Asia, and he asks his friend if she wants to go with him. She says:
"Yemen, shore."
A Navy captain and his first mate are looking through their telescopes.
The first mate claims he can see beautiful island sands in the east.
"Are you positive?" Asks the captain.
"Pretty shore" replies the first mate.
There is a man drowning 100 feet from shore and is crying for help.......
A Democrat shows up and throws him 200 feet of rope. The excess rope weighs the victim down and he drowns.
A Republican shows up and throws out 50 feet of rope and demands that the victim take some responsibility for himself and swim to the rope. He can't and drowns.
A libertarian shows up and shrugs it isn't my problem and just goes away; the victim drowns.
A bunch of Tea Party types show up. One throws the victim a heavy rock; the victim drowns and all of the tea partiers cheer.
A Green Party member shows up. He yells at the victim for polluting the water. The victim drowns.
Two old Polish guys were talking about how tough their childhoods were...
"When I was a boy, my father taught me to swim the old fashioned way! He just took me out to the middle of a lake and threw me overboard!"
"Wow! That must have been scary!"
"Well, it was easy enough swimming back to shore, once I got myself out of that burlap sack."
Do you want to take a walk on the beach?
Shore
Mary Pennington, the oldest survivor of the Titanic, died this week at the age of 106.
Sad in any case, but what really made it tragic is that she was only a quarter mile from shore.
Why is the ocean indecisive?
Because it's not shore.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are these 2 waves in the ocean
One says to the other, "Let'**... the beach." The other one says "Shore."
Did you hear about the guy who drowned in an ocean of grape juice?
He tried swimming to shore but his efforts were fruitile.
One of my friends hates water puns.
I asked them, "Are you shore?"
Did you hear the beach party was getting moved?
Yeah, I'm not sure it's a shore thing.
Why did the beached whale go to the dentist?
He had shore teeth
"My wife has a stall on the beach..."
"My wife has a stall on the beach where you can buy flags of any country"
"Does she sell Seychelles by the sea shore?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS's New Candy Bar Line
In order to shore up waning power in Syria and Iraq, ISIS put out a candy bar appealing to young Muslims. They call it the: Allahu Choklatbar! exclamation point
What did the Sea say to the Shore when the Shore said it was bigger?
'Beach please!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two dead h**... washed up in shore .
The cops found more c**... in them then they did the beach.
Some pirates are sailing off the coast of Madagascar
The captain points to the shore and says to his first mate:
"Do you see those crazy looking lemur things?"
To which the first mate replied:
"Aye aye, I eye aye-aye"
Why did the midget wear a beach top?
Because it was a shore tee.
A fisherman is fishing by the river shore when a man rushes towards him, catches his breath and says:
Man: "Excuse me, have you seen a woman pass by this area?"
Fisherman: "One with a white dress with black stripes?"
Man: "Yes, exactly! She must not be very far away, right?"
Fisherman: "I don't think so, the current isn't very strong today."
A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table.
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true that men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman was a bit promiscuous and was curious to see if the old adage was correct, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thank you, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some smaller boots"
An admiral and a general go fishing...
In a small rowboat out on the lake. A large fish pulls on the line, and the boat flips over. The general starts to swim to shore, but the admiral starts screaming "help, help, help!" and flailing in the water. The general goes over to him, grabs hold, and swims him back to dry land.
Once there the admiral says "thank you, thank you, but please don't tell anyone I can't swim, I'd be the laughing stock of the Navy!" To which the general replies "it's okay, I understand, my men would be devastated to learn I can't walk on water."
Was on my way to the club when my wife told me pick up the kid at the shore
Son on the beach
My friend was showing me his new golf ball.
He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"
"Found it"
A young mother was playing with her son at the beach..
After a few minutes of playing, a huge wave splashes in shore, covering mother and son. When the wave had receded the mother saw that her son was gone, except for his blue baseball cap.
The mother dropped to her knees, stretched her arms to the sky screaming: I'll do anything!! Just bring me back my boy!!
A few seconds later a second huge wave slammed on shore. When it receded back to the ocean, the son was sitting happily playing in the sand.
The mother looks at the boy, but then puts her hands on her hips and looked at the sky. HE HAD A HAT!!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.
After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo c**... con.
I was in the middle of a lake in a canoe with my girl friend last week when suddenly the boat sprung a leak. We had to decide whether to try and get the boat back to shore or abandon ship.
We had a real row v. wade debate that day.
It's National Talk Like A Pirate Day; so what did one sailor say to the other when he yelled 'Land Ahoy!'
arrr ye shore
Why did the sailor bring diapers on shore leave?
He was worried about being in continent
My English teacher was always mixing metaphors, like he's so far off-base he'll have to swim back to shore.
