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Shopping Mall Jokes

80 shopping mall jokes and hilarious shopping mall puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shopping mall that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Shopping Mall Short Jokes

Short shopping mall jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shopping mall humour may include short shopping center jokes also.

  1. I entered a contest where the grand prize was a shopping center, but I lost Can't win the mall
  2. Three blondes were on an escalator at the shopping mall when the power suddenly went out. The were stranded for two hours.
  3. These holidays, Mike Tyson will be appearing at a shopping mall near you. So keep an ear out for him.
  4. I had a cousin called Marco. Tragic story. He got lost in a crowded shopping mall. My aunt called and called for him but of course she hadn't a hope of hearing him calling back.
  5. Did you here about the fight on the stairs at the shopping mall? Apparently it escalated quickly.
  6. Hand holding: You know why men hold their wife's/ girlfriend's hand in shopping malls?
    Because if he doesn't , she will shop.
  7. Did you hear about the architect who had an unhealthy obsession with designing overly intricate shopping malls? He had a complex complex complex.
  8. I was walking outside of the Microsoft Store at the mall tonight when my wife asked if I wanted to go in and look at anything. I told her No, I'm just Windows shopping.
  9. Girl, you must be a Pakistani shopping mall Because a lot of guys think they would be in paradise if they blew up inside you.
  10. What's the difference between a woman and a tiger entering a commercial center? The woman is shopping in the mall and the tiger is mauling in the shops.

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Shopping Mall One Liners

Which shopping mall one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shopping mall? I can suggest the ones about shopping centre and window shopping.

  1. Where do Siths do their shopping? At the Darth Mall
  2. Once you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall
  3. If you've seen one shopping centre… You've seen a mall.
  4. What do you call a shopping center for Sith lords? A Darth mall.
  5. Once you have seen..... Once you have seen one shopping centre
    you have seen the mall
  6. Where does Darth Vader go shopping? At the Darth Mall.
  7. Where do Sith shop? The Darth Mall
  8. Where do the Sith go to do their shopping? The Darth Mall
  9. If you be been to one giant shopping center from the 90s you've been to the mall
  10. What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall? At the Schopenhauer.
  11. Where do plugs like to shop? The outlet mall.
  12. Where do Sith Lords go shopping? At the Darth Mall!
  13. I visited a shopping complex owned by a fat psychic. It was a large medium's mall.
  14. What do you call two cigarettes in a shopping plaza? Mall bros
  15. Where does Electro go shopping? At an Outlet Mall!

Amusing Shopping Mall Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about shopping mall you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean department store jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shopping mall pranks.

A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read "1 Hour Only," but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.

An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"

An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"

An Amish husband, wife and son travel to the city on vacation. They visit a shopping mall and while the mother is shopping, the father and son are standing in awe in front of an elevator (having no idea what it is). As they watch, an elderly lady walks into the strange silver doors and the doors close. The father and son watch as the numbers go up, and then back down. When the doors open, a beautiful young woman walks out. The father leans over and whispers to the son, "Son, go get your mother!"

Two blondes were shopping at the mall.
When they were done, they went out to their car, an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car.
So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock.
The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "Hurry, hurry! It's going to rain and we left the top down!"

A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store.
He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it.
So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir."
"How can I help you" the employee replies.
"Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?"
The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"

My girlfriend told me this joke ten years ago. We've been married nine years today.

A penguin is driving to the mall when all of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."

What happens when you bring a bear to a shopping center?

You get mauled in the mall

A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist

So, the multimillionaire is lying there on the couch, and he says, "I have this problem where I buy things. Big things, little things. It doesn't matter if it's a good deal or not. It doesn't matter whether or not I need it. It's the thrill of the purchase. In fact, yesterday I pulled out my wallet, and I bought an entire mall."
So the psychologist thinks for a little while, and finally says, "Then it sounds like you have a shopping complex."

A r**... family was visiting the city...

...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."

Who says men don't remember?

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."

What do you call a brothel with a gift shop?

A s**... mall.

You hear about the guy who's teeth is like a shopping mall

There's a big GAP

Which Barbie?

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

What do you call a disaster that only affected shopping malls?

A catashopic.

Barbie Dolls

Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious," the saleslady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
Heard this joke from a friend today!

Who says men don't remember?

A couple were holiday shopping at the mall, and the place was
packed. As the wife walked through the mall, she was surprised
to look up and see her husband was nowhere around.
She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she
became worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said: "Honey, do you remember the jewelry
store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with
that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you
that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember
that jewelry store."
He replied: "Well, I'm in the pub next door!"

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

Did you guys hear about the new business shopping center in Pepto County?

They're calling it the Pepto Biz Mall

An elderly man goes to a shopping mall...

... And decides to sit down for a while in the food court. A few moments pass by and a young man sits a few tables away from him. This young man has a mohawk taller than half of his body and dyed every color of the rainbow. The old man begins staring at the young man and eventually the latter gets aggravated, walks up to the elderly man and asks "Whatcha staring for old man? Haven't you ever done anything wild and crazy before?" The elderly man says "Sure have. Got drunk in the Army once and had s**... with a peacock. Just trying to determine if you might be my son."

I threw a Pokeball at a shopping center once

Because somebody told me to catch a mall

Today my girlfriend and I went shopping in that fancy new mall next to the hospital...

Apparently "dying of boredom" is nota valid excuse to ditch her mid-spree to hide in the ER.

Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his own shopping mall. A customer left her purse on the counter after a purchase. Seeing the customer is nearing the exit of the mall, Arnold handed the purse to the nearest cashier.

"GET TO THE SHOPPER, NOW!"

A large car with chauffeur

A boyfriend is watching TV when his girlfriend walks into the room
Gf: "I want to go to the mall to go shopping, wanna bring me?"
Boyfriend sighs
Bf: "How would you like it if you went in a large car with a chauffeur?"
Gf: "That sounds great!"
Bf: "Well, the bus leaves in 5 minutes."

(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...

A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"

As i walk in the local shopping mall, a woman comes walking towards me

She asks me: "sir, do you have a moment for animal a**...?" As the good man I am, I say: "of course, madam." So i walked to the nearest dog and kicked it like a football. Apparently that was not what she meant...

A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa.

She claims he called her a h**... three times.

I wasn't paying attention and almost drove my car right into the front of a store.

Although it's hard not to when you're driving through a shopping mall.

Men are so sensitive ;)

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and so she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a quiet voice he said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I do remember that shop."
He replied, "Well, I'm in the pub next door."

A girl asked me to have s**... with her

I was at the shopping mall yesterday and met this 21-year-old girl who was a laundry detergent promoter. She told me she would have s**... with me if I advertised her product to all my friends and contacts.
I was sadly amazed and obviously did not accept her offer because I am much older than her and I have strong moral principles and a clean soul.
A very clean soul... almost as clean as your laundry after being washed with the new AXON liquid detergent, super strong, coming with vanilla and lemon flavors for only $4.99.

Why did the Pokemon Trainer through a Pokéball at the shopping centre?

Cause you gotta catch a mall!

There's a building in Beijing with ten thousand shops in it.

The Great Mall of China.

A doctor who ran his clinic out of a shopping center was shut down this week...

He was sued for mall-practice.

As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers...

Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!

Have ever seen a bunch of people running through a mall to the stores to do Christmas shopping like an angry mob?

Now that's the REAL Nightmare Before Christmas.

Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.

I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, but I don't know her size.
Will this help? she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
Oh, yes, I answered. Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.
Will there be anything else? the sales girl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. Now that you mention it, I replied, she also needs a bra and p**....

Mary's boyfriend called Mary on her birthday...

Mary - m boyfriend - b
b: hey honey
m: hey
b:do you remember that mall we went to last month?
m : yes?
b : and you saw a jewelry shop there?
m : yes?
b : and you really wanted that ring?
m (starting to get a bit exited) : yes?
b : but we didn't get it cause we couldn't afford it back then?
m (getting really exited) : yes?
b : well, there's a MacDonald's in front of it, you want some nuggets?

A penguin is driving to the mall...

All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."

Amish man and his son go to a big shopping mall for the first time

They're staring in wonder at all of the shiny big buildings and the massive panes of glass when the two come across two big shiny metal doors.
"What is it, dad?" asked the son.
"I have no idea." replied the father. I have never seen anything like this in all my life.
They watched in wonder as an old lady walked up to the doors, pressed a button, and stepped inside the now-open doors. The doors closed once again and a while later, a 20-year-old blonde strolled out of the doors.
The father told his son, "Go get your mother!"

Why was the shopping center's father ashamed?

He didn't raise his daughter to be a s**...-mall!